Just can't figure him out!!!

[justnotsurewhereista]

I just can't figure him out.....I am so confused!!!! I am in love with a very dear friend. There are times where I am SURE he feels the same way about me....then there are times I am sure he has no romantic interest in me whatsoever. We have known each other close to 10 years. Over the past few years though we have gotten extremely close. We share a lot of common interests, beliefs, likes and dislikes, etc. There are times when we are together when everytime I look up, it's just in time to catch him looking away or when our eyes do meet we both dart them away quickly, there are times when it's just us talking that we hold gazes for quite sometime. We text almost daily, but usually just friendly banter, nothing overly flirtatious. He has opened up to me that he's been depressed lately and about what he is worried about, etc. He used to joke around and pick on me constantly, but not so much anymore. Sometimes it seems he goes out of his way to want to be with me at other times when I suggest something for us to do together he's like maybe and doesn't really seem to care one way or another if we hang out. Last time we were together he did reach over and touch my hand and arm, yet when I got ready to leave and hugged him he just put 1 arm around my waist, no rub...no pat, a gently squeeze, but pretty much just put his arm around my waist until I moved back. After writing this it seems as everything I'm writing says...Yeah we're just friends, but the feelings I have and seem to pick up on are just things I can't put into writing....So I guess my question is....What do I do next? What are some little 'tests' I can give him to see if he's feeling more....Besides the same ol', same ol' on all the websites...What are some real 'hidden' ways of telling if a guy friend is into you? Whether he has feelings and is scared to admit them to you because he doesn't know how you feel? I've always acted just friendly, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how I feel, so is he scared he'll ruin our frienship.....

 

Why do guys have to be so confusing....EVEN MORE SO after you get grown, because I am NOT a teenager here, but a grown woman completely CONFUSED BY LOVE!!!!

[Lizzie60]

Methink.. you're way more in love with him than him with you...

 

He's not that into you.. only when he feels like it..

 

I would leave him a looooot of space.. let him do the first steps.. if he doesn't.. then you'll have your answer..

 

If he was really into you.. you would know.

[Phedre]

How about you tell him, directly, exactly how you feel. And based on that reaction make a decision? He will most likely make it pretty clear if he is in to you or not. Best of luck

[carhill]

How much of the ten years have you and/or he been single? Sometimes, when natural attraction and/or chemistry is interrupted by relationships on either side, it makes for a complex path to 'getting on the same page'. Breaking out of the 'friends' mode takes some effort. You've become used to each other in a certain way and respond in a certain way. To have a romance, you'll both have to change your perspectives a bit. Contrary to popular belief, men are not mindless/emotionless robots guided by their penis and gonads. They bond in a variety of ways to other people just like women do.

 

If you've known each other 10 years, you can surely talk about this. I'd make that talk soon

[Lovegod]

...and that's why you like him

 

If you want to find out if there's any future in the both of you, kiss him. There's a good chance he's attracted to you and just has no clue how to break the ice.

[oysterman]

Just ask him...if he is a true friend, he'll admit to how he feels...based on the 'gaze' comment, I bet he has feelings and doesn't want to risk the friendship if he gets rejected (been there, done that, have a collection of t-shirts).

[justnotsurewhereista]

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I WISH it was as easy as just telling him how I feel. I have had male friends in the past, but never quite this close. I just really don't want to screw up a great friendship by revealing my feelings. TRUE, since we've been friends so long we should be able to talk about it, but if I'm reading way more into the friendship than he's been trying to tell me then I don't see anyway for things to continue on like they are now after I admit my true feelings. If I tell him how I feel and he's not feeling the same way then he's going to, understandably, have to step back and look at the way we interact and there's a good chance that it will change. Does anyone on here have an opposite sex friend that you are very close to with no romantic feelings involved? How does these friendships differ from 'friends' that you have a physical and emotional romantic feeling toward?

[miss_sapphire]

I know how you feel. I was in a similar situation. I didn't want to ask him because I was scared of rejection. I was in limbo for two years. When he finally did say no to me I was gutted, but I got over the initial period of devastation relatively quickly and I'm now on the mend. In hindsight I wish I'd asked sooner because not knowing where I stood was worse than being rejected.

 

If I tell him how I feel and he's not feeling the same way then he's going to, understandably, have to step back and look at the way we interact and there's a good chance that it will change.

 

If he didn't feel the same way, would you still want to be as close to him as you're now? From my experience, I don't think you can be just friends with someone you have feelings for. In order for the friendship to be successful, you need to be able to put your feelings aside. Until you can do that, it's not a bad idea to keep a distance from him.

[2sunny]

i really think if he was truly interested in dating you - he would have made a solid move way before now.

 

so my conclusion is - he's not interested, so take it as the friendship it is and leave it at that - or cut him out completely so you have the emotional room for a man that's interested (in a solid way).

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm sure 10 years are more than enough time for him to figure whether he liked you more than friends or not.

 

I agree with Lizzie that you're overthinking a friendship.

 

 

You could quite posibly developed feelings for him that is making you think there is more than meets the eye.

[whichwayisup]

You can do one of two things..1) Back off abit and let him call you, make arrangements to get together. 2)Tell him how you feel and see how he feels. Or a third, do nothing and keep the friendship a friendship.

 

How long have you been feeling 'it' for him? For the whole 10 years of friendship? Or just recently?

[justnotsurewhereista]

Our 'close' friendship hasn't been the whole 10 years. A good portion of that time we were more friends of friends that ended up at the same parties and going to the same outings. We have only really gotten close over the last 2 or 3 years. We keep getting closer and closer and I've only in the past year or so developed really strong romantic feelings for him. That's why it is soooo confusing. I'm not sure if he is feeling the same way and scared because he thinks he's been friend zoned forever and ever amen, or if I'm the only one feeling this way and I'm in the friend zone forever and ever amen!!!! Like I said it's only been in the past, maybe 6 months, that we have started to talk or text almost daily and his behavior around me has changed. Not a huge, noticable to everyone change, but a change that I indeed notice.