doomage Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Alright well, earlier this year i became friends with a cuban girl who just moved to vegas in january from new jersey and i met her at the bus stop and i thought she was the most beautiful girl i have ever seen.we went out for the first time shortly after but she said i was just a friend but even after she said that i still wanted to be around her so i started doing favors like picking her up from her job taking her to school when we would go together, and just putting her up on a pedestal.We became like bestfriends hanging out alone all the time,i felt comfortable touching her and so did she, she knew i always wanted her, i would always massage her or make any excuse to touch her and she knew that, basically i was like a lovesick puppy. Then i started getting codependent with her i felt anxious if i wouldnt hang out with her one day, she was kind of like a drug,she moved here because of her ex, he pushed her away by being jealous and possessive, and i told her i would never be like that. Then one day i started being like that and she got more and more uncomfortable with me to the point that she wouldnt want to hang out with me anymore, only when she had to like when i would take her to school or work.I panicked and did things out of fear adn acted crazy cuz i felt like i was losing her. My birthday was in september and her ex came to visit her that weekend, and i wanted to hang with her on my birthday which was on a thursday, she ignored my invitation to hang out and instead asked for 300 dollars, at this point i felt used and the following week she ignored my text on a monday, then on a tuesday i was going to school and i asked her if she wanted to hang out. she said "No" and i started begging like always asking "why or how come" and she said "no leave me alone" so i got mad and said "**** you then" "thats ****ed up you were just using me this whole time" "your a rude bitch im done with you" i never blow up like that but i got fed up. Now i want her back as my friend since i cant have her any other way, and i already made great efforts to get her back, went to her house with a teddy bear and a handwritten letter, but she doesnt wanna see my face what can i do? feel free to ask any questions you may have. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Save your pride and just walk away. If she comes to you, then fine. If not, then there isn't much you can do. Learn from this. Learn to check your anger before you respond. Learn to take a step back and breathe, then respond. Once you say it, you cannot take it back. Even if you miss the target, you cannot take it back. The only thing that matters now is the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doomage Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 i'm pretty hardheaded and for awhile thought i'd be able to let go and just move on but im the type of guy that likes to fix things and i keep trying to have hope that this situation is fixable. I tried everything i apologized sincerely because i really do care about her and always did, but sometimes she woulnd't appreciate my kindness and would be rude to me.It took me 5 hours to write that letter and i kind of cried too because i realized what i lost, even though were not together she was a unique person in my life.when i went to her house, she let me in but she didn't accept my bear or letter and then she couldnt even stand the sight of me so she kicked me out and i see her at school sometimes (college) and it's so hard not to try something to talk to her but the last time that i did was two thursdays ago,i got to school kind of late and i saw her walk through the front doors and she just stared me and i stared at her, but didnt say anything. Then after my class ended i saw her and i said "can i speak to you" and she just kept on walking like if she didnt see me, and i turned around and she sat down and i got right infront of her and asked if i could talk to her and she sat there acting like i wasnt there.I walked away and i tried no contact until a moment of weakness yesterday, by texting her because i missed her but she didnt even respond. i found out she deleted her myspace this weekend so that made me want to contact her. Is the situation truely hopeless? Link to post Share on other sites
thebee Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Just walk away and leave it alone. Delete that number from your phone/mind and be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 I understand what you are going through. I'm a natural fixer myself too, but to really give this friendship a chance to survive you NEED to let her go. The more you push, the more you risk blowing it all. The more you try to fix, the more you break the situation. Just think of it this way. The less you contact her, the more of a chance this may have to survive. You cannot control this, you cannot fix it. It is out of your hands, so just back down. As hard as that is, you've got to let go. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but just let things be. If you don't stop, your next milestone could be a restraining order. Do you really want that? This begging, puppy dog stuff isn't making you look all that favorable in her eyes. Regain your manhood, and show her you don't need her in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Phedre Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Everything WTRanger said I give a hearty second to! In addition: it sounds like your friend may have been using you for those rides and favors, knowing you did it beucase you wanted more but were content with just being around her... and if she has a decent soul, she now feels guilty about that. And the easiest way to rid herself of the guilt would be just stop haniging out with you/getting rides from you. Sucks to say, but I think you are going to have to just cut you losses and move on from this one. And take from it that in the future, don't get more in to a girl than she is in to you.. either both parties naturally feel 'it' or they don't.. you don't deserve to be someone's back up plan, you deserve to be the main attraction! So ditch this chick and all her drama.. and yes, it is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doomage Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 I know i should let go and just stop making an effort to become her friend again, but i keep feeling like there is hope somehow someway. But the thing is i wonder if she is passive aggressive or something. Once before when we were good friends i told her i was going to give her a ride to work but i didn't have the car available my mom had it, but i thought she would get back early.My mom called and said she wasn't gonna come home any time soon so i had to call my friend and tell her i wasn't going to be able to take her to work, this is how the convo went on the phone: Me:hey i'm not gonna be able to take you to work, im really sorry. her:so your saying i'm gonna be late to work? man now i have to take the bus and i'm gonna be like an hour late. Me:i know im really sorry its because my mom took the car today and..... Her:click. And she hung up then i was kissing ass all day texting her that i would be able to pick her up and she said "no thanks, im good" and i kept texting and saying i was sorry and to not be mad at me. and she ignored me for like two days. I went to go wash my car the second day and told her a funny story how once i finished washing my car it started raining so now i have to wash it again and she replied saying "don't talk to me like nothing is wrong" and i kept begging saying that if we could talk and the next day she texted me and said "if you want you can pick me up at 10 and we can talk after i get out of work" and then everything went back to normal. but this time she ended the friendship and she ignores my texts, my calls, acts like im non existent when i see her at school. she deleted me off her myspace way before we stopped being friends, cuz she said i was annoying. and on sunday i found out she deleted her myspace profile. i just want to convince her to give me a second chance.if i do no contact how will the friendship stand a chance of rekindling?should i try to talk to her still or what? Link to post Share on other sites
miss_sapphire Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I'm going to be blunt here. You asked for advice and you got it. Learn from this experience but you really REALLY need to let her go. And I'm sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Wow you are a doormat. You mean to tell me you cant get a girlfriend so you can stop being a punching bag for this chick? You can keep chasing her but heres whats going to happen...youre going to get more infatuated the more she pulls away from you. Shes going to get more verbally abusive. You are still going to chase her "as a friend" knowing you still want her as a gf. You did the right thing telling her to Fack off. So think about this. How much of this pathetic behavior can you see yourself going though before it finally clicks in your head that this will never happen? Do you also realize that theres girls looking at you that you are too blind to see because of this woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Author doomage Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 I can't understand why i can't get over this whole situation and this chick i think i've liked her more than any other girl i've ever liked, and i guess i have to be honest with myself and stop saying that i only want her friend when if she permitted i would wanna get with her in a second. i don't know why i keep trying kissing her ass. when she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, i sent her like five text messages today which none have been replied too just basically saying i was sorry for everything and that i really care about her and **** like that. and your right i have probably missed alot of opportunities with other girls when we were friends because i was so totally focused on her and i probably didn't even know girls were checking me out. i was blind to see it just tunnel vision with this chick, when she was doing her own thing the whole time. Like when she went to visit new jersey in the summer i know she had sex with her ex, when he did bad **** to her in the past. and when he came to visit here i know he banged her and im all putting pussy on a pedestal. i guess i like chasing girls who don't like me or something its happend two times already. i kind of liked the fantasy world i was in but i was only in there because i thought by giving hier the world she would like me but she didnt respect me most of the time always knitpicking me about my mannerisms. Link to post Share on other sites
mushmush Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 i don't know why i keep trying kissing her ass. when she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, i sent her like five text messages today which none have been replied too just basically saying i was sorry for everything and that i really care about her and **** like that. You are moving into stalker territtory here.. If you dont stop trying, you might get a reply but it will be something like "Will you just **** off and leave me alone you ****ing looser!!!" Jesus man the more you push, the more you are pushing her away. I dont know in how many other ways people can say it here. Back off and move on with your life. The situation is out of your hands, leave it be. She is gone forever and she is never comming back. As soon as you get it through your think head, the sooner you can move on with your life. If i'm sounding harsh, it's because you need to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 You are moving into stalker territtory here.. If you dont stop trying, you might get a reply but it will be something like "Will you just **** off and leave me alone you ****ing looser!!!" Jesus man the more you push, the more you are pushing her away. Just to re-quote this so you get it through your thick skull that you are basically this pathetic loser in her mind these days. The more you do this, the more you go into negative respect in her head. If you just STOP CONTACTING her and give her time to maybe miss you, which at this point will NEVER happen because you've push way too much, she may have decided to reconnect once the dust settled. Its over man. Accept it. The crowd has left, the fight is done, so stop shadow boxing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doomage Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 Ya i have to look at this situation with a positive attitude, things happen for a reason. she was always talking about moving back to where she came from and it always got me sad when she would talk about it but now that were not friends it won't hurt that bad since we don't talk anymore if she does move away.plus i have to stop kidding myself that i was just content with being her friend of course i would want more and i guess i was happy just to be around her since i like her, but its not good for me theres so many girls out there shes not the only one. gotta get my dignity back. Link to post Share on other sites
mushmush Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Things are only a negative event if you don't learn and grow from them. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts