sad and alone.

[mybrowneyedgirl]

Thanks nowhere for your support.

 

Ive posted numerous times as to the fact I spend all day every day trying to be a good wife and mother. I smile, i suck it up, I do what i think i need to do to work on my marriage. I got to MC (until H said enough) and IC. I go to work. I keep active in my life and I'm working through each day. And so I've also said this is my escape. Because while I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner, chopping carrots the thoughts of all of this creep into my mind. And I'm crushed. And in the mornings when I get ready for work I dread the day because I know he might plop down on my desk and start talking. I tremble in fear before soccer games because I know they'll be there. But I press on. I keep a happy face, try to do whats right for my family. ALL DAY. and so I dont talk dwell on my heartache or confusion or sadness. I keep going. And I use this place to talk about the feelings and thoughts that are no longer allowed in my every day life. Its a way to get those emotions out so that they dont consume me. But yet, some posters choose not to acknowledge those sides of the issues.

 

I talk to family & friends. But I really cant explain how i feel, they havent been in this situation (where as everyone here has) so no one can "get it" like the people here. And so when I want to heare from people who have lived this part of things I come here. Still I'm focusing on just one part in their eyes. I'm not for the rest of my day, but that doesnt matter.

 

So I'm unwilling to quit my job or give up activities with the kids. Darn right. Thats not hanging on to the MM or anything of the sort. Its keeping just a smidge of what my life used to be so I can "feel" normal. I couldnt do the day to day things and work on my marriage if I dropped all of the other activites. Without my pay we would lose our home, and no one would be happy. Its unfortunate that MM is around in these situations, but certainly not a means for contact. Its true that during the affair i wasnt thinking about them. But now, I am, and I refuse to make their lives (H & Kids) change because of my actions.

 

To be honest I do miss the MM. Its changing, evolving lessening every day. If i said i didnt hurt it would be a lie, if i said it didnt cross my mind it would be a lie. If posting the thoughts here instead of crying through dinner about it are obsessing, then I am. But what would be worse for me would be to lock it up inside and pretend its not there like so many people here seem to do.

 

Whether the affair was a bunch of lies or a total joke or what not doesnt change that I felt the feelings i felt for him. I havent found that magic button yet to make it disappear. And yes, its getting better. So very much better. But its there and its the truth and I'm trying my hardest to deal with it.

 

So I guess I'll keep my mouth shut. Not because I dont want to hear it. I actually do welcome ALL sides and opinions. But because I'm sick of hearing people tell me that I'm not listening or picking a word out of a sentence and interpreting it and telling me how I'M feeling. Try to remove your own feelings about your own affairs from my situation and realize that what happened to you might not necessarily be the case for me.

[Untouchable_Fire]

So I guess I'll keep my mouth shut. Not because I dont want to hear it. I actually do welcome ALL sides and opinions. But because I'm sick of hearing people tell me that I'm not listening or picking a word out of a sentence and interpreting it and telling me how I'M feeling. Try to remove your own feelings about your own affairs from my situation and realize that what happened to you might not necessarily be the case for me.

 

You avoid answering the only question that really matters here!

 

Are you "in love" with your husband?

[boldjack]

MBEG, You have every right to use this forum for anything you please, but you no right to slam other posters. Most of these other posters are truly trying to help you. If they didn't, yours would be a very short thread, indeed.. We all understand that externally you are maintaining a fascade of healing, while internally you are still obsessing about the affair. We get it. But you consistantly refuse to even try some of their suggestions to help you stop this obsession. For example, nobody is telling you to stop working, and lose your home, but have you even tried to find ANOTHER job? How do you know you can't, until you try? Think how much easier it would be for you and your H , is you no longer had to deal with OM, ever. Another example: if you would confront the OM, publically. Think how much this would mean to your husband and think how this would certainly end all contact with the OM. You are making it much more difficult to let go than it needs to be , by being receptive to the OM. If you showed to your husband and to everybody that knows you that you totally repudiate the OM, then you would not be as troubled and obsessed as you are now. Turn your back to the OM, walk away, in public, and eventually your mind will turn away also.

[whichwayisup]

So I'm unwilling to quit my job or give up activities with the kids. Darn right. Thats not hanging on to the MM or anything of the sort.

 

BUT IT IS when it comes to your H. THIS isn't about you now, it's about recovery, doing what's best for your marriage, to ease your H's mind. Ofcourse you shouldn't hide from exMM when it comes to your kids, but the job thing - That is different.

 

So let him come by and plop himself down on your desk. YOU have a choice. He comes to talk to you, YOU walk out of the room, ignore him, or ask him to leave. You don't have to partake in conversation with him, at all. There's no gun to your head. Noone is forcing you to talk to him..

 

Start looking for another job. It won't hurt to start looking to see what else is out there.

[boldjack]

MBEG, I applaude your efforts so far and think that you and I could be on the same page, but that you need to follow through with what you are already doing. After my affair, every word I spoke and every action I took was to repudiate and condemn my AP and the affair itself. I never spoke to her and if she tried to contact me (many times) I would be as offensive as I could, until she learned that she would never get any satisfaction from me, of any kind. That showed , more than all of my words, that I was re-committed to my M. What I also found, was that the more I distanced myself from her, the less I thought about her. It took some time but was well worth it . If your MM approaches you, you need to speak up, in a loud voice and tell him in front of witnesses, to leave you alone or face the consequences. Inform your husband, and allow him to deal with the OM , from then on. Then turn your mind to the future, raising your kids, possibly finding other work, starting over as a couple. All of which are vastly more important, than the a**hole you had your affair with.

[pkn06002]

MBEG what I think would be best for you is to leave this place go to IC and decided if you if you want to come back in the future. Because reading your responses to some people posting to you sounds a whole lot like how I reached to the after affair time. The more time I spent on boards like this the more I just fought and fought trying to get out how I felt with people telling me how I should be feeling instead. We all process this differently and the hardline way does not always work for everyone, no matter how many people stay that is the only way.

 

Just know it will all passes and life will go on.

[offset_man]

What is it that you`ve done.

[anne1707]

MBEG

 

Nobody has said this is easy for you or that the pain goes away overnight. Everybody here is trying to help but in different ways. Whilst some give you sympathy and a shoulder to cry on, some of us are trying to help you in saving your marriage.

 

Yes, I have been trying to give you a kick up the ....... but I can promise you that when I came to LS, I came in for far worse treatment than you have been getting. And I completely deserved it. But it also helped me open my eyes to what I had been doing and what I had to do. I am so grateful for that help because I am still with my H and very happy. The advice I have been giving you is the advice that I received - and it works.

 

I worry that you are still in the affair fog (or whatever people choose to call it). I am not convinced yet from your posts that you can see light yet. I hope you do soon.

[road]

You still work with OM, won't find a new job, and expect your BH to heal?

 

I understand when you said if you quit you would lose the house. That does not mean you can't be looking, sending out resumes, going on interviews, showing your BH something.

 

I think you should try MB site.

[dzzz]

we had some of those moments. early on, where it could/should have ended. but looking back, even knowing how it ended parts of me are glad it didnt. i would have missed out on years of an amazing relationship. yes it was wrong, yes he never loved me, yes i destroyed my marriage. but the good times were better than anything ive ever had before or will have again. i should have gotten out while i could, but i didnt. but then again i never would have known what i was missing out on.

 

BEG what do you mean "the good times were better than anything ive ever had before or will have again." can you please explain to me what you mean?