GoodGuy87 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to give up. First of all, I'm a very attractive black male. I'm 24 years old, 6'4" 210lbs and have a lean, muscular build. I even played Big Ten college football for my collegiate years. Anywayz, here's my problem. I always treat all women with the utmost respect that they deserve. I meet plenty of women, but they automatically put me in the "friend zone" almost immediately. Don't laugh, but the reason that I'm so frustrated is that I'm 24 years old and I have never even kissed a girl because none of them would even let me get close enough to them. I don't get it. I have a good education, job, and I take VERY good care of myself and respect every person I come in contact with. However, I am shot down constantly. I'm at the point where I'm just thinking about giving up because I don't know what else I can do to change things. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. And to everyone out there, taking part in bigtime athletics does not mean women fall all over you. I can't even get a hug! Help. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 All I know is that you respect women, which is good. How is your approach? Do you show them that you are interested? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodGuy87 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Originally posted by Vivid_29 All I know is that you respect women, which is good. How is your approach? Do you show them that you are interested? Absolutely. I approach all women I'm interested in, in an aggressive (not rude!), yet respectful way. Everytime I talk to a woman that I've been spending time with, I always get the "you're like my brother" response. Truth is, that is very hurtful! Most men don't show their feelings when they get that response, but woman should know that the phrase "you're like a brother" is pretty insulting! Is it because I'm "too nice" to them? I have friends that treat their women like absolute trash and their women act like its the greatest thing on earth. I just don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Trash attracts trash - don't take to treating women badly or you'll attract sad, bad or damaged goods. Still the truth is with some men, not sure why, it might take a little time to feel the vibes. Don't give up on a girl that uses the brother line - I know it hurts but she simply means that she feels comfortable with you and can talk to you as a friend - that's a good start. Sometimes a good dose of sexual chemistry hits you between the eyes on first meeting but sometimes it kind of sneaks up on you - bit of flirting here, few signals there. You're a 'nice guy' (don't go getting all upset about that either, no it doesn't mean you'll never get laid, it just means your a respectful agreeable person...) and as long as you keep it that way some gal will see that and want to kiss you athletic socks off sooner or later. On a practical tone, I'd say.... network a little. If girls feel that they can talk to you, they'll probably tell you if there's a girl (that you might not have noticed) that likes you. Related to this - keep your eyes peeled. Act on chemistry, not just your 'type' be open to that little buzz that says there's something there, regardless of what she says because, to be perfectly honest, sometimes we women aren't sure how we feel about something especially before it's presented to us. (I know that's not very PC but there you go.) We'll see how he reacts then tell you if we like him. (I know you mentioned the next point but it's worth emphasizing) Be aggressive but not desperate. It's very sexy when you try and put a guy in the 'like a brother' pigeon hole and he refuses to go there. Let them know. Neither sex can read minds so sometimes it'll take '... like a brother eh? Well, I had a most un-brother-like dream about you last night... but you don't want to hear about that...' I guarantee she will. And give them time. It's like a seed, you plant the idea that you find a woman desirable and that can grow and grow until they find you desirable too. Unlike men it's not instant, it might take a little period of adjusting. Plant the seed and don't be too available while she's thinking about it. Oh and you can borrow one thing from the 'bad boys'. Relax. Bad boys never seem to give a damn and have women falling all over them so as I said earlier non-desperate is good and when the time is right, be as intense as you like. Good luck, R Link to post Share on other sites
Frodo Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 About the trash attracts trash line... This is true to some degree. You see the jerry springer crowd pouncing on each other every 5 minutes or so. I've had some very high quality girlfriends, but I may not have had the quantity that some of the jerk guys get. You might be able to get more women by acting like an a**h***, but just realize the two consequences are that you may have to do things you don't like just to keep the game up, and also, you'll attract lower caliber women by doing this. By lower caliber, I don't mean physically, but psychologically. The one thing I have heard again and again is that detachment is very important. Women seem to like men that have no emotional expression, so just hide them while they're around. Young women tend to believe in the hypermacho "robocop" demeanor. Link to post Share on other sites
0307 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Originally posted by GoodGuy87 Absolutely. I approach all women I'm interested in, in an aggressive (not rude!), yet respectful way. Everytime I talk to a woman that I've been spending time with, I always get the "you're like my brother" response. Truth is, that is very hurtful! Most men don't show their feelings when they get that response, but woman should know that the phrase "you're like a brother" is pretty insulting! Is it because I'm "too nice" to them? I have friends that treat their women like absolute trash and their women act like its the greatest thing on earth. I just don't understand. >>I am a girl, personally it's not an insult to say "you're like my brother". I have two male best friends who I consider my brothers and we call each others bros/sis. We talked about if I fancy one of them and said no, because I share moments with them that can not be shared with boyfriends and that really is important to me. I think your approach to girls should be a bit more "male" don't get me wrong, but use your eyes to make her understand you fancy her and want to go further. Also, if they tell you "you're like my brother" I presume they already are you friends, to my opinion it's never good to date your friends, a relashionship can screw up your friendship! Link to post Share on other sites
Frodo Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 0307, Whether you realize it or not, you are insulting a man when you say he's like your brother. it doesn't matter whether you like your brother or not, you're essentially saying that he's not sexual. Don't do this. Link to post Share on other sites
0307 Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 I think you are confusing yourself.Girls and guys don't neceserlay need to be attracted to each other to become the best of friends and considering bros/sis. In my case, sexual relashion had never been in our minds, but we've been ask the question by others! Also we have our own relashionship, different friends to keep us safe, and we mostly live 24 h together! My two best friends definitely don't feel insulted, nor do I, we are a family first and foremost. In your case, it's the type of guy that always need to screw up something at the end, the type that go friendly-friendly w/ a girl and imagine all kinda stories with one her and goes flirty, then the girl will OBVISOULY feel something ain't doing right! And she will come to say : you're like my brother! in that case, yes feel insulted but it's not how to make your way to a girl either, being the best of friends and suddenly...becoming besotted to her! Guys should realize that there's a gap between friendship and relashionship!! which most of the time you don't get... If you've known a girl for a long time and shared special moment together (laughters, tears, she'll know what you wear at night ...), she will trust you as her friend, she will also be the first one to tell you to go out and meet some other girls so you can have your proper relashionship, she will understand you need one and you will also understand she needs one, that's when you become bro/sis! Now, if you've been flirting with a girl but don't know her much (like what color her socks are for ex.) and she is telling you about some other boys that means she wants you to be jealous! I still feel it's not an insult being quoted as brother, I find it v. special to be given that title because normallyy you can never chose who your family can be, so it means a lot to girls when they say that! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 I agree with you 0307...I have lots of 'male' friends who I call buddies....but think of them like brothers. We don't have a sexual or emotional relationship....we just hang out together because they are who I work with and come in contact with each day. As far as your post, Goodguy, it doens't mean something is wrong with you just because women you ask out may not respond. Then again, I've turned down a guy just because his breath smelled like garlic to the point of making me nauseated. So, check some of the obvious points which may cause someone not to want to get closer to you. Do you have any male or female freinds you could say..."this is how I approach a woman" and have them do a critic for you??? It's probably something simple....since you DO sound like a great guy! Good luck and keep us informed how it goes..... Link to post Share on other sites
0307 Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 Originally posted by Frodo 0307, Whether you realize it or not, you are insulting a man when you say he's like your brother. it doesn't matter whether you like your brother or not, you're essentially saying that he's not sexual. Don't do this. >>Forgot to add something previously: Maybe you feel you're being insulted, maybe have a large ego?! I am not gonna take your advice in consideration as : don't do this. Because my way has proved it doesn't offend anyone, especially not men. >>I definitely think it's more about how the guy takes it than the girl says it :-).If you feel you're being rejected -it must have happened to you- think twice about the way you approach the ladies. And always keep in memory that a lady needs time, if she calls you brother, relax and take it cool. Let her know slowly you are more interested in her as a potential girlfriend than a simple brother/sister friendship. If she responds to you by saying she still think you're like her brother, face it : SHE DOESNT WANT YOU AS HER BF! tough but true. If she shows sympathy, she doesn't want either.On the contrary if she starts being shy around you and smiles, she is responding well and it could lead to a relashionship... As for GOODGUY: >>You must have an angelic face :-) Maybe you should try to be a bit tougher..not as violent, but more boyish... I also think you should give up on your female friends and try some other chicks! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 "Why do women ignore me???" Oh, what was that question again? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 perhaps you show romantic interest too late and hence by then, you're already in the brother category. i may be wrong, but try making it clear early on that you're attracted and interested in the girl as a woman - it doesn't have to be a serious conversation, just flirt with her, touch her lightly, whatever else comes to mind. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 GoodGuy87 asked Why do women ignore me???" Tony replied Oh, what was that question again? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodGuy87 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Originally posted by yes perhaps you show romantic interest too late and hence by then, you're already in the brother category. i may be wrong, but try making it clear early on that you're attracted and interested in the girl as a woman - it doesn't have to be a serious conversation, just flirt with her, touch her lightly, whatever else comes to mind. -yes That's not the problem man......I get put in the friend category within a few days! I guess I'm just gonna have to start treating people like trash because I'm not getting any younger and I'll be damned if I'm a virgin when I'm 60! And to arabess, its definitely not a hygeine problem. I'm a cleanfreak! Link to post Share on other sites
0307 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Have you tried to tell the ladies you fancy you would want to go on a date with them after you were told : "you're like my brother"?????! if yes, what was their answers? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodGuy87 Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by 0307 Have you tried to tell the ladies you fancy you would want to go on a date with them after you were told : "you're like my brother"?????! if yes, what was their answers? "I couldn't do that because it would be like going out with my brother." I've heard it 100 times. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 "within a few days" doesn't cancel what I advised you. you've gotta act like a man, not a girl-friend, from DAY ONE, no SECOND ONE. there's a very subtle but clear difference between the two... Oh, and I'm a girl =) good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
0307 Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by GoodGuy87 "I couldn't do that because it would be like going out with my brother." I've heard it 100 times. Maybe you shouldn't start by being friend with them! I think, you must start by getting to know them first and becoming friends to them -which I think is the best..but apparently they don't think so. So change tactic . Flirt first with the future potential gf -even if it has to last a while- and if you see she feels she is attracted to you, go and ask her out ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Indypoop Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 ...as sad as it is, women do not want nice guys who respect them. They want abusive jerks who treat them like dirt. Try just once not respecting a woman, but bragging about your penis size or something, and watch the results. I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to give up. First of all, I'm a very attractive black male. I'm 24 years old, 6'4" 210lbs and have a lean, muscular build. I even played Big Ten college football for my collegiate years. Anywayz, here's my problem. I always treat all women with the utmost respect that they deserve. I meet plenty of women, but they automatically put me in the "friend zone" almost immediately. Don't laugh, but the reason that I'm so frustrated is that I'm 24 years old and I have never even kissed a girl because none of them would even let me get close enough to them. I don't get it. I have a good education, job, and I take VERY good care of myself and respect every person I come in contact with. However, I am shot down constantly. I'm at the point where I'm just thinking about giving up because I don't know what else I can do to change things. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. And to everyone out there, taking part in bigtime athletics does not mean women fall all over you. I can't even get a hug! Help. Link to post Share on other sites
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