What did I do wrong?

[Nexa]

I am now going through some major heartbreak time. My boyfriend for 5 months recently just quit talking to me everyway possible. The last time we spoke to each other was on Thanksgiving. After that day we did not call one another for one week, till I broke down and left him phone messages that he never returned. I even e-mailed him pretty much explaining my whole entire part of my side of the story, now weather he read them or not I have know idea becasue he never responed to them. The only bad thing I could think about was when I was Play wrestling with this one guy he was not to fond of. Bur Geez, come one now can someone really get that upset for something like this? Or was he trying to find an easy way out of this relationship and is to chicken to confront me? I will never know and it is killing me inside. I'm willing to take the time to discuss my problems if any, but how can I when he does not even give me a chance. My next attempt I am thinking is to go to his place in person, but what would happen then, you he not open his door? I need some light shed down, I have idea what to do.

[wecancope]

Hi Nexa,

 

Is your boyfriend the jealous type? Do you really think the wrestling thing has got something to do with this silence treatment?

 

To be quite honest with you, I'm a very jealous person and if I saw my girlfriend wrestling with another guy I'd be very annoyed! And yes, I wouldn't talk to my girlfriend either. I know you were only playing.

 

Do you flirt alot without realising it when your boyfriend is around?

[Arabess]

Nexa,

For a guy to be jealous or pissed off because he saw you in what he may have taken as a flirty situation is completely normal. However, for him not to talk to you since it happened at Thanksgiving....IS kind of a long time.

 

However, he may still be dealing with his own feelings.....OR there were other problems in the relationship he also didn't verbalize with you and felt this last thing was the last straw. I don't know if you can FIX it or not. You could try getting him face to face and see if he has more of a response.

 

Sometimes relationships just end and it isn't anyone's fault.

 

In your case, you don't KNOW what happened and it's hard to move on without any type of closure or even a break up talk. I would and have...felt the same way. Some people avoid confrontation at any cost though....and it sounds like he may be this type of person. So, DO try to talk to him face to face and get your cues on how he responds then.

[Nexa]

this is a test

[Nexa]

Thank you both for the advice. He did seem a bit jealous at times, but never really expressed it. I too, am a little jealous myself. And I did the wrestling thing as a poor attempt to make him feel jealous I guess because he invited his two female friends over. And the way he was conversating with them, he never conversated that way with me. He seemed so comfortable around them. I am seriously considering going over to his place and talking to him, but am nervous that he might not answer his door, or their might be another person there?

Would I be considered a psycho if after all these calls that I sent him that he never responded to me and then I show go show up to his place? You see in my phone messages I made it clear that if I did not receive a response that I would take a hint and leave him alone. But it has not been easy for me to keep this promise. Now I don't even know if he checked his messages and just deleted them and never checked them, don't know?

[wecancope]

It's not very fair of him to totally cut you off the way he did. If he was a mature person, by now he would have sat down with you face to face and deal with the issues that might be bothering him.

 

I think that you should go round to his place and confront him with these issues, because at the end of the day you are the other half of the relationship and you need answers! You need to know whether its make or break!

You can't carry on like this, wondering what on earth is going on. You need to no where you stand, so you sort yourself out! True.

 

Nexa, you are number one, and everything in life comes afterwards.

 

Take care.

[Nexa]

Thank you again for the advice, I really think I am going to go over to his place this weekend when we both are off. I wish I could call him and let him know I was coming over so I would not catch him at a bad time. I know I am going to be scared to death becasue I just can't imagine what he will say to me, and I hope that he will open his door so I can finally get to the bottom of this. I honestly think that me and him are no more, but still I want to know.

[Nexa]

Wecancope,

 

Question for ya,

 

I read a up on your situation, and noticed that you too chose to cut the contact with your ex. But atleast you were man enough to tell her what was wrong, that's the way I understand it anyway.

 

And if you did catch your girlfriend wrestling with another guy would you cut all contact and break up with her without ever telling here that's what upseted you?

[DonTomaso]

Hi Nexa... I agree with wecancope completely... this is no fair of him to cut off all contact with you. It may have annoyed him to see you wresteling with another guy (it would annoy me too), but he should have been able to communicate about it rather than just shut you off. If you feel llike going to his house will help you, I would go for it. It sounds like you are going to follow your heart regardless. If he does not answer the door, I would try to leave it alone though.

 

On the positive side, why would you want to spend another second with a guy that can't communicate about problems and issues. Good communication is the foundation of a solid relationship, so I would just learn from this and move on. Next time you get annoyed seeing your boyfriend talk to a girl, tell him about it instead of trying to make him jealous by flirting with another guy. It's possible that the two girls he was talking to are really just his friends and they communicate well together, thus it seemd vcery natural when he was talking to them. IF you could bring this level of communication to your relationship, it would be this natural for you as well. Just a thought.

[wecancope]

Nexa,

 

The answer to your question is "yes"! I always tried to tell my ex what was upsetting me. I would first of all go into a mood, give her the silent treatment and this would drive my ex nuts. Then she would ask me what the hell is wrong with me, and I would explain what the problem was.

 

Now I realise how ridiculous I've been. I can't beleive how stupid my behaviour was. The ironic thing about my jealousy problem, is that most of my friends are female. I have a really good connection with females. So I don't understand why I was so jealous. All I had to do is look at my situation and just say "hey, I've got female friends, so it's alright for her (my ex) to have male friends!"

 

The reason why I decided to cut the contact with my ex is because I needed to break away from the situation and sort myself out. Talking to her seemed to make me even more confused, and since my head was already in a mess, I couldn't take it anymore! I really do miss her, more than anything. Listen to this...I'm still sleeping with her teddy bear, which has so much sentimental value to her.

[Nexa]

Well I finally did it. I got the courage to go over to his place. As a matter of fact I saw him driving to his place and followed him to his place. When he first saw me, he had a look on his face like he had seen a ghost. I asked him patiently if I could just talk with him. So he agreed. I pretty much was the one doing all the talking, and asking all the questions. He just stayed quiet. He told me he was going to eventually call me, yeah I highly doubt that one. The reason why I say that is because he got a new phone along with a new phone number. He said he did not respond back to me quick enough becasue he was waiting for the right moment. Hhmmmm?? His reason for the silent treatment he said was because he saw me wrestling with that guy. I told him that I had no feelings for that guy what so ever and that if I could turn back time I would. I told him I was not proud of what I did at all. He also admitted to me that he still keeps contact with some of his ex's becasue when he breaks up in a relationship they are there for him. I asked him that I kinda had an intutiton thing about that and I was right! You see I am getting ready to go away for 6months for my job, but I will be back. So I had to ask where we both stood as far as are relationship is conserned. He was like for now we will remain at a "friendship" status. And then we will see once you get back. He claims that he has been hurt in the past from his ex's like this. I told him that I am still a virgin and that I have value and morals that would know better than cheating on him. He still did'nt change his mind. I told him that I care very much about him, but I did'nt get that warm and fuzy feeling back from him.

 

You know I do feel alot better now that I got to pour my heart out and say what I watned to say, and also his "reason" for giving me the cold shoulder. I personally think there is more towards his hatred for me, but he is to chicken to admit it. I did agree to him that I would respect his idea of a friendship between us.

 

It's so weird ya know, how you can just fall for a person and think everything is great between you two, and this whole time I think he was finding the right time to find a way to dumb me.

 

I don't know where to go from here, but one thing is sure I did learn a hard lesson from all of this.

 

Anybody got ideas or thoughts to add to my wierd situation? I would greatly appreaticate it!!!