EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 I figured I should post this now and get opinions, rather than wait until things got a little more serious and it becomes harder. Basically I met this guy on Halloween. He gave me his number (for some reason, I get guys numbers, I don't give mine) and I told him I would call him on Wensday. Last night I sent him a text telling him that I didn't forget about him (we had both been drinking) and that i'll give him a call on Wensday. My phone started acting up, and I wasn't recieving calls or texts (very frustrating btw). I just got it all sorted out, and the minute I restarted my phone, I started getting all the texts I had missed. He sent me 4. 4. 4! I'm debating whether or not this is a red flag. I really don't want a needy guy, and it's bordering a very thin line between interested and needy. Red flag? What would you all think if this were to happen to you?? EDIT: I feel as though I should mention that the first 3 were within an hour, and the fourth was this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Three within an hour?! Red flag. That's the textbook definition of needy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Three within an hour?! Red flag. That's the textbook definition of needy. That's what I was afraid of. Link to post Share on other sites
nocode Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Yeah, I would say three in an hour without a reply from you is a bit much. Maybe his phone was acting up too and he wanted to make sure you received them?? Link to post Share on other sites
Hop_prophet Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Wow, I think you are really over analyzing this. To conclude someone is needy based on a series of text messages is ridiculous. It depends more on the content. Is he harrasing you? Quit playing games. He is just interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Yeah, I would say three in an hour without a reply from you is a bit much. Maybe his phone was acting up too and he wanted to make sure you received them?? I would consider that as an explanation if all of the text messages were the same, or along the same lines. They were different, though. Wow, I think you are really over analyzing this. To conclude someone is needy based on a series of text messages is ridiculous. It depends more on the content. Is he harrasing you? Quit playing games. He is just interested. No, he is not harassing me. And how is this considered 'playing games'?? A situation occured, i'd like advice on it. About the content of the messages, the first was basically saying that he was relieved because he thought that I was going to say 'to hell' with him. The second one was asking if I was there. The third one was saying how he's been waiting for me to call him, and instead of waiting until Wensday that I should call today. The fourth was saying goodmorning. Hope that cleared it up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Hop_prophet Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ha, actually those do seem a little needy. It's a little strange that he can't seem to wait till Wednesday. I wouldn't say its a big red flag though. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well, now knowing the content of the messages, as Hop_prophet said, they do come off needy. But I don't think you should write him off just yet. See how your conversation goes with him tomorrow, then give it a few more days, maybe a week. If he continues to text you like that or displays any other needy behavior, then say "To hell with him". Keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ha, actually those do seem a little needy. It's a little strange that he can't seem to wait till Wednesday. I wouldn't say its a big red flag though. Well, it turns out that he's going to call me at 4. I'm starting to think that maybe he doesn't have much experience with this sort of thing. I'm not sure exactly how to take this. I might be looking too much into it, but now i'm starting to analyze the conversation we first had when we met. He lives 2 hours away, but he was willing to take off on Friday so that he could take me out on Thursday, since I work on the weekends. Hm. It would be a terrible tragedy if he turns out crazy, or super needy, because he's just so cute! Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well, the offering to take you out on a Thursday since you work on the weekends could be interpreted as sweet and thoughtful, but he lives 2 hours away, and he would be missing a day of work. That coupled with the trio of texts...you met him only a few days ago and he's offering to do this for you. That's a big red needy flag. He seems way overeager. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well, the offering to take you out on a Thursday since you work on the weekends could be interpreted as sweet and thoughtful, but he lives 2 hours away, and he would be missing a day of work. That coupled with the trio of texts...you met him only a few days ago and he's offering to do this for you. That's a big red needy flag. He seems way overeager. That's exactly what i'm beginning to think. I'd hate to pass judgement on him so soon, he could just be an extremely nice guy. That's what i'm hoping for anyway. I guess we'll see how I feel when I talk to him in an hour, it'd be the first time we've talked sober, I might not even like him. Who knows. BTW - He lives in PA also. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Why do you keep spelling Wednesday as Wensday? Anyway, given that you felt compelled to tell him that you hadn't forgotten about him, I don't see his messages as needy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Why do you keep spelling Wednesday as Wensday? Because i'm an idiot Anyway, given that you felt compelled to tell him that you hadn't forgotten about him, I don't see his messages as needy. Just to understand a little better, if I had not texted him telling him that I didn't forget about him, then would it come off as needy? I don't quite agree with that, mostly because the actions of another show who they are, especially if it's in reaction to another person. I subtly let him know that i'm still interested, while what he did was not so subtle. Over the top a bit, in my opinion, for having just met someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Just read your post. He certainly went over-kill on the text there. I don't see how responding to his text will be seen as needy though. But that's not a deal breaker for me, i would need other red flags to prove he is needy than simply text. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ugh!! I seriously need to stop meeting guys after i've been drinking. I really wasn't drunk when I met him though, I was only tipsy. All the same, the guys I choose when i'm drinking are usually not my type. Perfect example. I just got off the phone with him, and we are complete opposites. He is a country boy, and i'm a city girl. I thought he was closer to my age, but he's 10 years older (not that that's a deal breaker... but what comes next is), he still lives at home with his parents. Now, I live at home with my mom right now for a few reasons, but i've been out on my own. I had to come back because the economy was really screwing me up financially. This guy has saved the majority of his money, and has more than enough money to buy a house, but he says he's 'just looking' for now (and has been 'just looking' for the past 4 years). He has no motivation to leave home. He kept making references to us 'dating'. Saying how his sister told him that he has to date someone older than she is (she's only a year younger than I am btw). This is just a mess. I always do this! He's a really nice guy, but there are things about him that I don't usually go for in a guy. I guess this is all a part of 'dating' though huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) Oops. Enough red flags for me now. Next! (dating is a numbers game, eventually you'll score big time). Erica, why's this thread not in the dating section? Edited November 3, 2009 by Odyssey Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 Oops. Enough red flags for me now. Next! (dating is a numbers game, eventually you'll score big time). Erica, why's this thread not in the dating section? I hate dating. It's not fun for me. I don't like letting guys down, or having to tell them that i'm not interested. It sucks!! And i'm not sure why I didn't post this in the dating section. I think I was rushing when I wrote it so I wasn't paying much attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 Ok just as an update... this guy is so incredibly insecure and needy, it's not even funny. I haven't met someone that's so extreme like this in a very, very long time. Basically, he'll send me up to 10 texts a day, and when I don't respond (which 99% of the time, I don't) he will call my cell phone a few times. His texts are "I hope I didn't do anything to mess this up already" (what's this btw??) "I know i'm not a good looking guy, but i'm at least worth one date" "I'll do whatever it takes to keep you" I feel bad because he's a nice guy, but it's just entirely too much for me. I was telling a girl at work about him yesterday, saying how he is extremely needy and insecure, and she goes "I like that sort of thing." I started laughing and when I saw that she wasn't laughing back, I asked her if she was serious. She was! Ummmm... !!!???!?!? What! How can someone find that sort of thing attractive!? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Ummmm... !!!???!?!? What! How can someone find that sort of thing attractive!? Because we are all unique individuals. Like you said, he is different than you and you feel those differences are incompatible. Thank him for his time and interest and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Because we are all unique individuals. Like you said, he is different than you and you feel those differences are incompatible. Thank him for his time and interest and move on. And you could offer to introduce him to the girl at work that likes that kinda thing Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 It's a huge red flag for me. If he thinks you've forgotten about him after one hour, what about if you can't reply for a day? What about if you can't see him that week? Really needy I think, maybe just eager, and inexperienced. But I'd watch out for more instances. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Get out quick. 10 texts in a day?! Jeez, did the guy ever hear the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder? Someone who does that gets the axe with me, it's took insecure and needy, clingy, some people like that, others don't. You don't, so I would let him down gently (say the distance doesn't work for you or something) but he's a great guy etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Get out quick. 10 texts in a day?! Jeez, did the guy ever hear the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder? Someone who does that gets the axe with me, it's took insecure and needy, clingy, some people like that, others don't. You don't, so I would let him down gently (say the distance doesn't work for you or something) but he's a great guy etc Totally agree!! I told him today that I didn't think we were compatible and that I appreciated his interest in me... but it just wasn't going to work. (Thanks to carhill for the advice ) I recieved 7 text messages after that. The first few were arguing the fact. The next few were literally begging me to reconsider. This sort of thing really makes me wonder how people turn out this way. He is a 32 year old man. And he is acting this way. I just don't get it. I feel terrible. I really do. He is such a nice guy, but his intensity is overwhelming. It's a massive turn off for me. Edited November 8, 2009 by EricaH329 Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 It's a shame even when you told him that it wasn't working for you, he still did the thing that made you run. Silly men. I wonder if its because he thinks its what women want, but if he continues to do this, he's gonna be single for a long time. It's one thing sending a couple of texts in a day to check if you recieved it, entirely another to send 10. He should check into counselling, he's too needy, perhaps he's insecure. Good on you, I would run for the hills and keep running from a guy like that. I'm sure he's lovely, but don't feel bad about it, you can't date a guy who does something which is a red flag for you, it's about getting what you want from it, finding someone on your level. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 The "good morning" text after you hadn't replied to 3 the night before would creep me out.... Link to post Share on other sites
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