Fallen out with two friends because of someone else

[Scottie]

Hi. I am new here.

I have recently fallen out with two very close friends due to someone else spreading rumours around at work.

All three of us have worked together for some time and we got really close to each other and we socialised ect.

However a few weeks ago my colleagues started to ignore me and go elsewhere for our morning tea break. I learned from my line manager that rumours had starting to go around work about my two friends (One male and the other is female) who are said to be having an affair with each other. Apparently it was me who started the rumour and I have been spreading it all around at work. This isn’t the case and I explained this to my manager who said she would pass that onto them. I am not 100 % sure who is spreading the rumours around but there is an agency worker who had been making comments to me about them so I think it could be him. I would never do anything like that because I was bullied at school for years and I know what it feels like and I would never put anyone through that.

 

The female went on A/L for a week and the male seemed to come around a little, he was talking and joking with me so it was good start.The female came back from A/L yesterday (I wasn’t working) However today I went into work and my colleagues are ignoring me and went elsewhere for their tea break again. I suspect that the rumours have started again.

I am very hurt and upset, (I admit I shed a tear or two while thinking about it) because not that long ago we were all really close and now there’s nothing there. The female seems the most hurt and she can’t even bare to look at me. I want to try and talk to her but she is very sensitive and emotional and I am frightened I will hurt her even more by trying to fix it.

[Ronni_W]

Maybe you could give each of them a handwritten note. Say something like, "I've been led to believe that you two have become fodder for the gossip mill. It really pains me to know that you're going through that. I hope that I don't have to confirm it for you but...just in case, I wish to assure you that I had nothing at all to do with it. Please let me know if/how I can help and support you guys."

 

That's all you can do, as far as they are concerned - they either will or will not believe you and trust your sincerity.

As far as everyone else, regardless of whether or not your close friendships are rekindled, feel free to vigorously defend their honour and integrity if anyone approaches you with, or you happen to overhear, any rumours or snide remarks about them.