7yrs together... and he chose his job. what now?

[IlluminatedShadows]

So. The thing is, I am in a seriouse, long term relationship, but it has reached a point where I am unsure of where to go from here. And, because of that, could really, really, use some advice or insite...

 

My boyfriend and I are both 23, and both recent college graduates. We went to seperate colleges, but in the same area, near our hometown. I ended up there due to reasons unrealted to him, but my dream had always been to live somewhere warm and preferabley near a beach (we currently reside in new england. so. cold.). We have been dating for 7 (yes, seven) years now, and love each others company, love each other, and are always talking about our future.

 

I had been excited, and had assumed, we would graduate and start our new life together somewhere amazing. We had even talked about places we'd both enjoy living. Thats not exactly what happened.

 

He ended up taking a job a mere two hours from the area where we grew up / went to college. He loves th job, and the pay is great, and they are paying for him to get a masters degree. He has new friends, new hobbies, and basically a new life. The location, though, is somewhere I could not find a job. It is fairly remote, with over an hour commute to anywhere with a job, most of which would barley pay enough for my loan payments and the rent to live with him.

 

So, then my nightmare came true. I spent all my remaining money paying rent to live with him while job searching, and after two months of painful rejection, was forced to move in with my mom. Not. Fun.

 

I am now miserable. I have been depressed. I am still having a hard time finding a job (my parents pushed me to get a degree I didnt truly want, and so am stuck in a limbo of "i dont know what the hell to do with my life"). My reasons for wanting to move away were to escape my parents, and try to find my passion in life. I had thought I'd be doing it with the love of my life.

 

Now what? I get angry at him for "abandoning" me by taking this job, and I feel like the "bad guy" for considering moving without him. I feel like he didnt really try that hard to find a job where we could have been together. But he has a lot of loan debt (120k) so needed a good job. I lived in Hawaii for three months for a school internship, and missed him terribley, so am worried if I left, I'd come crawling back anyways. How to I decide to leave him, when I dont even know what I'm looking for? Could a long distance relationship work? Or should we break from each other, and continue to follow our seperate paths? Please, any help or advice would be great. I've been so upset and depressed by this for the past few months.... Thanks

[Neutrino]

Hi Illuminatedshadows, when your BF first had the job offer - how did he come to discuss it with you ? Did he ask your opinion and what you thought ? Did he ask whether this is compatible with your plans or whether you would mind changing the general plan you both had ?

 

Did he help you on your job-hunt ? what was his response when you moved out (of what I think was a place you two shared) and back in with your parents ?