mr_roggger Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I am meeting up with my ex for dinner tomorrow evening. Please see my other posts for the lead-up to this. It is on good terms as friends (no persuading her to go out for dinner with me etc.) and I just want us to have a great, fun time. Obviously I will try to be happy, cheerful, interested, light-hearted etc., and won't bring up the relationship, but are there any specific pointers people can offer me who've been in this situation with their ex before? I have also changed (loss of anxiety, neediness, jealousy, insecurity), and hopefully she will see this and appreciate it as a positive change. As usual, when we were finalising tomorrow evening we talked for ages on the phone (well, 20-30 mins - seemed like ages to someone i'd only talked to twice before in the last 6 weeks!) and things went well. I just hope that when we are actually together it can be at least as good as these conversations. So, anyone want to offer me any advice? Thanks in advance (you've all been a great help over the last few weeks!) Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 You pretty much answered your own question. Be yourself, keep things light hearted and DON'T mention the relationship at all. Just treat it as you're going out with a friend. If you keep things casual, then the conversation will flow. Just relax and things will fall into place naturally. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted December 8, 2003 Author Share Posted December 8, 2003 Thanks. Its good that I can answer the question I guess lol! I hope i can relax, I was able to over the phone but that's slightly different. I think that I will be so pleased to actually be with her that I will be cheerful etc. anyway! This seems like a massive step to me! Is it really (if it goes well and we have fun)? Wonder where next! Its coming up to Christmas and we've been apart for quite some time now so I didn't ger round to buying any presents for her but thought of loads. Today I saw one I know she would love (not too big, not too expensive, not too flashy, not suggestive...), but would it be ok to give it to her as a friend along with a "neutral" card? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Sure, I think it would be ok to give it to her with a neutral card. I mean you ARE friends and were at one time a couple, so I don't see any harm in it. Good luck with your dinner! I hope it goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I advise against giving a present. The fact that you've seen loads of things that you would get for her just shows that she's very much on your mind still. I think showing that you're intersted in her as a friend, happy to meet up for dinner occasionally but not thinking about her all the time is the way to go. A present would send mixed signals. And then how awkward would you feel if she didn't get you anything. Better for her to give you something and you have nothing to reciprocate with, than the other way around. If that's absolutely unacceptable to you, then get a small gift but don't give it to her unless she has something for you. It's not about quid pro quo, it's about not conveying to her a sense of obligation. You give her a gift when she's got nothing for you, and you can bet that she'll be thinking "oh boy he's still not over me, still trying to please me..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted December 8, 2003 Author Share Posted December 8, 2003 Excellent point. I wasn't saying I'd just get it 'cos it's not expensive though, I was considering it as it's something I know she'll like, but now I don't think I will right now since it could be "difficult" for both of us. I will see how tomorrow night goes before I make any permanent decisions, but I'll be sending a card as planned then. If I send it in the post rather than deliver it/give it to her, it'll be easier if she hasn't got me one (although I think she will have). Couldn't the present thing work like this too; if I get it delivered (if I decide to...right now I'm thinking not since you said it will give the impression that I am not over her when I am now at that stage of desiring her not needing her) then it wouldn't be awkward if she hasn't got me anything? Thankyou for your good-luck wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
maxmuscle Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Mr_Rogger, Hold off on the present. Act confident and cool. The present is a sign of informal butt kissing. Just go out and take contol of the conversation, let it flow naturally. Don't act needy or desperate. Stay away from sensitive topics. Complement her on her looks even if she looks like $hit ran over twice. The ball is your court bro, bounce well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted December 8, 2003 Author Share Posted December 8, 2003 I doubt if she will look like that! I'm sure she'll look very nice so compliments will flow naturally,...I used to have a few problems with anxiety and jealousy about other people "liking" her when I was with her, but now, since I'm not, hopefully I won't trip over those feelings; allowing me to make a better impression. I will not overdo it on the compliments though, I used to be able to find a happy medium...let's hope I can now. Link to post Share on other sites
superman Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 I am planning on asking my ex to dinner in celebration of her graduation. I feel like we are in the same boat. I would appreciate any insight you could give on how things went. Like what was uncomfortable, what went well, what didn't, ect. I really hope things work out. It seems as though there is some promise there. I hope there is still promise for my situation too. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted December 10, 2003 Author Share Posted December 10, 2003 Thankyou. I will shortly be writing a thread on how it went and where now? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts