yasmina1706 Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) A few months ago, my boyfriend went to a party. He got very drunk and the next day, after an argument, he told me that a girl at the party had hit on him, saying she heard that he spends hours in bed with his girlfriend (me) and she wouldn't mind having a go, then broke into into the bathroom while he was in there (he said at the time to look at his penis)... the next day, I saw that he had added this girl on facebook. About a month later, still feeling bothered by the whole thing, I told him I'd seen that he added her and asked him why. He said that she had been insulting his sister and he needed to talk to her. I didn't believe this as a) why wouldn't he tell me about this at the time that it happened? and b) as a friend of his sister, she would have had this girl's number anyway, but I tried to let it go. It is now a few months later and, after my boyfriend lied to me about something quite big, I got upset again about the whole thing (I just thought, if he lied to me about that, what else could he lie about) and asked my boyfriend again about it. He admitted he had lied about the insult thing and had just wanted to add her 'because he adds everyone'. I know this isn't true, as he rarely personally searches for and adds people, and he ignores requests from ex girlfriends and people he doesn't know. I'm feeling upset and confused by the whole thing, but he just tells me I need to move on and forget it, since it's been a few months. I know I might be being irrational, but my instinct says something is wrong. I don't want to be a crazy jealous girlfriend, but I personally wouldn't seek any further contact with someone who hit on me, knowing I had a boyfriend, then followed me into a bathroom (which I think could actually be sexual abuse)... Where to go from here? I hate feeling jealous and mistrustful! By the way, I'll just mention she's tall, blonde and skinny (physically very similar to me, definitely his 'type') Edited November 4, 2009 by yasmina1706 Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I think you know the answer to this situation. Its all in what you want to do. Stay in it and probably expect more of these lies etc, or get out of it and move on to something better. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 A few months ago, my boyfriend went to a party. He got very drunk and the next day, after an argument, he told me that a girl at the party had hit on him, saying she heard that he spends hours in bed with his girlfriend (me) and she wouldn't mind having a go, then broke into into the bathroom while he was in there (he said at the time to look at his penis)... the next day, I saw that he had added this girl on facebook. About a month later, still feeling bothered by the whole thing, I told him I'd seen that he added her and asked him why. He said that she had been insulting his sister and he needed to talk to her. I didn't believe this as a) why wouldn't he tell me about this at the time that it happened? and b) as a friend of his sister, she would have had this girl's number anyway, but I tried to let it go. It is now a few months later and, after my boyfriend lied to me about something quite big, I got upset again about the whole thing (I just thought, if he lied to me about that, what else could he lie about) and asked my boyfriend again about it. He admitted he had lied about the insult thing and had just wanted to add her 'because he adds everyone'. I know this isn't true, as he rarely personally searches for and adds people, and he ignores requests from ex girlfriends and people he doesn't know. I'm feeling upset and confused by the whole thing, but he just tells me I need to move on and forget it, since it's been a few months. I know I might be being irrational, but my instinct says something is wrong. I don't want to be a crazy jealous girlfriend, but I personally wouldn't seek any further contact with someone who hit on me, knowing I had a boyfriend, then followed me into a bathroom (which I think could actually be sexual abuse)... Where to go from here? I hate feeling jealous and mistrustful! By the way, I'll just mention she's tall, blonde and skinny (physically very similar to me, definitely his 'type') He's gone on the attack - that you should get over it - because attack is the best form of defence. Especially when you're in the wrong. Which he is. Ok, so just go back and read the bold bits and then tell me why you're still with him, again..? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yasmina1706 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 Thanks for your replies guys... Just to clarify though, I don't think he actually cheated on me, because if he did, why would he mention the whole thing at all to me? I'm more upset about why he would add this girl Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 He's lied to you - twice - and there is another girl involved. he may not have whipped his little man out - but, as they say, it's the thought that counts..... Can you absolutely trust him - knowing what you know now - to NOT ever cheat on you at some future point? Link to post Share on other sites
EarthGirl Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I don't want to be a crazy jealous girlfriend, but I personally wouldn't seek any further contact with someone who hit on me, knowing I had a boyfriend, then followed me into a bathroom (which I think could actually be sexual abuse)... Where to go from here? I hate feeling jealous and mistrustful! By the way, I'll just mention she's tall, blonde and skinny (physically very similar to me, definitely his 'type') I think it's a little bit of a stretch to call it "sexual abuse" if someone follows a person into a bathroom..you don't know the whole story probably if she did anything inappropriate or if she did not realize there was someone in there or what. Especially if he has added her to his facebook wilingly and you yourself seem to have an instinct that something may be up consensually...if only flirting. BUT if someone DID follow someone into a bathroom purposely without invitation and it wasn't just an accident, you know it would really be inappropriate WETHER OR NOT the person had a significant other. We're talking about important personal boundaries here, not about someone 'belonging' to their lover so they are off limits for anyone else to see them naked. And everyone deserves to have those boundaries respected, not just people who are in committed relationships. It's really quite inaccurate for you to call that sexual abuse and offensive to the real victims everywhere of horrible abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
buddykool Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I'm a guy.. and he maybe you don't have anything to worry about but I don't know your BF so I can't say. Some guys would cheat in that situation.. others would not. My advice.. provided this is a slippery slope... is to find a way to make him jealous. Tell him about a flirting co-worker or friend. That typically straighten a wondering eye IMO. Guys like to know that they are desirable and are with someone who is desirable. Just my two cents.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 No. Do not do this. it's lying, which makes you as bad as he is. Liars have to have good memories, and watertight motives. Never, ever lie in revenge, to get your own back, or to evoke emotions in others.... it's a ploy that will, inevitably backfire. What you do, is cut him off. If he really is serious, he will pursue you and vow to change. If he is really not serious, he will contemptuously let you go, and you will realise you're better off without him. But play mind-games...? Kind of immature, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Yasmina - I found pictures of my wife in the arms of another man over a yr ago. Those pictures were 2 yrs old when I found them. My wife lied her head off. I was looking at what was plainly obvious to everyone else & trying to convince myself she wouldn't cheat. Earlier this yr I found out she had a secret facebook & made him a friend. She told me "he was just a friend" She was lieing. I told her to end all contact with him because he was not just a friend & she refused. We are getting a divorce now because I found out she was in fact screwing her "friend" & is with him right now. Your boyfriends words are contradicting his actions. What logical reason does he have for keeping this person on facebook now that you know the reason he told you was a lie? It takes all of 3 seconds to remove someone from facebook but he'd rather continue argueing with you over some chick who supposidly means nothing to him that he met at a party? Let me guess, he probably says things like "nobody is going to tell me who I can & can't be friends with" My wife used a similiar ploy with me even though she was cheating on me. crazy huh? Don't play games. Just get out. He is disrespecting you. A loyal boyfriend wouldn't of even added this chick to his facebook. I've actually had a chick or two follow me into the bathroom at a party. Can you guess what I did with them in the bathroom? Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Umm, I think its totally not cool he added her to his facebook. His reasons for adding her is BS. He thinks he is being stud boy it sounds like. But if he was really into you he wouldn’t feel the need to be like that. You are smart not to have believed that crap. now he is lying to you some months later over whatever. My suggestion would be to back off nd not get too attached. You stick around and I can almost guarantee you are going to get hurt. I would listen to your instincts. Let me ask this.. What if the shoe was on the other foot??? what if some guy was chasing you around and said Hey I heard you are awesome in the sack. And you add him to your facebook. Do you think your bf would be cool with that? or freak out? Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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