IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Girls, you have to be an established member to receive PM's. BBB will have to wait a few weeks before she qualifies, then you two can PM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 Girls, you have to be an established member to receive PM's. BBB will have to wait a few weeks before she qualifies, then you two can PM. Cool - Thanks IWWH! (And FL98 is a guy, ...) That's ok, I've been called worse that a "girl". After what my STBXW has said to me ... no worries!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 OOPS... my apologies! Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 If you're feeling impatient, you can purchase a month membership for $2.50 and then you'll have instant access to PMs. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbabyblues Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 If you're feeling impatient, you can purchase a month membership for $2.50 and then you'll have instant access to PMs. No, not feeling impatient, just dont want to air my dirty laundry for all to see.. thank you for this info. honestly, what an amazing network of people here on LS.. you rock. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbabyblues Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Cool - Thanks IWWH! (And FL98 is a guy, ...) That's ok, I've been called worse that a "girl". After what my STBXW has said to me ... no worries!!!!!!! now that there is some funny sh@t haha! right lonely? and we do need to laugh. To answer your question, my OM was 26, I was 44 ( I do look young) It wasn't about his age really, it was just a mid life ego boost. Period. Then I realized WTF am I doing? He is only a few years older than my sons and really now, how much do we have in common, after the physical attraction is gone, whats left? I want to grow old with someone that is intelligent, wants to read to me, can make me laugh, and just have good old fashioned conversation with. Again, I dont pretend to understand how badly this must all hurt for you, but whatever she's going through is all about her. She needs to sort herself out. Be happy for all the good years you had. Be sad for now. And truly, know things will feel better some day. I'm so sorry this happend to you. Sometimes life sucks. Fu@k. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbabyblues Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 bbb - It might be because of how your account is set up??? I have the PM option for most users, but not you??? Hmmm, I bet it is in the "My Profile", then "Profile Privacy" menus. Anyone? Don't worry about it bbb. I just wanted to ask some questions that may not be comfortably answered on a public post. (To maybe help me better understand!) We'll get there ... Anything you want to know, ask away. I will try to answer. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 FL98 I have been around 60 plus years. The divorce rate is something close to 50%, so I have seen my share of breakups Yes, I do know of success stories, but not like you would expect. Most times it is when the BS gets their head out of the sand, and moves on in life. In almost every case, the BS within a year or two finds somebody new and better. A fellow worker, got slammed with a WAW, who moved in with the OM. He did his best, but she insisted on the D and filed. He gave up, never answered the petition, which meant she won by default. The day after the D he gets a call from the W wanting to reconcile. That's when he found out that she had withdrawn the complaint at the last minute and they were not divorced. His reply to her was to drop the OM, and to give him all the info on the A, then I will consider it, but until then take a number. He was approaching 40, the W was over 35 and the new GF was knock out several years from 30, guess who won A general rule of thumb, the WS trades down, the BS trades up For me, my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got a brand new life and sex life. That is a success story Your friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 BBB I think the magic number is 50 posts, and you become an established member and have the ability to PM Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 The reality of it all has sunk in, you're past denial...into bargaining, anger and depression .. You're an emotional ping pong ball and someone else controls the damn flippers Put on your seat belt, this is the roughest part of the ride. It gets better, then it comes and goes in waves. Each wave gets a little smaller. One day you'll be feeling good and you'll step on some emotional land mine. This is all natural and part of being human. Sorry you have to go through it. I remember it all too well. Hang in there, exercise is the best therapy as well as talking to people you can trust. This is excellent advice, and right on the money. In your opening paragraph you said NC was having the opposite effect on you (as it does for others) by making you feel sad and desperate. What you may not realize is that is normal. It's like Gunny said; You just got hit by a truck! Who says you're supposed to feel good about it? Don't feel bad about feeling bad. That's a vicious circle. Let your mind and heart sort themselves out. In time, they will. That's the key: time. Let it work. I can tell by reading your posts that you're buying in. See, by giving her space you're allowing her to 'flail' around in life without your input. Sooner or later she'll realize that you're not the problem and it is at that time she will decide if she wants to be with you or not. But (and it's a big BUT!) never allow her to make what you want or need unimportant. You have a say too, and by the time she returns (that's if she does...pride, guilt and other emotions can play a huge factor) you may feel that being with her, being married to her or even being friends isn't in your best interests. THAT'S what NC does for you. You're removing yourself from the problem. You're getting good advice here. Keep listening to it. You are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 No, not feeling impatient, just dont want to air my dirty laundry for all to see.. thank you for this info. honestly, what an amazing network of people here on LS.. you rock. it can wait bbb --> I appreciate your reaching out to me ... one day when you see you can finally "PM" - then shoot me a PM, k? (It'll probably happen soon. I think I "noticed" PMs on my account about 3-4 weeks after starting. TY Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 - A general rule of thumb, the WS trades down, the BS trades up. WOW - I told that same thing to my STBXW about 5-6 weeks ago. I told her I will more than likely find someone better than her (younger, more attractive, more educated, better job, less insecure, more self-control, ... ETC. - I could go on.) AND, I told her except for her new BF being, (f*cking sounds f*cked up to even say it) 28 years younger than me - that he has NOTHING I don't have - that she is trading down. MY WORDS to her. How ironic. That was when I was more in the mood of her trying to give it up and try reconciliation. Not there anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 BBB I think the magic number is 50 posts, and you become an established member and have the ability to PM OH!!! bbb now has her 50 posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 You're getting good advice here. Keep listening to it. You are not alone. TY Sf - good advice from you as well... Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 OH!!! bbb now has her 50 posts. I think it's actually 100 posts you need to PM so keep posting bbb! That was when I was more in the mood of her trying to give it up and try reconciliation. Not there anymore. I've been following your posts FL98 because you were the first to reply to mine and I have a feeling we're at a similar stage in our recovery. This is great news! I 'hit' the 'don't want him back' stage myself last week. Don't know where it came from - just out of the blue. I suspect there will be days when I'll 'wobble' (that old rollercoaster again - God what a ride that is!!!) but, for me anyway, it feels like the first solid stage on the road to recovery. Good to hear you're heading in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 This is great news! I 'hit' the 'don't want him back' stage myself last week. Don't know where it came from - just out of the blue. I suspect there will be days when I'll 'wobble' (that old rollercoaster again - God what a ride that is!!!) but, for me anyway, it feels like the first solid stage on the road to recovery. Good to hear you're heading in the right direction. Good for you LT. Now, if your H or my W come crawling back - we will be in control, not them. If they don't - then we are moving ourselves to a MUCH better place. Stay strong. If they do come back you have to be careful. If you did want to explore reconciliation, saying the wrong thing could make them run again due to pride or guilt or similar. If you don't you get to say "sorry, too late...". I would do this in a dignified manner, but some will do it with a F*ck You style. Remember what "2.50 gallon" said - the BS almost always trades up and the cheating spouse almost always trades down. Link to post Share on other sites
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