rowina Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Hello. I am new to this. I really have been stumbling for help and have not found where to go. I guess I havent really told any of my friends because i didnt let my self listen to the advice they tried to give me earlier, and now i will probably look like a fool. THis guy and I have been friends for about 3 years now. a year ago, we both realized we liked each other more than just friends. We both admitted it to each other, but i held back. I knew i was unable to enter a relationship with him. I didnt really explain to him why not, i just tried to give him the excuse that "our friendship was more important to risk it". It was because my heart had been broken before, and because i didnt think i deserved him. i thought he was too good for me. he pursued me for a few months, and e mailed me, and i kept avoiding the topic, until finally i think i said it clearly. Several months later, after he had accepted my answer and withdrew from me, the distance made me realize how much he ment, how important he was to my life, how it ment so much more. We spoke once in a while, and i saw him one day, but not for long. I asked him if it was too late on day, and he said yes. and a few months after that i found out he was dating someone. that hurt. and i did everything to avoid him. after about a month, i really blew up at him, and exchanged some harsh words. It was my anger that was really what caused it. anger that i was not the one with him. We made up, and were friends. i never met her. she broke up with him, and before and during that time we were becoming really close again. we even kissed. but then he went out of state. we still spoke, but i really had become too attached and he was still not over her. he went away, out of the country a for 4 months, during that time he told me that nothing is certain and that included a relationship between the two of us. but we still speak, and and now returned to the united states. his life is up in the air, it has only been a few weeks since he got back, and i know it will take a few months until he settles down. He is making some major decisions about his career right now. and so, i have not heard from him in a while. I feel like sometimes i bother him too much, but my feelings are still there. it is so difficult to try to give time, and see what happens. I know it is my fault, that i was not ready then for a relationship, and i know my initial response hurt him alot, because he put so much of himself out there for me. but i had alot to deal with myself, and accepting things i had done in my life. i feel like it is now my turn to wait and let him sort out his life. what can i do? most of the time i pray, and try not to email him. he has not moved into a new apartment yet, and so i dont have his current phone number, but i keep telling myself to give him time. but how much? and is he right that i should things are not certain, and maybe i will hurt myself more if i keep believing in this? how can i not, if these are my true feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rowina Posted December 10, 2003 Author Share Posted December 10, 2003 Thanks. I think your advice was something i need to hear. i really appreciate it. you are right, i hope i am able to have the strenght to wait and give him time. this is me hoping around waiting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rowina Posted December 10, 2003 Author Share Posted December 10, 2003 i am trying, trying to listen to the advice given to me. but i want to know how he is doing. i IMed him last night, but he doesnt respond. sometimes his brother and him share screen names so it could be his brother. i dont know where he is living, if he got his apartment or what. i know he reads the e-mails i send him, and if i write he responds to them. but i have managed to stay away from the topic of he and i for a few months. only once i slipped and asked him to come out east. he said there were no defenitely no promises about that happening this winter. it didnt seem to be happening. he said. it doesnt sound like he is being mean or anything. does it?? This is just a hard time of the year for me. three years ago an ex and i broke up around the holidays, and its tough. i dont think about my ex really, but the thought that makes me sad is that maybe i would have been with this guy if i had only been ready for a relationship then, when he asked me. sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts