Am i the rebound

[Lizzie1127]

Hey everyone. Since you basically got me through my seven year breakup I thought you would have some great advice on this as well! Been out of the seven year deal about eight months, talked to a few guys casual dates nothing spectacular. A little over a month ago a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers and we hit it right off. Never even had I just bonded with a guy like I did with him and he says the same. Im a blast to be with, nicest person he has ever met and i make him happy, said that to a friend but i got the info lol. The problem is we were introduced at a party not like a set up sense and he was like a week out of a 2 year dysfunctioanl relationship at the time.

If you read my other posts I was totally dependant on ex and even though I am ready for a relationship as far as my heart is healed I still have me work to do. Anyway this guy called me after we had pretty mch spent the part together. He wanted to hang out again etc. To try and keep this short we have been hanging out for the last month sometimes i will just stay at his place for days on end. Says he cares about me, I feel the same. However his ex is extremely dependant on him, calls constantly crying etc. He is very open with me that he cares about her in a friend sense. Told me shes a fn lunatic and that he has been on and off again with her but is tired of wasting his life because it is familiar. I have developed very serious feelings for this guy and id like to continue on and see what happens. My thing is she is still a huge part of his life and crazy.....came to get something she had left at his place saw my shirt in his laundry and trashed the place. Anyway trying to decide if im a rebound or just a distraction in the "off again" time frame. He says he is done and repeatedly that if he wasnt into me he'd say so and that he has no reason to lie but im trying to avoid being hurt. Any input, how do you know if the off again is the end?

[PinkToes]

It is awfully difficult to be anything but a rebound with someone who's been out of a 2-year relationship for only a week. Not to say it can't happen, but it would be the exception and there are a ton of red flags here.

 

For one thing, you know only one side of their story. You don't know what really happened between them, and to be honest, I'd be reluctant to totally trust a guy who says his ex is crazy. He was with her for 2 years, was she crazy the whole time, or did he do something that triggered something in her? Did he cheat? You just don't know yet.

 

What you're feeling is exciting and fun, but it's way too soon to know whether he's someone you can trust with your heart. The instant attraction and bonding doesn't mean you're a good match; just that you have good chemistry together. And staying together for days at a time in the first month of your relationship probably isn't such a good idea if you're still trying to work on your dependency issues!

 

There's a level of comfort for both of you if his ex was dependent on him, and you were dependent on your ex. Unfortunately there is nothing to say that dynamic will change this time around. It may end just as badly for both of you.

 

I hate to be such a wet blanket, but I would try to be very careful with this guy, at least until you know each other better. You may end up being a good match, and he may really care about you. Or he may be looking for a distraction. Sometimes an intense attraction can feel like something more, before you know for sure.

 

Please just go slow, and guard your heart for awhile.

[Boundary Problem]

My thing is she is still a huge part of his life and crazy.....came to get something she had left at his place saw my shirt in his laundry and trashed the place.

 

 

Why does she have a key to his place?

[Odyssey]

You'll know he's not ready if he keeps going on and on about his ex. Be cautious and take your time Lizzie. Our hearts are too fragile to be given away too soon.

[simply]

Give it a few months and then go back to him. Regardless of how it ended with him he is still going to be thinking about her a lot. I would never date a guy that was just out of a two year relationship, too many clouds. He may not be intentionally looking at you as a rebound, but that is what you are. Any time someone jumps into a new thing after a serious relationship this soon after, its a rebound no matter how you look at it girl. Give it a few months for the embers to cool down, especially if you actually like the guy. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a loss and not a win. It doesnt matter what he says as far as being over her or not, this is too soon regardless.