wife wants "Space"

[toronto01]

hi everyone, i didnt know where else to go for advice but this should be a start. heres the background.

 

i have know my wife for 4 years and married for 1.5 yrs. everything was fine until this month. she now says she needs space because i havent showen her enough love and not careing for her as much. shes living at her parents house for a week now. the only reason she has is that i dont show her love and she wants to think it over and wants a divorce. i have told her i do love so much and care about her and i will show love but she is being very stubburn about the whole situation. i did speak to her today and have given up. i told her i am tired of chasing her around and of her avoiding me. TOld her i will give her the space she wants and i am ready to move on if she cant come to a solution to atleast work it out. i know 100% she is not having another affair but these days you never know. can any one give me any advice on what i should do when your wife tells you she needs space to think things over and that she doesnt care about me the same.

 

Thank you!!

 

Jim.

[tojaz]

. i know 100% she is not having another affair but these days you never know.

 

Hey Jim, She has had an affair in the past? In here, the more information the better. So keep posting!

 

What have you done so far? Marriage Counseling? Talk with clergy?

How does she feel you don't show her love? examples?

any kids in the picture?

 

If you are 100% sure she isn't having an affair like you say, then give her the space she wants and let her think things through, in the meantime start educating yourself fast. Get some books, and read some threads here. The more you know the better.

 

Good Luck, and like I said Keep posting!

TOJAZ

[toronto01]

Thanks for the reply, sorry no she has never had an affair . i think she just wants some space because we are still young , shes 24 im 25 no kids and i think shes going thru the whole marriage crises. It just hurts when the person who would die for me and love me so much all of a sudden not even want to be in the same room. it hit me like a train like it does to everyone else. she wants space to think what she wants in like and today i decided to tell her have your space im ready to move on i dont need this from the person i love.

 

she says im not romantic and etc no more. i know its my fault business has been more busy but i have told her i will make it better etc and she doesnt listen at all!! i have stopped all contact. dont call/email/txt nothing to her and i shall see how she feels in a couple of weeks. i love her to death and it is so hard to do this but i know i must and if she still decides to leave i tried my best

[tojaz]

Maybe , next time you speak with her, offer to move slowly, date her again, and show her that the romance is still there. Show her you want to make it better for her and ask her what she feels is missing. Don't force yourself on her, but give her your best when she gives you the opportunity. My marriage ended early too only 2 years of marriage but 13 years together. It's hard but you need to be patient and give her the space shes looking for right now, sounds like your doing that, but it will be hard.

TOJAZ

[Aksion]

This story sound like anyone recently Tojaz??

 

Toronto : I hate to say it, but this is EXACTLY the same story as mine. My stbxw left abruptly, no indication that she was gonna go, just boom, gone. After the initial day, we spoke, she said she "just needed her space" and "time to think". At first I hard a tough time giving her that space, my mind kept thinking the "who? What? Why?". So, I kept in touch. Eventually questioned enough to where I was just angry at her lack of answers and said **** I shouldn't have I'm sure.

 

I too work ridiculous hours, and she honestly never really held a real job. I got her into college as my hours slowed and then all this went down. Only reason she gave me was "neglect" and "lack of attention". Same as you. Honestly, I believe it's a bunch of Fu ckin bull as I supported her for so long. It's not your fault you were doing your job as a man and husband.

 

If you haven't seen my story, you don't know I have pretty much lost it mentally -- but your story is so much like mine you should at least take my words into consideration. I do believe that my stbxw was cheating on me, as like in your case, she hasn't made any attempt to contact me even after I went completely NC. I am a little drunk, so my words may be jacked, and I'm sorry, but I'll be back in the morning.

[tojaz]

Sounds like a lot of stories AK. Everyones story is exactly the same but also completely unique. AK, your doing as well as could be expected, you just had a bomb lay on your head, thats enough to make anyone lose it a little. Keep your head up and lay off the booze. Only makes things worse, been there.

[hopesndreams]

Is this the first time your W left you? Because if everything was as fine as you say it was up until this last month...it's time to investigate. Go through everything and anything that belongs to her. There are no 100% certainties in life. The sooner you uncover the truth, the sooner you can move on, with or without her.

[Chrome Barracuda]

If she finds marriage boring and doesnt know how to reingorvigorate it? then let her go and move on.

 

But before you do, pull out all the stops and do a complete plan A, and even if she doesnt come back you did all you could do.

[Printer]

Is this the first time your W left you? Because if everything was as fine as you say it was up until this last month...it's time to investigate. Go through everything and anything that belongs to her. There are no 100% certainties in life. The sooner you uncover the truth, the sooner you can move on, with or without her.

 

 

Totally agree with Hopendreams. Try and put yourself in her shoes. Work out how she must have been feeling to call it off. I know it hard to think straight at the moment, but it's very important for you to focus.

Give her the space, thats what she's asked for.

Now focus on yourself, keep you chin up and play it cool.

This is far from over.

[amaysngrace]

Give her all the space in the world. Don't initiate contact. Don't call her.

 

She won't miss you if you won't go away. So go do other things. Go work out. Make plans for tonight. Go try to have a good time.

 

It's your best chance to help her clear her head.

 

If you keep bugging her it will only make her have more bad feelings for you. She will see it as you being disrespectful by not honoring her wishes and make her like you less.

 

So leave her alone and go live today for you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I suspect if you called her bluff and cheerfully handed her divorce papers to sign you'd see a different side to your wife come leaping out.

[toronto01]

well guys i gave her the space and yesterday she called a said she went 2 see her lawyer blah blah. but i think i found out what the problem is. She has a friend(girl) who had been kicked out of her family and living alone, almost broke. and within the last month they have joined gym together, shes sleeping at my wife place with her now and shes the one who took my wife 2 the lawyer etc. im thinking this friend has ****ed up the mind of my wife and is gonna use her after the divorce. my wife will have no family left and will have 2 live alone. This is what i have come up with. brainwashed?!! its my wifes fault also but i have seen a new her who says she doesnt love or care for me when there is no reason 2. what should i do now? i have spoken to her parents and we might confront her friend. HELP ME GUYS im going so mental here .

[hopesndreams]

She could have went to the other side. Or, she has herself a friend and they are both enjoying the single life, which of course means other men, dating, flirting, what have you. Maybe your W got into a more serious relationship with another man and the friend is a good cover-up for what she's been up to. It's pointless in confronting her friend. The friend will do and say whatever your W wants her to. The person you need to confront is your W.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Confront her for what, just expose what she's doing and file for divorce. The minute a woman says she needs space something goes wrong...always.

 

It's rarely space to breathe it's always space to bang someone else.

 

This woman maybe influencing her to make bad decisions. but n the end if you plan B and move on seriously with your life. she'll start poking her head around again. That always happens. So get down to the lawyer because she'll realize the grass isnt always greener.

 

There's nothing you can do. I think you should be happy that you dont have kids with this woman.

 

Forget her, time to live for you.

[sumdude]

There's someone else or at least the opportunity for someone else. There almost always is.. when you hear "I Need Space" often followed by "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You" = it's time to pack her stuff and leave it for her to pick up. Move on with life for yourself. Tell her "Fine There's plenty of space out the door and don't let it hit you in the a$$!"

 

Sorry... sucks.. BTDTBTTS

 

(Been There Done That Bought The Tee Shirt)

[FeelingLonely98]

There's someone else or at least the opportunity for someone else. There almost always is.. when you hear "I Need Space" often followed by "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You" = it's time to pack her stuff and leave it for her to pick up. Move on with life for yourself. Tell her "Fine There's plenty of space out the door and don't let it hit you in the a$$!"

 

Don't know if I would be so harsh as sumdude!!

BUT, I would bet my life there is and has been someone else. "Need Space" - They just need privacy. You either want to stay home and WORK on the M or you want to leave because there is someone you met and you can't date them while living at home.

 

Try to figure it out (email, cell phone usage, ...) and then confront her with evidence of the A. The M will never be repaired if the A is not brought out into the open. Picture this:

She is having an A and you don't know about it. A month or two later the A is over for whatever reason. Maybe she comes home now saying she is done "needing space" and wants to come home. You don't know of the A and are just so happy she is coming home. OK, things seem better BUT she will do this again somehow because she got away with it. Bottom line is EVERYTHING has to come out if the M will ever work. Try to find evidence now. Trust me ... The rest on LS will support this position.

She is not a bad person. She is in a BAD place however. Her mind is in a BAD place. She is not herself. She may never be herself again or she may be.

 

whatever you do,find your support system (friends, family, LS) -

AND KEEP POSTING.

 

Good Luck!

 

PEACE!

[toronto01]

well guys i have made my decision i will give her the divorce, i dont need this stress of if she even decides to come back in a few weeks and me trying my ass off for it to work and then down the road she does it again. i didnt find any evidence of another person but i dont even care anymore. i will tell my family. This is the hardest part telling my family. it hurts so much for me but just because i have such a big family and spend alot of money on the wedding also. I know they love me alot and know which kind of person i am nad hopefully they understand. today she calls and says nothing is going to change her mind shes getting divorced. i said fine **** OFF AND HAVE A GREAT LIFE. thats it my final words. now im just worried about the property issues. i got one house which i bought before marriage and is under my name and my moms. my soon to be ex wife and me invested in 2 condos which open in 3 years. both under our names how will that be split? and what about the house. she has only been living in it for over a year and never ever paid a penny towards the mortgage.

 

And thanks for the support guys. im only 25 and wanna move on, even though it hurts i know it will be the best for me and my heatlh. ive already planned to head out to cancun with my friends in march to enjoy myself enough of this lovey dovey crap!!!