The Woman of My Dreams - Or So I Thought

[NotaBadGuy]

Hello all,

 

I never have doen this type of thing before. I originally sent this reply on to another post, but decided to start this one as my own to see what type of repsonses I might get. Please read and then let me know what went wrong. I am searching for any insight at this point in time.

 

Well, the short of it is that around 2 months ago, my wife came home from a weekend trip with a friend and acted like I did not exist. Like I said, I am not perfect and made some mistakes along the way. I am in graduate school and my schooling takes enormous amounts of time to keep up. Anyways, she completely closed me off at that point in time. I became curious and changed what I felt like were things on my part that needed change. But to no avail. I later found a picture of her and this guy from this weekend trip. At the same time, I also found out she had been talking to this guy on the phone daily and had even been going to his home on numerous ocasions. She said he was just a friend and I wanted to believe it. She started coming home late hours of the night after saying she was with her friends.

 

I later investigated the late night "study sessions" and found her over this guys house twice at 1am in the morning. She continued to say he was just a friend and turn the situation blaming things on me. That I did not trust her and that nothing was going on. The problem was that lie after lie piled up with her stories. I could not understand why a married woman (of less than 6 months) would be over another mans house alone with him at 1am in the morning and lie to me about it. She had even hid her car the second time and had him drive her to her car.

 

After catching her the second time, she decided she did not want to stay with me anymore, moved in with her parents, and took all of her belongings with her. She still sees and talks with this guy on a consistent basis. She later told me she was going to file for divorce and that our 3 yr relationship/marriage should have never happened because she never loved me from the beggining.

 

She has gotten an attorney and am to expect paperwork in the mail this week. I was married once before and was pulled through the coals by a cheating wife (3x that I know of). I would have to say that I know exactly where many of you are coming from. It was a tough decision to even consider marriage the second time and have now had everything I believed in stripped from me. I wanted to give the girl the world. Of course, none of are perfect and I do not claim to be. But I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought the giril I was willing to give my life to would give up on our marriage before it began or would say she never loved me.

 

This whole situation has taken its toll on me persoannly, physically, and scholastically. I am not a bad guy, or at least do not think I am. I have been at the bottom of my barrel for some time now like several of you appear to be. Each day is a struggle, but I move one step at a time. I was out the other night after studying and ran into this guy with several of his friends. I had never seen him before, only the picture. The catch is that he has a girlfriend of 3 years he has been staying with off and on and has told my wife that they are over. Anyways, the guy is a police officer and he and his friends tried to get into a confrontation with me over nothing. Nothing happened though.

 

She has now apparently filed for divorce. It appears all she is interested in doing now is spending time with this winner of a guy. Guess I am just a bad guy who deserves to be left in the shadows of what was once a marriage.

 

I am lost and confused with the whole situaiton and am looking for any type of guidance at this point. The blame has totally been shifted to me and I cannot see what I did to have her give up on us. How does a woman give up on her marriage before it has even begun? How can a woman state her marital vows one day and then a short time later disregard them as if they never existed? How can a newly married woman search elsewhere for her needs?

[fcleitao]

I replied you in your original messaged post, but I just pasted it here. Hope I could help.

 

Notabadguy- I feel so bad for you, although I haven't been married before, but I could imagine how much it hurts. But its ok to feel sad, we should at least be true to our feelings. Marrying the perfect woman of our dreams is the happiest thing in our lives, but finding out she doesn't love you at the beginning is pretty shocking. I wouldn't know how would I be if I was you, you're coping ok, I guess.

 

I won't say anything about the cheating part, cause I definitely have a big issue with cheating. I'll get really furious. But trying to be at least a bit positive, having the accident to happen sooner might be good for you. If she did what she did after 10 years, it might be more complicated to deal, and you might be in a worse position. Now that you found out she isn't really the right person to be for your life, so to say, you can be wiser now and be more careful when finding your real prefect love.

 

I might be saying bs, I really have no experience dealing with marriages, but I can deeply feel your hurt and pain. Hmmmmm, I'd say we can't just blame on just one side, I guess love or marriage should be mutual. As I have learned through my lost, when a feeling is gone, its pretty much gone for good. We should focus on our future, cause we can never change the past, but we can create our future. Well, easier said than done, but at least I'm trying my best.

 

Don't lose hope, Notabadguy. At the beginning when my ex dumped me, I really couldn't think about any other woman. I had the same thought, I could never love anyone else again. But time will heal your heart, even if you're left with a scar, you will find your perfect love again. Me for example, I still don't believe I could be able to love someone so complete again. But now that I've been trying to recover, I feel I might be able to love soon, although I still have some reluctance. Just let time heal your heart.

 

Well, I don't know if I was of help, but hang in there.