Need help

[smirn]

Hello everyone,

 

I was with my gf for almost 5 years and we have been broken up for about 2 months. We met each other our first year in college. She has graduated and moved 200 miles away while I am finishing up school. I was not the best boyfriend and regret some of the things I have done to her. I did not cheat or anything but I did not show the love and affection she needed at times.

 

Well, she started her new job and we fought all the time. I was jealous of the fact that she was going clubbing or to the bars every weekend. She was never that way in college and I felt like she was changing into a different person. The fights went on and it physically and mentally drained both of us. She called it quits and says this will be better for me and her. She says she needs the break-up to find herself and learn how to be independent. At this time, she was also going through a lot of stress from work and her family. She also felt like she could not 100 percent commit to our relationship since she was dealing with so much. She felt she needed time before she can get back together and give her all to the relationship. She feels like this break will make us stronger when we get back together.

 

I felt like there was another guy in the picture and told her to be honest with me. So if she were to hook up with some guy or if she has already done so, to tell me. Instead, she says it is none of my business and by me setting rules, it makes her feel smothered and like we are not on a break.

 

We still talk everyday and she tells me she misses me. But on weekends, I would try to call but would not get a response until Monday. So what is up with this? Is she seeing another guy or is she trying to make our relationship better.

 

Thanks

[Arabess]

Personally, I think she is trying to give you a HINT!

 

She may or may not be seeing another guy, it's her own business and perogative either way.

 

No, it does not appear as though she is working on the relationship.

 

When a person tells someone else they need space....that's exactly what they are saying. They need a space without you in it. It may be for any number of reasons....and it doesn't mean it will be the rule forever. However, once they've informed you and until they retract it.....back off. If you don't, you'll mess up ANY chance of it working later.

 

I think, often times, when a man asks a woman where she has been and what she is up to.....he means it protectively. However, rarely does a woman take it like that. She takes it as an intrusion into her life....and feels like she's having to answer to DAD all over again.

[julieg]

5 years is a long time to date someone exclusively. she may feel that she is putting more time into a relationship that will not ultimately result in marriage. she calls you often because she truely cares for you and is trying to let you down easy. she is out on the weekends because she is finding her independence exciting (the opposite of her 5 year relationship). with time and maturity she will come to realize what she had with you but it may take longer than you are willing to wait. i suggest you start to date other women as it will give you a perspective on you and your girlfriends relationship.

[smirn]

She told me she wanted to be with me at the end, and that she wants to marry me one day. That is why I felt like had the right to know if there was somone else. You are right about her not working on our relationship. This is not helping us when I am hurting so much. Thank you for the advice, I think the best thing for me is to let her be and leave her alone.