"Daddy Issues" with girlfriend (Psychologist Session)

[carhill]

I've found the easiest and most clearly delineated boundary to erect is one of mutual care, concern and interest. If I don't see signs of balance, I'm out.

 

I apologize for the tampon reference, but I find it to be a brutally accurate descriptor of the psychology of some women and how they 'use' men, purportedly as 'friends'. They fill the understanding and sometimes empathetic receptacle with their bloody discharge of emotion and summarily deposit him into the trash of ignoral when they are finished. It is singularly self-involved and cold-hearted and happens a lot more than I was previously willing to admit. A somewhat parallel abuse would be a man who lies to a female about herself, his view of her and other intimacies to deposit his load within her body, then dismisses her without concern.

[stillafool]

Maybe she is just not attracted to you that way. It seems that she would still show you affection if she really "wanted" you, at least sometimes. I think you are wasting your money seeing the therapist. I wouldn't blame it all on her "DADDY".

[euroxx]

Just wanted to say, yes I am reading all the posts and trust me I am taking them all into account

 

We had the discussion about a week and a half ago now. She came to my place and we took a "drive to nowhere" reminiscent of the "good days" in our relationship. We talked and there was a good amount of crying on her end. There was no mention of us getting back together and I left her to let it all "sink in".

 

After that night, I decided I would make no effort to contact her, it had to all be on her end. About 5 days later she got back to me, telling me that she had buried the hatchet with her father (Didn't go well at all, he basically said he never loved her.) The next day she asked to come with me out to lunch and to the Apple store, we also took a trip out to see my mother since she was in the same area. Went fantastic. Since then I get random texts from her during the day (She talks to absolutely nobody else looking at our web panel for the phones.) and according to mutual friends she's been very reflective lately (Good for her.)

 

Tonight we had another conversation revolving around the situation where I offered a little more information I had gotten in the session. At one point she made it clear that she was making these changes for herself and was not committing to a relationship with me (it was kind of out of the blue, but seriously, where I'm at with this, I'm not committing either. I love her with all my heart, but I've gotta see some changes before I get back with her.) but in the same token she also said she's not discounting us getting back together, so all in all what she said is "let's play this out."

 

Now, I keep seeing someone refer like I'm the one with issues here. I can certainly see that, the whole "wanting what you can't have" or "save-a-hoe" complex. I can't defend myself against that since I can never project the things we've experienced in our relationship and my feelings on any of you. All I can say is I've been in situations very similar to this one before and given up, why? Because I didn't love the girl. But this one is different, don't know why or how, but it is. She's made a lot of changes before and she's continuing to do so and at this point, if those changes lead her back to me, so be it. But like I stated earlier, she's gotta put up beforehand. Meanwhile I'm going on dates (2 this week.) and enjoying being single.

[LucreziaBorgia]

About 5 days later she got back to me, telling me that she had buried the hatchet with her father (Didn't go well at all, he basically said he never loved her.)

 

My father did the same thing when I was 26. I'm 39 and just now coming to terms with it and making changes in my destructive behaviors, and admittedly it is primarily because I am out of options. Just sayin'.

 

The sort of things she has to face are not things that can be changed or fixed in a reasonable amount of time. Unless you are willing to wait decades and watch her get into one dead end 'f*ckpuppet' situation after another, then you may want to consider that there are women out there with whom you have a better chance at happiness.