confusedinlove Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Heres the deal: My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been living together for little over half a year... I was never sexual before I met him.... I lost my virginity to him.... and we have always had awsome sex. Normally we'll have sex every other day... give or take. Sometimes 2 days in a row, 2 day break, etc. The past 2 weeks we haven't been having sex as much... I'll try and initate it... and he'll say he isn't feeling good.. or that he is too tired.. or just say "no, baby.." and hug me.. and we'll fall asleep. I've been getting kind of annoyed because I have a super high sex drive right now, and I always want sex... masturbation can only do so much. So last night he had planned on having sex with me that night.. and well.. by the time we finally get into bed.... he moves my hand away when I start to rub his "package".... so I take that as a "no sex tonight". I get really upset, I probably over reacted.... but I turned away and kind of got pissy. He went "oh no, not again". (This has happened a few times before). So I basicaly went off about he never wants to have sex with me anymore. We got into a deep conversation.. previous to us laying in bed he was depressed and was saying how he "hates the person" he is..... the fact that he is still in his same job.. etc.... and something else he was hiding from me. Basically I've had a problem with him and his porn a lot.. it almost broke us up.. but I decided to deal with it.... and now I just don't think about it, and I am okay..... But I know he'll jack off whenever he gets the chance..... So thats why i was mad.... because I know he'd be jacking off if he could. What it boils down to is that he told me he was embarrassed to say this.. and it hurt him a lot and one of the reasons he was hating him self.. was because... "Don't you think it's funny that I want to **** everything that moves...... but I can't have sex with my girlfriend ?" (then he clarified and said....... pictures.... not people... meaning he always wants to jack off to pictures but hardly wants sex). So I of course got offended.. but at the same time I realised that he was embarrassed and felt weird....and it was a big step for him to say something like that to me. So I immediatley did the whole "so you're not sexually attracted to me ?" thing...... and.... he explained it was nothing to do with "me". He's had beautiful girlfriends in the past.. but the same problem. I just found out his girlfriend of 2 years previously broke up with him because they never had "sex" enough..... I know he thinks I am beautiful, etc. But he says that sex once a week is good enough for him. He says "maybe one week I'll want sex 5 times a week.. but lately It doesn't interested me as much." He said that maybe it's because he is getting older, and sex isn't as important to him. I am 10 years younger than him.. so he has had his "peak". I told him that once a week is pushing it........because I want sex a lot more than that. But he said he likes porn because - the pictures don't talk - the pictures can't say "sex wasn't good enough" or "we never have sex enough" - pictures don't make me fall asleep for 2 hours afterwards - it takes 30-60 seconds then it's over, and I got my sex for the day. Basicaly I am torn.... I know he is addicted.... but I also wonder if I am just being picky. I mean... We'll average have sex 2-3 times a week..... and it doesn't bother me.. but we always go through these times were I am constantly rejected everytime I want to have sex... and it just pisses me off that he'd **** a picture over me..... you know ? He is such a WONDERFUL guy.. in everyway.... he is sweet.. hot... fun..... just thinking about him makes me smile. How the hell do I deal with being second to pictures ? He said I am not "second" to pictures, and that it isn't anything to do with me. Even if I turned into some stripper model, that it wouldn't change anything because I am still his "girlfriend". That issue I don't get.... he says that sex with me is "special" and "loving"..... and I guess he doesn't want that kind of sex often. Everything else in our relationship is so perfect....... we have a lot of issues, but we get through them. I'd be jelous of his porn, but to be honest I am much prettier than any of the girls he has on his computer. (at least I have THAT much confidence).. but I feel like it's lowering my self esteem because it hurts to go to bed after being rejected of having sex, but he'll wake up in the morning and go jack off... I get so sexually frusterated..... Its just not fair. Should I just deal..? Because I'd hate to break up with him.. then 2 years down the line , I am okay with sex once a week also...... you know ? I love him so much. Are there any pills to get your sexual drive lowered ? I mean I am not a horny maniac.. but I love sex with him. Any advice ? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 But he said he likes porn because - the pictures don't talk - the pictures can't say "sex wasn't good enough" or "we never have sex enough" - pictures don't make me fall asleep for 2 hours afterwards - it takes 30-60 seconds then it's over, and I got my sex for the day. Hoo boy! A guy who, basically, finds that having 3D sex is too much trouble!!!! And he's been that way a long time! This might be a solvable problem or it might not. He, of course, would have to agree that it's a problem and also agree to see what can be done about it. You can negotiate an arrangement that would suit you both. Or you can decide to live with it. You'll first have to decide which you'd rather do. Do you have to accept it? I'd say no except that it is true that sex drives can differ and he may not so much be addicted to porn as just not sufficiently interested in 3D sex and you're right - you, too, might find your desire drops off. Or not! Start by finding out if he'd be willing to look into whether he is actually a porn addict or if he just has a low drive and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinlove Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Well I know that he loves having sex with me.... but he just doesn't want it as much as I do... and I know that he likes porn because its a "quick release" to him. To be honest I think his porn stuff is just as normal as any guy who likes to jack off to pictures... I know all of his co workers are the same.. if not worse... I know his fantasy life is natural and okay. So basicaly what I think it boils down to... is that he would be fine having "sex" with his pictures everynight and then sex with me once a week. He enjoys physical sex with me.. but doesn't need it.. and his "fantasy" sex.. is quick, doesn't make him tired or feel bad. (which i've never made him feel weird during sex.. we have wonderful sex...! if we didn't, i woudn't want it as much as i do!) So I am wondering if he doesn't want physical sex with me as much because he feels nervous or something, you know ? I really do care about him.. and I know that the more I bring this "subject" up... that it might mean the longer it is until we have sex again, because it makes him feel weird. Porn = easy and quick.. hassle free... gets the release. Sex with me = takes up too much of his time when he has things to get done, doesn't need it as much as I do. Maybe I should just give in. Let it happen and deal. I told him he should look into counseling to discuss things he doesn't feel comfortable discussing with me. It broke him and his last girlfriend up... so.. it's obviously an issue.... maybe i should stop being so offended and realise its a deeper problem within him self. But I don't think he is ready to talk about it with his therapist. I guess I need time to think. Sex shouldn't be this important... and when I am 70.. its not going to matter to me anymore...... but being with him will. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Sex with me = takes up too much of his time when he has things to get done See, this is the bit that's not great. It's maybe too far down on his priority list. OTOH, if he does have some issues, and you seem to think he does, there could indeed be more to it than that. Would he welcome you joining him for his j/o session sometimes? Maybe if you were to 'help out', he'd be interested in doing more? The good news is that he isn't completely unwilling to have sex. It may well be that you'll have to decide that having him and not enough sex is indeed better than not having him at all in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
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