Helpmetoostop

[kc090]

I have been having an afair with my Best friends Husband... This started 3 months ago..

 

I have been friends with her for over 13 years she has been with her Husband(l will call him Joe) on and off for over 10 years (High School Sweet Hearts) they just got married this february. I have been married for 5 years and my husband, best friend and joe all hange out together all the time 3 or 4 times a week. They have a total of 4 children 2 with each other 2 from other relationships. We have no children..

 

I would have never in a million years thought twice about seeing him but three months ago he started making remarks when ever we were alone telling me he wanted to talk with me. Finally he called me one day and confessed to me how much he really liked me and wanted to see me. I can tell you that I am not even that attracted to him, I love my husband and he is so good to me he is everything a woman would want in a man not to say that I love my best friend she is like my sister we have been together for a long time.. I can't believe what I am doing...

But, I took the bate and decided to met him one morning. We talked a lot and soon he would start calling me 10-15 time a day telling me how great I was, words that well..Have made me feel really good..We started meeting in the morings for 10-15 minutes before he had to work sometimes kissing, feeling each other.. I have to confess I really love the flurting, the newness, but I hate the sick feeling I feel constintly...

I tried to stop..I stop taking his calls (bad thing is he works with my husband) stopped hanging out so much..but things still had to seem normal...This past week he called me and told me he wanted to see me and he missed me..I fell for the bate again!! This time the worst happened we were with each other..

 

I wish this wasn't happing but I have no clue on why I keep allowing myself to hurt the ones I love..I see him in such a crazy light I like him, I dont love him, I hate him for doing this to me and my girlfriend, and I hate my self what kind of a friend am I?? Or Wife??

I know that inevitable they all find out but, couldn't I just stop and pretend this has not happened to me...Where should I go from here?? This is the first I have talked about it to anyone....

Help

[Skittles]

ew and holy moses...

 

I hope some of the smarter posters get to you with their insight, but I will try my best.

 

 

First a question? Why are you on a self-destruct thing? Sounds like you want to destroy everything and almost everyone you love and who loves you?

 

 

I might get some pro help if I were you,...of course you MUST stop seeing this guy...but as far as handling the whole magilla I don't know whether you should tell any of the parties involved...just yet.

 

 

I wish you peace of mind because you must be in a turmoil of epic proportion.

 

 

Get help.

[Tony T]

So you think this affair is a really terrible thing to do, you see how it's going to hurt everybody and probably eventually screw up your life too, you aren't even attracted to this guy all that much yet you come here asking us for advice??? If you can't control your actions, how are we supposed to help you? If you know this is wrong, just STOP...STOP TODAY!!! The only advice I can give you beyond that is to get a medical check up to see if you're OK physically and otherwise. What you are doing under these circumstances is not something most sane people would do.

[bark]

Where should I go from here?? This is the first I have talked about it to anyone....

Help

 

 

OK, kc, take a deep breath and exhale. Here's what you must do:

 

1. Stop seeing Joe. No talking, e-mailing, nothing. If he persists, threaten to tell your husband and his wife.

 

2. See a counselor immediately to get you through this.

 

3. Stay busy and active to keep your mind off Joe. It's early in the affair so I don't believe your addicted, yet. If you see Joe one more time, you will all go into a downward spiral and there might be 2 couples divorcing and 4 kids without a mom and dad. Is a mere orgasm worth this possible emotional and familial devastation?

 

4. Go away on a romantic weekend with your husband. Reconnect as deeply as you can with him. Your love for him will act as an antibiotic against this affair bacterial infection.

 

Good luck.

[Arabess]

YEAH....what Bark said!!!!

 

PS: This guy who is persuing you doesn't care about YOU or YOUR FRIEND! He's in it for his own motives....and they SUCK!

[bryanp]

Hello,

 

Your story is so sad. How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? You probably could not imagine it because your husband loves and respect too much to be doing this to you. It is clear that you are self-destructive and have have no respect for your husband or your marriage. You continue to disrespect and humiliate your husband and your marriage and put your husband at risk for STD's.

 

If you have any respect left for your husband you would be honest and tell him what you have done and work together to rebuild your marriage. You humiliate and disrespect your girlfriend and your husband. Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see?

If you cannot be honest with your husband then do him a big favor and divorce him so he can find someone who can truly love him and respect the concept of a marriage. It is apparent that you do not have the ability to this. How disrespectful you are to a husband that loves you. You are such a fool.

[kc090]

I would have to say thank you to all who responded so honestly..Reality has set in when reading each response...

 

To answer some questions..first I have no idea why I am trying to self-destruct...I guess in the last 5 years with my husband I have really felt like I want more..not that this man can give me that because I really dont want him..But I feel that maybe this is my way out..letting go

 

I do see your point on not being able to control myself..I feel so out of control it scares me..

 

I know that I have done wrong..I keep telling Joe that but he does not understand or care..I have cut all strings with him as much as I can and I am now working on taking a break away from my husband and everyone..Time..maybe being alone for a while will help me to see how much I need my husband or maybe how much I dont need him...

 

With that I do wish these doors were a little easier to open when deciding on how to deal with this..telling him?? not telling him?? taking time away from him to figure out the real me. I know that my personality is not one to be doing some of the things i have been doing...I don't know who I am anymore..where did this person come from...why can't I control this person..Why dont I care anymore??

 

Are these feeling normal in a marriage?? why do I always want to be alone?? Why do I think there is more to life then just this (were I am at?). This chase has made me feel in some ways alive again..why can't I feel that way with my husband??

 

Maybe I am crazy and I am the only one who feels this way..I finally talked to a friend the other day about this and there suggestion was to take a break..Find out what I really want in my life and not worry about others...Is that being selfish?

 

When all is said and done I did not go about this the way that I should have and I can't take that back but I can change how I will handle the next few weeks and months and eventually this will be one big lesson I learned..even if I had to loose everything..I want to walk away knowing that this is not who I am or will ever be again...Not the real me....