Great Therapy- This Post Will Help

[superman]

As most of us here seem to be looking for answers or some sort way to get our minds off of the situations we have found ourselves in due to our relationships I would like to offer a few things that I have found to be great therapy. These all have proven successful for me and that is saying something considering I live in a small town and there is not much of a social life. I can't go out and meet new people very easily.

 

1. The first thing I found that has done wonders is to read. Reading anything and everything I always wanted. I have never been a book worm and this time has given me a chance to enlighten myself to new things. I found that self-help books are great. Not neccesarily books on relationships because that is what we are trying to get our minds off of. But books that open your mind to new ways of thinking about yourself. That seems to be the key to getting your life back on track after a break up. To get your mind off of the person you love and back onto yourself.

 

2. Get into contact with old friends. Most of us sacrificed time with friends to spend more with the ones we love when we got into a relationship. This one is bitter sweet. The initial contact is tough because these are friends that we might not have talked to in awhile and they know that you were in a relationship because they started seeing less of you. So they usually ask how the girlfriend/boyfriend is doing. But then you can have a short little bitch session and then catch up.

 

3. Contact an old crush. This one has been the biggest help but it too is bitter sweet. I know that we are all here because we are in love and we don't want to move on. But after a lot of brain racking and investigating I decided to go through with it. Now don't get me wrong. I definitly love my ex-girlfriend and think of her all the time. But the whole idea behind this is to get your mind off of them. I took a visit back to school and ran into some old friends of mine. Most of them girls. After talking to one of them she revealed that her friend used to have a crush on me. This was crazy because I used to have a crush on her and never had the guts to ask her out. She was dating someone now and there was nothing I could do. The friend then revealed to me that she also had a crush on me back in the day but I always had a girlfriend. Now this all happened about a week after the break up. I was feeling pretty good about myself. For the moment. I have been sitting around waiting for my phone to ring for about a month and it hasn't. I talked to one of my friends today about his girlfriend who broke up with him and then got back together. I asked him how they got back together and he said he started dating someone else and she couldn't take it. So after I stacked all the information up I decided to call a friend I have liked since the day I met her. Nothing big just asked her to go to my friends wedding with me. She was excited to go. It made me feel alive again. Now I am not trying to make my ex jealous or date my friend but I look at it this way; I have a date to a wedding with a girl I have always wanted to be in that situation for the 5 years I have known her. And I wasn't even nervous to ask her because I had nothing to lose. This is the best time to ask a girl out because who really cares if they say no. There is no pressure. And if my ex finds out I have a date for the wedding she will see that I am moving on and strong enough to ask another girl out. I have told her how I feel and she knows I am willing to talk whenever she is ready but I am not going to sit around. This proves I am not. It actually puts some pressure on her.

 

I am telling you that if these tips can work for me they can work for anyone. Since the breakup I have been the lonliest guy in America. These three things have helped me more than you can expect. This website is also another great help. Whenever you start to think about your situation you can get on her and pour your thoughts out. There is always someone who understands. I have thought about starting a journal also. That way I have something to look back and retouch with my feelings if the day ever does come when she wants to talk. Also it will keep my love for her alive. Which I don't want to die but life must go on.

 

Please share what has helped you get through.

[Arabess]

THANKS Superman...because I think this will help a great many people. It's all about filling the VOID, instead of dwelling on it.

 

When I went thru my break up from hell......I did the following:

 

1. Avoided letting myself dwell on the person. When thoughts came up.....I simply hummed till they passed.

 

2. Taking all their crap and other memory items...and putting them away in a SEALED box. (NEVER open while listening to YOUR songs or while intoxicated!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

3. DO ALL THE SUGGESTIONS SUPERMAN MADE!!!!

 

4. Finding Forums and such to post on when lonely.

 

5. Drink some serious beer!!!

 

If you don't find a diversion.....the empty hours will swallow you up and drive you insane.

[NEONINK]

Once the crying stops, sit down and make a list of all the things they did that sucked! All the mean things they said. All the times that could have been great, but they screwed it up. All the times they forgot some special date. All the times you were 6th or 7th on their priority list instead of 1st or 2nd. All the times they ran away when they could have turned and opened their heart.

 

I'm making a list of the things I did wonderfully, and the things they did ****ty! I hope it will work.

 

 

There's a saying in AA about we seem to only remember the good times and parties while drinking, and how we forget the drunk that spent many nights hugging the toilet.

[Fancy]

Hi Superman! Welcome to the board! Your suggestions are good ones. One thing that helped me was to make a "Pros and Cons" list. I wrote down everything that was good and positive about him (his character, the way he treated me, the way he made me feel about myself, etc.) and then in the other column I wrote down all the bad things (the way he lied to me, let me down, betrayed me, etc.) I was astounded to realize that he was basically a good-for-nothing. I have referred back to this list many, many times.

 

Writing is also great therapy. It really helps to get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper.

 

And lastly, time and distance.