kairi and sora Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Okay, so ive never been too forward of a guy, ive always been the nice guy, never the jerk. even in high school, i never liked the party scene, the hooking up, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc that people usually associate with the typical "high school" student. i was always the one looking for someone actually worth my time, someone i could love, spend my time with, and someone to have a mature relationship with. i just got out of my first relationship, and it was a serious one, u can check my current post in the Breakup section. but for years ive been struggling with how i look, and my insecurities about myself, and just based on my description i wanted to know how "attractive" or Not i really am, both in the physical and emotional aspect. ive NEVER asked for another person's opinion on this before, so any critisism is welcome. im a freshmen in college right now, 19 years old, about 5 foot 10, 135 pounds, ive been athletic my whole life, Surfing, skating, running, keeping myself fit, not Buff, but well toned. if i had a picture of myself i would put it up, but i do not over the next four years i plan on getting a degree in child developement, and becoming an elementary school teacher, as i love working with children. i've been fine with how my body looks, but its my face that ive always been so insecure about, i hate my nose, i think its too big, i used to suffer from bad acne, but havent had any in two years. i have really curly hair, not as curly as african americans, but curly enough so that people think i have a perm if i grow it out more than an inch and a half or so. so just based on this little description, what would you say? im open to any critisism, and if any girl out there has a couple hints for a kinda shy guy to get noticed by the opposite sex, they are more than welcome thanks ahead of time Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 If you arent going to get surgery to change your face, you cant worry about it. YOu act as if you are the best thing going, and dont let anyone deter you from that. Confidence and owning your looks is how you get past your insecurity. The real reason youre insecure is because you have nothing going for you that youre proud of. So you will have to either start learning how to cook, massage, something that women like. Some kid of hobbies that you are proud to show to women. Maybe learn how to sweet talk women, once you succeed a couple of times, you will gain confidence. But sitting on the sidelines being a nice guy isnt going to get you squat. No one wants someone who hs no confidence or looks like hes too sensitive about his looks. Own your hair and your nose...OWN IT! Your nose gives you character...it won best nose 3 years in a row, make up funny things about it (without putting yourself down of course) Reframe your insecurities. But you have to start now, and once the women see that you own what you have, they will respond positively..and you will gain confidence. You cant worry about what they think of you, thats not how a MAN works. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 You're tall enough, being fit and sporty is good, but 135 pounds is kind of light for your height - maybe you could work out a little more? Of course some women like a leaner physique, and you'll probably gain weight as you get older anyway. Your looks sound fine, but you need to have some confidence and stop worrying - insecurity is very unattractive. If you don't like your hair, have it chemically relaxed or cut short... if you don't like your nose, have it fixed... if you aren't going to do either of those things, learn to live with your features as they are and don't let it affect your confidence. I would tend to feel that a guy who studies child development and teaches elementary school is perhaps a bit "wet behind the ears" and not very manly, so it would put me off, but other women have different preferences so don't be put off if it's your vocation. No matter what you're like there'll be a woman out there who thinks you're great, so you shouldn't be swayed by the opinions of an individual... be yourself and look for someone who appreciates that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I have learned that the insecurities over my looks have a much deeper significance. I also can be insecure about my looks, about who I am, or what I'm doing. It's all under the name of appearance. How do we appear to other people? This is the underlying insecurity. The problem with that insecurity is this: it's not about appearance. No really. It's about who you are. Instead of worrying about your appearance (your nose, your hair, your skin) be concerned instead about who you are. You skateboard? Awesome. You are in college to earn your living with a career that you enjoy, or find meaning in? Great. You keep fit? Fantastic. So you see, it's these qualities that show who you really are that are attractive. Your hobbies, career, education... these things aren't in the realm of "appearance", they're in a deeper realm. So work at who you are as a person, work at THAT level. Have confidence on THAT level. Forget about appearances. Work with the real stuff, the real stuff that's important to YOU. At 19, you have so much ahead of you! I'm jealous! haha. Just promise yourself, as you enter your twenties, that you won't be concerned with mere appearances anymore. Work at who you are, have confidence in who you are, and show THAT to the world. Love the life you live. Now that's attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
amagordos Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Well you sound like you could be cute. Like everyone said, you have to own your look man. I have a big nose too, and for the first few years of high school, i felt really insecure about my look because i saw that all the other girls in school had nice, small curvy noses. I have a bump in my big nose as well, that only added to my insecurities. You are a freakin skater! I know lots of girls, including my sister who love skater boys. That's a skill that lots of people admire. Also you want to work with kids, which makes you sound like a sensitive young man who loves kids. I know plenty of girls who would want to date a guy like that, including myself. I honestly don't see what is wrong with you. You have curly hair, curly hair is awesome too. I think the problem is how you view yourself and how you think others view you. I have a similar problem, where i don't like to show my true self to people because I am afraid they wont like me, but you got to start thinking that shouldn't matter. Forget what others think, because there are tons of people in this world and if a girl does not like a skater boy with a big nose and curly hair who wants to work in child development, then some other girl will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kairi and sora Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Amagordos and Ms Joolie, i just wanted to say thank you for those replys, they brought a smile to my face for the first time in almost 3 weeks. i appreciate your kind words, and thank you for the small boost in my confidence. after breaking up with my first ex * idk if u read my posts in breaking up or coping * im still trying to get her out of my head, its been 3 weeks of absolute torture, but i think im slowly starting to come more out of my shell and getting ready to venture out into the world, start meeting new people, girls and guys, and pick up my social life again Link to post Share on other sites
jarhead1980 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 It sucks to go through what you are going through, feeling floundered, sad, and depressed. But you have a strength that I can infer from your post. You live by a set of good principles; and that is a sign of a truly great person. I can only recommend to stay true to those principles and someone, somewhere will take notice. Link to post Share on other sites
amagordos Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Well you are very welcome. I hope you do get over this girl and find someone else or just happiness within yourself. You sound like a nice person who really deserves to be happy so good luck with that and im glad i could help you with your situation Link to post Share on other sites
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