JaneDoe35 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Yes I agree - its just not right. Went to see her tonight - surgery put off till next week. Shes struggling so am going to try and get one of the hospital counsellers to go and see her on the premise that they visit all accident victims. Bathurst - Yep I sure do. Mum and dad still live there (own a property 30 minutes out of town towards lithgow) and I still have a sister there. Was last in town on the race weekend. Dont get back often enough. Not a lot of friends still there as most have moved away. Went to stannies - then charles sturt uni. Actually re-trained as a teacher last year and am teacher high school this year. great move - holidays with the family, but certainly didnt expect the turns this year has taken. Maybe while she is vulnerable the counsellors might get her to open up a little. Here's hoping for you and your girls!!! That is fantastic that you have re-trained as a high schoool teacher, great that you can spend the breaks with your family. I know, I am shocked about how this year has turned out. All was going quite well till the middle of August for us... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 Jane - I am happy to give you a call and chat if you like. I have some strategies that have really worked for me in coming to terms with what is happening. Not sure what I have to do to send you a private message. Cheers, Andrew (My real name) Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 No private messages until a certain time or number of posts on LoveShack. I am not sure how long or how many posts to be honest!!! One day I just logged on and I was an Established Member. So just keep reading and posting. It is not too hard as it all gets very interesting on here. Before this happened I really only did my banking and researched now & then online. Check my thread 'Exposure', I think you have already read 'next'. I am having a hard time tonight..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 No private messages until a certain time or number of posts on LoveShack. I am not sure how long or how many posts to be honest!!! One day I just logged on and I was an Established Member. So just keep reading and posting. It is not too hard as it all gets very interesting on here. Before this happened I really only did my banking and researched now & then online. Check my thread 'Exposure', I think you have already read 'next'. I am having a hard time tonight..... Happy for you to email me at ttenroca at gmail.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 An update - things have been going on as normal. Taking kids to Missus in hospital each day. Everything pleasant etc. Getting along fine as we always have (we never fight really - maybe thats part of the problem). Anyway I told her I had arranged to have tomorrow off as she is having her surgery tomorrow. She got very upset - I dont need anyone, I need to go through this alone, dont want anyone here etc. Further text messages tonight to that effect. Told her I want to be there as it is the right thing to do and I have no expectations from her other then she allows me to care. God this woman is stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 God this woman is stubborn. She's not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Another update - Im pretty shattered tonight. I spent most the day with my wife in hospital, till she got very angry with me and insisted I leave before the operation. I did. I returned while she was in theatre and went to her room. Checked her phone and further evidence of something with this other guy. Had enough so called him and abused the F**k out of him and told him to tell me the truth. He continually denied. Went back to the wifes phone and got the number of this guys (ex) girlfriend. Called her up. They split up 5 weeks ago when he admitted to her he had feelings for my wife and wanted to persue a relationship with her. So I called him back, and asked him this time if he wanted to tell the truth. He continued to confirm anything, but also failed to deny anything as well. At this stage I am confident it is just an emotional affair - in his eyes he sees that as nothing wrong. My wife got out of surgery tonight at about midnight, She was pretty drugged up but the operation went well - very complex however as there was significant injury to her foot. I just wanted to be there when she got out for me. It was very painful seeing her there in so much pain and also being hurt by her so much at the same time. What a horrible situation. My plan is to wait a few days for her to get over the surgery and talk to her about what I now know. I dont expect her to move home, I dont want her to do that till she wants to (if she ever does). However if she continues to pursue a relationship with this guy (ie. any contact whatsoever) then she is not interested on working on our marriage and it is over. I know it is already, but will need to have that conversation so to confirm and get the ball rolling on formal separation. Had my first big cry in weeks tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Hmmmm. My ex went out a LOT with a group of friends. Probably every Saturday night for 15 months until 6am or later. She was getting away from me basically. Sounds similar to your situation I'm sorry to say. Oh, and the FB 'friends' that meant nothing to her romantically all became her targets when she became free from the shackles of her marriage to me. Sounds too similar to be coincidence... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 It has been ages since I have posted here - and in reading my last post I cant believe how much things have changed. Once my wife got out of hospital she continued to live at her friends place. I saw this as the last ray of hope gone, thought that if she was ever going to come back home it would be after the accident. So I decided to detach myself as much as possible emotionally from her, and concentrate on me and the kids. I went out more, did stuff, met new people (including the amazing janedoe35 who I consider to be a great friend whos ex is quite possibly the biggest fool on this planet), but continued to be dissapointed by my ex and her actions. Not looking after herself and her injury, continuing to see her new mates instead of spending time with her kids. etc And then something quite remarkable happened. I went out with some old work friends, and a very old mate who bought along a couple of lady friends. Within minutes I had made a connection with this truly beautiful lady, and realised I could feel something like love again. Only took this one chance meeting and at time the time I thought that even if nothing came of this, then I knew I was capable of feeling that way about someone else. This was about 8 weeks ago now, and we have continued to see each other and she is just amazing and she thinks I am "close to perfect" (a great boost to the shattered self esteem). How this has affected my relationship with the ex is very interesting, almost bizarre in parts. Despite all the hurt she has caused me, she is truly an amazing and lovely person. I think she started to notice the change in me, and became a little suspicious perhaps. Not enough to ask questions or anything. We started to talk more, get on better, and I spoke to her at length about the sort of partnership we could form, working together to support each other and the kids without being married. A relationship that is defined by what we feel comfortable with and not by the social norm of separation and divorce. We both still love each other, although she still does not want to be married to me (says she cant make me happy) and I have been hurt too much by her to want to be married to her. Just prior to Christmas i decided to tell her about my new friend. Asked her how she would feel if I started seeing someone. She said she just wants to see me happy and if that is what I need to do then I should do it. I told her I had met someone, and she was very supportive. Maybe a bit of a brave face, but did seem genuine. The next day we were out shopping for the kids for xmas together (the ex and I) and she asked if I had bought something for my new friend, I said no, and she said she would help me look! Anyway we picked out a very nice (bit sexy) little black dress for her. She loved it. I am completely honest with both my ex and my new friend, and talk to both of them quite freely about the other. My new friend is also quite close with her ex husband (not the recent ex) and has no issues with me maintaining a good relationship with my ex. I have now seen a bit more of a change in my ex. It does appear her new friends are losing a bit of interest in her - not as much fun when she cant be working at the pub, riding a bike, or going out. She is certainly spending a lot more time at home, and is free to come and go as she pleases. I think she feels relief in a way - not as pressured by me, as I no longer want anything from her she is not able to give. In fact I am developing (developed?) stronger feelings for my new friend then I have for her. Me and the ex are possibly now getting along better then ever. I see signs from her that if I was to want her back, then I could possibly make it happen. Lingering hugs and other signs of friendly affection that I have not seen for a long long time. But now Im pretty sure I dont want her back. I could be wrong though and perhaps she is just feeling safe to be more loving (tells me she loves me often) because she knows I am happy with how things are. Anyway, I am really happy right now. Kids are great, have a great relationship with the ex (although Im sure there will continue to be some rocky times) and a new friend that is simply amazing and stunning and just my type. So there you go - Im not saying it couldnt all turn to crap tomorrow, but right now life is good. Cheers, Andrew:D Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 It has been ages since I have posted here - and in reading my last post I cant believe how much things have changed. Once my wife got out of hospital she continued to live at her friends place. I saw this as the last ray of hope gone, thought that if she was ever going to come back home it would be after the accident. So I decided to detach myself as much as possible emotionally from her, and concentrate on me and the kids. I went out more, did stuff, met new people (including the amazing janedoe35 who I consider to be a great friend whos ex is quite possibly the biggest fool on this planet), but continued to be dissapointed by my ex and her actions. Not looking after herself and her injury, continuing to see her new mates instead of spending time with her kids. etc And then something quite remarkable happened. I went out with some old work friends, and a very old mate who bought along a couple of lady friends. Within minutes I had made a connection with this truly beautiful lady, and realised I could feel something like love again. Only took this one chance meeting and at time the time I thought that even if nothing came of this, then I knew I was capable of feeling that way about someone else. This was about 8 weeks ago now, and we have continued to see each other and she is just amazing and she thinks I am "close to perfect" (a great boost to the shattered self esteem). How this has affected my relationship with the ex is very interesting, almost bizarre in parts. Despite all the hurt she has caused me, she is truly an amazing and lovely person. I think she started to notice the change in me, and became a little suspicious perhaps. Not enough to ask questions or anything. We started to talk more, get on better, and I spoke to her at length about the sort of partnership we could form, working together to support each other and the kids without being married. A relationship that is defined by what we feel comfortable with and not by the social norm of separation and divorce. We both still love each other, although she still does not want to be married to me (says she cant make me happy) and I have been hurt too much by her to want to be married to her. Just prior to Christmas i decided to tell her about my new friend. Asked her how she would feel if I started seeing someone. She said she just wants to see me happy and if that is what I need to do then I should do it. I told her I had met someone, and she was very supportive. Maybe a bit of a brave face, but did seem genuine. The next day we were out shopping for the kids for xmas together (the ex and I) and she asked if I had bought something for my new friend, I said no, and she said she would help me look! Anyway we picked out a very nice (bit sexy) little black dress for her. She loved it. I am completely honest with both my ex and my new friend, and talk to both of them quite freely about the other. My new friend is also quite close with her ex husband (not the recent ex) and has no issues with me maintaining a good relationship with my ex. I have now seen a bit more of a change in my ex. It does appear her new friends are losing a bit of interest in her - not as much fun when she cant be working at the pub, riding a bike, or going out. She is certainly spending a lot more time at home, and is free to come and go as she pleases. I think she feels relief in a way - not as pressured by me, as I no longer want anything from her she is not able to give. In fact I am developing (developed?) stronger feelings for my new friend then I have for her. Me and the ex are possibly now getting along better then ever. I see signs from her that if I was to want her back, then I could possibly make it happen. Lingering hugs and other signs of friendly affection that I have not seen for a long long time. But now Im pretty sure I dont want her back. I could be wrong though and perhaps she is just feeling safe to be more loving (tells me she loves me often) because she knows I am happy with how things are. Anyway, I am really happy right now. Kids are great, have a great relationship with the ex (although Im sure there will continue to be some rocky times) and a new friend that is simply amazing and stunning and just my type. So there you go - Im not saying it couldnt all turn to crap tomorrow, but right now life is good. Cheers, Andrew:D well jackbaron , amazing story , & u have done ur best . Its really good to know that ur getting on quite well with ur new friend , trust me in a situation like this a genuine loving friend means a lot . best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 ...We both still love each other, although she still does not want to be married to me (says she cant make me happy) and I have been hurt too much by her to want to be married to her ................ jackbaron sorry to be blunt but the one word I 'd choose to describe ur wife is selfish . It sems that u have been tolerating everything happily & because of that she still does not realise that she is doing anything wrong to u or her kids . dont u think she should atleast know that u r hurt. just my opinion bst of luck Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 What happened to your WW and OM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackbaron Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 What happened to your WW and OM? He is still on the scene, however I suspect he is losing a bit of interest due to her not being much fun at the moment. Not sure how much they see each other, and Im not really interested. I have told her I will be happy for her to find someone else one day, as long as it isnt that arsehole. She does know how much she has hurt me, however I have been able to rise above that in order to try and form a relationship that will most benefit the kids. All but one of the kids have met my new friend and think shes great (other has been told but not yet had opportunity, is excited to meet her though) Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Hey there - thanks for the lovely words Andrew - especially loved the bit about my husband being 'the biggest fool on this planet'. Of course I would have to agree!!! Although, I must say that your wife would possibly be in the running for that same title.....your new lady is very lucky to have been in the right place at the right time and I am almost positive that your wife is starting to see how great her loss actually is. See you soon, JD Link to post Share on other sites
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