Re: Dinner with ex. How things went and where now?

[mr_roggger]

Well, I got to hers about 5 mins late (met at 6pm). She got into the car, said hello, how are you etc., talked a bit, then began to drive to where we were going for dinner. Drove for 20 - 25 mins, talked all the way as well as her telling me where to go when we got there we walked about a bit, chatted, decided where to go; went to a pizza place , got a table for 2, ordered soft drinks, a starter and a pizza (obviously!)...She suggested a pizza to share, which is a good idea but there was something about that that gave off a positive vibe! So i agreed, let her choose toppings/base etc.

So we ate, (chatting/laughing throughout) and durning the meal (after ordering soft drinks) she suggested that i take her to wetherspoons and have a few drinks, so naturally I agreed!

So we went to Wetherspoons and she had plenty to drink (while I remained sober - driving), and we talked and laughed: nothing about our past relationship, but a bit about who she's seeing casually etc.

She got quite drunk (not in a bad way i stress, i wasnt trying to take advantage of her, she suggested it!/ordered drinks in!) and we chattred loads, joked around, tickled a bit, i complimented her loads, laughed more, lots of eye contact

[Now somewhere at this stage we were talking about relationships and she seemed to want me to stop at some stage (cant remember what I said - I think it was about us etc.) because i think she was getting upset (this sounds bad but to me it's a "nice" sign, showing me that she still cares)]

Anyway, we continued to have a good time and at about 11pm we left and went back to hers with a repeat car journey: we talked more, and about how it was nice for me to be friends with her and how she was expecting a bit of a **** evening out, I asked if it was "ok-ish", she said it was good, i asked if it was good and she said "yes very". Also, on phone at about 6:30 at car park she told someone that she'd be back at about 8. We were back 11:30. We had a good time, better than she was expecting, a good impression I hope!

Then we got back to hers and one of her male friends/casual partner came out to meet her/us...i was unsure about meeting him but we shook hands etc. and went inside with them...they weren't all loved up, just looked like good friends to me. Anyway, we chatted in corridor for a bit. At about 12 she said she was tired, so I said I should go but then she suggested showing me a funny scene from a DVD...I said yes so we watched that for 15 mins or so (other guy came in 1/2 way through but didnt say much/do anything with her). We laughed at it, and after it finished talked a little more. As i came to leave, (getting up, standing away from her towards door...not wanting to outstay my welcome) she kept talking to me about things and preventing me from going as if she didn't really want me to go, even though the other guy was there too!

She also said it was good that we could be friends and we could see eachother over xmas!

So as i came to leave, we hugged and i said about xmas and how she should stop by mine when she was passing and she said yes to both

At this stage i could feel myself beginning to get a lump in my throat, so I hugged her again, rubbing her back as it was cold and she only had a t-shirt on, said goodbye, got in car, drove off, waving, then she ran back inside due to cold.

 

She is sleeping with this guy tonight (she says no sex (although she has with him) so I believe her.) This does trouble me a little, but i didnt show this emotion so i hopefully came accross well about it, and afterall its nothing to do with me is it?! She says she doesnt want a relationship at uni. because off complications if people split up with them all living together, but I think he is pushing for one, so the relationship between them may fade, and I know she wont want one with other guys there for the same reason.

 

Right now I am pretty happy. The evening out went better than I could have ever hoped, and I knew that I wouldn't get back with ther tonight, but stupidly I still feel a little upset!

 

I might text her 2morrow saying how it was nice seeing her again.

 

What does anyone think about meeting up again, or where to go next!

Your opionions have been very helpful over the last 6 weeks or so, I thank you all. your comments are appreciated!

[dlb311]

That is a good idea. But I woud try to distance yourself from her. She doesn't seem to be ready for a serous commited mature relationship. And it seems you love her and want that. I would just take things slow. If you enjoy hanging out with her then do it. But you have to do it with no expectations of getting back together or things well get messy. If you want her back then I suggest taking time to heal yourself first.

 

Good luck.

[Summerday]

Let her call you, or if you can't wait give it at least a week before you text her.

[mr_roggger]

She was ready for the relationship. We were in one and it was great. I think she just wants some time single now and that's cool with me (time to experience other things etc.). I just want to be the person she wants the committed relationship with as I know we can be perfect together (as we were)! I didn't text her "tomorrow", I text her today which upon repflection was probably too soon! I have not heard back yet, but I think she's very busy right now. I will be leaving it at least a week until I initiate any further contact with her! Sure I enjoy hanging out with her, but I think that when I see her I/she should have something planned to do as we need to have fun together rather than just catching up/chatting (this can be done on the fun activity too!) so that the time we spend together is better.

I think I am distanced from her a fair bit: I am physically wight now, and its not like I contact her all the time. However, the times I have contacted her (phone and meeting her for dinner) she has always seemed happy to talk/be with me!

[Kanuk]

You are really a brave sould, you know that? I don't think i could do that in yor situation

 

I could go out with my ex and try to be friends, i think. But f i walked her to her door and she was living with another guy, and i KNEW they were sleeping together, or whatever. I think i would probably just leave right there.

 

You are quite brave indeed.

[mr_roggger]

She Isn't living with him, he just lives near her at uni. and was there to meet her (/us...knew I was going to be there) when she (/we) got back.

It wasn't as bad when I was actually there with them, it is worse now when I think about how I wish it were still me!

It must have made a good impression, i.e. that I am happy for her and over things that happened between us since, I was willing to meet the guy!

I hope that this eventually works in my favour as I re-build my friendship with her, and if I always have fun with her etc. then she will remember more of the good times we had.

The fact that I agreed to meet him shows her that I have changed. It is not me forcing the fact that I have changed onto her. This is the best way to show someone that you have changed, by doing nothing to show them: let them see for themselves!

I hope I left a positive image of myself with her, all be it only as good friends right now.

[mr_roggger]

She text me today and ended it with a kiss, something she hasn't done in a long time (not even towards the end when we were dating!) This made me much happier although it's such a little thing!

I have asked her in a note I put in with her xmas card if she would like to stop by mine on her way back from uni. this Christmas for lunch (or whatever meal might be suitable for that time of day)...I will be making it, not taking her out again as that may appear too forward. I hope she agrees since she said that she would stop by on her way back when we met last time! It would be nice to spend some time as friends at mine this time I feel!

[mr_roggger]

I got a text earlier saying that she didn't have time for lunch on Sunday when she comes by mine, but maybe we could meet up sometime over the Christmas holidays.

Well, I must admit I am a little upset, but that is totally my own fault for getting too big-a-expectations. She didn't say that she wouldn't stop by mine, but I don't think she is planning on since she suggests meeting up at a later date.

Should I ask her if she is gonna stop by mine, or if she wants to come in for a quick drink? I had planned for us to maybe go out that afternoon/evening after lunch. Should I tell her this or just forget all about it?

I guess I should forget all about it, but she said she had a good time last time we went out so maybe she might be tempted by this? I know she said she didn't have time, but the thought of a good afternoon/evening out may persuade her to stop by for a while?

[mr_roggger]

So, I'm not seeing her this weekend, but probably at the start of next week sometime, before Christmas!

Anyone have any ideas as to an activity I should suggest if she doesn't have any particular plans. Must be a "friends" activity and non-pressurising. Hopefully it can last for quite a while, maybe lead to another great evening together and even be slightly romantic in the correct context! I assume I should let her suggest something first this time given that I did last time, or am I more likely to get a positive response if I go in with something in mind?

Ideas? Thanks!

[KitWalker]

Rogerrrrrrrr u would want to prolly organise a get together with friends? Either that, or a party and invite her along! Lots of fun, cheer and no pressure then (unless she doesnt know anyone there besides you?) Hehehehee, maybe even have some "mistletoe" stuck up somewhere?

 

Who knows mate, maybe a bit of alcohol, a few laughs, the 'romantic' part may come naturally? I don't think you should rely on 'playing' it by ear? Eg. ringing her up and asking her out but have nowhere to go? Actually have a plan in place and then suggest it to her? dont think you should ask what she wants to do either, might give the impression that you only want to call just to spend time with her, doesnt matter what you're doing (we ALL know that, thats what you want to do, but shes not to know that!!!)

 

Let me know what u decide mate.

 

C'mon guys and gals, give up some ideas for Mr Rogerrrrrr!

[mr_roggger]

Well today I text her asking if I could take over a present I had for her and one my mum got her ages ago before we split-up. She text back saying that I could come over to her's for lunch tomorrow, she's cooking!

Sounds good to me, I'm in quite a "good" mood right now!

[mr_roggger]

So I went round to hers for lunch today!

I sat and talked to her whilst she made lunch (didn't want any help) and all was well! We had lunch, talking loads throughout again. I then gave her the present I mentioned, and a little present from me. Before I gave it to her I asked her not to take it as a sign of me trying to get back with her or anything and rather it was a case of I saw it and thought of her...she didn't seem too interested in what I was saying about that, more excited about getting a present. Well, she never opens presents untill the relevant day, so I didn't get a "response" but I know she'll like it!

After that we watched TV for a bit (some scenes from one of her fav. DVDs I haven't seen before), laughed loads. Then we watched some crappy afternoon TV, and since it was so bad we ended up chatting more than watching! Well, the "interesting" thing is that today we were just like we were when we were together in casual situations, i.e. very close, talkative, happy and laughing with a little touching! (More like how we were at the height of the relationship minus most of the passion rather than towards the end!) I noticed that she sat very close to me on the sofa, thighs/asses touching for a good few minutes (no it's not that small/I dont have a huge arse, nor does she ) at certain stages. Well, after we decided how poor the TV was in general, we went up to her room for a bit (initially for her to give me her new phone number) and we laughed/talked some more, even had a bit of a "tickling-fight"!

Anyways, after that she had to go into town and it was time I was making tracks (I was there about 2 - 2 1/2 hours in all.

I think all went well, and we have made initial plans for her to come over to mine for the day/evening/both next week sometime.

She also asked if I'd like to spend new year's eve with her and her friends in London. I am yet to decide!

Anyone have any comments, or suggestions for our next casual (as friends) meeting next week!

[KitWalker]

Geez Roggerrrr,

 

take up the offer mate!!! What do you need to decided?? I mean, New Years with a partner has to be one of those special times between those two people like Valentines, Bdays and especially New Years!!! What do you think happens at midnight? Chance for that Happy New Year kiss!!!! I reckon take it!!!

[mr_roggger]

Well, it's not quite as simple as that since it'll be with her friends, one group from here and one group from her uni. I am good friends with neither, and I know that I won't get to see thet much of her if I do go since it'll be quite a few people. I'm still undecided on this though!

She text me yesterday evening to see if we were going to meet up sometime this week. In this text she suggested a day at mine/my town (whilst I'm at uni, not "here"). I replied saying I was free Monday/Tuesday with a few ideas of what to do.

We will be driving to mine Monday morning. Maybe walk into town for the afternon, have some lunch, then back to mine for me to cook one of her fav. dishes. No real ideas for the evening though. She's bringing a DVD that we both want to watch together but I'm thinking that she (and I) may want to have an evening out and then come back and watch some DVDs. If we have the evening out I can't drive us back so we'll both have to stay at mine (I have a 2nd bed if necessary).

Anyone offer up any ideas on what to do in the evening. I guess there's the usual pubs and bars, but it might just be nice to have a quite evening in with lots of good conversation?

[sarah12]

hi mr rogger! Congrats on how everything has been going! I don't know the originally situation (I've gotten everyone's mixed up now!!) but I'm so happy for you!!

 

Suggestions on what to do..I think you should definitely go out for the evening and then come back later. If you stay in, there may be too much pressure, being completely alone and all..not that it wouldn't be fun, but it may be heading into things a bit quick. Take her out for a fun night, and then come back and if there's time, watch the dvd and then head to bed..and ask her if she'd like to take the 2nd bed..just in case. So that it is her decision, no pressure remember.

 

Now for where to go? A pub sounds like a good idea..it's a fun atmosphere..maybe one where there is dancing so you can do that too?

[mr_roggger]

Well, I was gonna suggest I take my second bed lol since it's a sofa bed! I'm not a big dancer, but going out after dinbner four a bit sounds good, and there are loads of places within easy walking distance of mine so we can both have a few drinks if she wants to stay the night!

[mr_roggger]

On the way she remembered that she wanted to be home by 8pm ! She needed to be back in time to wash her hair (I was a little put off by this reason, but accepted it - more on this later!). So we watched a few DVDs, had lunch, watched a few more and then had an early dinner. We also had loads of chat, music on the TV and even tickling a few times. One thing whilst we had music on which I am unable to understand is why she sat on my "cube" footstall/table infront of me (on the sofa) semi-dancing sexily (dancing whilst sitting lol!) with her ass in my face ; why was she doing this to me ? I also got a late xmas present from her; thanked her etc. I asked if she was wearing "Angel" perfume and she seemed suitably impressed that I could remember it, and made an ahhhh comment, as in "cute/sweet" etc !

Anyway, after dinner I got the feeling she wanted to stay longer so I suggested (sheepishly) that she washed her hair here. She said she would have if she had brought the shampoo with her: couldn't use mine as she is getting extensions tomorrow so wanted to use a special shampoo and conditioner. I was releaved at this point now that all was clear!

On the way home we ended up chatting about what relationships she was having at uni. now. I "knew" most of the answers to the questions I asked, but felt better hearing this straight from her rather than implicitly. I know that she is sleeping with someone casually, as she told me this before. This is alongside dating others. This guy is pusing her for a relationship but she is adimant that she doesn't want one with someone at her uni.; sees him more as a date than a partner I think! Is this good or bad news for me?

Finally, as we got back to hers she asked when she will see me again, so we made plans. I got a text from her shortly after I got home saying that she had a fun day. These two events made me a bit happier.

 

I fear she is seeing me just as a good friend right now (but what about the sexy dancing incident - (I could see loads of thong too and I am pretty sure she knew this!)). Any ideas what is going on with that? I know she is keen to meet up again "soon"! Any ideas of what/where to go next! I want her to see me as POTENTIAL relationship material again! When does this tipping point occur, if ever, from friendship to romance (We were never friends before our relationship, but best friends in a few months in onwards!)?

 

Your input, as always, is so much appreciated!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

you seem very persistant mr_roggger...

 

from my opinion if she is sleeping casually with someone else by now i would advise you to forget about her and as hard as it is just try and do the moving on thing and stop contact

 

when there are other people involved in a breakup situation i would run a mile away from it, i have never experienced it but i have seen many of my friends in that situation and it is always nasty and they always lose!

 

judging by her actions she is just stringing you along for whatever reason, 1. because you are letting her do this to you and 2. because if the other guy doesn't work out

 

best thing you can do if you can as hard as it is...

 

WALK AWAY NO CONTACT

 

good luck

[mr_roggger]

At the end of the day, if I don't get back with her, I still want to be friends with her. We are managing friends just fine right now, and the fact that she's with other people doesn't bother me since I'm not with her so it's nothing to do with me!

You say you think she is stringing me along incase the other guy doesn't work out. Well, I know for a fact that she doesn't want a relationship with him since he's at uni. with her. She told me this straight, and she tells me that she keeps reminding him of this! I feel that she sees me as a genuine, good friend. If I can't have anything else, then that's fine. No contact/walk away is just anti-social I feel, why can't I remain friends with someone I was best-friends with for several years?

The truth is, I am slowly getting over her, and although she's often at the forefront of my mind, it doesn't stop me going about tasks or enjoying myself. In a way I would like to move onto someone else, a) it will help me to get over her more, and b) she might see this as a positive thing and be more attracted to me as she realises that she can't just come back if she wanted to (although I don't think she thinks I'm interested in getting back with her right now anyway).

[InLoKo]

There are only 2 reasons that a girl would dance provocatively in front of man as you described, believe me! To tease...in which case drop her. Or to test your reaction because she wants to take it further.

 

You said "although I don't think she thinks I'm interested in getting back with her right now anyway"....shouldn't you actually tell her you ARE interested? She clearly wants to see more of you as she asked when she could see you again. She tested you (IMO) by the provocative dancing to see what reaction she would get (I presume she got none?). I think you and her need to have that conversation. You need to know where you stand with her now that the no contact part is over. Standing by while she has a FWB at uni must be torture for you. You need to know her thoughts so that you can make your decision.

[mr_roggger]

It doesn't torture me since I'm not with her any more so it's nothing to do with me! I can't let what she does with others effect me!

For the "dancing", well I would have liked to give her a response but I was a bit nervous so didn't. At one stage I lead her into my bedroom (to look at something on the computer) by the hand: she didn't mind this! She also tapped me on the ass when I was going out of the front door; I jokingly said to her that there would've been words exchanged if I'd done that to her, to which I think she replied, "I don't think so"!

I would like to have that conversation with her, but even if she gives me the answers I don't wanna hear I still want to remain friends with her, but I don't know if she'll understand/accept that, thats why I'm a bit nervous about doing it!

Any ideas on how to approach the subject, or should I just go straight in!?

However, you say "Or to test your reaction because she wants to take it further. " ...take what further, and in what sence in your opinion. Surely if this is the case, then maybe that conversation wouldn't be such a bad idea ?

[lost_in_chgo]

I'd tell her that she is going to have to take the lead and be very clear about what she does and doesn't want from you so that there are no misunderstandings. Then wait for her to make her move or comment.

[InLoKo]

Just reading your post.....I suddenly thought: this girl could stand naked in front of him and he still would want confirmation of her intentions. LOL. Sorry, that's what I thought. I DO understand how difficult it can be when you are SO close to a situation. Now, this is the interesting part: when the next opportunity that she hands you on a plate comes along, SEIZE IT. In the example you gave below, when she replied "I don't think so" to you saying words would have been exchanged if you'd had tapped her ass, that was your cue for touching her ass and saying something like "Let me put that to the test" or whatever. I wouldn't wait for her to take the lead, else she would have done by now. She is giving you strong hints...it's up to you now. Most girls (not all) much prefer the man to take the lead. It's masculine and VERY attractive to a girl.

 

Take what further, you ask? I'll spell it out. She wants to go to bed with you again. I can't say if she wants to get back with you....it depends on what sort of girl she is. But without a doubt, sex with you is on her agenda.

[mr_roggger]

I sorta hope that's the case, although I'd like to be in a relationship with her again. I always compliment her on her looks still, and she appreciates that. However, she still tells me about her other dates and nights out with people which makes me question weather I should make a move or not. I have, to the best of my ability, given you an accurate version of events and have tried not to be biased in any way (so as to make myself feel better), as that's be no use. However, she has said things like "you're the best ex boyfriend I've ever had". On the other hand, supporting what you say, when we were in the bedroom, after we checked something on the computer I went to put a picture up over the bed and she was more than happy to sit/lie/cuddle-up on my bed whilst I was standing on the bed putting this thing up! You think sex again would harm or improve chances of a relationship again?

[InLoKo]

Your last question is impossible to answer. It really does depend on the people involved. There is no way of telling whether, in the morning (so to speak), she would completely regret it or would realise how much she missed being with you. What I would say is happening is that she is puzzled by your behaviour. She is coming on to you and you are not responding in the expected way.....ie. you're doing nothing. You need to have a chat with her, IMO. Now, whether you decide to do that before or after a night of passion is entirely up to you. One thing that struck me reading your last post, are you sure she really is having all these nights out and dates with other people? Are you sure she isn't trying to make you jealous or trying to make you think she is not in her room each night bored stiff or even regretting splitting with you? You have to be yourself, you know. You can't behave to a formula - life ain't like that. Go with your instinct and do as your personality wants to do. That is more attractive than anything. And far more fulfilling.