Author mr_roggger Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 I dont think she would say it if it wasn't true, but I see your point. I know for a fact that she is seeing/sleeping with comeone casually as I met him (although they appeared as though they could be just good friends), and we were very civil towards eachother (he knew who I was too lol!). She said something to him as I left and she came out to my car with me about how she'd be very cross if he wasn't in her bed asleep by the time she got back! I know she has no trouble going out and "pulling" guys, but there is the chance she's exaggerated! Next time, then, if she appears to be flirting with me AGAIN, I will most likely make a move and see where that leads, as I'd like to see her reaction to this before I confront her about my feelings for her still! I don't know if she regrets splitting with me, but I think she does miss me in some capacity. I think doing what I said next time is almost a must, as if she is really coming onto me and I keep rejecting her, then she's bound to stop doing that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 1, 2004 Author Share Posted January 1, 2004 Come to think of it now, she might have said "I don't know" rather than "I don't think so"! She wasn't dancing (whilst sitting lol) facing me, but she knew I was behind her trying to see the TV too and therefore must have been looking at her ! These things are only small alterations to what I've said before, but do you think they make any difference to my situation? She did however, as I said, say I was the best ex boyfriend she's ever had...is that a good thing or a bad thing (still friends with me but no chance of relationship reconciliation, or is it a sign she would consider relationship reconciliation)? I am just very wary of the fact that she might actually still want to get back with me, it's very hard to contemplate that she's flirting with me since she was the one that split-up with me! I am afraid of siezing my opportunity as you say since I might not get the right response, but why is she doing the "flirting" then lol ? I would like to have "the chat" with her to know where we stand, but I might make an ass of myself by telling her I still like her whilst she doesn't feel the same way (but then, again, why the flirting)? At least i hope I am interpreting this correctly: as flirting, anyone else have any input? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 4, 2004 Author Share Posted January 4, 2004 Well, last I heard from her was new year's eve. Today was her birthday, so I phoned her in the evening and wished her a happy b/day (sent her a card too but won't arrive until monday as I forgot the "no-post" thing on New Year's day lol!) We chatted for a bit about presents etc., and she mentioned meeting up on Thursday (something I suggested before Christmas) which I hadn't even thought about asking her. I think it's 50/50 if she'll come at the moment as we both have a lot on this week! Still, it'd be nice to see her before I start end-of-semester exams. I am happy that she brought up the meeting rather than me! Anyone have any additional input to my situation (including the last couple of posts?) Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Well, we aren't meeting up tomorrow due to both of us having unforseen commitments. I am quite pleased with myself for not being upset about this, sure I'd have liked to see her, but it's not a problem that I'm not. I think it's going to be about 3 weeks now until we meet-up for the day, although that is still in the pipeline. At least she appreciated her birthday card Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 Why do you recommend such a long period of no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 i've read some very interesting points about no contact on this forum, this one by inloko makes all the sense in the world and says it all... click here i said 6 months but it could be less or more, there is no definitive time period sometimes people just aren't ready for a relationship but maybe this just means 'i don't you' what do i know anyway? i recommend you go and buy some books on relationships and breaking up etc. this is what i am doing tonight , and if i don't learn anything from them i can always give them to a friend in need paul mc kennas book looks promising, maybe i will start a new thread on this subject Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong paul mc kennas book looks promising, maybe i will start a new thread on this subject I just ordered "The Bonds That Make Us Free" by C. Terry Warner. I heard this is very good for improving oneself. I wouldn't worry about improving the significant other, just work on yourself and you'll be much happier. book info Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 I have read that. When you get into it, you will know what I mean when I say collusion was a very big thing in our relationship at times, a very hard thing to overcome. Tes, it is about improving yourself, and yes it is very good but can be a little hard going at times. I tried to read a chapter a night, I think that less than this (if you don't read much other than factual journals/books on science like me for my work) each night might be a good idea as there's quite a lot to take in and act on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 13, 2004 Author Share Posted January 13, 2004 Yesterday afternoon I text my ex asking if we could meet up at the end of the month (already discussed with her last time she met when she asked when she would see me again), giving her a more specific date when I could meet now that I know when my exams are. Well, she replied this morning saying she'll have to see closer to the time due to her work commitments. She also asked me how life was. She has never asked me this before in a text, usually just asks what I'm up to that day. Just wondered if anyone could offer me any insight given my current situation, as to why she's askig me how life's goiong? Is she wondering how I'm getting on without her (but it's only been 2 weeks since we last met up and we've texted eachother every other day or so, and had 1 phone call - some initiated by her, some by me)? Or has she realised that her supposed flirting with me wasn't right for her and is trying to distance herself from me by taking a step back? {I have not replied to text yet} Any input is helpful, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Just tell her you're fine and you look forward to hearing from her later this month. No more, no less. You've got to create some mystery here for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 14, 2004 Author Share Posted January 14, 2004 Seems like a sound idea to me, I was planning on not contacting her for a couple of weeks whilst I have exams etc. anyway. I won't ask any questions, then it's totally up to her if she decides to text me a reply etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 Sorry it's been ages since I've posted, but I have hardly any time to get here to post as I'm revising for my end of semester exams: ! down 2 to go. Just thought I'd give you all an update: My Ex phoned me on Monday whilst I was with friends going over some problems. She wanted to see if I wanted to come over to hers and hang out, watch some DVDs etc. She was then at "home" not "uni", but I was and still am at uni, so 1 1/2 hours from her, just in the other direction ! Anyway, I had to decline, and said she should stop by mine on her way back to uni if she was going back Wednesday/Thursday (bit of a break between exams, can afford a few hours off). She happily agreed to this, but we didn't decide when since she wasn't sure how long she was going to be at home for. She's still at home working, and at present I don't know when she'll be going back to uni, probably by NEXT Sunday at the latest though. I texted her that I'd be at "home" Thursday (hinting to still meet up as she suggested), and she just replied back with not knowing when she was going to go back to uni. Well, I was surprised to hear from her, let alone it being an invitation to go over and just hang out! I was very pleased that she invited me over, but upset that I could not accept. however, I think this maybe a positive thing right now as it shows that I'm not willing to simply drop everythjing for her etc., more reassurance for ther that I am infact not "needing" her, but still obviously interested in a relationship again in the future. Anyone have any input on this, what she might be thinking etc. She sounded a little disappointed that I couldn't come over to her's, but happily agreed that she stopped by mine for a few hours if passing! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 That's great news! Congratulations! Well, if I were her, I would not be contacting an ex unless I thought that there was SOMEThing there. I mean otherwise, why bother contacting the ex if there's nothing to go back to? So I think you can definitely see this as a good sign. I think you should keep things cool like you mentioned. Someone else on here said that it's very attractive to women when the guy takes the lead, and this is so true! A friend of mine said that when her ex called her up and said "I'm taking you to dinner..be ready by 8," she was incredibly attracted to that because he knew what he wanted, and he knew that she wouldn't say no. I wouldn't move too quickly with things as re-establishing a relationship takes time. I know you mentioned something earlier about having sex or something, but I wouldn't suggest that. I'd take things slow and maybe take her to lunch or something when she comes by. Be smart about it and just take things as they come, one minute at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 Sarah You say you wouldn't contact an ex unless there ws a chance, i hope my s/o thinks the same. We were together in the States starting a new life together & i became ill with anxiety problem, i was due to return a month later, but for the month up until i leaft my problem had it's affect on her as it did me. I feel so guilty for this. Dhe spent time with me when i know she didn't want to because she was scared i wouldn't go back if she said then that she wanted space. When i returned she said she no longer loved me & just wanted to be friends & i was in shock. i felt anger & decieved, but she always said she wanted to see me when i was better, but time she needs. She asks me not to talk about the future or the nice things we did in the past, she tells me to move on & find someone else, i mean i have feelings, i can't do this i love her so much. She could just instigate no contact but she doesn't, she emails me once a week, do you think this means that mabe she's caught up in her own feelings & time is required to forget the bad time she had due to my panic attacks. She knows this wasn't my fault, afterall it's all about state of mind, she is an 8hr plane journey away & could just stop contact, but she doesn't. I just hope time heals her as it is me, i'm doing all she asks because i not want to lose her. What do you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 I didn't suggest having sex lol, it was someone elses interpretation of some of her actions! It was Tuesday she phoned me not Monday, as I thought yesterday was Saturday, I seem to be a day out on everything lol! So, you think when I contact her next, if I have a specific date, time and event in mind and ask her if she'd like to, rather than "are you doing anything next Thursday" or whatever, it's more likely to get a result? I always believed this, but it's hard to just go in straight! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 Yes, you should definitely just say to her "I'd like to take you out for ____ on ____ if you're passing by." I mean she already seems interested in doing somethingwith you, so since she's coming by your town, you could show her a good time! Monkey - I think you should do the no contact thing with this girl if she's told you to move on and find someone else. You're just dragging yourself through more pain by holding on to hope after she's told you not to.. I'm sorry but it doesn't look like she wants a relationship with you right now... Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Yeh i know she doesn't right now, i wish i wasn't so impatient, i just hope that over time & space she can understand i've been hard done by. This isn't self righteousness, i just feel this & so do others. There's nothing fair in love & war but i know she's not like this. Bob was right, "no woman no cry" Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 This morning I got a text from my Ex saying "m in your town today, shall I come see you if I don't leave too late?" I thought about my reply (as I'm very busy with revision and already had planned to meet up with someone to revise) and replied with come over to mine either before 12 or after 5. She replied with it'll be after 5 but Ill let you know when later. I went out to the friends to revse and at 6:15 I got a call from her telling me she was waiting outside my apartment! I drove home promptly: she had to wait only 10 mins, and she said she thought she'd surprise me with lettimg me know when this way lol! Well, I threw together some dinner for myself and she had a snack (had already eaten) then we watched TV and chatted untill about 9:30 when she had to leave. Sounds good doesn't it!? We chatted easily as usual, exchanged a few compliments etc. talked about what we were up to! The killer is though, she told me that she is now with this other guy as in b/f / g/f This hurt me even though I am over needing her, I still would like to be back with her sometime and I know this is making my chances less! I am meeting her at hers' on Friday for a few hours just to hang out again (her suggestion when she realised she shouldn't stay long at mine since I had revision), but I don't know what to do to hopefully claw back some chance of reconciliation in the relationship field...It's safe to say that the friendship is reconciled: we can talk freely about anything and everything and are very relaxed and casual together, just as good friends as we were when we were together! Infact the romance/dating etc. side of thigs is the only thing that's missing! However, there's no doubting that I still would like more than just a friendship! What can I do!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Forgot to mention, she's still doing things like (when I asked her if that was a new top she had on) leaning right back on the chair pushing her chest out so that I could read what it said on it (even when I could with her just sitting normally!) and then unzipping it and doing just the same for the tight t-shirt she had on underneath! She also seemed to want to put her feet/legs across my lap whilst we were on the sofa watching TV, but was almost a bit scared to: not knowing my possible reaction!...so she made do with sitting with her legs crossed beneath her, all the time sitting watching TV but facing her body towards me! What is going on here!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_roggger Posted January 30, 2004 Author Share Posted January 30, 2004 We met up at hers' today and hung out for 3 hours or so, talked loads about everything! Some thigs about us came up, like how we had such good times, holidays we took together, presents we brought eachother etc. I asked her a few questions, like when did I get you that, and when did we go there: she remembered all events just as vividly and fondly as I did. Then we talked about how some of our friends think it's weird us meeting up as friends, but decided that as a lot of people our age (19/20) haven't had such a serious, committed and loving relationship; they might not understand the friendship we had, and still have. However, after this she said that it was nice that I wasn't putting her under any pressure to get back with me, good that we could hang out as friends etc. since we were so close for so long. What am I supposed to do here, I want more than this someday from "us". I am prepared to wait a while (whilst getting on with my life, meeting new people, going out on dates, spending more time with frinds etc.), but I know that we can be so good together, and she agreed that we can be too (see above)! I just want "us" to work out somehow; sure it's great being friends right now, but how do I get any romance back, other than the obvious continuing physical attraction from both sides!? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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