Am I nothing more than a FWB?

[alanaxo27]

So there's this guy... I'll call him Aaron. Well Aaron lives in my apt building with 2 of my other good guy friends who I've been friends with since high school.. (I knew of Aaron, but was not friends with him). They moved in a couple months ago so i've been hanging out with them all quite a bit. Well, about 2 weeks ago Aaron came down to my place for some pizza and we ended up kissing, etc.. (no sex but I did stay at his place overnight).. we didn't really talk about it, but he did ask me to watch a movie with him a couple nights later. I did, he came down to my place for the night and this time we did have sex. So within the last week or so this has happened a good few times. He has asked me to hang out knowing that I can't have sex (he knew it was 'that time of the month') and he's told me he wants me to sleep over anyway,and just hang out. I keep trying to bring myself to ask him if he actually has any interest in me on a dating level or if I'm just a bootycall, but i chicken out...

Last night one of his really good friends who he hangs out with a lot (I also am friends with him but not good friends... I knew him from work and we went on a couple dates about 3 years ago but it never led to anything).. he asks me to see a movie. I say 'well i've been hanging out with aaron some lately and i dont want to do anything that would give him a reason to be mad at me or you.. since you guys are bff' and he said 'i wouldnt have asked you if i thought he'd be mad' so i figured.. well i might as well go, i am friends with him, and aaron has not asked me to date him officialy so technically i'm allowed to see other guys. i also have a huge huge weakness for this guy.... i've always wanted him since it didnt work out with us 3 years ago. I went to the movie and we had lots of fun together and we get along really well, and he didn't even try to kiss me or anything so I think he has good intentions.

so last night I texted Aaron and asked him when I could see him next. He said Tuesday night. So that was the plan... then my friend who is also friends with all of those guys texts me today saying "Aaron says group movie night tuesday night!" ...I thought it was going to be just us hanging out.. but apparently he went and asked our other friends to join without asking me. So it seems to me he's not interested.

Should I keep hanging out with his friend? Or should I confont him before I do.. incase he really does want to date me? Or is it pretty obvious i'm just a fwb.. ?

 

PS- I should also point out that a couple nights ago Aaron, his friend who asked me out, and the other guys were all hanging out and one of my girl friends went up to their apt and we were drinking and I told her to tell Aaron we were no longer friends because he was too hung over to go downtown. She told him, and one of the guys said "friend? you mean F*** Buddy!".. apparently Aaron got mad at him for saying this. but I don't know why he'd say it unless it was true. I also thought maybe his friend heard him and now he thinks I"m easy and that's the only reason he asked me to hang out.

[Boundary Problem]

If you keep having sex with him, you will bond with him - no matter what your best intentions are and even if you think you can keep him at arms length emotionally.

 

If you scare a man away by telling him your terms, then he would have been a waste of your time in any event.

 

You set your terms, not him. And set them before you fall in love with him.

[ADF]

So there's this guy... I'll call him Aaron. Well Aaron lives in my apt building with 2 of my other good guy friends who I've been friends with since high school.. (I knew of Aaron, but was not friends with him). They moved in a couple months ago so i've been hanging out with them all quite a bit. Well, about 2 weeks ago Aaron came down to my place for some pizza and we ended up kissing, etc.. (no sex but I did stay at his place overnight).. we didn't really talk about it, but he did ask me to watch a movie with him a couple nights later. I did, he came down to my place for the night and this time we did have sex. So within the last week or so this has happened a good few times. He has asked me to hang out knowing that I can't have sex (he knew it was 'that time of the month') and he's told me he wants me to sleep over anyway,and just hang out. I keep trying to bring myself to ask him if he actually has any interest in me on a dating level or if I'm just a bootycall, but i chicken out...

Last night one of his really good friends who he hangs out with a lot (I also am friends with him but not good friends... I knew him from work and we went on a couple dates about 3 years ago but it never led to anything).. he asks me to see a movie. I say 'well i've been hanging out with aaron some lately and i dont want to do anything that would give him a reason to be mad at me or you.. since you guys are bff' and he said 'i wouldnt have asked you if i thought he'd be mad' so i figured.. well i might as well go, i am friends with him, and aaron has not asked me to date him officialy so technically i'm allowed to see other guys. i also have a huge huge weakness for this guy.... i've always wanted him since it didnt work out with us 3 years ago. I went to the movie and we had lots of fun together and we get along really well, and he didn't even try to kiss me or anything so I think he has good intentions.

so last night I texted Aaron and asked him when I could see him next. He said Tuesday night. So that was the plan... then my friend who is also friends with all of those guys texts me today saying "Aaron says group movie night tuesday night!" ...I thought it was going to be just us hanging out.. but apparently he went and asked our other friends to join without asking me. So it seems to me he's not interested.

Should I keep hanging out with his friend? Or should I confont him before I do.. incase he really does want to date me? Or is it pretty obvious i'm just a fwb.. ?

 

PS- I should also point out that a couple nights ago Aaron, his friend who asked me out, and the other guys were all hanging out and one of my girl friends went up to their apt and we were drinking and I told her to tell Aaron we were no longer friends because he was too hung over to go downtown. She told him, and one of the guys said "friend? you mean F*** Buddy!".. apparently Aaron got mad at him for saying this. but I don't know why he'd say it unless it was true. I also thought maybe his friend heard him and now he thinks I"m easy and that's the only reason he asked me to hang out.

 

You need to keep something in mind. For many men, a committed, LTR is not the most desirable situation. FWB is the most desirable situation. FWB means a guy gets sex with no strings--no guy wants to lose that. If his FWB gets more serious, or wants to go back to being "just friends," 9 times out of 10 the guy will just end the relationship. In short, once you've gone down the FWB, there's no going back or forward.

[Mary3]

This is TOTALLy a booty call / fwb situation.

 

You should never * hang out * with a guy who then puts his hands on you/ kisses you , touches your body and then ultimately ( if you let him ) has full blown sex with you.

 

There is no * work * here . No * dates * here . No anything here but convienant sex for him.

 

Please have more respect for youself .

 

First off . Hang out = Sex

 

Date = a real date. ( Meaning he calls you up and invites you to dinner or a movie and thats what you do. You dont head over to his place and lay on his bed because the ONLY thing he is getting to know about you is how you feel in bed.

 

* Hanging out * Means = I really want to have sex with you , I don't want to spend any money or time with you , I don't want to have to get to know you out of the sheets so I will invite you over or I will stay over at your place and we can profess to cuddle but I really just want in your pants . "

 

THEN he tells his friends you were a decent * lay *. Now friend number 2 is coming after you BECAUSE friend one/ the one you slept with/ gives a full green light for his friend to get a piece of the action.

 

How do you get out of this mess ? When Aaron calls you tell him you are busy with something else. When friend number 2 calls you tell him you are busy with something else. If friend number 3 starts calling you , then tell him the same thing.

 

If Aaron ( and this is RARE now that you slept with him ) decides he wants to date you ( which will be a mind screw of sorts ) I would not agree to it because it will quickly lead back into the bed )

 

If Aaron pressures you and wants to know why you dont want to hang out anymore I would say this " Listen Aaron I was vulnerable and confused but I did not like the path we were headed where you just wanted to hang out and get some quick sex . Yes I made a mistake but now I am moving on to other things in life , I don't ever want to be anyones FWB. Have a nice day "....

 

And please please Never ask a guy " When do you want to see me again " ? Let the man make the moves. You lose most times unless this is just a true buddy buddy situation.

[alanaxo27]

This is TOTALLy a booty call / fwb situation.

 

You should never * hang out * with a guy who then puts his hands on you/ kisses you , touches your body and then ultimately ( if you let him ) has full blown sex with you.

 

There is no * work * here . No * dates * here . No anything here but convienant sex for him.

 

Please have more respect for youself .

 

First off . Hang out = Sex

 

Date = a real date. ( Meaning he calls you up and invites you to dinner or a movie and thats what you do. You dont head over to his place and lay on his bed because the ONLY thing he is getting to know about you is how you feel in bed.

 

* Hanging out * Means = I really want to have sex with you , I don't want to spend any money or time with you , I don't want to have to get to know you out of the sheets so I will invite you over or I will stay over at your place and we can profess to cuddle but I really just want in your pants . "

 

THEN he tells his friends you were a decent * lay *. Now friend number 2 is coming after you BECAUSE friend one/ the one you slept with/ gives a full green light for his friend to get a piece of the action.

 

How do you get out of this mess ? When Aaron calls you tell him you are busy with something else. When friend number 2 calls you tell him you are busy with something else. If friend number 3 starts calling you , then tell him the same thing.

 

If Aaron ( and this is RARE now that you slept with him ) decides he wants to date you ( which will be a mind screw of sorts ) I would not agree to it because it will quickly lead back into the bed )

 

If Aaron pressures you and wants to know why you dont want to hang out anymore I would say this " Listen Aaron I was vulnerable and confused but I did not like the path we were headed where you just wanted to hang out and get some quick sex . Yes I made a mistake but now I am moving on to other things in life , I don't ever want to be anyones FWB. Have a nice day "....

 

And please please Never ask a guy " When do you want to see me again " ? Let the man make the moves. You lose most times unless this is just a true buddy buddy situation.

 

thanks soo much for your answer. you are probably completely right. I decided I'm comfronting him tonight. All of us (him and his roommates & me and my friend) are all watching a movie tonight, and I'm going to try and get him alone and just demand to know what his intentions are, and tell him to forget it if he isn't looking for anything more.

I also totally regret sleeping with him right away. I should have known better and I usually do. Big mistake on my part.

[Mary3]

You can confront him all you want to soothe your doubts but really : what do you expect him to say : " Yes Alana , most men are Pigs , including me , who spend half our life trying to find one girl who will say YES if we come on to her sexually.

 

Yes with some proof and doubt , confusion and pain, you discovered you were being used. I would be REALLY leery of thinking you can satisfy your curiousity with Aaron. Men dont look at you right away as someone they want in a relationship. If there is a fast track to the bed then most might take that route.

 

He at worst , will try to talk you out of what you are thinking or possibly blame you in some way for teasing him when he came over.

 

I don't think you are going to get the satisfaction you think you are. Think of him in these terms : What a jerk , not dating me but instead getting in my pants. That alone should make you mad enough to never let a guy use you like that again.

 

And to be fair to men out here. It took BOTH of you to have sex. You mistakenly thought a sex romp of one night leads to a relationship. WRONG !

 

Sex+Chemistry does NOT equal a relationship

Sex+hangout+goodfriends+Chemistry does NOT equal a relationship.

 

Thats why most men get away with this. The fast track to getting off without taking a girl out for dinner...Pretty disgusting...

[bbf]

You can confront him all you want to soothe your doubts but really : what do you expect him to say : " Yes Alana , most men are Pigs , including me , who spend half our life trying to find one girl who will say YES if we come on to her sexually.

 

Yes with some proof and doubt , confusion and pain, you discovered you were being used. I would be REALLY leery of thinking you can satisfy your curiousity with Aaron. Men dont look at you right away as someone they want in a relationship. If there is a fast track to the bed then most might take that route.

 

He at worst , will try to talk you out of what you are thinking or possibly blame you in some way for teasing him when he came over.

 

I don't think you are going to get the satisfaction you think you are. Think of him in these terms : What a jerk , not dating me but instead getting in my pants. That alone should make you mad enough to never let a guy use you like that again.

 

And to be fair to men out here. It took BOTH of you to have sex. You mistakenly thought a sex romp of one night leads to a relationship. WRONG !

 

Sex+Chemistry does NOT equal a relationship

Sex+hangout+goodfriends+Chemistry does NOT equal a relationship.

 

Thats why most men get away with this. The fast track to getting off without taking a girl out for dinner...Pretty disgusting...

 

 

Alana,

Have you tried asking him to do something together that wasn't just hanging out and having sex? It sounds like you're letting him take the lead, and you're hoping that he will know what you want and that he will give it to you. But if you haven't told him you want a relationship, and you're not doing anything to indicate that or move the interaction in that direction, how could he know?

 

If you aren't communicating those things then no, despite what some people have posted, you aren't being used. For all he knows this is what you want. There's no rule that says all girls want relationships. From his perspective it looks like you're having a good time and you're happy with the way things are going.

[Boundary Problem]

 

If you aren't communicating those things then no, despite what some people have posted, you aren't being used. For all he knows this is what you want.

 

 

Well some people are so controlling about communication that perhaps this is why they are having problems expressing themselves to each other.

[bbf]

Well some people are so controlling about communication that perhaps this is why they are having problems expressing themselves to each other.

 

How so? You can always tell someone what you want, directly or indirectly. That doesn't mean they'll listen to you though.

[Mary3]

I'm sorry but you cant tell the guy you are interested in " I want a relationship "

 

You can in early discussions say that you are looking for someone special . As he follows the lead and gets somewhat physical , you reiterate that you dont want to have sex with someone unless you are in a committed relationship.

 

You cant sleep with a guy or tease a guy to nakedness and say you are looking for a relationship. He would think that was worthy of laughing about ...

[bbf]

I'm sorry but you cant tell the guy you are interested in " I want a relationship "

 

You can in early discussions say that you are looking for someone special . As he follows the lead and gets somewhat physical , you reiterate that you dont want to have sex with someone unless you are in a committed relationship.

 

You cant sleep with a guy or tease a guy to nakedness and say you are looking for a relationship. He would think that was worthy of laughing about ...

 

Sure, there's a lot of things you can do, and it may or may not work. Some communication is direct, some is more subtle. I'm not even suggesting she outright say, "I want a relationship". I'm saying she should try to get them to do more couple-like things. Like ask him if she wants to spend the day together at the park or something. That will at least put him in the direction she wants to go. It'll make the guy at least realize, "hey, this girl wants to be in a relationship with me."

[alanaxo27]

Thanks for your replies guys.

I talked to him last night. I told him I heard I was referred to as his 'F*** Buddy' by his friend the other night.. and if that was really what he thought of me as? He said No, but he didn't know what I thought. I told him I didn't want it to be like that. He seemed fine with it. So, I asked him what he thought we were.. He said "I don't know... but, I'm not very good at relationships", so i asked him why not.. and he said it was because all he does it hang around his apartment playing video games and he never does anything. (I don't really see how that makes him bad at relationships.....). So I asked him if the only reason he was hanging out with me was for sex, and he said no definitely not, and that he thought I was really cool, especially because I played video games with him and his friends that night lol (apparently thats a plus for some guys?). I told him I wasn't asking for a relationship right away from him but I thought we should actually go out and do something instead of doing what we always do ('hang out'.. then sex), and he said we do hang out, but it was true that it always leads to sex.

It seemed that he was a bit confused about it as well, since he didn't know what I wanted either. I think that maybe the thought of a relationship scares him? I know he's never been in a serious one before. But I told him no more of this 'hanging out' business, next time we're going to actually do something.... go out to eat, movies, something that involves a date in public.

But now there's his friend who I hung out with a couple times and he keeps asking me to hang out more... but I don't feel right doing anything with him while I have anything to do with the other guy.. especially since they are really good friends. I don't want to do anything to ruin things with Aaron because I really like him. I think the next time he (the friend) talks to me I'm going to ask him why he all of a sudden has this interest in me.. because he hasn't bothered with me in 3 years. I'm suspecting it might have to do with him hearing about me and Aaron, and he thinks I'm easy. Ugh, I've never had so many complicated things with guys before.

[Mary3]

Sure, there's a lot of things you can do, and it may or may not work. Some communication is direct, some is more subtle. I'm not even suggesting she outright say, "I want a relationship". I'm saying she should try to get them to do more couple-like things. Like ask him if she wants to spend the day together at the park or something. That will at least put him in the direction she wants to go. It'll make the guy at least realize, "hey, this girl wants to be in a relationship with me."

 

Nooo..nooo it doesnt . It has to be HIS idea that you are the most amazing woman in the whole world and living life without you is unthinkable. It needs to be his idea to take her out. To WANT something more with her.

 

Guys don't think " Wow I had a great time with her, I think I want a relationship with her " He more likely after spending lots of QUALITY time with her and not in the sheets that he comes to the conclusion that he cant leave this girl alone and trust me he will SUGGEST an exclusive relationship.Its WE women who sometimes want an instant relationship. Its just not going to happen that way...

[Mary3]

Thanks for your replies guys.

I talked to him last night. I told him I heard I was referred to as his 'F*** Buddy' by his friend the other night.. and if that was really what he thought of me as? He said No, but he didn't know what I thought. I told him I didn't want it to be like that. He seemed fine with it. So, I asked him what he thought we were.. He said "I don't know... but, I'm not very good at relationships", so i asked him why not.. and he said it was because all he does it hang around his apartment playing video games and he never does anything. (I don't really see how that makes him bad at relationships.....). So I asked him if the only reason he was hanging out with me was for sex, and he said no definitely not, and that he thought I was really cool, especially because I played video games with him and his friends that night lol (apparently thats a plus for some guys?). I told him I wasn't asking for a relationship right away from him but I thought we should actually go out and do something instead of doing what we always do ('hang out'.. then sex), and he said we do hang out, but it was true that it always leads to sex.

It seemed that he was a bit confused about it as well, since he didn't know what I wanted either. I think that maybe the thought of a relationship scares him? I know he's never been in a serious one before. But I told him no more of this 'hanging out' business, next time we're going to actually do something.... go out to eat, movies, something that involves a date in public.

But now there's his friend who I hung out with a couple times and he keeps asking me to hang out more... but I don't feel right doing anything with him while I have anything to do with the other guy.. especially since they are really good friends. I don't want to do anything to ruin things with Aaron because I really like him. I think the next time he (the friend) talks to me I'm going to ask him why he all of a sudden has this interest in me.. because he hasn't bothered with me in 3 years. I'm suspecting it might have to do with him hearing about me and Aaron, and he thinks I'm easy. Ugh, I've never had so many complicated things with guys before.

 

He is confused because his brain is not wired for a Relationship necessarily at this moment. Its just pretty cool to him that you are easy to hang out with , you like video games , and you happen to turn him on in the bed...

 

He might not like the F Buddy term used on you and since he likes you , he won't accept that his friends or anyone else possibly thinks that.

 

He doesnt think you are ANYTHING at this point. He seems baffled. Some guys search that relentless persuit of a relationship and you always know it because thats all they can talk about is finding the one....Then you have the guys who don't seek or want a relationship and like their lives just as they are ...

 

He's not good at relationships because he isn't looking for one. He is good at video games because he does them every day. He likely has been in very few relationships.

 

He does not see you in one so you going out with one of his friends does not bother him at this time.

[bbf]

But now there's his friend who I hung out with a couple times and he keeps asking me to hang out more... but I don't feel right doing anything with him while I have anything to do with the other guy.. especially since they are really good friends. I don't want to do anything to ruin things with Aaron because I really like him. I think the next time he (the friend) talks to me I'm going to ask him why he all of a sudden has this interest in me.. because he hasn't bothered with me in 3 years. I'm suspecting it might have to do with him hearing about me and Aaron, and he thinks I'm easy. Ugh, I've never had so many complicated things with guys before.

 

Really? Are saying that because there are specific things he does that makes you think that? Or are you just assuming because he's a guy all he wants is sex. I don't have the facts so I don't know which is true, but it seems like girls are so paranoid about being used for sex that sometimes they jump to conclusions.

 

It sounds like it is because he heard about you and Aaron, but not necessarily because he thinks you're easy. Maybe it made him jealous. Maybe he thought he didn't have a chance with you, but if you could end up with a guy like Aaron, why not him?

 

As for Aaron, the situation is getting clearer. Let me guess, he probably doesn't have a lot of female friends right? A guy that's never been in a relationship and plays video games all day isn't going to know what women want. You think it's obvious but to him it's not.

 

Honestly if you really want things to work out, you're basically going to have to teach him how to date and how to make you feel special. He doesn't understand these things because until now they were never expected of him and he never expected it from others. If that's too much trouble you could always look elsewhere. But for guys like this, instead of thinking they're hurting you intentionally, I would first consider that maybe they just don't know any better.

[alanaxo27]

Really? Are saying that because there are specific things he does that makes you think that? Or are you just assuming because he's a guy all he wants is sex. I don't have the facts so I don't know which is true, but it seems like girls are so paranoid about being used for sex that sometimes they jump to conclusions.

 

It sounds like it is because he heard about you and Aaron, but not necessarily because he thinks you're easy. Maybe it made him jealous. Maybe he thought he didn't have a chance with you, but if you could end up with a guy like Aaron, why not him?

 

As for Aaron, the situation is getting clearer. Let me guess, he probably doesn't have a lot of female friends right? A guy that's never been in a relationship and plays video games all day isn't going to know what women want. You think it's obvious but to him it's not.

 

Honestly if you really want things to work out, you're basically going to have to teach him how to date and how to make you feel special. He doesn't understand these things because until now they were never expected of him and he never expected it from others. If that's too much trouble you could always look elsewhere. But for guys like this, instead of thinking they're hurting you intentionally, I would first consider that maybe they just don't know any better.

Well, the friend who asked me to recently hang out is what I would definitely consider a player. He's definitely been with a ton of girls, and only dated a few of them. We dated a couple times 3 years ago and he just stopped calling me.. ever since then I've always had a weakness for him and never really stopped wanting him. Though from us talking recently he seems to have better intentions. Maybe he's grown up a bit? I don't want to judge him from something 3 years ago but it's hard not to forget.

As for Aaron, you are probably right about teaching him how to date. He doesn't have many female friends at all, only me and my friend as far as I've noticed. I also don't want to completely give up on him, or leave it up to him to ask me to hang out... because he may not know what to do either.. maybe he waits for me to ask? It's hard for me to say. I just really like him and he seems like a great guy, and we have lots of fun and get along great when we hang out. Maybe he just doesn't know how to talk about his feelings.

I also don't want to seem too desperate in asking him to hang out. I want him to show some interest as well.

[bbf]

Well, the friend who asked me to recently hang out is what I would definitely consider a player. He's definitely been with a ton of girls, and only dated a few of them. We dated a couple times 3 years ago and he just stopped calling me.. ever since then I've always had a weakness for him and never really stopped wanting him. Though from us talking recently he seems to have better intentions. Maybe he's grown up a bit? I don't want to judge him from something 3 years ago but it's hard not to forget.

 

Oh okay, in that case I can see why you would think that. I just thought since the two were friends, they would be similar in terms of their experience with girls.

 

As for Aaron, you are probably right about teaching him how to date. He doesn't have many female friends at all, only me and my friend as far as I've noticed. I also don't want to completely give up on him, or leave it up to him to ask me to hang out... because he may not know what to do either.. maybe he waits for me to ask? It's hard for me to say. I just really like him and he seems like a great guy, and we have lots of fun and get along great when we hang out. Maybe he just doesn't know how to talk about his feelings.

I also don't want to seem too desperate in asking him to hang out. I want him to show some interest as well.

 

Yeah, that's completely understandable. You guys sound like me and my first relationship. I never took her on any dates, never left her little notes, or gave her random compliments. My gf was constantly upset and accusing me of using her for sex. I couldn't understand it at all, in my heart I knew I would do anything to make her happy, I just didn't know the things I was supposed to do. That whole relationship I was filled with so much stress I couldn't eat, or sleep, or study.

 

Eventually she left me for my roommate, and I was so hurt I didn't even know it was possible to feel that bad. I needed to know why this happened to me so I starting reading about dating and relationships.

 

In my next relationship I ended up with a girl, and I was her first serious relationship. This time things went a lot smoother. I understood what it felt like not knowing what to do. I knew I'd have to teach her what I wanted from a relationship and encourage her to teach me what she wanted from the relationship. I think that's the only healthy way, but a lot of times it's hard; we're just not always comfortable asking for what we need, and sometimes we assume they know when they don't.

 

Hope that helps.

[alanaxo27]

Oh okay, in that case I can see why you would think that. I just thought since the two were friends, they would be similar in terms of their experience with girls.

Nah, I think that they were friends through family and that's how they know eachother. They only started hanging out a lot recently because they both moved here where I live for school. They are quite opposite in their experience, as far as I know anyway lol.

 

Well, hopefully I didn't scare him away by putting him on the spot last night. I think I'll just wait and see if he talks to me in the next couple days. If he doesn't seem interested, I might give up and give the other guy a shot... but that could end up very awkward.

 

Thanks very much for your replies

[PinkToes]

I have a friend who basically went through what you're going through for two years! They started as casual friends and then began hanging out. And they had sex the second time they got together.

 

And for the next two years, he told her stuff like, "I love hanging out with you and you're definitely the kind of girl I could see myself getting serious with...."

 

But he wasn't really interested in a relationship. And he would tell her this, but all she heard was, "I could see myself being with you if I were interested in a relationship... you're definitely the kind of girl I'd want to take home to meet my family..."

 

So she spent 2 years in FWB status, thinking he'd come around eventually. She heard only what she wanted to hear, and meanwhile, kept sleeping with him and not putting any sort of pressure on him, and then she'd get hurt when he never seemed to have time for her on the weekends, or want to make plans too far in advance. And he kept seeing other girls. He swore he wasn't having sex with anyone else, but eventually, she found out that wasn't even true.

 

Finally, she told him she wasn't really happy just hanging out and having sex, and they stopped seeing each other. Two weeks later, he was in a relationship with someone else. And interestingly, one of the things he told my friend much later was that the new girlfriend made him wait "forever" before they had sex for the first time. He never even had a chance to put her in the FWB category, before he started falling for her.

 

And meanwhile, my friend had wasted two years of her life, waiting for her FWB status to change. But it was too late for that. Their interaction was built on sex from the very beginning, and the guy never had the motivation to pursue anything else.

 

So whatever you do, don't assume that anything between you & this guy will ever change, as long as he's happy with the way things are. And have a good time on your own, with anyone who sparks your interest, whether they're his friends or not!

 

Just don't have sex until you know where things are headed. ;-)

[Mary3]

I have a friend who basically went through what you're going through for two years! They started as casual friends and then began hanging out. And they had sex the second time they got together.

 

And for the next two years, he told her stuff like, "I love hanging out with you and you're definitely the kind of girl I could see myself getting serious with...."

 

But he wasn't really interested in a relationship. And he would tell her this, but all she heard was, "I could see myself being with you if I were interested in a relationship... you're definitely the kind of girl I'd want to take home to meet my family..."

 

So she spent 2 years in FWB status, thinking he'd come around eventually. She heard only what she wanted to hear, and meanwhile, kept sleeping with him and not putting any sort of pressure on him, and then she'd get hurt when he never seemed to have time for her on the weekends, or want to make plans too far in advance. And he kept seeing other girls. He swore he wasn't having sex with anyone else, but eventually, she found out that wasn't even true.

 

Finally, she told him she wasn't really happy just hanging out and having sex, and they stopped seeing each other. Two weeks later, he was in a relationship with someone else. And interestingly, one of the things he told my friend much later was that the new girlfriend made him wait "forever" before they had sex for the first time. He never even had a chance to put her in the FWB category, before he started falling for her.

And meanwhile, my friend had wasted two years of her life, waiting for her FWB status to change. But it was too late for that. Their interaction was built on sex from the very beginning, and the guy never had the motivation to pursue anything else.

 

So whatever you do, don't assume that anything between you & this guy will ever change, as long as he's happy with the way things are. And have a good time on your own, with anyone who sparks your interest, whether they're his friends or not!

 

Just don't have sex until you know where things are headed. ;-)

 

BINGO ! HE found the girl and she didn't even have to sleep with him to get him interested. Isn't it funny how they say : I am not ready for a relationship " and then 2 weeks later they are IN ONE ? What they are really saying to you is : I am not ready for a relationship with YOU "

[alanaxo27]

I understand what you guys mean.

Last night I msged the second guy and told him I wasn't comfortable doing anything with him while I had anything to do with his friend. He was fine with that.

I saw Aaron yesterday last, I decided I'm not going to chase after him, I'm going to give him until the weekend to talk to me and if not I will tell him it's pretty obvious he isn't interested or else he would have asked me out by now, so i'm done playing games.

I will probably begin seeing the second one.. as long as he is still interested (after I'm done with all this mess). He seems to actually have good intentions. I asked him about why he randomly decided to hang out with me after not bothering with me for 3 years. He said he was in a relationship with a girl shortly after I had hung out with him back then, and they went out for a year and a half (we didn't really officially date we just went on a few dates.. i don't consider him an ex), then after they broke up I was with a guy for almost a year and a half as well. We broke up 5 months ago.. and he was with a girl then and they broke up about a month ago as well. He said he wasn't going to ask me out, because he heard about me and his friend, but then he decided he would anyway. (I'm going to bet he heard that his friend wasn't interested in a relationship with me or something...otherwise it would be a bad move on his part to ask me out if his friend actually liked me)

I'm not getting my hopes up about Aaron at all. I'm expecting the worst. I also totally know I shouldn't have done that with him so quickly, it was more of a spur of the moment, stupid mistake that happened. I was just soo attracted to him and when all of a sudden it started happening it was hard to stop it. Never again!! I definitely learned my lesson:) (just for the record I've never done that randomly with a guy before.. the only other guy i ever had was my one and only bf and we waited 8 months). This is not a regular thing at all lol. But we all learn from our mistakes, right?

[Mary3]

You GO girl ! I think you are going to be just fine

[alanaxo27]

sorry to bore everyone with a post again! i thought i was done with this situation but apparently not lol. my plan was to not bother with him and if he didn't bother with me then i was done with him. well, last night he sent me a text. this is how our convo went:

(after the normal, hey whats up, etc etc) (also, i was home for the weekend, not in the same city where i live in the same apt as him)

 

aaron - "message me when you get back sunday, k?"

me - "ok, why?"

aaron - "you asked me a question the last time we hung out. i think we should talk about it"

me - "ok.. is this going to be a good talk or a bad talk lol?"

aaron - "just a talk lol. depends on what you want? we'll wait till you get back to talk about it though."

 

 

so now i'm all stressed about what he's going to say. the question i asked was 'what are we'. so either he's going to say that we shouldn't see eachother anymore. or maybe he'll suggest something good? i have no clue. but i wish sunday night would come sooner so i could find out and stop worrying lol. i'm going to expect the worst though so i don't get too disapointed.