hollister Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 i dont really know why i'm posting this cuz i already know what the right thing to do is. But i've always been the good girl who thinks with her head and not her heart, until now... i guess i'm looking for justification or for someone to guilt me into doing the right thing. Just recently my best friend confessed that he has feelings for me. at first i didnt know how to react b/c he's married. i've liked him forever and didnt tell him before he got married cuz i never thot i'd have a shot with him. Neither one of us are "the type" to cheat but we have an amazing connection and the attraction is strong. Our friends even joke that we are destined to be together... we were really careful not to cross the line with our friendship until his wife cheated on him. now idk if he just gave up on hiding his feelings for me or if he felt his wife cheating was a way of having permission. anyway...we haven't done anything, we've only talked about it. I don't want to cause my bff to cheat, but i think i'm falling for him. so if i go through with this, will i be able to live with the guilt? and if i don't go through with it, how can i stay friends with him? also his wife's cheating has left him really insecure...any ideas on how i can make him feel better about himself? Link to post Share on other sites
Person012345 Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Imo he should leave his wife. If he loves you not her, and she doesn't love him enough that she goes around doing other guys/another guy then what do they have? They shouldn't be together, you two sound like you should, don't cheat with him as I don't imagine it'll give you what you want if you want a relationship with him. If I were him I'd leave my wife, he has every right to given the situation, and if you two want to be with each other why not be? Link to post Share on other sites
TaleSpin Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Yeah, he should leave his wife if he wants to be with you. If you guys have been best friends for a long while, he should know whether he wants to leave his wife for you or not. Aaaand... since you've been friends for so long, I'm sure it wouldn't be a big deal just staying friends until he sorts stuff out with his wife. Just be patient. If he doesn't want to leave his wife, then don't do anything. That's just messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 There are consequences to cheating, and if you're not one to do those kinds of things, then don't go against your own conscience. You have to think about whether being presented with this chance is actually beneficial for you as a person, and for your friendship. Your BFF's wife cheated, that's their marital problem. You can be supportive by being a friend, not by becoming another problem in their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Continue to be his friend. If he decides his wife's cheating is a dealbreaker in his marriage, be there for support, but as a friend. If his marriage is done, and it progresses to something more, than fantastic. But you need to keep the relationship as friends first. Let him make the decision to progress it to something more. But, and only if his marriage is done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hollister Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 you guys are right. this is what i needed to hear. it's sometimes hard when emotions are involved. i wanna fix things for him. whether it's with me or her, i just want him to be happy. and becoming another problem for them is not gonna make him happy. should i just give him some space and let him figure things out? like seibert253 said, "Let him make the decision to progress it to something more." Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Just recently my best friend confessed that he has feelings for me. at first i didnt know how to react b/c he's married. i've liked him forever and didnt tell him before he got married cuz i never thot i'd have a shot with him. also his wife's cheating has left him really insecure...any ideas on how i can make him feel better about himself? To my knowledge, men and women are never just platonic friends. What was his motivation for being friends with you over the years? Did you get together with him in the past at all? I just sense a missing piece of information. Some sort of group dynamic or something that we don't know about. Can you give us a bit more back story? If you sleep with him now you will kill your chances (in my opinion). He is still a married man. That problem needs to be corrected before you get naked since he isn't emotionally ready to meet your needs. The separation prior to divorce is valuable time for him to work through his emotions before he starts another serious relationship. He's insecure now? That problem should be corrected before you get naked with him - or else you will end up being the rebound girl. He is obviously very close to your heart. I'm just trying to help you find happiness with him. Us humans can be pretty complicated, and timing can be everything with these things. Has he asked you if you want to be his girlfriend? How does he react at the idea of you going on a coffee date with another man? It is so far removed from the normal progression of a relationship when the intended partner is still married to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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