Hurt guy has given up

[Mel001]

I've met this guy through the net, and he was straight forward with me from the beginning, in other words he wanted only sex. I also wanted just that, so we met several times and had great sex. I seriously and honestly don't have any plans for a relationship. I'm just a person going with the flow. But there is something else that makes me wanting to end all this.

 

We never talk about anything. I just go there, have sex with him, and then he just wants me out of there or at least this is what he wants to show to me.

 

I have read his old blogg and he's had an extremely hard time with girls that he has become a hurt person and now he hates everyone with all his passion, he's bitter and he always has the "that's so typical" answer to everything. We had discussion actually online, many discussions. And we have argued a lot, mainly because I have refused in the past to meet him and have sex with him if he doesn't change his behaviour towards me. But he's utlmately convienced that it's me that I'm the selfish one (!!!) and on top of that I argue with him. That it's always about me and never about him, and that he's had enough of this sh*t (!!!). I seriously don't get it at all.

 

Anyhow, we had a radical argument in september when he was really no showing me any respect at all and I ended up deleting him from facebook for good. I had enough being used like this. I said to him straight away that I can't have sex with a guy that doesn't care about me as a person, and that if I have a friend with benefits then we are actually friends. But he was "too angry" to talk about this as always he's ending up with "whatever" .

 

After one month without any communication, I was dating another person, I fell in love, but things turned out really bad when that other person decided to go back to his ex. I was crashed. At this time I unblocked the "hurt" guy on msn. I wasn't going to talk with him first, I have never done btw. So he did. He all changed, so nice and kind with me, it was like I was talking to a different person. Suddenly he wanted to make me feel good, he was funny and nice to talk with, I could suddenly tell him about my plans at work and all like I found a new friend. He suggested to meet. I wasn't very keen though because I was very hurt from the previous guy. But he was telling me that we would sit and talk about it first.

 

Anyhow, the day came, and I was still not sure whether I would risk it. I was still feeling bad. But I decided by the end to not stay home and meet him in the hope that we would sit and talk like friends, finally! As soon as he realised that I was warming up with the idea I saw a small change in him. But I went there. I went at his place and we started having sex directly. Yes, ok, the sex was great, no doubt. It was really really great. But after this, it was back to the old sh*t. He sat on the sofa and turned on the telly. I sat there for 20 minutes, we did NOT talk at all, except a few typical question from me about his work but other than that, he was waiting for me to dissapear. And so I did. And I was feeling really bad after it. That plus the combination that I was dumped by the previous, I was crying the whole way back home.

 

What is happening with this guy?? I mean I've read at his bloggs that he's been hurt from "friends with benefits" situations before and I can now understand that he's protecting himself, but I think he's going just too far. He has promised himself not to let anyone come close to him in the future. But how does he possibly think that we can continue meet like that without having anymore arguments and deletes from facebook lists?

 

Is it my behaviour that does this all? Why is he convienced that I don't give anything to him? Why is it ME that thinks that HE doesn't give anything to me? Why does he think that this is unfair everytime I try to discuss with him how bad I feel that he treats me like that? I have such a hard time to understand him and to make him feel good and to trust me.

 

Should I accept all the sh*t from him and see if that works? Should I delete him again and argue with him again as I always have done? This doesn't work though. I don't know what to do with him. I get frustrated, I express my frustration and suddenly he's all frustrated with me and he's had enough. Then I decide to talk him out of my life, then I'm the wrong one. I told him that I would give it a try now. But it didn't work. I feel bad. But going back to meaningless arguments and tantrums is not something that NOW would suddenly work.

 

Is he a bastard or does he want to show me he's one? Should I leave him in his misery for good? I'm so confused because on one hand I feel like not talking to him every again, and on the other hand I feel a pity of him and want to make him feel better...after all I've read...cause I know, I actually KNOW that he's not a bad guy. But he's turned to a hating a hurt guy and the result is this. I just don't know how I can make him feel better. That I don't want a relationship, has nothing to do with him, I generally don't feel ready for one. But I have no plans to get him to fall in love with me and tell him goodbye later. I'm open for many things, even something serious, if that's where things are going, I'm just going with the flow, I don't have any plans. I just want to make this "friends with benefits" better cause now it sucks and I feel like sending him to hell again. But I'm so confused...maybe it's me and my behaviour that causes it all. Maybe it's me that should change towards him...since he's so sure about it!

 

Is there any hope with him???

 

Sorry for the long post...thanks everyone that read so far!

[TaraMaiden]

Mel, give up.

This isn't going anywhere.

It's not remotely what you're looking for.

FWB?

I think that's a huge pile of crap.

 

You're not friends, and there are no benefits.

 

You're relationship material, he isn't.

You're not FWB material he is.

 

It's not rocket science.

 

Ditcxh him, and find someone who does something for you other than whambam thank you mam.

And no money exchanged hands, either.

I mean, how much luckier can the guy get?

[carhill]

Sounds like a potential repetitive ONS to me. It's probably not going to turn out well for you.

 

FWIW, you can have sex with most anyone. That's easy. The blessing and the curse of being a woman. Decide what you want and go with it. Be safe

[Odyssey]

Mel, one thing you have to understand is that you can not change someone unless they want to. In the end, his misery can only be changed by himself.

 

From your post, it doesn't sound like this relationship will change because you both want different things. I think, for now, you want more affection from him. But he just wants sex. I don't see this going well.

 

Don't play the game where you convince yourself that you have a meaningful relationship just because you're having sex.

 

Here's a tip: If a man wants to be married, he'll act like it. Same with relationships. FWBs, whatever. If a man wants to play around - and you'll know not because he says it, but because he does it (stay or go attitude too). Mel, don't stay and try to change him. That's a game you create – and you won't win.

[darkgold]

Hey hun, sorry to hear what you're goin thru. It's amazing and quite a stinker that the ones that are supposed to mean diddly squat are the ones who affect us the most. He obviously has insecuerities-sorry but you are not the one to pull him out of them-you sound like a caring person who deserves to be loved and chased in return at least, not do the chasing and have it thrown beack in your face. He does not have this 'little voice in his mind' telling him that he's wrong most likely, if he does he's doing a dam crappy job of appreciating you. Men are not good at showing feelings, yes, but must you waste your time and emotions? Who gives a damn what he feels? You do, but does he care what you go through? He could be standing in the same room for all he cares and would stand back and watch you cry. Think of it like that.

 

If you really want to finalise it, just delete him off fb, his contact number, change your ringtone and message too...even change your number so that he will never find you again. It's most likely he won't bother anyway but sometimes you need to save yourself from yourself and a fresh start in any way, no matter how trivial is always beneficial. Don't bother with his blogs or 'feelings' there are much better things to read like the ladies here who have posted you far more support than he will ever give.

 

Come next Christmas or by your next birthday he'll be nothing hun. Just.Don't.Bother.

[Princess1985]

I think you definantly should never EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. I know you want a friend, but This guy is not your friend. ...and there are no benefits either. You want to be in a meaningful relationship, and He wants to just play around and have sex, and say thankyou and Bye. Thats all he wants. You shouldnt say you want a friend with benefits. You should say that you want to be in a relationship. Your vulnerable right now because your hurt from the last relationship. ...but time heals all wounds. Just wait and let some tome go by, and you wont be hurt anymore, and you will be able to be in a meaningful relationship with the Right guy.