Jasonb8060 Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 I know that to those of you who read my previous thread im gonna seem like a bit of a hypocrit but thats only because im in the same boat as all of you. Neway I need advice once again! Im meeting my ex (broke up about 2 months ago). She is at uni but she is back for christmas. Basically she has a new bf and likes him but the other night when we spoke she made it clear that she is still in love with me without actually saying it. We are meeting tomorrow for a few hours. this could be a major chance for me to score some more points. We have both kind of gone off and done our own thing but i love her more now than ever. I need to know what i should say because she doesnt want me to talk about how i love her etc... because she doesnt want to go bak to uni confused. Her being home allows her time to think which is why she is realising her feelings 4 me once again bcoz at uni she can distract herself. this means that what i say can impact her but i want the decision to be hers not something i forced. Incase ur thinking that its pointless if she has a bf but she is that kind of gal she always has a bf, she always says im better looking and obviously she knows we get along and any time she compares us I always seem to come out on top, in her mind atleast. WHAT DO I DO TOMMOROW!!???? (quick responses would be very much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
cafemcyc Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Just be yourself, catch up. chat. Don't steer it to the relationship. If she wants to she will. Don't set yourself up as the back-up BF. You said she has always had a boyfriend. You need to feel comfortable with yourself and relax. Life does go on. Don't let the meeting just refresh old wounds. If at the end you want to let her know how you feel, be brief and to the point. Don't beg. But also let her know you need your space until she knows what she decides. Don't keep tesring at the scabs of the broken heart, you will never heal. I posted a reply earlier, I have gotten back with my ex I know it an happen. but first she needs to decide how she feels, alone. She can't make a undoubtable decision about you if she is in a relationship. It not fair to any of the 3 involved. My ex an myself worked ours out when we were single and not involving someone elses feelings but our own. My best advice is you may not be ready for this, or you are seeing something into that may not be there. Keep focused and don't over analyze. If she has always had a boyfriend maybe she has security issues. I want someone to stand beside me, not someone I hold up. Good-luck Remember you come first. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 I agree with cafemcyc. See my most recent post (called somthing like re: how the evening went and where next) for details on my recent meeting with my ex after a 6-7 wek break-up. Hopefully you might find it useful, and you and others can offer up further opinions! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasonb8060 Posted December 10, 2003 Author Share Posted December 10, 2003 Thanx 4 the replies, they are very helpfull and I read ur thread and it was positive, i only hope my meeting with my x goes as well. The fact that she is home for christmas will allow her time to think so things could be good. On the other hand i dont wanna scare her away i know she is funny about things to do with us whenever i bring it up so i think im gonna try & bring the conversation around so that it sher that brings it up???? Keep suggestin stuff im still kinda worried about 2moz. Link to post Share on other sites
cafemcyc Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Look I know you want to steer the conversation around to where she will bring it up. DON"T!!! You can't steer it and get the response you want. It never works that way. It's just pushing even if your trying to be subtle. If she want's to talk about it she will. Let her decide. She will probably be more curious if you don't bring it up or steer it that way. Let her wonder for a change. Look you are walking a knife edge and right now your obsession is going to cause you to slip. Stop trying to control or steer. It just backfires. Can'y you just enjoy her company without manipulating. Believe me she will know if you try. Maybe not right then, but she will at sometime. She will discuss the situation with people and ask what they think. Just like your doing now. You might not like it. but that's my advice Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 As I said me and my ex had a great time. I did not go to beg for forgiveness, but the relationship did come up probably twice but not intentionally. Once when we were in car chatting, she found a car-park ticket from her uni. as she was rummaging in door pocket for a chocolate I said was there! I said it was the one I got when I went to see her shortly after the break-up but missed her (the day she left to go to a party somewhere else). I apologised obviously, and she quickly apologised too since she didn't realise I saw her and thought that I thought that she was lieing (lying - I dunno lol!), so that matter was resolved quickly! [i stress again now that I did not go to manipulate her, beg for forgiveness, plead for her to take me back or tell her how much i love her over and over!] The other time it came up was when I said to her (after a few drinks) jokingly "oh please take me back [name]!". At this stage we were both very close and laughing and her response was somewhere along the lines of "Noooooo", jokingly serious too as she knew I was only messin'. Think how bad this would be if you asked it seriously! Don't talk about your relationship with her. That's in the past, try to focus on the future with her! Link to post Share on other sites
cafemcyc Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 I totally agree with the last post, see how easy it is to go in the wrong direstion or have something pop up you'd rather not have. I've been there and done that. You are reading these post and taking advice so you don't make some of the irreversible mistakes others have made. Think about it calmly and clearly. For now just watch out for yourself and enjoy the meeting. Think about it, if you talk about something that really needs to be left alone it could be a last meeting. just keep it simple. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 (I didn't say it seriously, and she knew that I wasn't being serious, so we just laughed it off etc. so essentially formed part of a flowing conversation with no uneasy silences!) I wasn't thinking about asking this seriously either; I wouldn't have asked her that because that's not what I want. Sure I want to be back with her, but I need that to be her decision rather than me force it upon her! We need to start seeing eachother as friends / dating etc. first, there is no point in breaking then getting straight back together because it gived noone chance to change and resolve past problems! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasonb8060 Posted December 11, 2003 Author Share Posted December 11, 2003 I think my intentions may have been a lil misundastood, i wasnt planning on pleading etc.. iv already done that and know that gets me nowhere. & i wasnt gonna try and manipulate her i just meant that i would leave it to her to talk about us which undoubtdly she will as this is what happened when i spoke to her the other day and left "us" out of the conversation. Another point which i failed to mention is that this is the only oportunity i will get 2c her whilst she is back (as far as I know for now) so i need to fully communicate my feelings to her on this one occasion as it will be my only opportunity. I just love her, its not desperation its just natural that we be together and even she feels that its just not ideally practcal. But things have changed since the break up, namely me as it was my 1st relationship so i couldnt understand all of her actions ( ie keeping in contact with her ex) whereas now i can so a lot of friction would be removed. I also now realise my errors in dealing with the distance prob. And mostly i realise just how much she means to me. Oh & i can also drive now which means i can visit her @ uni. Thanks again for your advice, keep it coming and wish me luck! thanx. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 I would let her take the lead on the relationship talk if it must come up. Link to post Share on other sites
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