Have any of you found your young son looking at Porn? What did you do?

[TenaciousWoman]

I know this is kind of natural curiosity, I have 5 sons and the issue will come up eventually, I was never worried about the oldest, he was really into Church & youth groups, he did admit to me (we are very open) that he has looked & felt guilty about it. But my next son is not as open as him, and he spends an awful lot of time with the Laptop, mostly games, but I do not really know. I do not have Net Nanny or any of those things blocked on this computer , we all share it. Any experiences out there, please share.

[Tayla]

As a parent of two sons I asked them the following:

 

If you show a person who is absolutely famished a picture of a cheeseburger with all the toppings with a side of fries, does that satiate their hunger?

So too with the pictures being viewed. It does no good physically.

 

My house rule was it was not allowed online, in their rooms or on Tv. They learned though that the human body deserves regarding and respected, not viewed as an object of satisfaction only.

 

I did listen to their reasoning and so to did their dad. We all agreed to be honest and listen. Still didnt change the house rule but it was a chance to hear them out.

 

To each their own when parenting on this matter, mine seemed to work for my sons...

[sally4sara]

My son turned 12 today. He has the parental control set up on his PC to restrict his internet use.

 

I have no experience in growing up as a boy, so I did give him access to Sport's Illustrated so when the female form begins to intrigue him enough to investigate on-line, he can look at the swim suit stuff.

[GorillaTheater]

Four boys, and as a former (?) boy myself, I understand the almost compulsive appeal to look at pics of nekkid women while they're in their teens. The problem, of course, is that it's far easier to do so now than it was back in the day.

 

Our rule is that the internet is only accessible on the computer in the kitchen. And we periodically check the history (no deleting history allowed). Similarly, we don't have TVs in any of the bedrooms.

 

But I imagine they'll still find a way.

[ADF]

I know this is kind of natural curiosity, I have 5 sons and the issue will come up eventually, I was never worried about the oldest, he was really into Church & youth groups, he did admit to me (we are very open) that he has looked & felt guilty about it. But my next son is not as open as him, and he spends an awful lot of time with the Laptop, mostly games, but I do not really know. I do not have Net Nanny or any of those things blocked on this computer , we all share it. Any experiences out there, please share.

 

You may not like what I am about to say, but here it goes: ALL MEN LOOK AT PORN.

 

Or virtually all of them. Nothing you do will prevent any of your sons from doing it at some point and to some degree. All you can do is not make them feel ashamed about it. An interest in sexually explicit material is a perfectly normal part of being male (and maybe, in some cases, female).

 

The best solution: your sons need to pretend they don't look at porn out of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe them out of respect for theirs.

[TenaciousWoman]

ADF: Accually your reply does not bother me at all. Me and my husband are more open to sexually and it's expresson more than most or average parents. I have seen far too many kids hiding things from thier parents, many open up to me /come to me to share their sorrows when they know they can not talk to their own parents--about anything lest they be grounded or felt to be dirt for having a wayward thought. But if I started my post saying this, I think I might have come off very badly. My husband is totally UNworried about this issue, a little about him...he is a wonderful man/father, we waited till we was marreid to even have sex (what a rarity today!) but he certainly was always curious (And I will always defend that is "normal"), He was buying Playboy at Flea Markets & hiding it from his Mom at the ripe age of 12 and selling them to friends to make money , I think it is kind of funny now. Porn has never hurt my husband, or our relationshiop at all, infact I think it has enhanced it. But in saying this, I do not believe this is the case for many marraiges! Every story is different just like every kid is different! I am more of an Obsessive person than my husband , if my son was just like him, I would hardly be worried about his looking- even if we found something, but he has MY genes and I would not want him to become Obsessed. I tend to have an Obsessive personality when it comes to certain vices. Me and my oldest could openly talk about these things, and I loved that. Having my kids hide things from me, it may start with porn, but will lead to so many other things, that is just not acceptable to me, as they know they can openly come to me about ANYTHING, and I do mean anything. They have seen the interaction with the oldest. I am just dealing with a different child up & coming. This one is sneaky to begin with, and I was thinking maybe I should get Net Nanny or something. I guess I am most interested in hearing from MEN/Fathers on this, as to when YOU would be worried a son is going TOO far. Would YOU get Net nanny or use controls or is it always just the Mothers who do this? As most of you have already been there . My husband accually will find it amusing if we find something, that is how unconcerned he is. I thought it an interesting discussion anyhow. Please forgive me if my thoughts offend some Moms out there. I really do find it all normal behavior, but I know there comes a fine line that should not be allowed to be crossed, as parents, that is our responsibility.

[sally4sara]

The only problems with porn I have is the violent porn. I do not want my son growing up thinking that is normal or okay. There is no way for me to block it specifically and not block all. While he is under my roof, he will not be learning those things as I feel it promotes a harmful attitude about women and sex.

 

Be the change in the world I wish to see?

 

Well that is one of the things I'd like to see change so it starts in my home.

 

Humans found their porn long before the internet; my son can do the same. Besides, on the internet here are images galore that are titillating while still not considered "porn".

The problem with porn on the internet is, unlike our visceral experiences, it can happen ALL at once. You go from seeing your first naked titty to staged rape, farm sex and Roman showers in 5 minutes flat!

 

Remember the butterflies when you got your first kiss? Your first make out session and all the other intense firsts you experience along your journey to sexual maturity all the way to today? They were fun! How fun and mindblowing would they have been if you were already aware of all the things you know now about sex at the time of your first kiss?

The sex education one finds on the internet, I feel, robs kids of their journey of firsts. I want my son to enjoy all those things as much as I did if not more.

Edited November 11, 2009 by sally4sara

[TenaciousWoman]

I agree with you Sally, you are so right!! what Me & the Husband like is "Soft porn", but you are right, there IS some REALLY REALLY bad stuff out there and maybe I have forgotten that in talking about this, I needed reminded ! We have been making him use the computer downstairs only where we are or the other kids, he is not alone with it. Our situation is kind of bizarre as our children (the 1st 3) are (or appear) more "Moral" than we are--seriously. They love Church, youth groups, hang out with good kids, get good grades, they give us very little trouble, probably why we have not laid down a ton of rules--and have trusted mostly what they do on the net. Our oldest is 19 , in college, and still does not believe in dating (because of teachings from youth group--I find this very strange), though I KNOW he is not gay- one reason is because he admits he struggles with wanting to look at Porn/naked women! How crazy is that ! Now if he would just bring home a girlfriend, I would be smiling.

Edited November 11, 2009 by TenaciousWoman
word misplelled

[Joie de Vivre]

I think it's completely normal for teenage boys to be curious about porn on the internet. back in high school, a lot my male classmates looked at porn..none of them were messed up, all of them had average or above grades and all of them went to college afterwards. Same goes for my brother.

 

I think it's okay for kids to look at porn as long as:

a. they don't let it consume them to the point it effects their grades

b. does not effect their social life and relationships

 

the more you restrict, the more curious they will get.

they can always look at porn on their cell phones as well...

[dimeified]

i mean no disrespect when i say this, this is more of something you should tell your husband to deal with, and let him deal with it any way he sees fit, weather it be punishment, or just a slap on the wrist. it shouldnt be condoned, but certainly you should not ground him for 3 weeks. this is a mans discussion. no guy will be 100% with his mother on the topic.

[Curious-One]

I dont see why you should care if they look at porn or not. They are guys and guys do it. I saw my first porno around 13-14 and i turned out allright.. I am 22 and going to college and still watch it sometime. There is nothing wrong with it and like someone said, your husband should be the one worried about it. It woud be very ackward for a mom to talk about that.

[TenaciousWoman]

Husband is not concerned, I am ONLY concerned cause I have somewhat of an Obsessive personality, meaning my kids could also. I know this is not normal for boys to be open with their mothers, but My oldest has no problem sitting down with me & talking about this kind of stuff --and he is concerned about his little brother cause He has struggled so much with it himself-looking at Porn online, he feels I need to guard the computer, cause of the Pull it has had Over him. He said to me the other day he WISHED we would have done something. But in saying all of this, he is very religious & feels shame & guilt over masterbating. Which I try to tell him is natural and normal for teen boys. Yeah, can you imagine having this kind of conversation with your mom! But it happens in our house. Sorry we are not the normal family I guess. Dad just doesnt say much. But they know Mom's secret desire is to be a sex therapist or sorts, so it is not the normal family dynamic here.

[Angel1111]

First of all, kids under a certain age should never have access to a computer alone. There is so much perversion on the internet that it can make you sick to your stomach. You absolutely don't want your kids exposed to that because they're at the age where they're forming their views on sex and love. However, as a rule, I don't think there's anything wrong with them looking at nudie pics of women because that's natural but, again, the problem with the internet is that it goes way beyond that. My son was never alone with a computer until he was older. I purposely did not have wireless in the house so that he couldn't go anywhere in the house with the laptop except for the living room. That way I could loosely monitor what he did, and it also kept him from locking himself up in his room when he was on the computer.

 

But when he was about 13, I knew he was getting to a point where he was interested in looking at nude photos of women. He's a pretty good artist and I was finding nude drawings of women in his bed. So I actually bought a couple of Playboy magazines and put them in our mailbox. He loved checking the mail so I figured that would be the best place to put them so that he wouldn't think I had anything to do with it - because that would've embarrased him. I remember him and his buddy whispering excitedly in his room about the mags, thinking I had no idea what was going on, and you would've thought they had found buried treasure. It was really funny. Now my son is 19, in college and in a very healthy relationship with a wonderful girl - so I'm assuming it didn't do him any harm. It might've even done some good. Even though I'm opposed to hard core porn, I think some magazines like Playboy are more respectful of women and I preferred that he have that experience instead of some of the other things he could've come across, or would've gone looking for. I'm sure a lot of people would object to what I did but I think it was the right thing to do. You can take it for what it's worth.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Angel1111

[lovelorcet]

Husband is not concerned, I am ONLY concerned cause I have somewhat of an Obsessive personality, meaning my kids could also. I know this is not normal for boys to be open with their mothers, but My oldest has no problem sitting down with me & talking about this kind of stuff --and he is concerned about his little brother cause He has struggled so much with it himself-looking at Porn online, he feels I need to guard the computer, cause of the Pull it has had Over him. He said to me the other day he WISHED we would have done something. But in saying all of this, he is very religious & feels shame & guilt over masterbating. Which I try to tell him is natural and normal for teen boys. Yeah, can you imagine having this kind of conversation with your mom! But it happens in our house. Sorry we are not the normal family I guess. Dad just doesnt say much. But they know Mom's secret desire is to be a sex therapist or sorts, so it is not the normal family dynamic here.

 

 

I would be more worried about your son seeming to be very self hating about his own sexuality.

[exhusband]

I am planning on getting him to a counselor...feels like his innocence is gone, and I'm to blame for letting him use my computer unsupervised. Worse than innocence lost are the potential long-term effects of his exposure to the really perverse stuff he was looking at.

 

I'm planning to get him/us to a counselor but I really don't know what can be done at this point. Almost like he has been brainwashed or something.

 

Anyone had a young son (<10 years old) get exposed to this repeatedly? What did you do and did it help? Please tell me he got over it...

 

Thanks in advance for any help/advice.

[Starring_Emma]

I think if I had a son I'd be more worried if I found out he wasn't interested in looking at naked pictures of girls.

[MissJoness]

some of you are sick for introducing photos of naked women to your sons. I can't believe I"m reading this. Its one thing for the young boys to discover it by accident or on their own--but for the parents to introduce Playboy to their sons is almost in the territory of incest. this is gross and very sad.

[Zeta4PhiSius]

MissJoness wrote:

some of you are sick for introducing photos of naked women to your sons. I can't believe I"m reading this. Its one thing for the young boys to discover it by accident or on their own--but for the parents to introduce Playboy to their sons is almost in the territory of incest. this is gross and very sad.

I'm aware of the definition of incest but thought I'd introduce the dictionary definition of such anyways...

 

"1. Sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom"

and

"2. The statutory crime of sexual relations with such a near relative."

 

BEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...shall we try some more definitions?

 

I don't see introducing playboy to their sons being in those definitions. I don't see looking at naked women being in those definitions or anywhere thereof as long as it's NOT the near relative. It's totally normal. Get off the rainbow and become part of the real world for a second.

 

You would seriously rather them find it off the streets or on the internet or somewhere else where it can be very nasty (and no parental controls are in place) rather than in an okay packaged form like Playboy?

 

Wow. Next we're going to hear the condoning of giving drugs to kids so they can experience the high and understand firsthand what NOT to do. Ugh.

 

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Simon Attwood]

When I was a kid, my dad used to come and get me out of bed if there was any nudity on the television. I was quite obsessed by it as a kid. Later in life I became a figurative sculptor. Go figure.

some of you are sick for introducing photos of naked women to your sons. I can't believe I"m reading this. Its one thing for the young boys to discover it by accident or on their own--but for the parents to introduce Playboy to their sons is almost in the territory of incest. this is gross and very sad.

 

I sure hope you're not a mother ...

 

A repressed early sexuality lead to the creation of many of the worlds most replusive sex offenders and serial killers.

[MissJoness]

I'm aware of the definition of incest but thought I'd introduce the dictionary definition of such anyways...

 

"1. Sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom"

and

"2. The statutory crime of sexual relations with such a near relative."

 

BEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...shall we try some more definitions?

 

I don't see introducing playboy to their sons being in those definitions. I don't see looking at naked women being in those definitions or anywhere thereof as long as it's NOT the near relative. It's totally normal. Get off the rainbow and become part of the real world for a second.

 

You would seriously rather them find it off the streets or on the internet or somewhere else where it can be very nasty (and no parental controls are in place) rather than in an okay packaged form like Playboy?

 

Wow. Next we're going to hear the condoning of giving drugs to kids so they can experience the high and understand firsthand what NOT to do. Ugh.

 

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I find it very sick and repulsive that a mother would put playboy in the mailbox so her son can look at women with their legs wide open.

 

that is SICK to me

 

if it were an educational magazine designed for young adults to learn about sex (safe sex) in a productive manner than that is no problem. but to purposely introduce PLAYBOY or PENTHOUSE magazine specifically designed for men to beat off to?? EWWW I have never heard of a mother doing something like that. next he's going to think all women should have huge boobs and look like plastic. most mothers TRASH that crap when they find it in their sons room. you're introducing it

 

As for them finding out on the internet by themselves hell WHY NOT? that's how most people find out and it isn't going to destroy them.

 

You would seriously rather them find it off the streets or on the internet or somewhere else where it can be very nasty (and no parental controls are in place) rather than in an okay packaged form like Playboy?

 

you're handing the smut to your own sons. how does that make it any different if they discover it on their own???

[MissJoness]

When I was a kid, my dad used to come and get me out of bed if there was any nudity on the television. I was quite obsessed by it as a kid. Later in life I became a figurative sculptor. Go figure.

 

I sure hope you're not a mother ...

 

A repressed early sexuality lead to the creation of many of the worlds most replusive sex offenders and serial killers.

that's what most parents DO. who wants to watch sexual nudity with their kids? seriously this is just gross and weird

[tahoebuffy]

I think what you did was brilliant. Children eventually become curious about sex, and I see so many parents trying to discipline it out of them. I think THAT makes for badly adjusted kids with years of sexual dissatisfaction and lingering guilt ahead of them. I agree with you about the super raunchy over the top stuff they can find on the internet, yuck! But Playboy is perfect, it allows them to get a good look at what they have been dying to see, and gives them something to fantasize about without forming negative, violent ideas and conclusions about women and sex. Well done Dad.

[tahoebuffy]

Obviously, you have never looked at a Playboy magazine, Miss Jones. Becuase if you had, you would know that the women in Playboy NEVER pose with their legs spread. You only get the classic, respectful V shot of the mons pubis, bare breasts, and bare bum....much like those classic, priceless portraits of women hanging in museums all over the world that children can view whenever they have an opportunity because it is considered beautiful and artistic. I find your puritanical and slightly scary views of the female form incredibly unsettling. Men and women find each other physically attractive, and there is NOTHING wrong with fostering a natural appreciation of a womans body in a teenage boy. In fact, numerous studies have clearly shown that the denial of sexuality in developing pubescents often leads to self hatred, low self esteem, and guess what else?? Nasty, weird fetishes like that hard core violent crap you can find on the net. Fetishes are a byproduct of a puritanical, sexually oppressed nation. Maybe try some research and education before letting your emotional reactions take over, M'kay?

[MissJoness]

Obviously, you have never looked at a Playboy magazine, Miss Jones. Becuase if you had, you would know that the women in Playboy NEVER pose with their legs spread. You only get the classic, respectful V shot of the mons pubis, bare breasts, and bare bum....much like those classic, priceless portraits of women hanging in museums all over the world that children can view whenever they have an opportunity because it is considered beautiful and artistic. I find your puritanical and slightly scary views of the female form incredibly unsettling. Men and women find each other physically attractive, and there is NOTHING wrong with fostering a natural appreciation of a womans body in a teenage boy. In fact, numerous studies have clearly shown that the denial of sexuality in developing pubescents often leads to self hatred, low self esteem, and guess what else?? Nasty, weird fetishes like that hard core violent crap you can find on the net. Fetishes are a byproduct of a puritanical, sexually oppressed nation. Maybe try some research and education before letting your emotional reactions take over, M'kay?

its fine if they discover this on their own but not by their parents which is incredibly disgusting and borderline incestuous

 

and i've seen playboy and seen photos of some of the women with their legs spread wide open

 

either way any mother who shows this to her son is really gross. most mothers dispose it or deny it. not encourage it. i don't care what stats say, the people supporting it are probably sick individuals themselves

Edited January 10, 2010 by MissJoness

[Angel1111]

some of you are sick for introducing photos of naked women to your sons. I can't believe I"m reading this. Its one thing for the young boys to discover it by accident or on their own--but for the parents to introduce Playboy to their sons is almost in the territory of incest. this is gross and very sad.

 

You can kid yourself all day long about this but they're going to get exposed to it no matter what you do. I'd rather that my son look at Playboy at home, than some of the other horrible stuff that's out there. Playboy is just a magazine full of beautiful, naked women. Some of the other things out there are completely degrading to women. And I never said I watched porn with my son. As his mom, that would be incredbily weird. I'm not quite sure how incest comes into the picture. I didn't hand the magazine to him, I put it in the mailbox. He had no idea that I had anything to do with it.

 

The thing is, if kids are taught that it's wrong to think about sex, then you're going to have a repressed kid on your hands. Sex is one of the most natural things in the world. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong but people tell me all the time that my son is one of the most well-adjusted teens they've ever seen, and he's currently in a very happy and healthy relationship with a pretty and intelligent girl. I don't see where there was any harm done.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Angel1111