Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Okay let's break it up guys. No need to argue or fight here. There were a lot of responses (all of which I read) since I was last on here. I think it was sb who said that I had never posted about my mother before. That's true, I used to not talk to ANYONE about it, I just kept it bottled up inside of me because I was embarrassed/ashamed. I have found though that talking about it helps. It takes the weight off of me and I just plan feel better after talking with others about it. Luckyone, with all due respect I find that your posts are just getting people all riled up. I don't care if you agree/disagree with me, but please try not to start fights here. Thanks. Thank you all for responding, it's helping me to talk about it and gain some support/advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, she's just mentally ill and we are all angry and upset with her. Huh? Laurie, aren't you in the mental health/counseling field? If so, you of all people should understand that mental illness is just that -- an illness! Would you be angry with your mom if she had cancer or heart disease? Why aren't you trying to get her help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Huh? Laurie, aren't you in the mental health/counseling field? If so, you of all people should understand that mental illness is just that -- an illness! Would you be angry with your mom if she had cancer or heart disease? Why aren't you trying to get her help? Ugh! Did you read this whole thread? This has been addressed like 50 times. Cancer/heart disease are COMPLETELY different then her illness. You can't even compare the two. We've been trying to get her help for 6 years. My dad said he's going to take her to the hospital if her behavior continues to escalate. How's that? Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Ugh! Did you read this whole thread? This has been addressed like 50 times. Cancer/heart disease are COMPLETELY different then her illness. You can't even compare the two./QUOTE] I compare the two because your posts suggest that your mother is willfully behaving in a manner to upset you. She's not. She has an illness. One of the buggest challenges in dealing with people who have a mental illness is that they are often unaware that this is so (unlike when they have cancer or heart disease). This does not change the fact that they have an illness, they are not choosing to hurt or alientate their family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Ugh! Did you read this whole thread? This has been addressed like 50 times. Cancer/heart disease are COMPLETELY different then her illness. You can't even compare the two./QUOTE] I compare the two because your posts suggest that your mother is willfully behaving in a manner to upset you. She's not. She has an illness. One of the buggest challenges in dealing with people who have a mental illness is that they are often unaware that this is so (unlike when they have cancer or heart disease). This does not change the fact that they have an illness, they are not choosing to hurt or alientate their family. Yes, but choosing or not, she is still hurting and alientating us. When she tries to beat up my dad and scream at him or yell at me and accuse me of horrible things it's hard to keep in mind that she isn't "choosing" to do that behavior. Because it pretty much seems like she is at the time that it is happening. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Laurie, here's a question to ponder. Is the essence of who your mother is, the personality, the behaviors, who she has always been, all your life? Perhaps the volume is louder now, but is she essentially the same person she's always been? I had a friend for a number of years who is epileptic. We'd be talking and she'd just kind of stare at me and go blank and sometimes say nonsensical and rude things. A couple of times she had complex partial seizures which were pretty disconcerting. Her illness was obvious and I never took any of her rude or insensitive behaviors personally because I knew that wasn't who she was, and that some of her behaviors were rooted in fear. Knowing one's brain might short circuit without warning must be a tremendously scary experience. That's an example of both something obviously an illness and also obviously where the person's intrinsic personality is different than what can manifest when the illness presents itself. Would this apply in any way to your mother's situation? OK, time to wander off into the fog (foggy day here) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 epileptic. We'd be talking and she'd just kind of stare at me and go blank and sometimes say nonsensical and rude things. WOW, great point, and very relevant here. LB, are you listening? Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 It sounds like lb had been dealing with this her whole life and like with most illnesses her mothers has gotten worse with age. I dont see what the issue is with LB taking a break. I know people who take breaks from their mothers who arent suffering from mental illness let alone someones mom who is. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 It sounds like lb had been dealing with this her whole life and like with most illnesses her mothers has gotten worse with age. I dont see what the issue is with LB taking a break. I know people who take breaks from their mothers who arent suffering from mental illness let alone someones mom who is. I agree with this. It's not your mom's fault that she has a mental illness. Nor is it your fault if you find that you don't have the strength to deal with it at the moment. BTDT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 WOW, great point, and very relevant here. LB, are you listening? Yeah, I know all about what Epilepsy is like, believe me. It's NOT the same thing no matter how you spin it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Laurie, here's a question to ponder. Is the essence of who your mother is, the personality, the behaviors, who she has always been, all your life? Perhaps the volume is louder now, but is she essentially the same person she's always been? I had a friend for a number of years who is epileptic. We'd be talking and she'd just kind of stare at me and go blank and sometimes say nonsensical and rude things. A couple of times she had complex partial seizures which were pretty disconcerting. Her illness was obvious and I never took any of her rude or insensitive behaviors personally because I knew that wasn't who she was, and that some of her behaviors were rooted in fear. Knowing one's brain might short circuit without warning must be a tremendously scary experience. That's an example of both something obviously an illness and also obviously where the person's intrinsic personality is different than what can manifest when the illness presents itself. Would this apply in any way to your mother's situation? OK, time to wander off into the fog (foggy day here) No this does not apply whatsoever. Rude comments are NOTHING compared to the abuse that my family has had to endure. Epilepsy is the worst hell you could ever deal with. Maybe my mom doesn't know when her crap with go off and I'm sure it's hard for her, but she can sure control it! Epileptics can't control a darn thing!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Maybe my mom doesn't know when her crap with go off and I'm sure it's hard for her, but she can sure control it! Epileptics can't control a darn thing!!!!! The verbiage is a bit unclear ('doesn't know when her crap with go off') but are you saying you believe your mom has always been in full control of her behaviors and makes a conscious choice to act in the way she does? That's very different from typical mental illness. For example, from my own experience, I know my mother would be mortified at some of the things she did to me and said to me (things too shocking to repeat here) but that was not who she was historically in her life, if anything the polar opposite. What I'm trying to do is understand the dynamic, which is often difficult through text over the internet. Just so I'm clear, your mother has always been like this, perhaps to a lesser degree than currently, all of your life and as long as your father has known her? Correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 The verbiage is a bit unclear ('doesn't know when her crap with go off') but are you saying you believe your mom has always been in full control of her behaviors and makes a conscious choice to act in the way she does? That's very different from typical mental illness. It's not just very different from typical mental illness, it is NOT mental illness. If she has complete control of her faculties, her actions, her decisions, her words, her outbursts, then she's not mentally ill... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Maybe my mom doesn't know when her crap with go off and I'm sure it's hard for her, but she can sure control it! Epileptics can't control a darn thing!!!!! As you know, LB... epileptics often have an aura prior to a seizure. But that doesn't mean they can control themselves during a seizure anymore than someone who's mentally ill. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah, I know all about what Epilepsy is like, believe me. It's NOT the same thing no matter how you spin it. Perhaps you're comparing apples and oranges. Not every epileptic patient is the same, or behaves the same way during a seizure, wouldn't you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 The verbiage is a bit unclear ('doesn't know when her crap with go off') but are you saying you believe your mom has always been in full control of her behaviors and makes a conscious choice to act in the way she does? That's very different from typical mental illness. For example, from my own experience, I know my mother would be mortified at some of the things she did to me and said to me (things too shocking to repeat here) but that was not who she was historically in her life, if anything the polar opposite. What I'm trying to do is understand the dynamic, which is often difficult through text over the internet. Just so I'm clear, your mother has always been like this, perhaps to a lesser degree than currently, all of your life and as long as your father has known her? Correct?Reliant on how far gone a patient is within their delusional world, they can drift in and out of sane moments, hiding paranoia and bad behaviours when they want to. This isn't unusual. It's why mentally ill patients such as schizophrenics, can easily be and are often, misdiagnosed. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 No this does not apply whatsoever. Rude comments are NOTHING compared to the abuse that my family has had to endure. Epilepsy is the worst hell you could ever deal with. Maybe my mom doesn't know when her crap with go off and I'm sure it's hard for her, but she can sure control it! Epileptics can't control a darn thing!!!!!Lb, steady on course. You know what you're experiencing with your mother. No one else does. Your feelings are valid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 I snapped when everyone started talking about Epilepsy. Lets move on from that. To clarify, my mother has NOT always acted this way, even to a lesser degree. It began 6 years ago when my grandfather passed away and she got laid off from the airlines. She became depressed, was put on medication, and that was it for her. It IS possible to have episodic behavior in regards to a mental illness as TBF said. The good news is that my mom is finally starting to realize how her illness is effecting us. She went to a psychiatrist yesterday (HER idea and doing) and I actually had a fairly normal conversation with her today. She said that she understands she is being difficult and she is not well. She also told us that she does not want to upset us over thanksgiving and understands if we want to go out to dinner without her. She said she does not want to cause anymore pain or trouble for us. I think the psychiatrist might actually have helped her see the light! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 That's good news! Thanks for clarifying. I have some ideas, based on your further explanations, but they can wait until after Thanksgiving. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 She said she does not want to cause anymore pain or trouble for us. I think the psychiatrist might actually have helped her see the light! It seems like between the husband divorcing her and you disowning her, the psychiatrist is the lesser of two evils. Link to post Share on other sites
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