I'm just a tart

[Mel001]

If what you are doing is hurting you - and apparently it is - then by all means, try something new. Enjoy getting to know someone before you sleep with them. It is fun and it builds anticipation.

 

I will definately try this. Maybe things will change actually, who knows...

[Mel001]

The issue may have nothing at all to do with sex with at least some or all of your partners...but whatever the reason IS that they dont want to continue a relationship with you...there IS a reason.

 

Sometimes, when you keep doing the same thing and you dont like the consistant results...you have to stop, change direction, and do something else.

 

Yes maybe there is something else. I will find out. If my tries to keep away from sex at the early dates don't give any results then there's definately something else...

[Mel001]

Hopefully this will give you some different ideas to help you.

 

Here is my thought if I meet a girl and looking for a long term relationship. If I was with a girl that is too "easy", I will think, ok this girl is not picky and "easy" what will keep her from dumping me and going after the next guy? We are sleeping on the first or second date, and this girl doesn't even know me that well. Does she do this with all other guys? For me these are problems I will think of.

 

Now I will try to look at it differently as well. All you have said is that you have sex early which isn't much to go by. Maybe it isn't the sex like what I said above and it's something else. If you are that attractive, smart, and like to have sex, there might be another reason why guys are breaking up with you.

 

Do you ever get stressed and worried over what the girl would think about you if you slept with her from the first, second date?

[Mel001]

I admire who you are, Mel. You are a fighter. And you came on here looking for help, because you don't like the life you are living. You are strong, educated, mentally tough, you have an appreciation for music I take it and you have good looks to boot! Add in happiness to that mix and you'd have a truly great life, one to be very grateful for.

 

Oh thanks a lot for your kind words! I so much want things to be better. I'm counting the days, I hope they're not many. I need a change...

 

 

I'm glad then. Because that's what Love Shack is for. And if you like the kind of input I'm giving you, if it truly is helping you, then I can't take full credit for it. I'd like to recommend something. Look, we all go through stuff. We all react negatively to things and we need a mental check. We all want to empower ourselves again to live the life we love. Where I got my mental check was with Landmark Education. Visit their website and check out "The Landmark Forum" course. It's the course that changed my life, because it gave me the tools I needed to move forward.... positively.

(The Forum is a weekend of coaching, discussion and exercises... it's thinking outside your box, which I think will greatly profit you.)

 

Excellent, I will definately check it out! Thanks for coping with me so far

[Mel001]

OP I don't think it is fair what you are going through but unfortunately that is the way life is right now. Men seem to only want to settle down with someone who they feel no other man can have. They want a woman who loves sex but when a woman expresses this she is somehow a whore in their eyes. It just isn't fair. If you like sex and want to have it then do it. You enjoy sex and would be game playing to withhold your own desires to somehow land a husband. The man you need is out there and may be someone who is much older than you who will not let silly things (like you like to have sex too soon) stop him from wanting a long term relationship with a great woman. I suspect that in years to come men are going to have to ease up on their silly expectations of women as more and more women are not afraid to explore their sexuality. I say just keep being yourself and do what you like and for God's sake don't compromise for them. You'll never to be happy if you do.

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts! I know...I love sex, I think about it every single minute. No, I'm not addicted, but I love as everybody else does! I will keep it down though for a moment...as an experiment. It will be definately difficult.

Thanks for the understanding. I know it's not fair towards women.

[Cobra_X]

Thanks for your thoughts! I know...I love sex, I think about it every single minute. No, I'm not addicted, but I love as everybody else does! I will keep it down though for a moment...as an experiment. It will be definately difficult.

Thanks for the understanding. I know it's not fair towards women.

 

Wait... why is it not fair again?

 

I mean there are tons of things that seem unfair for men too... but I don't complain about them... cause it's just how the world works. It would be like complaining that the sky is too blue.

[In_Repair]

Some of these bull**** feminist tones are disturbing. Sure, women can do anything a man can do... and it only took a bunch of man made laws to allow it to happen. Sorry ladies, but men aren't impressed by women who try to be more of a man than they are. If you want to end up with some pussy-whipped metro-sexual then go on down that road...

 

Your grandmother is right. You think they invented sex right before you were born or something? Your grandmother probably knows as much about this as you do. The difference is that she grew up in a time where people actually voiced their opinions instead of just sitting back and watching you destroy your life under some deranged idea that it brings you more power as a woman. Just being a woman, you already have power over men, so learn to use it.

 

You love sex? Big deal. So does everyone else. Put a high price on that sex, and weed out the dickheads who aren't worthy. I'm not trying to be a prick here, so please don't misunderstand. My advice would be different if you were here asking how to cut loose. There is no real "wrong" if you are happy with the results and nobody else gets hurt in the process... but it sounds like you aren't happy...

[Mel001]

Wait... why is it not fair again?

 

I mean there are tons of things that seem unfair for men too... but I don't complain about them... cause it's just how the world works. It would be like complaining that the sky is too blue.

 

 

It's not fair that I can't keep a "scoreboard" for the men I'd hit

[Mel001]

Some of these bull**** feminist tones are disturbing. Sure, women can do anything a man can do... and it only took a bunch of man made laws to allow it to happen. Sorry ladies, but men aren't impressed by women who try to be more of a man than they are. If you want to end up with some pussy-whipped metro-sexual then go on down that road...

 

Your grandmother is right. You think they invented sex right before you were born or something? Your grandmother probably knows as much about this as you do. The difference is that she grew up in a time where people actually voiced their opinions instead of just sitting back and watching you destroy your life under some deranged idea that it brings you more power as a woman. Just being a woman, you already have power over men, so learn to use it.

 

You love sex? Big deal. So does everyone else. Put a high price on that sex, and weed out the dickheads who aren't worthy. I'm not trying to be a prick here, so please don't misunderstand. My advice would be different if you were here asking how to cut loose. There is no real "wrong" if you are happy with the results and nobody else gets hurt in the process... but it sounds like you aren't happy...

 

You're missing the point. I don't give a sh*t in reality about having the same power as men. I just see what I want to do. And it seems that I shouldn't do what I want because of this men/women thing. If nobody could do that then I would consider it impossible. But men CAN, so I consider it possible. I want to as well ok?

 

Very easy for you to say "You love sex? Big deal". Go out and get some, I'm sure noone will tell you you're a manwhore.

[Cobra_X]

It's not fair that I can't keep a "scoreboard" for the men I'd hit

 

Proper American slang... "hit it with" Actually you should probably use the more feminine slang and say "put it down", so the "men you put down"

 

Feel free to keep score. Just keep the scoreboard out of sight.

[Mel001]

Proper American slang... "hit it with" Actually you should probably use the more feminine slang and say "put it down", so the "men you put down"

 

Feel free to keep score. Just keep the scoreboard out of sight.

 

heheheh, I just wanted to show how strange it sounds when a woman sais something like that...

[stillafool]

Some of these bull**** feminist tones are disturbing. Sure, women can do anything a man can do... and it only took a bunch of man made laws to allow it to happen. Sorry ladies, but men aren't impressed by women who try to be more of a man than they are. If you want to end up with some pussy-whipped metro-sexual then go on down that road...

 

I don't think women want to do everything a man does. Sex is a need for us all as is food. Are you saying women shouldn't want to eat as well? Should women only be allowed to eat turkey and never try beef or ham?

 

Just being a woman, you already have power over men, so learn to use it.

 

I don't think we women want power over men. I think a lot of women would say it is the opposite since men make all the laws. We just want to be free to express ourselves without being called names and judged unfairly for liking some of the same things men like. I don't think women call men who like to cook gay!

 

You love sex? Big deal. So does everyone else. Put a high price on that sex, and weed out the dickheads who aren't worthy. I'm not trying to be a prick here, so please don't misunderstand. My advice would be different if you were here asking how to cut loose. There is no real "wrong" if you are happy with the results and nobody else gets hurt in the process... but it sounds like you aren't happy...[/

QUOTE]

 

Should men put a high price on their sex as well? As you say everyone likes sex so why don't men weed out what they call "sluts, easy lays, etc." and have more respect for themselves. Why can't they wait until they fall in love with the "right girl" and then give of themselves?

[Mary3]

OP you do NOT respect yourself.

 

Your body is a shrine and a temple. If you loved your body and your private nether regions, you would not let any and every man you get cozy with to touch your private space.

 

I used to be you. I went through of period of lonliness. I let this happen. I pondered it like you are doing. I got tired of the whole scene.

 

Its not the instant SEX that you give them that troubles you. But instead you wonder why the SEX does not lead to a wonder fairy tale kind of relationship. ??

 

You need to know these men think LESS of you, to lay down quite soon and surrender your precious body to them. They KNOW you do that and they don't want anymore to do with you. Puzzling isn't it ?

 

But one day you will reach your limit of disrespecting your own body and realize men did next to NOTHING do deserve that precious cargo you carry. Then you will take a deep look inside your self and if you are smart like I did, you will boycott dates and men for a period of time so the only INPUT you receive is your own mind directing you to cherish your precious body.

 

Weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years and you realize your milestone is very noteworthy to YOURSELF..

 

Then one day as you cleanse the body and cherish it as you should , someone will come along that you will rightfully and willingly give it to who DOES respect you and your body and would never DREAM of disrespecting that...

[JohnP82]

That's what I am in the eyes of men, I can't explain their behaviour towards me in any other way

 

I've been single for the last two and a half years and I've yet to find a boyfriend. I'm very good looking, I'm high educated, I have a bloody good job as an engineer, I play music on my spare time. So, the only thing I can think of that is wrong with me is that I'm an easy tart.

 

Guys are all over me, trying to catch me, waiting when my flings will finish so that they get to f**k me. Then, I do that, and then it's the usual "you're pretty, nice, smart but I can't stop thinking of my ex, I'm sorry..."

 

I've heard it so many times.

 

Why is it so acceptable for men to not be able to resist to sex, but women should?

 

So, that's what we should and what we shouldn't do, and according to these rules I am a tart and a whore, noone wants me and I hate myself for doing what I feel like doing.

 

First I admit I haven't sifted through the entire 5 page thread so I'm just going on your first post. When you say that guys are all over you waiting for a fling to end so that they can **** you it sounds as if you're easy and just looking for a good time. When I think of a fling I envision a purely sexual relationship. If that's what you're engaging in with a series of guys then why would you expect them to be looking for anything more with you? Especially if as you make it sound you have a reputation for having flings?

 

Yeah, it's a double standard regarding men and women but that's life. It's not fair but a lot of things aren't far. Also there are men and women that don't succomb to the double standard and only have sex with those they care about and don't want a relationship with people that have casual sex or had casual sex.

 

If you are really looking for a relationship and not just a fling you need to change your approach. Jumping into bed with people before you get to know them/their intentions rarely works. I'm sure someone will bash me or give an example of someone they know that slept with someone on the first date and lived happily ever after. I think that's the exception and not the norm. Every relationship I've had that was meaningful and lasted didn't involve sex until we really knew each other. Also I can't think of a single relationship that my friends have been in in which they had sex early on and lasted. If you like having sex then keep doing it, but many guys will not consider having a LTR with a woman that's easy to get in bed.

[Disillusioned]

she wants both

 

Unfortunately things don't work that way in real life.

[Krytie TV]

If men are sleeping with us too early then we don't lose interest or think that they are "manwhores". But I have now realised that this is the case with men. In the beginning I thought that it was an exception, then it happened again and then again and again.

 

Stepping in for a second here, as a guy. I don't often think like most men, but can offer you my opinion for what it's worth.

 

I think you have this backwards. It's my belief that if men leave you after you "have sex with them too early", it's not necessarily because you had sex with them too early. Rather, their decision about a LTR with you was decided before the act of sex, and thus they only hang in long enough to bag you. When they then leave, it's because they were never really interested in you as a relationship at all. I can say that in my current (beautiful) relationship (with a fantastic woman), we had sex "early". It did not matter to me because I was interested enough in her as a person before that act, and I'm responsible enough to realize that I played a part in the sex thing too.

 

So your job is to try to decipher which of these guys are interested in you as a person before you have sex with them. Yes, this may mean holding off on sex for a month or more. Most "tools" will have stopped returning your calls by then.

[tryagaintoday]

Unfortunately things don't work that way in real life.

 

ya, but she's not accepting real life.

[boldjack]

OP , What do you want to happen? Do you want a relationship, or just a sexual encounter? Tara is right about one important thing. Own whatever you do. If all you want is sex, then what does it matter how many partners you have or how long they stay? If one leaves, or if you dump one, get another and continue doing the deed. If you want something lasting, you should try to get to know your partner in more ways than just sex. The same goes for him. If he looks on you as a quick f*ck, that is one thing, and it doesn't matter what kind of person you are. If he is looking for a LTR, he will learn about you and the sex will become just another part of your whole. Could you even be in a committed relationship? Could you screw just one man? I think that you need, most of all, to find out what you want and proceed accordingly, and not worry about any stereotypes.

[Mel001]

I think the problem is exactly what tryagaintoday and Dissillusioned are saying. I want both.

 

I can't screw one man for the rest of my life and for that reason I'm avoiding having a serious relationship. On the other hand, I'm a human being and need to be loved.

 

But as you all say, real life is not what I want. But I will HAVE to accept it. So, I'm working on it. I will take a decision and fight for it. What I want is not possible...

[boldjack]

Op, why don't you feel that you can be faithful to one man? I have had sex with many, many women, you would not believe how many. I met my wife and have never considered another woman since. I have a friend, who was an adult actress, who f*cked hundreds of men, when she retired she has been totally faithful and is the picture of a soccer mom, and she loves it. She has told me, that sex has never been as fulfilling as it is now. I think that what you need to do, is not to give up sex, but learn to appreciate it in a different way. Quality over quantity.

[Mel001]

Op, why don't you feel that you can be faithful to one man? I have had sex with many, many women, you would not believe how many. I met my wife and have never considered another woman since. I have a friend, who was an adult actress, who f*cked hundreds of men, when she retired she has been totally faithful and is the picture of a soccer mom, and she loves it. She has told me, that sex has never been as fulfilling as it is now. I think that what you need to do, is not to give up sex, but learn to appreciate it in a different way. Quality over quantity.

 

It seems as if I haven't met that man that will make me feel like that. Well, I'm always faithful in the beginning when I'm in lust with the person and I definately cannot think about anyone else. But later on...I crave for something new. But this does not happen only with men. I crave for something new in my life generally the whole time. New countries to live in, new friends, new job, new carrier etc etc...I love the ne and the uknown, I also love starting from scratch which means taking my brain out of my head, put it in the washing machine, then hang it out to dry and set it in my head again. It will feel like sleeping in nice freshly cleaned sheets...something like that...

 

I never keep letters, or smses or presents. I keep them in the beginning. But when they become a burden, when I don't have space for something else, something new, or when they make me feel bad, then I just press "delete all". When I move to a new house I through everything that is taking place and is not needed by me. there are just a few memory stuff I'm keeping. Mainly all the stuff from when I was really really young. But everything between 18 years old up until now has been refreshed again and again. It seems as if all of my different lives since then have ended without a happy end (not necessarilty with a bad end, not all) and I needed to set a complete end to them. For me, it's not memories, it's lives. They end, then a new one starts. New is refreshing. This is how I experience it...and that's why...

[TaraMaiden]

I think the problem is exactly what tryagaintoday and Dissillusioned are saying. I want both.

 

I can't screw one man for the rest of my life and for that reason I'm avoiding having a serious relationship. On the other hand, I'm a human being and need to be loved.

 

But as you all say, real life is not what I want. But I will HAVE to accept it. So, I'm working on it. I will take a decision and fight for it. What I want is not possible...

 

This reminds me of that joke about 'the Important thing in a woman's Life':

 

It's important she has a man who has a great sense of humour, who can laugh with her, and make her laugh too.

It's important she has a man who is a fantastic lover, considerate in bed, and can move the earth, every time;

It's important she has a man who can mow the lawn, fix the car and work the washing machine;

It's important she has a man who is kind, compassionate, considerate, has feelings, empathy and can talk about anything;

 

But the most important thing of all -

Is that these men must never meet.

 

You want a bit of all, in all, and to pick and choose and put together....

if you could amalgamate your dreams into one thing, then it wouldn't be a problem.

I know what your problem is:

 

You crave stimulating perfection, all the time.

 

And I'm afraid, as you have discovered, time and time again, Life is made of exciting, fulfilling and satisfying moments - interspersed with hum-drum, ordinary, run-of-the-mill longer moments, in between.

 

they're the bits you can't tolerate.

 

Who are you and what do you want?

 

A being who craves excellence 100% of the time.

 

And that's what you have to work on.

Acceptance.

 

You have to accept that this is Life, and you're in it.

Along with the rest of us.

[boldjack]

OP, after reading your posts, I think that your main issue is one of maturity. To be frank, I think you act a little spoiled. Maybe you should lay off the sex, and work on this issue, so that when you resume sexual activities, they will have more meaning.

[Mary3]

I think the problem is exactly what tryagaintoday and Dissillusioned are saying. I want both.

 

I can't screw one man for the rest of my life and for that reason I'm avoiding having a serious relationship. On the other hand, I'm a human being and need to be loved.

 

But as you all say, real life is not what I want. But I will HAVE to accept it. So, I'm working on it. I will take a decision and fight for it. What I want is not possible...

 

Actually as I once walked in your shoes OP I would say its not the deep truth. Yes you are bored by a man very soon and look for another but the PROBLEM is , once you find LOVE , there will never be another penis on your mind. You will crave the one that belongs to the man you love