My biological father

[ShoeGirl]

I haven't had any contact with my biological father since July of last year when he basically told me that I was a horrible daughter and that I have always taken my mom's side on things. My parents are divorced, and have been since I was 4, they are both remarried, I have done what I can to stay out of the middle but by father has on numerous occasions drug me into the middle.

 

In the last year + since I have stopped all communication with him I have done what I can to avoid him, I have intentionally not gone to my grandma's house when I knew he would be there (he lives in another state). The other day I was on facebook and in the people you may know section my 89 year old grandma appeared. After I was done laughing because she can't even turn on her computer half the time, I clicked on the profile. It said that she has 2 friends but only showed one (my step-mother). I thought that was odd, I clicked on see all friends and still only my step-mother. So my boyfriend searched for her on his account and he could see 2 people, my step-mother and my father. I tried searching for him and couldn't find him, looked on my brother's friends and he was no where to be found. Apparently he has gone in and blocked me from finding or seeing him on facebook. I didn't even know he had a facebook, I don't care that he has one, but I am pissed that he is that petty, that he blocked his own daughter.

 

I know it's just facebook, I know it shouldn't matter but it is really bugging me. I keep telling everyone around me that it's not bugging me because it shouldn't, but it hurts me and I don't know what to do about it.

[Sweetcheripie]

I'm so sorry. My daughter is almost 17 and she stopped talking to her bio-dad in January. We divorced when she was 6 months old and I have done everything possible to keep a relationship between them but after a ton of crap she decided she was done. To support her, I told him I would give up child support if he would leave her alone and that worked like a charm.

 

He recently made a comment to my son's (18) girlfriend on twitter that was so hurtful to my daughter.

 

She, like you, is really hurt. BUT what she ended up telling me was that the peace that she has in her life now that he is out of it is worth the snarky comments.

 

She is an amazing kid - so more mature than I was at her age and I think it is because she had to deal with a stinky dad. Not trying to minimize your hurt - it does stink - but his pettiness should remind you why you decided not to have contact with him. He is a baby and playing stupid games. You are the more mature one and some day he will regret it all but it will be too late.

[ShoeGirl]

Thanks

 

I do have a lot less stress in my life now than when I was still dealing with him on a daily basis. I was reminded of why I stopped all contact with him which I think is part of what the problem is, I have somewhat gone back to the feelings I had back then.

 

My mom, like you, supports me 100%, she has been the most help and most support for me through all of this. I am sure your daughter thinks the world of you as I do of my mom!

[always_searching]

I haven't had any contact with my biological father since July of last year when he basically told me that I was a horrible daughter and that I have always taken my mom's side on things. My parents are divorced, and have been since I was 4, they are both remarried, I have done what I can to stay out of the middle but by father has on numerous occasions drug me into the middle.

 

In the last year + since I have stopped all communication with him I have done what I can to avoid him, I have intentionally not gone to my grandma's house when I knew he would be there (he lives in another state). The other day I was on facebook and in the people you may know section my 89 year old grandma appeared. After I was done laughing because she can't even turn on her computer half the time, I clicked on the profile. It said that she has 2 friends but only showed one (my step-mother). I thought that was odd, I clicked on see all friends and still only my step-mother. So my boyfriend searched for her on his account and he could see 2 people, my step-mother and my father. I tried searching for him and couldn't find him, looked on my brother's friends and he was no where to be found. Apparently he has gone in and blocked me from finding or seeing him on facebook. I didn't even know he had a facebook, I don't care that he has one, but I am pissed that he is that petty, that he blocked his own daughter.

 

I know it's just facebook, I know it shouldn't matter but it is really bugging me. I keep telling everyone around me that it's not bugging me because it shouldn't, but it hurts me and I don't know what to do about it.

 

Hi, ShoeGirl.

 

First of all, I want you to know that you are not alone. I have a very similar situation: my parents divorced when I was four, both remarried, and my father and I haven't spoken in person since I was fourteen (ten years ago), on the phone since I was eighteen (six years ago), and he too blocked me from facebook when I recently tried to get in touch with him.

 

I can't express the hurt and pain I've felt due to that man--I don't think it's possible for me to even convey it via words. How could my own father be so cruel and petty to actually BLOCK me from facebook?

 

Secondly, you ought not wonder what you can do about it. Your father has made his decision, and you need not blame yourself. We can only pray for them and let them know that we love them and we are there for them if they change their mind. I know it's hard, but you have to realize that it doesn't matter what you do: if your father isn't interested in having a relationship with you, he isn't going to. He knows how to get in touch with you if he so desires. I know it's difficult, but you need to just forget about him; move on--believe me, he has.

 

I'm sorry if my advice isn't very sentimental and/or lofty. It's just that your story is practically a retelling of my own, and I wish that I had wasted less effort and energy on the "What can I do to change things between us?", "What did I do to deserve his behavior toward me?", "Why am I so easily dispensable in his eyes?", etc. questions. I could have had ten years of far less anxiety, openness for love from others, etc. had I just let him go in the first place. In other words, I am giving you the advice I wish someone had given me.

 

Regardless, I am sorry that this has happened to you, and I want to reiterate that you are not alone.

[Cobra_X]

I can't express the hurt and pain I've felt due to that man--I don't think it's possible for me to even convey it via words. How could my own father be so cruel and petty to actually BLOCK me from facebook?

 

Why is he upset with you? That just doesn't make any sense.

 

The only thing I can think of is that he wants to keep his personal life/info away from your mom.

 

Divorces suck... I've pretty much only got my dad, so I know how the story goes.

[ShoeGirl]

Sorry I do not get on here these days as much as I once did...

 

always searching-

It is good to know that I am not the only one in this situation, however I don't think that this situation is fair to either of us. I had given up on thinking what I could do to change his mind when I last talked to him, there was a long history spanning my entire life before that which led up to that decision. I did not contact him on facebook, he created a profile for my 89 year old grandmother and she showed up in the "suggested friends" area. When I clicked on her logic led me to figuring out that he has blocked me. Yes that exact same sentence "How could my own father be so cruel and petty to actually BLOCK me from facebook?" has gone through my head 100s of times.

 

I am trying to get over this quickly and get back to where I was, which is why I am posting on here. If my friends in real life knew that this was bothering me so much I would never hear the end of it.

 

Cobra X- Was that question directed at me, the OP? at always searching, who you quoted? or both?