boyfriends and girlfriends

[native]

I wonder sometimes what are all these boyfriend girlfriend relationships, those who live together for years. Does it mean that they don't like each other enough to get married, but then why stay together? I suppose for a man it is for having regualar sex, and for a woman it is an illusion of something permanent. It's like living together has become a necessary stage before getting married. But the end result is that women are being used for sex in such a relationship without any hope for something more. Just a thought.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I think I can offer my own perspective on this, given my personal view and experience regarding committed relationships.

 

I suppose, having already been married for 15 years, I have experienced this issue from both sides of the fence. Unlike many people, I don't think a marriage certificate is any guarantee that a couple will remain together for a lifetime. I know, I had one, and I'm now divorced. It wasn’t the ‘marriage’ itself that kept us hanging in there for so long, but rather our daughter which gave us enough reason to stay together and try to work things out.

 

I have been in a committed, monogamous and HAPPY relationship with my current partner going on four years now. We are not married, at least in the conventional sense, but I am as devoted and committed to him as I was to my first husband. I am married to him in my heart and in my soul. I certainly don’t need another last name. I don't require that he place an expensive ring on my finger and profess his love and devotion to me before God, his church and his family. I’ve already lived the fairytale of fluffy white dresses, glorious bridal bouquets and the hope of life "happily ever after." I was young, naive and idealistic.

 

I suppose I might think differently if my current partner and I were planning to have a family and raise children together...or if my partner thought differently about the concept of marriage than myself. I suppose I might feel some pressure to change my point of view if I were an extremely religious person, or if either of our families disapproved of our arrangement. But since both of our families have shared in the pain of our previous relationship experiences, they are happy for us because ‘we’ are happy and do not burden us with their own expectations.

 

Fortunately, on this issue and many others, my partner and I see eye-to-eye. I don’t think it would ever work otherwise.

 

Even though we live together, I don't see myself being used for sex anymore than he sees himself being used by me (tee-hee) although its nice to have someone with whom to be intimate. But ‘sex’ is something either of us could find anywhere if that is all we required from another person.

 

I think what also makes our relationship unique, is that I don't rely on my partner’s income, nor does he rely on mine. Both of us are capable of pulling our own weight and supporting ourselves should anything ever happen. We are not bound by religious beliefs, financial, legal or family obligations...nor by any oath we have made before court and/or God. Neither of us has ever required the other ‘to sign on the dotted line’ in order to insure some false sense of security.

 

Indeed, my partner is totally free and independent in his choice to remain in this relationship or leave…as I am. There would be no messy disputes over property settlement, no ugly custody battles, no legal expenses, or uncomfortable explanations to family and friends. And I know my partner well enough to understand that he is neither clingy, needy, or emotionally dependant. I also understand that there is nothing ‘special’ about me except that he ‘loves’ me. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor the wealthiest. I can not offer him anything that any other woman couldn’t. So, if he were unhappy with our relationship, there certainly would be no reason for him to stay if his interests were elsewhere.

 

It’s hard to explain, but for both of us there is sense of comfort and reassurance in knowing that we are together because we “want” to be, and not because either of us feels trapped or bound by obligation. Free from the expectations, entanglements and superficial trappings that define the conventional marriage, we are able to focus on what’s really important --- our relationship!

 

I am not in any way opposed to the institute of marriage, nor do I lean in any particular direction concerning the issue of ‘living together first.” I think it’s a matter of personal preference. And who knows what may happen in the future. Maybe we’ll decide to marry and maybe we won’t. But being married won’t change or redefine the relationship my partner and I already have. It would just cost us a whole lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere --- Like that romantic vacation in Bali!!