Wife or sex material

[Ms. Joolie]

Nice, sexual picture by the way. Nothing wrong with it, it's just your hair is kind of hiding your face and you look sexual. haha.... that IS the projection you give!

 

I should put my good woman one up... because I feel like such a good woman. LOL. But that's just too intimate for me.

[Mel001]

Hahah Ms. Joolie, so I do look sexual??!??! Oh my gooood... I have to turn down this projection from my face one day! I need a hell of a good re-booting in my system!

 

So, you also have intimacy issues...or had...I'm impressed that you're working on it and it's improving. I'm jealous. How the heck do you do it?

 

I'm wondering..how old you are? If I may ask

[Cobra_X]

Oh I think you're the one that touched the problem deepest from anyone else here...I had a very very deep discussion with my mother last month, she's psychologist and sociologist. And we came to the conclusion that I cannot give my 100% to someone. I just can't give it, it feels as if I need to keep something for me, to have my private space, my friends, my life, my thoughts. The thought of giving my everything to someone is scary, I can't even think about it. I can't depend on someone 100%. I don't know maybe it has to do with trust issues, maybe not. But the only person I can trust is myself really. It's the same with my friends. It's not always my friends get to hear my problems. It's always me that does it. So, then I come here in these forums cause noone knows me.

 

I would call all of those things symptoms. Usually when we have self destructive behaviors, we do them because there is something we fear.

 

It might be worth it to find out what your afraid of.

 

My guess is that you focus on lust, because that is what you feel comfortable offering to a relationship. If you offer yourself on other levels then you open yourself up to rejection. It's easy to walk away from rejection if your not emotionally invested... but when someone actually knows you and rejects you... that hurts bad.

 

Have you ever been rejected in a bad way? Abandoned?

[Mel001]

I would call all of those things symptoms. Usually when we have self destructive behaviors, we do them because there is something we fear.

 

It might be worth it to find out what your afraid of.

 

My guess is that you focus on lust, because that is what you feel comfortable offering to a relationship. If you offer yourself on other levels then you open yourself up to rejection. It's easy to walk away from rejection if your not emotionally invested... but when someone actually knows you and rejects you... that hurts bad.

 

Have you ever been rejected in a bad way? Abandoned?

 

I 'm not quite sure what I fear. I have never been abandoned as a child, my childhood was absolutely great. But of course I had my heartbreaking moments as a 15 year old when you start liking guys etc...

 

A pattern though in my previous relationships is that I always tend to be very in lust in the beginning but not the other person that much. Then when I've gone through hell, through depression and anxiety becuase of that, I set an end to it. Then, for the most times, the guys comes back and wants me. Then we have a period of "we're both in love with each other". Then slowly it turns to the other direction and I lose the interest, I get bored etc etc...so I haven't experienced any such tremendous abandons...though these short abandoned inthe beginning of my previous relationships, or the ones that I have tried to start nowadays without success, I tend to experience really really badly. As I said, I'm quite extreme with what I feel, but thanks god it lasts for a very short time cause maybe I'm used to it to look forward and get disconnected from a situation that makes me feel sick...

[Ms. Joolie]

Hahah Ms. Joolie, so I do look sexual??!??! Oh my gooood... I have to turn down this projection from my face one day! I need a hell of a good re-booting in my system!

 

So, you also have intimacy issues...or had...I'm impressed that you're working on it and it's improving. I'm jealous. How the heck do you do it?

 

I'm wondering..how old you are? If I may ask

 

I'm 27.5 yesterday. Or 27,5 as you would write it. haha

 

I'm thinking that you are being more honest now... on the internet at least. Do you feel that? Once you are more honest about yourself in a relationship, then you will have real dates.

 

It really takes knowing who you are to get that kind of confidence. That's how I'm doing it. I'm discovering myself, getting to know ME, and being honest with people. It's a work in progress.

 

How you discover yourself is up to you. I had a difficult past, and was buried under the cloud of who I only thought I was. So, yeah, never really wanted to open up about who I thought I was.

 

But then I discovered Landmark Education. That was a turning point in my life. I took two courses and am taking a seminar with them now... it's improving my life in a BIG way. Landmark Education, yoga exercises (they taught me how to slow down and meditate, in a much better way than my Catholic upbringing taught me. I was raised Catholic, but have since left that affiliation), and Kabbalah.

 

So, you see, once you get on the right track to who YOU are, then you begin to open up more, be more honest, have better relationships.

 

I'm not saying you need to take Landmark Education courses, yoga classes, study Kabbalah and develop all the rest of MY plan.... this is MY plan. This is ME. These tools are helping me find myself, shaping my life, improving my well-being. They make me happy.

 

Find what makes you happy, improves YOUR life..... what works for you.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Ms. Joolie

[Mel001]

I'm 27.5 yesterday. Or 27,5 as you would write it. haha

 

I'm thinking that you are being more honest now... on the internet at least. Do you feel that? Once you are more honest about yourself in a relationship, then you will have real dates.

 

It really takes knowing who you are to get that kind of confidence. That's how I'm doing it. I'm discovering myself, getting to know ME, and being honest with people. It's a work in progress.

 

How you discover yourself is up to you. I had a difficult past, and was buried under the cloud of who I only thought I was. So, yeah, never really wanted to open up about who I thought I was.

 

But then I discovered Landmark Education. That was a turning point in my life. I took two courses and am taking a seminar with them now... it's improving my life in a BIG way. Landmark Education, yoga exercises (they taught me how to slow down and meditate, in a much better way than my Catholic upbringing taught me. I was raised Catholic, but have since left that affiliation), and Kabbalah.

 

So, you see, once you get on the right track to who YOU are, then you begin to open up more, be more honest, have better relationships.

 

I'm not saying you need to take Landmark Education courses, yoga classes, study Kabbalah and develop all the rest of MY plan.... this is MY plan. This is ME. These tools are helping me find myself, shaping my life, improving my well-being. They make me happy.

 

Find what makes you happy, improves YOUR life..... what works for you.

 

 

Oh so you're just 27,5?? You sound so much more mature!! Respect...

 

I promise checking out the Landmark Education...I'm very curious, it seems as if it has helped you quite a bit!

[Cobra_X]

I 'm not quite sure what I fear. I have never been abandoned as a child, my childhood was absolutely great. But of course I had my heartbreaking moments as a 15 year old when you start liking guys etc...

A pattern though in my previous relationships is that I always tend to be very in lust in the beginning but not the other person that much. Then when I've gone through hell, through depression and anxiety becuase of that, I set an end to it. Then, for the most times, the guys comes back and wants me. Then we have a period of "we're both in love with each other". Then slowly it turns to the other direction and I lose the interest, I get bored etc etc...so I haven't experienced any such tremendous abandons...though these short abandoned inthe beginning of my previous relationships, or the ones that I have tried to start nowadays without success, I tend to experience really really badly. As I said, I'm quite extreme with what I feel, but thanks god it lasts for a very short time cause maybe I'm used to it to look forward and get disconnected from a situation that makes me feel sick...

 

Self reflection is key. Remember that whatever other people tell you about yourself... that isn't important. It's the things you discover about yourself that matter.

 

I think the most interesting thing you have mentioned so far is your disconnection from past memories. Like they happen to someone else. That is compartmentalizing. Some of us deal with things by burying and forgetting. I used to think that is the best way to handle anything. The last few years I've been trying to fix that though.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

[Ms. Joolie]

Oh so you're just 27,5?? You sound so much more mature!! Respect...

 

I promise checking out the Landmark Education...I'm very curious, it seems as if it has helped you quite a bit!

 

Yes, 27 is young... but if we take all those 27 years and use them wisely we mature in a good way.

 

I put my picture up... people say I look much younger all the time. Totally discount me. haha. It's a bit distracting, so don't think I'll keep my pic up. But I liked my conversations with you so much I just wanted to introduce myself I guess. lol.

 

I really do wish you the best. Hope you find all your answers and more through Love Shack and whatever other routes you choose.

[Mel001]

Yes, 27 is young... but if we take all those 27 years and use them wisely we mature in a good way.

 

I put my picture up... people say I look much younger all the time. Totally discount me. haha. It's a bit distracting, so don't think I'll keep my pic up. But I liked my conversations with you so much I just wanted to introduce myself I guess. lol.

 

I really do wish you the best. Hope you find all your answers and more through Love Shack and whatever other routes you choose.

 

oh! you're beautiful...i'd never guess! seriously...yes you do look young how nice to put faces in the people you chat on the internet...

 

I'll be around Love Shack, so we'll keep in touch and I'll let you know of my progress You were a star for keeping up with me!

[Mel001]

Self reflection is key. Remember that whatever other people tell you about yourself... that isn't important. It's the things you discover about yourself that matter.

 

I think the most interesting thing you have mentioned so far is your disconnection from past memories. Like they happen to someone else. That is compartmentalizing. Some of us deal with things by burying and forgetting. I used to think that is the best way to handle anything. The last few years I've been trying to fix that though.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

 

 

Thanks for your input! Highly appreciated...lots of stuff to think about...

[Angel1111]

I agree with Joolie about your pic. You're giving off a vibe that you may not want to give off. But it's there - loud and clear.

[Cobra_X]

Yes, 27 is young... but if we take all those 27 years and use them wisely we mature in a good way.

I put my picture up... people say I look much younger all the time. Totally discount me. haha. It's a bit distracting, so don't think I'll keep my pic up. But I liked my conversations with you so much I just wanted to introduce myself I guess. lol.

I really do wish you the best. Hope you find all your answers and more through Love Shack and whatever other routes you choose.

 

FYI, I'm a male... 30yo.

 

It's healthy to want to bond with someone you share your emotional stuff with.

[Mel001]

I agree with Joolie about your pic. You're giving off a vibe that you may not want to give off. But it's there - loud and clear.

 

 

Ok, I changed it. Hope now this is better?

[Cobra_X]

Thanks for your input! Highly appreciated...lots of stuff to think about...

 

You seem like a very good person! Having a mom as a psychologist may be a great blessing to you. I'd put her to work.

 

On a side note... I don't think your pic is too sexual. It just looks like a regular webcam pic.

[Cobra_X]

Mel and Joolie... you guys kinda look alike. Nice!

[Mel001]

You seem like a very good person! Having a mom as a psychologist may be a great blessing to you. I'd put her to work.

 

On a side note... I don't think your pic is too sexual. It just looks like a regular webcam pic.

 

 

Hehe thanks, though it's difficult to open up to my mom cause then she stops thinking as a phychologist and thinks as a mom and she's worrying about me, and I don't want her to worry about me...so I don't get to use her qualities that much :-/

 

So, how about the new picture then? Hope it's better?

[Ms. Joolie]

oh! you're beautiful...i'd never guess! seriously...yes you do look young how nice to put faces in the people you chat on the internet...

 

I'll be around Love Shack, so we'll keep in touch and I'll let you know of my progress You were a star for keeping up with me!

 

Thank you. Your new photo up does show your face more but not your eyes. lol.... just giving you a hard time. Yes, but you do have a beauty from what I can see.

 

I'm glad you'll be around Love Shack. You have a brilliant mind, an engineering mind as you put it. It really helps to dive into threads and start expressing your thoughts... get new insights... work at these problems on here. It helps.

[muse08]

Oh I think you're the one that touched the problem deepest from anyone else here...I had a very very deep discussion with my mother last month, she's psychologist and sociologist. And we came to the conclusion that I cannot give my 100% to someone. I just can't give it, it feels as if I need to keep something for me, to have my private space, my friends, my life, my thoughts. The thought of giving my everything to someone is scary, I can't even think about it. I can't depend on someone 100%. I don't know maybe it has to do with trust issues, maybe not. But the only person I can trust is myself really. It's the same with my friends. It's not always my friends get to hear my problems. It's always me that does it. So, then I come here in these forums cause noone knows me.

 

I just need to have the feeling that whenever I want I can shut down my windows for other people and enjoy some time with myself...I thought this is normal, but it actually doesn't help my situation. Especially when after these long relationships, I feel like nothing from them has been left inside me. I always tend to look forward, never back. It's not often I sit and think of memories...not at all. They belong to previous lives, not mine in the specific moment. I know, it doesn't feel right, it doesn't sound right...

 

we are far in distance but so close regarding your situation.i really hope you find your way and i'm sure you will. the fact that you're actually processing all this is a good sign. i have been going through the same thing for most of my life as well. one of my ex's even told me (supposedly jokingly)that he could look in my eyes and tell i'm "freaky". that really hurt, especially as i try to move on with lasting/fullfilling relationships. i can't help the way my eyes look or the way i look.i've been told by several people(even family members) that my eyes are "striking"...whatever that means (suductive for some).i guess some interpret it as sexual or lustful. same thing with my walk.there is a twist that i have no control of. it's often misinterpreted.

 

i want to be in a lasting relationship.my last relationship ended though b/c the guy became obssessive and he had issues i didn't need to deal with. it was just too much.he complained though, along with other guys, that i am either MEAN, COLD, DON'T REALLY LOVE THEM, etc.

 

this is a really good thread MEL.

[muse08]

I agree with Joolie about your pic. You're giving off a vibe that you may not want to give off. But it's there - loud and clear.

 

lol...we may need to do a photo critique of some of us women. ANGEL , i think this topic is part of my issue.

[Angel1111]

lol...we may need to do a photo critique of some of us women. ANGEL , i think this topic is part of my issue.

 

Beauty and sexuality can be our Achilles heel if we don't recognize the trouble it can bring into our lives. Because not only can it attract the men we want to attract, but it can also attract a LOT of the men we don't want to attract. We have to be smart and discerning enough to recognize the difference between the two. That's why attractive women have to be smart and self-protective. Like I've said before, we have to be careful about who we invite into our lives; who we allow to walk across the threashold of our homes. It's critical.

[muse08]

Beauty and sexuality can be our Achilles heel if we don't recognize the trouble it can bring into our lives. Because not only can it attract the men we want to attract, but it can also attract a LOT of the men we don't want to attract. We have to be smart and discerning enough to recognize the difference between the two. That's why attractive women have to be smart and self-protective. Like I've said before, we have to be careful about who we invite into our lives; who we allow to walk across the threashold of our homes. It's critical.

 

thanks angel...

 

MEL...what angel and ms joolie has said are quite true. i think for some of us different factors play a roll in what we exude. and for women, exuding one or the other(suductive or purely platonic), comes more naturally for some than it does for others. i don't think we should beat ourselves up about it though, just be conscious of it.

 

MEL ...what is the relationship btwn you and your father. mine is basically non-existant. he was neglectful. perhaps that may shed more light on this issue as well.

[Mel001]

thanks angel...

 

MEL...what angel and ms joolie has said are quite true. i think for some of us different factors play a roll in what we exude. and for women, exuding one or the other(suductive or purely platonic), comes more naturally for some than it does for others. i don't think we should beat ourselves up about it though, just be conscious of it.

 

MEL ...what is the relationship btwn you and your father. mine is basically non-existant. he was neglectful. perhaps that may shed more light on this issue as well.

 

 

It has not been neglectful...I'm his little dotter, his favorite child...whenever i need him he's on a plane the next day from greece to sweden....so i don't know...

[Phateless]

I had a discussion with a friend last summer...she was frustrated because she said that almost all men view her as "wife material" and she never get to have any adventures and great sex. FYI, she's married but things are going really bad between the two of them. She is a beautiful woman from Columbia and she turns heads everywhere she goes. Everyone is asking her out for a date and when she has a date everyone wants her to become their girlfriend or wife or woman of their dreams. And she pretty much hates this...

 

So she was telling me this. And she asked me how I feel about me and how men view me. And it was exactly the opposite. Things get heated so quickly when I'm alone with a man that they see "sex" in me and then they can't get me out of their minds if they don't get to sleep with me. I consider myself also very good-looking, and exotic since I'm from Greece but living in Sweden...so I'm exotic for the Swedes. But I've sort of had enough of this...

 

Me and my friend are very similar but yet different in respect to looks, she's the nice blondie and I'm the nice brunette, both high educated, she in history, me in engineering, are both very open minded, we want to live life to the full. The difference is that she's been married for 7 years since she was 22 years old, and I've been single for 2,5 years. Guys see her as wife material, guys see me as sex material.

 

I'm wondering, how does one project this to the outer world? Is "SEX" written on my head? Or why the hell does it become all heated and stuff everytime I meet a guy? Even though I might not have sex or any physical contact at ALL, the whole atmosphere is loaded with the thought "sex"...I'm not so flirty when I meet a guy. We have interesting discussions about everything in life. So I don't know what it is.

 

I just think that maybe the fault is me at the end of the day. I have plans to date guys now without letting them to touch me. For some reason, I think they will go nuts.

 

What is it in a person that projects "wife" or "sex"?

 

Great topic! When I was single I was always labeled as "relationship guy" but I just wanted casual.

 

I'll read the rest of the thread and get caught up.

[EcstasyX6]

Hmm...all the past serious relationships I had ended because things were boring, I had lost my identity, sat infront of the telly, didn't have much to say, the excitiment was not really there. And tasting something that seems "new" and "fun" makes it even worse. Like for example go out with friends alone for the whole night and meet new interesting people. I don't say that this is nice...not at all. And that's exactly the reason to why I don't actively seek for a serious relationship cause I can't afford being in such a situation again. I want to admire my man. So, I'm waiting for Mr. Right...

 

I don't think you should be afraid of your sensuality. It's part of who you are and some women/people are simply just more that way than others. It doesn't make them wrong, and people who are less so right, but it does mean you'll have to screen men carefully. You don't want them after you just for that or getting caught up with them because he can satisfy you sexually.

 

This may sound crazy, but men are the opposite with me: after they have sex with me, they want to marry me. I'm average/attractive, but not drop dead gorgeous, yet I tend to attract nice looking successful men and have been told that my personality plus the sex appeal, makes them want me as a wife(and the fact that I'm a good cook). Go figure.

 

I'm in my 40s, and it's taken me years to accept the passionate side of myself figuring out that 'Mr. Right' should be able to satisfy that side of me, as well as challenge me mentally. Like you, the kind of man that sits in front of the telly will be gone in 2 seconds. You sound like a complex woman who needs a special man to meet her needs that's all.

 

You can't hide your face, and dimming the photo doesn't help much either. lol. It's an asset to be beautiful and sexy as you are. I've also been told that my eyes exude sexiness when I'm not even thinking about sex per se, so if people see that in you, so be it. You can't help that anymore than you can change what you look like.

[threebyfate]

In a nutshell...

 

There's much to be said about who we allow to approach us and when we allow them to approach us in a sexually intimate manner.