antoine83 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 dont want to post a long story so i wanna keep it short as possible cuz im too devastated at this time. my wife of 4 1/2 yrs has left me and our 2 beautiful kids 4 yr old boy and 17 month girl for another woman. she has Only known her for 4 months and were just friends at first but turned into something more apparently. we had a normal marriage ups and downs but good. she worked on her issues as i worked on mines and things got even better she even told me she was very happy with the way i was and happiest wife in the world which turned out to be a lie. this past friday she went out with her friends even though her sons birthday party was next day. i was already suspicious bout the 2 of em but had no proof and had arguements bout the other girl but just turned my head the other way try to give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her by accident i found a disturbing text talking bout they love each other and miss each other and wanna hold each other and even marriage was brought up. she confessed they kissed that friday night but i believe they did more but she denied it we talked about it which wasnt pretty told her she needs to cut her off period or we wont survive she said she would and left to clear her head and text me to say she called her to make sure choosing me was the right decision i was like what kinda response is that. i tried to find some way to forgive her and felt i could move past this but she kept saying i wouldnt then i realized it was her who couldnt. she told me she loved her and doesnt think she can let her go at all at least have as a friend i broke down crying telling her how selfish can u be did u even think bout me or even the kids and she said she did i said ur a liar and continue to cry. she kept saying sorry but meant nothing to me at that point she moved out for the night to that girls house and later that night we talked again and she flat out told me she gonna continue to be friends with her at least cuz she is a good person and gotta do what makes her happy and she does. i told her so your choosing a friend over ur husband and kids whats wrong with u she said no she isnt i chose to leave her i said i had no other option left i cant be with u if u want to still have this woman in ur life and she didnt seem to care she hasnt for almost 2 days even asked how the kids are. i have never been so hurt or devastated in my life or cried and continue to cry this much sorry if it sounds all out of sync or not making sense im just so heart broken Link to post Share on other sites
OhthePain Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Am so sorry to hear this? Its a shame your wife is behaving like that. Sounds like she has been very unhappy and has not sorted that out. I am so scared I would wake up tomorrow and this story will be in my house except it is my husband who will be running off with a man! Link to post Share on other sites
Cranialrupture Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Well, you've come to the right place. You will get alot of advice here, some you won't be able to swallow at first but I would recommend taking and doing as much of it as possible. My story is not that different from yours. My stbxw left me and our three kids for another woman also. I honestly believe a man would be easier. She says she and her are not lesbians and that I know her better than that. But at the same time I am not sure I believe her. I thought I knew her at one time, but she is not the same person anymore so anything is possible. I have tried talking to the ex about my concerns with the kids and her new 'friend'. I have seen a side of friend that I really do not like. She seems really two faced and for some reason has a problem with me even though I have never done anything to her, but my ex refuses to see it and completely defends her on all fronts. Anyways, you cannot do anything to convince your wife to pull her head out of her a$$. The more you try the farther you will push her away. Go no contact with her as much as possible. Get back in touch with yourself!!! Do things that you like to do, take care of yourself , eat right, excercise, lean on friends and family and us here at LS. Do not try and find reasons right now, nothing will make sense. Do not look to the future yet, take it one day at a time. And focus everything on yourself and your kids. Start with that and keep posting here to vent, it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 yea it seems she has been unhappy and lied to me about it for a while even though i tried to make sure and even asked if she is happy Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 i'm sorry for you. but the first thing you MUST do is get custody of the kids. document everything no matter how small you think it is. has you're wife shown gay feelings before? but in the end,don't really matter if it's man/or woman she left the family home,to have a affair. i feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 i'm sorry for you. but the first thing you MUST do is get custody of the kids. document everything no matter how small you think it is. has you're wife shown gay feelings before? but in the end,don't really matter if it's man/or woman she left the family home,to have a affair. i feel for you. im already taking care of that and have document everything already. we'll she kinda has but nothing serious saying a female is attractive to me wasnt a sign alot of women do that i know. hoping she join the military cuz she cant get in cuz were going thru divorce unless she gives me full custody of kids and if she does that its real hard to get back i know Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I read this article recently, about this very topic of women leaving long term relationships with men for women. You might find it interesting: http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200904-omag-women-leaving-men Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Bottom line is she's gay, (or bi-sexual) there's nothing she can say or do other wise to convince you or other people she isnt!!! You need to expose to both sides of your family, get custody and file for immediate divorce, dont let her back into the house. If she wants to run off, dont let her come back. Once a woman abandons and man or vice versa they have to live with the fallout. If things with the OW doesnt work out then that's on her that should be a decision she must make. I would take my kids far away from the madness once the divorce is final. Let her pay child support and carfare to come see them. 180, and rebuild your life. It hurts now but damn you can rebuild it and make it better without her nasty azz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 update: she came by today to get her stuff like it was just a normal day like nothing happen and it hurt so much and it gets worse. i asked are u seriously leaving me for the woman. she said no im leaving you cuz i dont love you or not in love with you like i use to be. i said when did u realize this she said like in last week june. she says being with me makes her sad and being with the woman makes her happy. i was so hurt when she said that cuz she basically dont want to admit she leaving me for another woman just using another way around it. the thing is that since we been living with my parents cuz im a disabled veteran had to just till money comes in she was still my normal wife even in last week june when we got back from overseas all the way till aug is when she changed is cuz she started her new job where she met this woman at. the worst part is that i told her i hope u know what ur doing cuz what are u gonna do if its not what u really want and u realize it she had the nerve to say she will be screwed but try to basically win me back and keep trying even if i reject her. i never said i would get back with her in the first place. the horrible part is this. i was still mad she never made a attempt to contact our kids since early tuesday morning is when this started didnt ask how they are doing or anything and i asked her why she said she did when she text me i said quit lying i would of known. she was suppose to come by and get her stuff and spend time with the kids. she basically came by got her stuff gave the kids a kiss and left only here for 10 mins. i told her u can stay longer she said her friend could only be here for 15 mins had to go to school. we would of offered her a ride ourselves and like i told her new friends or lover she got could just come get her but she bounced just like that and i have never questioned her being a good mother since i've known her but for to do this broke my heart. i come to find out from my mom that on my son birthday this past weekend he tried to give her a kiss and hug she told him to get off of him cuz she was texting that stupid woman. she had 6600 text compare to my 200 on one cycle thats freaking ridicolous. im glad i have great family support and friends for those of you who dont know is that i got medically retired cuz i have 2-3 rare diseases with no cure and im unable to work with also a complicated surgery. so im raising 2 kids with not so much good health but im doing a good job i must admit. if she really meant what she said bout falling out of love with me then i think it happened when i got sick and she couldnt handle it cuz when i did get sick she wasnt there for me when i needed her and i called her out on it and she knew it and apologize if that was real. she couldnt handle being the man of the house cuz i was and needed somebody to take care of her and the more i think about it i was still sick in a warrior transition unit still the man of house doing things i shouldnt have too. she was a stay at home mom didnt cook or really clean or do the clothes i did even when i knew i needed to lay down and even here in my parents house i did. sorry guys i have to go for now im so hurt and i know i need to cry to where i cant cry no more cuz i want to move on but it will take time i know this but i aint gonna front i loved her with my heart and soul and did everything i could to be the best husband i could be and i get left excuse me. me and my 2 kids got left out in the cold for another woman known only 4 months long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Bottom line is she's gay, (or bi-sexual) there's nothing she can say or do other wise to convince you or other people she isnt!!! You need to expose to both sides of your family, get custody and file for immediate divorce, dont let her back into the house. If she wants to run off, dont let her come back. Once a woman abandons and man or vice versa they have to live with the fallout. If things with the OW doesnt work out then that's on her that should be a decision she must make. I would take my kids far away from the madness once the divorce is final. Let her pay child support and carfare to come see them. 180, and rebuild your life. It hurts now but damn you can rebuild it and make it better without her nasty azz. doesnt matter which one like you said but she would be bisexual from what i know or should i say at least i think i know. everything else u said im taking care of as fast as i can and not letting her know what exactly im doing just being nice as can be to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 update 12 nov 09: she had the nerve to ask me to pick her up tomorrow at the mall at 9 and bring her back at 3 pm. hell i dont know even where she is staying at and had the nerve to ask me that i told her move on with ur new friens and lover u know where we live at they can give u a ride. Link to post Share on other sites
Cranialrupture Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 update 12 nov 09: she had the nerve to ask me to pick her up tomorrow at the mall at 9 and bring her back at 3 pm. hell i dont know even where she is staying at and had the nerve to ask me that i told her move on with ur new friens and lover u know where we live at they can give u a ride. Good job!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 update 12 nov 09: she had the nerve to ask me to pick her up tomorrow at the mall at 9 and bring her back at 3 pm. hell i dont know even where she is staying at and had the nerve to ask me that i told her move on with ur new friens and lover u know where we live at they can give u a ride. ...I would have said the exact same S***. Mines would have been more F-ing violent! You did the right thing! Let the OW and her new gay clique take care of her! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 update 12 nov 09: she had the nerve to ask me to pick her up tomorrow at the mall at 9 and bring her back at 3 pm. hell i dont know even where she is staying at and had the nerve to ask me that i told her move on with ur new friens and lover u know where we live at they can give u a ride. Well done! Your wife is yet another one who is selfish to the point of ruplusion. That probably sounds harsh, but look at the facts, you are a disabled vet, have served your counrty and tried to be a good husband and father. Just b/c you're not everything she wants you to be, what? She cheats on you? Who does that? It boggles the mind. Yes I would think she is bi, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter, she cheated, she abandoned a good husband and her children, end of. I know it hurts like h**l right now, but believe me when I tell you that you deserve so much better than her, and you will one day find someone that truely deserves you, someone who doesn't just bail, I know b/c I have seen in it in someone else since my ex left, there are people out there who do not treat people the way she has treated you. The first few months are hard, very hard, I found just taking one day at a time, one hour at a time at first, take care of yourself and your kids and keep posting here, I honestly don't think I would have gotten through without LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 update 13 nov 09: ever since the other day i told her to move on with her new lover and friends and i aint doing her no more favors. she been sounding sad now. i also told her not to text me no more so she cant save any messeges to try to set me up to only call me if she wants to truly know how the kids are doing or myself. she called this morning asking bout the kids surprisingly. she also sounded sad but i didnt care since now all of a sudden she wants to know. she probably also realizing its not all that great now being away without a car, a part time job, and no stable place to stay since she aint staying at her lovers house which i find funny. if she wanted to be with her wouldnt be a problem guess it was not my problem anymore. if she loved me like she suppposedly said she would of also asked how i am doing knowningly this is hard for me and my health but she hasnt asked nothing bout me since she left and just started today bout the kids. for those of u who dont know i have sarcoidosis in the live, fibromylagia, and rare skin disease (nothing scary looking just a allergy to water not sure how) gastro problems due to complication to surgery. I want people to know something and its this i got medically discharged because i was to disabled to work and probably wont be able to again i am able to take care of my kids maybe hard but i can do it. i have no cures for what i have and no meds for what i have to work docs have tried ever meds. my pain level is 8 everyday doesnt ease up. im only 26 yrs dealing with this but also i take the time to get mental help to deal with the my medical conditions since it puts me in and out of depression but im doing ok. my point is this for my wife to leave me when im in this state of condition is cowardly and selfish knowing all she had to do was step up be the man or should i say woman of the house and i just take care of kids but she didnt she knew i needed help at times when my pain level got real bad on top of that i never thought she would do this to the kids which breaks my heart. at this time im hurt but more than anything im dissappointed and feel disrespected for her actions she has done and she will live with this regret because it will eventually hit her or karma will. today is the first day where i havent really felt that sad bout the situation since when i go to bed or throughout the day i replay in my head the memory of what she told me. i dont love u like use or im in love with. the other female makes me happy being with you makes me sad. im not leaving u for her im leaving cuz im not happy she makes me happy. i told her that day still the samething if u want to play victim and let me do the divorce and tell people i left u fine whatever but ur gonna regret this. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Hi Antonie Your wife has disrespected you, some people just bail when the going gets tough, just walk away, but she made d**m sure she had someone to go to, that just makes it all the more selfish. You deserve better than someone who cannot remember why they were with you in the first place, or when you are not what they want you to be will bail. Your children are so lucky to have such a caring father, I know it's hard but try to concentrate on your kids and your health, we'll get you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Your health is more important than her lazy cheating behind. Get yourself better. that's imperative and be the better parent because right now she isnt. She has abandoned your family. That is a blow that cannot be easily repaired and she has to deal with the fallout of her actions. Ignore her calls, only respond to emails about the kids and custody, and file for divorce. I also wold advise you to expose to mutual friends and family so that way people will know the truth, if it looks bad on her than so be it! She doesnt deserve the luxury to sit back and be comfortable with her decision when her kids is suffering and crying out where's mommy?? Good lord what a selfish beast! Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 update 14 nov 09: yea im taking real good care of my kids and they seem happy like it matter if she was here or not. as far as people know and family and friends already did that as soon as it happen everybody pissed as hell at her and in shock nobody saw it coming was blindsided. as far as divorce i already filed for one just waiting to start the process without question i did that asap now im trying to get court order to keep the kids since i have em and she abandon them dont even know where she at this time. today is my sister wedding renewal and some of us our worried she might show up and that would really not be good. she hasnt called today about the kids did yesterday to ask how things are with them thats it sounded sad on the phone but im like whatever u did the damage live with the consquences. as far as me im actually doing a better slowly a day at a time but taking care of my kids just getting out some helps alot and when i feel sad or think about her i just replay what she did and said most of these comments i love her and she makes me happy i need her in my life. you make me sad im not in love with you anymore. im sorry for misleading you saying im happy and love u forever when i wasnt goodbye im truly sorry for the pain i put you through. can i at least get the car Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 just keep it moving, shes' a lost cause. I promise you this when she does come back she'll do it again. Dont even worry about her anymore. have her served and live your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 update 15 nov 09: my biggest want was also my biggest fear and it finally happened. my wife didnt show up at the wedding last night but surprisingly nor did she call about the kids which i thought she might. More people found out what happened that didnt know and were comforting me and mad at her. It was recommended i go out tonite to enjoy myself and I actually did. when my biggest want also my biggest fear happened. more than anything is was the biggest reality check thus far i have experienced in this situation and i thought i did. instead of me explaining it to you i will paste it word by word what my wife said on her updated myspace page here it is: Hmm... Well, I am a mommy of 2 I have a baby girl whom is a lil' over a yr old & a baby boy whom is 4 yrs old. Hmmmm well I am working on becoming a soldier and yea. We shall see how that goes :-). Time has shown that sometimes love is not always a happily ever after, it took a while for me to see that the word love was not a reason to be sad and miserably hurting.....Love should be when two people both show emotion and care for one another........its a two way street not a one way......So im happy working on me and loving my kids always and forever no matter what or how far they maybe from me, they are what keeps me motivated to live each day and be happy. also status says in relationship with the girl she left me for #1 and im not even on her myspace page. now what does that tell me and how does it make me feel. I'll tell u. i wanted this to happen her to be sure it was the right decision for her to leave me and not come crawling back cuz i knew it would mess me up emotional and not know if it was sincere. the reason i call it my biggest fear is because there is no if she is coming back or she loves me or supposedly the kids she is happy to have me out of her life and i made her sad and miserably and hurting. Im not gonna lie to you and say it didnt hurt it did alot more than that i can honestly say because basically she has felt this way for yrs and who knows how long. now im sure even before i even got sick she felt this way. now i know i aint perfect but i'll be sure to say this with facts and truth. i was a darn good husband and i did my best as i could and loved her like no other. when she had no family she had mines, when she cried i was there, when she needed something i bought it etc... it bothers me so much for her to say she was miserable when i feel in my heart i did nothing to make her miserable and i just dont see how and i guess im having a hard time accepting it and i know i should. its like she is the victim and im the bad guy and i dont get it. she basically made this marriage a whole lie this time 4 1/2 yrs and used me as a sperm donner to have kids it seems to me. she lied to me bout being happy and loving me and saying forever and ever to me. how could somebody do something like this when they have something so good for them and special and say these things and walk away without a care and with a smile. when it comes down to it i will never know how long she felt this way or when it started i was living a lie in a marriage and i didnt know it point blank and simple and now i have to accept this fate and move on and i will and it will take time this much i know but i know one thing my kids will be ok i will make sure of that and i will raise them with the best of my abilities with proper values and morals not this crap that nobody should have to go through. i know you wonder you had to do something wrong and i did it was being able to be fooled to fall in love with somebody like this to deceive me and i let love get the best of me when there were signs i should of left the 4 emotional times she went out on me, when she wasnt there for me when i was sick and still wasnt even when we got back here, letting her remain friends with somebody she had feelings for cuz want to give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her and others i dont feel like saying. she has put me through the worst pain ever i have been even exceeding my health pain and this will last i know this much but i will get over it i know i can cuz im a strong person and have to be for my kids and will be. Time is of the essence and i will use it to heal these fatal wounds i have and start over and give my heart to somebody who truly deserves it but for now i will hurt and continue to hurt but i will get better day by day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author antoine83 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 update 15 nov 09 again lol: im actually doing ok regardless of what she said ive been trying to figure what the real problem is cuz thats all i want to know what the truth is dont want her back period or care and i talk to my sister and were not 100% sure but this is what we think she broke our vows for better or worse and she basically left me cuz my health broke down and had to take care of me she wants somebody to take care of her and be a stay at home mom i found out from my sister she couldnt handle me being sick and felt bad for feeling that way and that girl was giving her what she want and what i couldnt do apparently but i know i tried my best especially in my condition that i am in and be the man of the house but i knew i needed her to step up for me to ease my health but since i got sick she never did i still was doing things i shouldnt been doing but i did cuz im that type of guy. hey i served my country got sick unforunately and she couldnt handle it simple as that and took the easy way out Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts