Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Why are my bridemaids causing such drama!!!?!?! So my friend agreed to back down so I asked my future SIL. She said yes and was very excited! She said though that showing her shoulders is against her religion, and said she understands if I don't want her to be in the wedding. I told her no way, that we would find a way to work it out! She suggested the bridesmaids wear shawls over their shoulders, that way everyone would be able to wear the same dress. So I told my bridesmaids and most of them understood. My one bridesmaid didn't. She said she hates wearing a shawl and doesn't see why EVERYONE has to. I told her it was my wedding and that she is going to wear it because I want everyone to match. She freaked out and hung up on me! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 forget it...... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Why are my bridemaids causing such drama!!!?!?! So my friend agreed to back down so I asked my future SIL. She said yes and was very excited! She said though that showing her shoulders is against her religion, and said she understands if I don't want her to be in the wedding. I told her no way, that we would find a way to work it out! She suggested the bridesmaids wear shawls over their shoulders, that way everyone would be able to wear the same dress. So I told my bridesmaids and most of them understood. My one bridesmaid didn't. She said she hates wearing a shawl and doesn't see why EVERYONE has to. I told her it was my wedding and that she is going to wear it because I want everyone to match. She freaked out and hung up on me! You want them all to wear shawls just for the ceremony and pictures, right? Not all day/night long? I think it might be awkward to wear a shawl in a way that covers her shoulders to the extent necessary for her religion... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Hugs, Laurie. Fun, huh? I'll tell you the truth: It really won't be a big deal if you have a different number of bridemaids to groomsmen. Just get two guys to walk with your maid of honour, and ask a friend (doesn't even matter if she's married) to do the "bridal party dance"...or skip that one completely. I know it feels as if that will be totally unacceptable -- that's how I felt when one of my bridesmaids wanted to back out at the last minute (also over the stupid "outfit".) I did a HUGE freak-out about the groomsman with no partner. Fortunately, I had a very good friend who patiently listened to me bitch and whine, and then told me the facts of life, as it were. She said it like this: "So WHAT if you if 4 guys and 3 girls??? It's your WEDDING DAY, for eff's sake!!! Make it work." So, that's what I did. And that's what you can do, too...you DO have the power, Lady Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 This thread is making me like weddings even less Who cares if one brides maid has covered shoulders and the rest don't?! OMG so what if everyone doesn't match? Is this really what a wedding is about? Is it really such a spectacle? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Yes. Kinda why I deleted my post. I've done all that and it was a stressful disaster right up to me getting out of the wedding car. The service was grand, but the wedding reception brought yet more stress. And now look - ! Divorced! That's why I'm never gonna get married again. or even if I do, it will be just me and him, jeans and sweatshirt, two random witnesses and a whooooooooooole lot of money saved. Sorry Laurie, but when is this going to be about what you want, and not what everybody else is yanking your chain over? If your SiL can't uncover her shoulders (WTF??) then tell her to keep 'em covered. But I'm inclined to think that you can't go steamrollering over the choice of other people, simply because her religion dictates she must keep her shoulders covered (WTF??) That's her problem. She accepted your request to step into the breach, and knew the dress-code. Her choice. Nobody held a gun to her head.... Now you want everyone to comply because of her choices? Nope. Unfair. And I'm telling you, if I were a bridesmaid at your wedding, I'd go along with it - then, maybe...oops! Forgot my shawl on the big day!! Silly me! So really, I think you need to stop looking at the trivial nitty-gritty detail and just plan the big stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 I want them all to match for pictures, they don't have to wear it the whole night. If my SIL wants to wear it the whole night I don't really care. I still haven't heard from her about it so whatever. As far as SG's question: she told me (SIL) she wore a shawl for another wedding and it was "good enough" so we will see. I don't think she has to cover everything that the dress doesn't cover, I think it's just her side shoulders. And that should be pretty easy to just stick a shawl over that. She was nice about it though, she told me that she understood if I didn't want someone to wear a shawl and didn't want her to be in the wedding but I don't want to do that, I would feel bad. Actually since its late September, it might be getting cool out by the time pictures are taken (at like 6 am) so a shawl may be nice to have for outdoor pictures. I think it's my right to have everyone match, it's just something I want to do. Everyone I know is so darn opinionated, I wish they could just go with the flow. I did that for my BFF's wedding, I wore a dress that I couldn't stand and didn't say a word about any of it. She was a horrible bridezilla so I think we were all scared of her! I am too nice and listen to everyone, so I suppose nobody is shy about telling me how much they hate everything. I guess I just wish everyone would give respect ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 You of all people should be familiar with the phrase - "you teach people how to treat you".... and "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got"..... That's why I think you have to tell everyone where you stand, what you want, what you expect and what you won't stand for. If it's not hard for them, how hard can it be for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 You of all people should be familiar with the phrase - "you teach people how to treat you".... and "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got"..... That's why I think you have to tell everyone where you stand, what you want, what you expect and what you won't stand for. If it's not hard for them, how hard can it be for you? Yea, I think you are right. The problem is that I keep asking what everyone thinks or if "this or that" is okay with them. I'm not taking a stand and saying what I want to do. I guess I am afraid of coming off as bossy or bridezillish.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 LAURIE - ?!?!!? IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY!! Fer chrissakes, if you don't have one single day in a lifetime when you have every right to want things the way you want them, as you want them - when the hell is that day ever gonna come - ?? Be bridezilla-ish! Be bossy! Be demanding! Be insistent! Jeesh, Laurie!! Go get some!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 LAURIE - ?!?!!? IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY!! Fer chrissakes, if you don't have one single day in a lifetime when you have every right to want things the way you want them, as you want them - when the hell is that day ever gonna come - ?? Be bridezilla-ish! Be bossy! Be demanding! Be insistent! Jeesh, Laurie!! Go get some!! Haha, yeah I know. My BFF was the biggest bridezilla/biatch in the whole world and I hated it so I guess I don't want to be like that to everyone because I remember how bad it made me feel... Link to post Share on other sites
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