why do i feel so bad about losing my rebound?

[sunnie23]

I need to vent without being judged...patient ears (eyes?) are greatly appreciated.

 

here goes my story...i broke up with my ex about three months ago. we were together about a year, and it was a horrible relationship that i was very relieved to be out of.

 

for these past three months, i have not at all been myself. i go out to bars, pick up guys, and drink a lot. every weekend is a crazy party, which is very much not me. every sunday i feel terrible about myself.

 

one particular saturday i met a guy and brought him home. after spending the night, to my surprize he called the next day. we hung out almost every day that week...the perfect rebound, i suppose.

 

for almost two months we hung out and talked a lot....it was weird for me because i've never dated anyone i slept with so fast, and his role in my life was very confusing to me. is he my f*** buddy? are we dating? we'd go out and not mess around, but at the same time it didn't feel like a real relationship, and we definately weren't getting to know each other. the chemistry was lacking and i just didn't feel that "i need to be near you constantly" vibe i usually get in the beginning stages of a romance.

 

i'd find myself staying at work late to avoid his call, or planning things on nights when i knew he was available to hang out.

 

so, two days ago i asked him what was up, and how he felt about things. turned out he had just left a long term relationship at the same time i did, and as well was not feeling "that feeling" for me.

 

i said i was relieved we felt the same way, ok lets be friends, and let him go.

 

two seconds later he calls back to profess that he's serious, really wants to stay friends, he thinks we just rushed and that if we're friends for awhile maybe it will work out. he even gave me an exact date of when he's going to call.

 

thing is, this guy is friends with every girl he's dated. i feel totally generic and like a big rejected loser.

 

last night i balled my eyes out over this guy who i didn't think i liked at all. tonight i feel very melancholic and sad. i just want to cry but can't....and i am not an emotional person.

 

why did he have to call me back? why do i feel so badly? why am i missing him?

 

 

that's my story. it felt good to get it all out.

[amerikajin]

I think you're confused about your relationships with guys. It happens.

 

This is not intended to be me standing on a soapbox, but it's rare that f*ck buddies every turn out to be anything than that. You can't sleep with someone within a few days of meeting them and hope it turns into something serious. It's the opposite. You have to know someone before sleeping with them.

 

You two should just agree to be friends. If you can handle it, maybe an occasional shagging wouldn't be so bad, but the more you do that, the more confusing your relationship gets. I've passed up opportunities for sex knowing that it would be more trouble than it's worth in the long run. It's never easy, but you have to do it sometimes.

[Arabess]

Sunnie,

Maybe with guy #2 out of the picture as a boyfriend....it's brought back the void that guy#1 left once the relationship with him was over. Even though the relationship with him wasn't good for you and you were glad to be out of it....it still left time and misplaced emotions on your hands and heart.

 

You are right...going out and partying all the time does NOT fill the void. However, until you've healed from that first relationship....everytime something goes wrong in a realtionship thereafter....you'll keep finding yourself back in Square One.

 

Why don't you try just being friends with guy#2. Keep it casual. Give yourself some time to find out what you are looking for and who you are as an individual....instead of feeling as though you need the validity of being part of a couple?

 

Chances are you were crying over this last break up because you were unhappy with the fact you settled just to have someone around....when true love is what you are seeking.

 

I think you can be with the wrong person and be emotionally lonelier than being alone period.

[cdn]

I agree with Arabess. It sounds like Guy2 took your mind off Guy1, prevented you from grieving that relationship, so to speak. Even though the relationship with Guy1 may not have been a good one and you are happy to be out of it on many levels, there is still a grieving period to go through when any significant relationship ends. Your involvement with Guy2 short-circuited that. Now that Guy2 is out of the picture, you are dealing with the emotions from Guy1 -- with a lot of confusion thrown in because of what you went through with Guy2.

 

Hang in there. It will get better with time.