Author neoskunk Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 Just curious but where do y'all get your statistics? I would put money that she hasn't met someone else but then again maybe you're right. Either way I'm not talking to her right now so if she has found someone else then fine that's the end of things. If she truly is just trying to figure out her own life and somehow she decides that involves me then I'll take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
wondering_girl Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 hi neo - i understand where everyone is coming from here like ya know how everyone says if someone asks for space they found someone new.. that maybe the case but ya know, YOU should know her by now, is she that type of girl that would do that? since ya talked to her mom and she said that i guess what you could do is just give her the space she needs ya know? i'm close with his sister too and apparently he is not doing anything or going out either... now, i don't know what is he doing but what do YOU THINK? do you think she's just thinking? YOU know her best..... although, the thing that sucks for us is we can't put all our eggs in one basket saying ok, we're gonna have this break thing and then come back? we can't wait here forever either until he/she makes up their mind ya know..... and that's the hardest part it's like i'm half-a$$ moving on? i guess you can say that, it's really hard..... but don't try to contact her she was the one that asked for a break so give it to her...... weekends are the worse for me....... Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 dont believe that there is anothe guy just b/c LS says there is. LS'rs when i had the same thing happend all said there was another dude. it sent me into a pyscho'ish phase that ruined the whole thing. so stay NC. she wouldnt tell you anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 Haha yea weekends are better for me because no school. And as for knowing her I don't think she would see someone else I think she really is thinking but I don't think it's going to turn out well. Although I really har no idea why I'm in shock of the whole situation. I have a friend who just went through the same stuff and did NC for two weeks and the girl came back to him so it does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Just curious but where do y'all get your statistics? I would put money that she hasn't met someone else but then again maybe you're right. Either way I'm not talking to her right now so if she has found someone else then fine that's the end of things. If she truly is just trying to figure out her own life and somehow she decides that involves me then I'll take it from there. I didn't mean those as literal statistics. What I meant was that when someone says they "need space," they are often trying to find their way out of a relationship. Furthermore, people who unexpectedly abandon one relationship often--not always--have another one simmering on the back burner. Are there exceptions? Sure. Frankly, it is a bit frustrating having to qualify every little thing you say on LS. But I guess if you don't, every thread will get derailed by people pointing out every little exception to everything you say. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Furthermore, people who unexpectedly abandon one relationship often--not always--have another one simmering on the back burner. Yes, I thought mine was not that type of person but it was clear that she had another ready and waiting each time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 well I really don't know what to do anymore. For the past two weeks we have talked casually but last night she went out with me and some friends for dinner and it was totally awkward. She wouldn't even let me put my arm around her. She also has plans all weekend with her "gay" friend. So I'm thinking....A: She has someone else like you all said, or B: she is bored of our relationship and thus is partying with her "gay" friend. If the answer is B then I don't understand why she had to break up with me to go party with her "gay" friend I wouldn't have stopped her from doing that or we could have done that together. Either way I have decided I don't deserve any of this. At the end of the weekend I'm going to sit down with her and lay down the law! Either she wants to be with me and we can work things out or if she lets me walk out the door she isn't going to hear from me again. So either way this ends Sunday. Also one other thing I was thinking about this last night....Why would she come to dinner with me and my friends? We went to eat in south austin and she lives in north austin...probably a 30 minute drive just to eat with her ex and his friends? Did she want me to know about her plans all weekend and get jealous or something? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Also one other thing I was thinking about this last night....Why would she come to dinner with me and my friends? We went to eat in south austin and she lives in north austin...probably a 30 minute drive just to eat with her ex and his friends? Did she want me to know about her plans all weekend and get jealous or something? Told you already. The more you hang around with her, the easier it will be for her to get over you, and then forget about you. The more you hang around, she WILL get sick of you eventually. Then you will NEVER get a second chance. See how this works? Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 so my plan is a good one? Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 so my plan is a good one? Well I'm no R expert obviously but it sounds like a good plan to me, and I might be on the same after a convo with my ex today. If she doesn't realize what she's lost in you, then who wants her anyway right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 exactly my thinking. either she loves me and wants me in her life and we can work things out or she doesn't. I know things probably aren't that black and white but I still think its a good plan because it basically begins NC. I think its like you said earlier Stace...there is no urgency if she knows im just sitting around waiting for her. So yea it is forcing her to make a decision but I'm not even completely sure I want her back anymore. Lots of good can come from this break up too. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 exactly my thinking. either she loves me and wants me in her life and we can work things out or she doesn't. I know things probably aren't that black and white but I still think its a good plan because it basically begins NC. I think its like you said earlier Stace...there is no urgency if she knows im just sitting around waiting for her. So yea it is forcing her to make a decision but I'm not even completely sure I want her back anymore. Lots of good can come from this break up too. Well I hope either way it works out well for you. You seem like a decent person... I think I am trying NC. My ex texted me tonight and I haven't responded. Maybe if he wonders what I'm up to he'll realize what he's missing -- like everyone already said haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 Yea i hope it all turns out well...I think I'm going to go out dancing with some buddies of mine and try to take my mind off **** before tomorrow and maybe make her jealous . I'll post back tomorrow about what she says for anyone who has been following my story. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 well I really don't know what to do anymore. For the past two weeks we have talked casually but last night she went out with me and some friends for dinner and it was totally awkward. She wouldn't even let me put my arm around her. She also has plans all weekend with her "gay" friend. So I'm thinking....A: She has someone else like you all said, or B: she is bored of our relationship and thus is partying with her "gay" friend. If the answer is B then I don't understand why she had to break up with me to go party with her "gay" friend I wouldn't have stopped her from doing that or we could have done that together. Either way I have decided I don't deserve any of this. At the end of the weekend I'm going to sit down with her and lay down the law! Either she wants to be with me and we can work things out or if she lets me walk out the door she isn't going to hear from me again. So either way this ends Sunday. Also one other thing I was thinking about this last night....Why would she come to dinner with me and my friends? We went to eat in south austin and she lives in north austin...probably a 30 minute drive just to eat with her ex and his friends? Did she want me to know about her plans all weekend and get jealous or something? She is keeping you on the back burner just in case things with her "gay" friend does work out. Lol....don't be surprised when the weekend is over if suddenly you discover that the "gay" friend is not only straight, but is now feeding your ex "straight and skinny" Why would you even allow her to be in the same sphere of influence as you are? NO CONTACT.....FORGET ABOUT IT AND GO GET LAID!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 I'm sure you are right she is keeping me on the back burner. Which is why this ends tomorrow. But after 4 years I can't just walk away. If she doesn't stop me though I fully intend to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Neo, She is not going to stop you I am afraid. That seems to be desperation talking on your part. She went to dinner with you (big mistake on your part to allow this) so that she could see in her own mind that she is doing what she considers the right thing for her. Once again you are looking for some sort of closure or for her to open her eyes. I am afraid its not going to happen. If it was it would have happened at dinner. And the background music would have been playing and a happy ending would have ensued while the credits rolled. By your last reply I still think in your heart that you are holding on to something that is not going to happen. I know it feels terrible, but you have decided to keep in contact with her for these past two weeks at your own peril, when you should have cut all contact off. she will now see you as a needy guy, and chicks do not like that at all. They look upon that as a sign of weakness. I know 4 years is a long time, and I doubt you will take the advice to heart that has been given you about NC, so it looks like you will have to live a little longer in torment before you understand that she came to dinner to assuage her own guilt. Once again, I would bet that she is seeing somebody else. Id bet the farm on it. Good luck to to you though. I think further contact with her is pointless and will only lead to a longer period of grief for you, but maybe you will need to go through it to understand what so many of us are telling you. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Well Neo if you feel you need to give her one last chance to stop you then do what you need to -- I have learned over the years that we all have to make our own choices and learn from our success and our failure. Maybe something will be said or done that will put closure to all this for you. You just have to trust in yourself and know that either way you will be okay some time down the line. I can totally identify not wanting to walk away from a four year relationship. Mine was almost 4 years, too, and it's hard to let someone go who's been your best friend for that long. I won't judge you either way, whether you just cut her off cold turkey or if you keep seeing her, or if you just give her one last shot. GOod luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I said it once and will say it again: Sorry man. Read both of these they be your plan to get through this: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? It will be difficult and you want to fight it. I suspect that she has already someone else in mind. Trust me follow NC. Good Luck If you do not start soon your going soon your going to hate yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 well now I'm completely confused. I went over there and had the talk I planned to have but it has ended up with us going to dinner tonight. After talking for a bit she now considers us "dating" again but not bf/gf. I think maybe she really did just want to slow things down and start fresh? I don't know what to think, it all seems retarded to me. We can pretend to start "fresh" or whatever but we will still have all the time we spent together the past 4 years. Any ideas? haha still just go NC? Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 She is putting you into the friendzone, she is slowly detaching herself from you as a girlfriend and trying to let you down lightly. do you want to be around when she drops you when she finds a new boyfriend? you need to follow boogieboy's advice. you may not feel it is the right thing to do,but in time you will realise it was the correct thing to do. she will either miss you loads and want you back as a boyfriend. or not bothered and then you begin to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 you know you may be right, you are all probably right even but at this point I can't just walk away. I had finally come to grips with the fact that we were broken up and I'm fully aware that I am mostly likely not out of the fire yet. I have also mentioned numerous times that there is no chance of us being friends so she is fully aware that if she does not straighten up I'm walking out. long story short I realize things still have a high likelyhood of going sour but I feel I would be doing myself an injustice if I did not see it through. I can't learn these things just by advice but the advice has certainly made me more aware of what she is thinking which is why I thank all of you for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Pfiend101 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY. I heard the same things and tried my hardest thinking I could convince her, I tried for months and only pushed her further and further away. I am back to NC for two weeks and dating other women. I suggest the same. If she just says your dating she is being selfish and just "dating" implies you are both free to see other people. I know how it feels. My ex was not worth my time to begin with so I'm not wasting anymore of it on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Well like I already said I need to see how this plays out but I'm fully prepared for things to still go south. Dinner was good and it was fun...we made brownies back at her place after and she even licked chocolate off my lips. I'm not going to press the issue right away but if she continues to insist we are only dating I'm gonna break it off Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I tried to see my breakup though also...I didnt want to go completely NC because I didnt believe that she would be slowly friendzoning me. I saw slowly that it was happening. I realized i was doomed. Whats with this dating but not Bf/gf? Are you two fooling around again? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Sorry, neo. All these guys are right. She is calling all the shots... and no woman can respect a man who rolls over and lets her call ALL the shots. If you have any self-respect, you need to put a stop to her jerking you around -- that's exactly what she's doing -- right now. This is painful to watch. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. Link to post Share on other sites
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