Girlfriend says she needs space/time

[silic0ntoad]

Neo... Hand me your phone... Cmon.. give it...

 

No, you dont respond... and you dont respond to the next 10 you will get for not answering... I hate saying this, as it gives hope when that is not the objective, but you should be preparing for the home visit you are going to get if you keep ignoring her...

 

 

Maybe. She may show, she may not. Either way, it's not your problem. If she asks to speak with you in person, I would simply say "Sorry, I must regretfully decline. Have a good day."

[faf]

Your whole situation is a lot to go through Neo. You seem bright and articulate.

 

No advice here other than to hope you have fun moving on. Activity immersion is a good way to escape and occupy yourself. At your age I used to just date someone new.

 

Good luck!

[HLP234]

The thing is she doesn't know I saw her status comments. I haven't talked to her since she has went back home. If she texts me should I bring up the status comment or what would be the best thing to say?

 

She doesn't know I know about this so I dunno, she thought things were fine when she left.

[neoskunk]

well i have semi bad news. she texted me this afternoon wondering what time my surgery was tomorrow because she was planning on coming to see me. i felt i needed to respond because it was a previously planned event. i told her when it was and that i didn't think she should come. its just minor sinus surgery nothing substantial. i am still going to continue NC i just felt this was necessary. what do yall think?

[HLP234]

If you had planned to go NC than I would stick to that. If she really wanted to see you she would of just came to see you surprisingly. Just ignore it, she may be starting to feel sorry and as soon as you let her know your ok with talking to her, she will think its ok to be friends.

[neoskunk]

wow we just had the biggest argument ever. one in which i told her how she had an antisocial and its all about me attitude. so i think i just burned any bridges that were still left. but i don't care its how i truly feel and over the past month she has done nothing but tell me all the things i did to ruin our relationship so now she can feel how i felt.

 

 

 

game over :/

Edited December 17, 2009 by neoskunk

[adamt]

sounds like she is trying to shift the blame onto you for the break doown in the relationship. this is so she feels less guilty and in her eyes a justifiable reason to split up. cut all contact now and dont bother speaking to her. no point arguing anymore with her as it is over and you should look after yourself and go enjoy the xmas holidays with friends. you deserve better from someone who will respect you. cut her out of your life

[neoskunk]

i have we are done speaking and i dont even care. im beyond the point of caring now. i don't even think i want to be with her anymore.

[neoskunk]

NC really does help though. for the day or so that i had going i felt much better. now im kind of down again.

[HLP234]

And that is how it will be, one day you will be fine and then it hits you, wondering if you are being rude ignoring her. Just keep to it and hopefully you can completely forget her one day and you will wonder what the hell was wrong with you later when you are over her.

[neoskunk]

so i have come to a realization. relationships are retarded im jk but seriously relationships are cool and all while everything is good but ending one sucks hardcore. why do we get soo attached to someone else only for them to detach themselves from us?

 

 

oh well i guess its better to be optimistic right. the next one will be 10 times better in every way? lol sorry if im just rambling i don't really know what to think anymore.

[HLP234]

Neither do I man lol. I don't see myself being able to get close to anyone for a while. I mean a while too. One day I hope to wake up and feel like I did before I was ever in this mess. I don't even know what it feels like before for this all happened.

[neoskunk]

i know. and i just want someone to tell me i won't end up alone. i know im only 20 and its stupid to think that way but it was nice having someone to share my life with even at this age.

[HLP234]

Yeh I'm only 2 years older than you and it definitely is nice to have that feeling. Well now it has just made us less trusting and kind.

 

You will prolly treat girls differently, I mean care less about what they think and their actions. I know I will for sure. This is how people become A holes.

 

No one is born a douche, people make others change. And sometimes you have to realize even the kindest, most unique person can change too, and become like the rest of the flock. Which is why in most cases we end up in these "breaks."

[tVII]

ya its a part of growing up i think. a lot of my friends are so called "*******s" and the reason is because of a girl. i guess its just the way things work. '

 

my advice is keep NC (of course) by this, your giving her space. just think: its SO EASY for her to pick up the phone. so if your cell isn't ringing, its her calling you, telling you: im not calling you.

 

reality sux but its the BEST way to take this on.

 

and ya LS is great. definitely helped me with my ish.

[neoskunk]

well even since she broke up with me more than a month ago we have still yet to go more than 24 hours without talking, one way or the other. so she wouldn't have had time to realize she misses me but i think its probably too late for that now anyways. definately a good lesson: just give them space if you want any hope of return.

 

any ladies out there have any thoughts on how she may be feeling? or advice for me?

 

im going to continue NC i'm not debating that i just still don't think this is all over. i guess maybe after NC for a while it can be all over.

[HLP234]

The way I think about it is your damned if you do and damned if you don't. In my case, I don't want to contact her because to me I'm doing what she asked..and after finding crap on facebook about her and her best friend, and she doesn't know that, makes me not say anything at all to her.

 

So you can go like this ignoring them, they will either get mad and complain about you not talking to them or they will just be pissed and tell you "You haven't said one word to me, so now my decision is made and I don't want you."

 

Either way it goes it leads to the same path but our goal is to get them to realize what they lost. I don't know if ignoring them is a good idea if THEY think the last time you talked went alright.

 

For example, we seemed ok before my girl left for vacation, but of course I get on facebook and see the newsfeed about her and what she is doing which pisses me off and makes me not want to say anything at all to her.

 

At one point she will be back home and say something to me..and I won't really have anything to say anyway.

 

Oh and if you haven't gone 24hrs without talking to her that is not NC lol, you have to stick with it once you have made it clear to her..which is my problem, I have not made it clear to her but I am going off of what I think "space/time" to ones self means.

[blackbear_703]

The way I think about it is your damned if you do and damned if you don't. In my case, I don't want to contact her because to me I'm doing what she asked..and after finding crap on facebook about her and her best friend, and she doesn't know that, makes me not say anything at all to her.

 

So you can go like this ignoring them, they will either get mad and complain about you not talking to them or they will just be pissed and tell you "You haven't said one word to me, so now my decision is made and I don't want you."

 

Either way it goes it leads to the same path but our goal is to get them to realize what they lost. I don't know if ignoring them is a good idea if THEY think the last time you talked went alright.

 

For example, we seemed ok before my girl left for vacation, but of course I get on facebook and see the newsfeed about her and what she is doing which pisses me off and makes me not want to say anything at all to her.

 

At one point she will be back home and say something to me..and I won't really have anything to say anyway.

 

Oh and if you haven't gone 24hrs without talking to her that is not NC lol, you have to stick with it once you have made it clear to her..which is my problem, I have not made it clear to her but I am going off of what I think "space/time" to ones self means.

As far as I'm concerned, let them blow up and start throwing accusations around as much as they want. They're going to anyway just to inch their way out of the relationship. If they're going to break up with us and put us through the h*** of mixed feelings, let downs, and changing personalities, then we are as entitled to a break as much as they are just to heal our own spirits.

 

As for this girl, I'd definitely go NC all the way. Since it's Xmas break, you could "accidentally" leave your cell phone behind at home. Or have some other technical difficulties that would give you a legit reason for not being there. Just anything to get a rest from all of this and get yourself focused. You sound like a good guy and you deserve it.

[sean1970]

any ladies out there have any thoughts on how she may be feeling? or advice for me?

 

Wrong question. It does not matter what she it thinking.

 

This will drive you crazy if you let it.. Really... Think about what you are going to do...

[HLP234]

Yep that is right..it doesn't matter now I guess. I just texted her to see how she is doing and she never got back to me. So now when she comes back if she blows up on me I have proof that I can tell her off.

 

It sucks when you did nothing wrong and the other person makes you pay for their baggage and the ex's mistakes. I had given the alternative to wait while she healed before we dated, but no she felt ready and complained why I never asked her out.

 

Now all of a sudden she moves closer to me and decides she doesn't know what she wants like some magic spell was put on her or something. I really just want to wake up and forget what is going on around me sometimes because of this..and its not happening but I'm trying really hard.

[meonly]

NEO,u answer her first email or phone = UR DONE...if u dont make her crawl u will loose her for ever ! Right now shes making a choice,u or the other dude ! Ignore her for a month ! Then she will miss u terribly and the other one will be just dust to her ! U get one shot at it,dont forget the stats on exes coming back are very low,like under 10% !!! Take the wrong decision and u can say byebye to her for good. Dont let her have control,u have it now,use it wisely ! Good luck .

[meonly]

well even since she broke up with me more than a month ago we have still yet to go more than 24 hours without talking, one way or the other. so she wouldn't have had time to realize she misses me but i think its probably too late for that now anyways. definately a good lesson: just give them space if you want any hope of return.

 

any ladies out there have any thoughts on how she may be feeling? or advice for me?

 

im going to continue NC i'm not debating that i just still don't think this is all over. i guess maybe after NC for a while it can be all over.

The pain u feel is the same for the dumper ! u miss her,she misses u 2 !

She still loves u,she cant try to ignore it but it wont work !!!!

[HLP234]

The pain u feel is the same for the dumper ! u miss her,she misses u 2 !

She still loves u,she cant try to ignore it but it wont work !!!!

 

If she is confused and really doesn't know what she wants and there may be someone else around she can definitely move on much easier if she does not care. Girls have a different support system than guys..and if they want someone all they have to do is go out and make themselves available..thats the hard part for us.

[meonly]

My ex replaced me 3 days before she dumped me ! I dumped her in april for 3 weeks and took her back...maybe she was thinking, "one day u will pay" ! Well i do now ! Did the stupid thing like begging,crying etc ! Begged her in writting,second letter was to tell her i agreed with the break up..

First call to her,was not good ! Second call,she was "ACID" to me !

I didnt reconize her anymore ! Plus,she told me to not communicate with her !

The problem was " commitment " We are bankers,this new ********* is a

PLUMBER,REALY NOT HER TYPE AT ALL,HE WAS THE FIRST SHE PICKED !!!!

What was i going to do to win her back ? only one solution,NC !!!!!

Since i didnt have a choice because i will respect her demand to not contacting her ! In 7 weeks nothing good for me.NC for 1 month now.

The only hope i have its her love she still have for me or the "plumber" screws up ! That women was in love with me over her head and was clingy !

The relationship lasted 5 years.I still miss her a lot,still love her 2. If she decides to come back,ill make sure she BEGGS big time !!! I mean it !

I lost 27 pounds in one month,a blessing realy ! Im at the gym everyday and i start to feel a lot better ! For me its NC for ever,thats it ! There is no miracles to bring them back,just patience and NO communications !

I know she misses me a lot but her wall is still erected.I think i still have a shot.Anyhow,i feell i got my control back and my pride !

She doesnt come back,who cares ! She will be out of my life and my misery will be over ! GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE WHO IS STUCK IN THIS SH*IT !

[meonly]

if she is confused and really doesn't know what she wants and there may be someone else around she can definitely move on much easier if she does not care. Girls have a different support system than guys..and if they want someone all they have to do is go out and make themselves available..thats the hard part for us.

i totaly agree with u on that one !