Girlfriend says she needs space/time

[meonly]

CAN SOMEONE ANSWER THIS QUESTION ? If a women still loves a man,how can she go with another one and spread her legs in a V shape so fast ?

Im in a fog here ! Is it the trill of a new one or maybe its over for us at that point ? How can a women jump from one bed to another in such a short time ? That s*ucks big time to me.

[meonly]

if she is confused and really doesn't know what she wants and there may be someone else around she can definitely move on much easier if she does not care. Girls have a different support system than guys..and if they want someone all they have to do is go out and make themselves available..thats the hard part for us.

true but dont forget this one,their is only "1 " like you !

She is toying with you,take a stand and rush her to take a decision or you will be in the same situation in june 2010 !

Force her to react,nc is good for that ! Cant lose,u already did lose her ! Tell her u have enough and u dont want her anymore and hang up.let her stew over it.

[neoskunk]

i don't know. i have really been thinking about things again and i'm not sure there is such things as universal advice. i can definately see how NC works and it does make you feel a whole lot better but maybe its not the answer in all situations. i'm thinking it may be possible for me to use her until i find someone else as well. who says we can't be friends at least until one of us finds someone else? plus she can't tell me that she doesn't want to be with me in the future. so what if we were to be friends.

 

lets list some pros and cons:

 

pros:

1. makes her happy (this is what she wants)

2. as long as i act confident and pretend i don't want to be with her she might realize i am a good guy

3. going along with number 2, if there is someone else she will be able to compare me to him, could be a bad or good thing i guess

 

cons:

1. could give me hope but if i assume its over and start to look elsewhere i might be ok

2. she may find someone and decide not to be friends, in which case i would probably feel really bad

 

any thoughts? i truly believe i have accepted that i am not going to ever be with this chick. plus if she is telling the truth and doesn't want to be with anyone at all what harm could hanging out having fun together do?

 

 

im sure im going to get flamed for thinking like this . just some thoughts. i think its important that i move on and as long as that happens no reason to completely cut her out of my life.

[meonly]

NEO,u get one shot at it ! u goof now and game over.From what i see,shes attached to you ! You are lucky ! She knows u will chase her around.

If u go NC SHE WILL DO EVERYTHING TO REACH YOU ! I mean it !!!!!

Just do it for a few days and u will see ! Litle effort for a possible big gain !

Go NC for 1 week only and see how she reacts.If she calls you none stop,then u can MAKE HER CHASE YOU instead of you doing it.

DONT BE SO STUBBORN AND BE AFRAID OF LOSING HER ! YOU'RE LOSING HER RIGHT NOW BY DOING EVERYTHING SHE WANTS !

DONT BE A WUSS AND REACT FOR YOU'RE OWN INTEREST !

I never been dumped before !!! And im twice youre age,i do know about women.If they let you go and still communicate,that means they still care and have love for you.The fact her phone is locked means a lot here !

If the other one is wiser,UR DONE FOR GOOD ! Dont let him win !!!!!!!!!!!!

Fight back like a man and not like a flower girl !!!! GOOD LUCK,U WILL NEED IT !!!!!

[HLP234]

Just continue on with NC. I dunno about you but after I have done nothing wrong to hurt her, I can not be her friend after what she has done to me. Everything was perfect as it seemed and then all of a sudden she doesn't know what she wants and is looking for us to have this connection like she has with her best friend.

 

To her, before she left for the holidays, we hung out and said we need to see each other after she gets back as soon as possible.

 

While i was on myspace/facebook I saw status comments about her and her best friend and how it seemed as if she was spending the night at his house.

 

I haven't spoken to her since she left, saw what I saw online and it infuriated me, but continued to ignore it.

 

I texted her yesterday to see how she was doing and I dunno if she got the text or not because she lives in the middle of nowhere. But she never said anything back and to me that just means I will have to continue to ignore it and not say anything.

[meonly]

HLP234 Stop torturing yourself !!! Stop looking on the net to get information on her ! It wont help u any ! She knows u can access these,she knows it will get to you ! Its so gruesome to see who she speaks to or if she has another friend ! She will play you like a yoyo ! Remove her from Myspace or facebook ! If she wants to reach you she will ! its no longer your choice !

Even if u didnt do anything bad to deserve this,she can and is allowed to drop you ! We all have that option in life,including you !

Be strong and accept the situation,im in the same boat !

In NC u get ur pride back and ur independance !

[HLP234]

Apparently I saw on facebook she lost her numbers because she had to replace her phone twice. But she's been online and could have messaged me or something. I know she remembers my number but I guess she never got the text.

 

I'm trying to forget it but its freakin hard. I can't not go on facebook or AIM or watever. She didn't remove me from friends yet so I dunno. You are right I gotta stop thinking about this.

 

She never said we are broken up she kept saying "we are on a break." But at the same shes there spending all the time with that other guy.

[neoskunk]

ok i'm going to go NC and try to keep it up for more than 24 hours. we see if you are correct meonly.

[females_lie]

ok i'm going to go NC and try to keep it up for more than 24 hours. we see if you are correct meonly.

 

Im in the same boat bro. Dumped day before thanksgiving after 8 years!!! Goin on 7 days nc and not lookin back. Hard as hell, but I need to do it not only because it really is the only shot at a reconciliation but more cause I need to change **** in my life as well.

[HLP234]

Why didn't I know about this place before, I could of known about all this crap and what a break really means. The worst part is if she is one of those girls that hates when they loose a friend or someone to talk to, she will do anything to make you feel like crap for not talking to her.

 

They are going to try and be friends because they will get over you much quicker, especially if they have gone from relationship to relationship in the past.

 

I think for guys, the friends thing will never work unless you have someone else and even then talking to your ex would just bring back bad memories..I guess it depends on the person. I know I wouldn't be able to be a friend anymore.

[adamt]

Just stay in NC, then in 6 months time you will feel a lot better. work on yourself,become a happy person again,get into shape,get a new wardrobe and become an interesting person with lots going on in your life. When you reach that point you will be ready to date again. You will be surpised at the quality of people you get interested in you. Don't contact the ex, treat it as an addiction you are getting over such as drugs or alcohol. Don't feel you have to dae anytime soon, jsut be selfish and do what makes you happy. Treat the break up as the begining of a new era and a good time to change some of your hold habits and become a new person with confidence

[HLP234]

To be honest, quitting smoking was way easier than this. I plan on forgetting everything, maybe get some new clothes, and go out more with friends.

 

I graduate college in 6 months so that should be exciting and I have a job lined up kind of too. Its just so hard to think how different I will feel.

 

I have a feeling she will just ignore me when she comes back and not even give me the chance to let her know that I'm moving on and forgetting her forever. The most horrible thing is when people play with your emotions.

 

I would of rather had her cheat I think, that way I would be like ok whatever I'm done. Instead she probably thought this would be easier..but doesn't realize its easier for her not for me because she has someone else and I won't for a long time.

[adamt]

Yes, fresh from a break up you think you will never get over the ex, think there is no one esl eout there and never move on. initially you will be grieving the loss. then you will reach a point where you want to move on but still struggling. but day by day you will gradually improve a little more. then yu will reach the time when you think "sod this, the ex isnt going to control my life anymore, time to get on with my life" then when you are better you will begin to date new people and start enjoing it. I'm at that point where i am dating. Met two girls i really like. Will see how things develop, but a great situation to be in if i have to choose between to fit women! I'm enjoying going on dates with a few women as you meet quite a few nice people. yeah, my ex is still on my mind but it's a great feeling going on a date and the ex is never on your mind.

 

The key to healing is getting to the point where you deep down are wanting to move on and given up all hope

 

I have a feeling she will just ignore me when she comes back and not even give me the chance to let her know that I'm moving on and forgetting her forever. The most horrible thing is when people play with your emotions.

 

I would of rather had her cheat I think, that way I would be like ok whatever I'm done. Instead she probably thought this would be easier..but doesn't realize its easier for her not for me because she has someone else and I won't for a long time.

 

You need to forget about what she is thinkign or doing, it is about what you are doing and thinking. You dont need to let her know you are moving on, just stay in NC and begin to move on and don't look back. you have the destiny of your future not her

Edited December 20, 2009 by adamt

[HLP234]

That is the feeling I want to reach, where it eventually just is not there anymore. And I like that I can post on here because everyone I know is sick of the situation and thinks she is a bitch for doing this to me.

 

To her we are still on a "break" and probably thinks everything is alright and she got the time to herself that she needed.

 

I know she will be back here and talk to me as soon as she does probably, wanting to hang out. She doesn't know anyone here besides me and before she left for vacation we hung out and she thought everything was ok.

 

I should not have looked on facebook/myspace to see stupid status comments which made me kind of hate her now.

 

Its hard when you have things to do that must get done and your in a constant state of sadness/depression..I would not wish this pain on anyone in the world to be honest.

 

I'm just glad I can write here to make me feel a little better.

[meonly]

im in the same boat bro. Dumped day before thanksgiving after 8 years!!! Goin on 7 days nc and not lookin back. Hard as hell, but i need to do it not only because it really is the only shot at a reconciliation but more cause i need to change **** in my life as well.

hang in there,u r not alone my friend !!!!

[meonly]

That is the feeling I want to reach, where it eventually just is not there anymore. And I like that I can post on here because everyone I know is sick of the situation and thinks she is a bitch for doing this to me.

 

To her we are still on a "break" and probably thinks everything is alright and she got the time to herself that she needed.

 

I know she will be back here and talk to me as soon as she does probably, wanting to hang out. She doesn't know anyone here besides me and before she left for vacation we hung out and she thought everything was ok.

 

I should not have looked on facebook/myspace to see stupid status comments which made me kind of hate her now.

 

Its hard when you have things to do that must get done and your in a constant state of sadness/depression..I would not wish this pain on anyone in the world to be honest.

 

I'm just glad I can write here to make me feel a little better.

i feel the same then you,its *****en awful to have that type of pain

[adamt]

Treat the break as a break up. SOunds like she wants to keep you as back up if something else doesnt work out. if she calls or text, don't answer or return the calls. let her sweat for a bit. if she really wants it to work then she will come looking for you and will make the effort to speak to you. you ahve to come across as busy and getting on with your life. that way the only hope you will stay together if she realises she does miss you if she sees she might be losing you. if she doesnt miss you then you are starting to make efforts to move on. If she does come back then for it to work you both have to change not just you. you should tell her what she is doing wrong too.

 

it will be a hard few months but you will be stronger, learn from things, appreciate the little things moreWhen you are ready for a new relationship then you can take what you have learnt into the new relationship.

 

i still remember the feeling i had when the ex changed her status on facebook the morning after she dumped me. It hurt like hell! It took me a month to gather the strength to unfriend and block her. Didnt speak to her for 5 months until we bumped into each other then for a week i she was back on my mind. I'm coming up to 7th months and feeling a lot better. Just focus on your self and set goals to keep you straight ahead. Its very hard and mentally challenging but if you are strong you will get there. Also wil things be the same if you do get back together?

[HLP234]

If we get back together I agree that both of us have to change. She is refusing to see it from my point of view. I know she said I don't have to wait if I don't want to because she really does not know what she wants, but she fails to look at why I do wait and why I care so much.

 

The worst she can do when she comes back and I dont answer her is send me some long message saying she has tried to talk to me and that she is finally tired and done with it.

 

I really just want to set things straight with her when she gets back and let her know that I don't appreciate how I've been treated, that I don't like games and putting effort into something that I'm not getting anything back.

 

Her response may be, well I never told you that you had to wait. She needs to realize why I waited though but I don't think she will because she is just hard headed and stubborn. It's something simple that can be worked out because a week before she moved here she could not wait to be here and see me, and after she got here, all of this just came out of no where.

[meonly]

if we get back together i agree that both of us have to change. She is refusing to see it from my point of view. I know she said i don't have to wait if i don't want to because she really does not know what she wants, but she fails to look at why i do wait and why i care so much.

 

The worst she can do when she comes back and i dont answer her is send me some long message saying she has tried to talk to me and that she is finally tired and done with it.

 

I really just want to set things straight with her when she gets back and let her know that i don't appreciate how i've been treated, that i don't like games and putting effort into something that i'm not getting anything back.

 

Her response may be, well i never told you that you had to wait. She needs to realize why i waited though but i don't think she will because she is just hard headed and stubborn. It's something simple that can be worked out because a week before she moved here she could not wait to be here and see me, and after she got here, all of this just came out of no where.

if she doesnt run after you then u will know she doesnt have any feelings for you anymore !!! Start to move on right now !

Thats what im doing ! And many others are also.

[adamt]

if she doesnt run after you then u will know she doesnt have any feelings for you anymore !!! Start to move on right now !

Thats what im doing ! And many others are also.

 

exactly right, you need to take a step away from all the complications, confusions and distractions that might be involved in the break and take time for you both to clear your heads. then if she wants to come back she will come looking for you. in the mean time treat it as a break up and start to think how you are going to move on. it is unfair for someone to keep someone on hold when that person has such strong feelings

[HLP234]

That is what I have been trying to do all along. It is so hard to just try and suppress every memory but its what must be done. I hate feeling sorta alright and then all of a sudden it hits me like a bullet..and I'm down completely, for a while.

 

She texted from me from a computer today after not saying anything to her for 7 days. She told me her phone was suspended because her ex bf still has the account in his name and that she wanted me to know she was alright. Also hoped everything was going well with my new job and that she will talk to me later.

 

I told her I was glad she was good but she didn't receive it because by the the time I got to my phone she was offline.

 

So yeh I dunno, but I will just continue with not contacting her and wait I suppose till she comes back. I know then she will deff try and come see me.

[sean1970]

I told her I was glad she was good but she didn't receive it because by the the time I got to my phone she was offline.

 

Stop replying...

[neoskunk]

HLP ask yourself whether you want this style of communication to continue? If not then start to move on... Start looking at your life in terms of who you are not who you were with her. As crazy as it sounds love really is a game. Pretend that you don't care what she does or says. It will drive her crazy if you stop talking to her and even when you do talk to her pretend like you don't give a crap.

 

I'm not exactly sure the status of my relationship right now but I have been very low contact and non-chalant when we talk or hang out. It seems the more I back off and pretend I don't care about being with her anymore the more she likes me. She told me last night she couldn't sleep because I wasnt next to her. And she also said she wants to spend new years with me. I'm still not getting my hopes up but I feel its worth mentioning that the advice on the forum is right on track. Give em space, if what yall had was any bit good she will probaby come crawling back. But nothing is guaranteed, see yourself moving on....

[meonly]

For me its 3 months the 3rd of january,6 weeks NC,i give up !!!

i dont want to read theses threads anymore....i, moving on !

If she never communicate with me so be it !

why should i care if she doesnt ? Good luck to all,u will need it !

Only a very few do come back,so..adios

[HLP234]

That's true I should just stop completely. Didn't help after I got that text I saw on facebook her status said she was talking to that "best friend" most the evening. Oh well forget it I guess, I'll try my best not to reply with anything, until she is back here at least.

 

But I have been acting like I don't really care, she even said when we hung out last time that I'm acting different but I said I had no idea what she was talking about. Seems like she just gets mad about that and says it pushes her more away rather than makes her want me more.

 

I guess it kinda works for most people. I'll keep it up and see how it goes, but from previous examples, she will just continue to be pissed lol and complain about it.