what to do?

[Matt]

I met a girl last year and we started seeing each other. We only told each other it was friendship and nothing else because we lived far away from each other. The more time we spent together however, the more apparent it became we both were falling for each other.

 

We went through a period of time where we did not see each other for a while but we did keep in touch through the use of email. It was somewhat apparent to me she cared for me more than just as a friend, but she did not ever come out and say that. She is somewhat insecure about showing her feeligns in an outward way.

 

When we did get back together it was very obvious, but also very awkward in that we both did know we cared for each other more. I decided I should make the first move in trying to open up to get more of a relationship.

 

At first she was receptive to the closeness, but soon shyed away the harder I tried. It came to the point where she started to "run away" from me and contact the closer I tried to get. She liked being intimate but seemed to be afraid of us being around each other too much. She then broke off our "friendship".

 

It has been a while now. I have kept in touch with general emails but nothing more. She failed to respond to me in any way. I did keep at it for a few months and finally she did respond to me with a short email. She seemed like she was "walkign on eggshells" so to speak in how she wrote it, once again she seems afraid to discuss anything about her feeligns.

 

This is not an effort to get a "relationship" back because we really did not have much of one, other than once or twice where we got intimate. However, I do want to get our close friendship back, I truly miss talking to her and the time we did spend together. She is very shy about her feelings and often keeps busy so she doesn't have to deal with them, so how do I go about this situation? any ideas would be appreciated!

[Tony T]

This is completely out of your hands.

 

Your lady has difficulty expressing her feelings, either out of shyness which she may or may not grow out of or because she was raised in a home that was highly unexpressive and mostly repressive emotionally. Perhaps there is some very traumatic experience in her past, including sexual abuse, that affects her behavior.

 

You are not going to change this lady. She has to change herself. I know how it feels to love somebody who just won't come around but you have to accept people as they are. Equipped as she is emotionally, she doesn't seem to meet your criteria for an acceptable partner at this time.

 

Keep whatever communication you have going with her, make some effort to be her friend (but good friendships work two ways), and start your search for a lady who responds more like you would expect in a mutual, loving, communicative, healthy relationship. They are out there.

 

There is always the temptation to stick around and try to change someone but your efforts in that regard will only result in anger and resentment. She will change in her own good time if she wants to. The way you have described her, those changes are far off in time if they happen at all.

 

Isn't life just a bxtch sometimes???