DerangedAngel Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 If you are truly in love with someone... are you attracted to other people? Do you desire other people? Do you fantasize about others? I think I'm majorly weird after a convo with my BF. Maybe I am undersexed but I don't find anyone else attractive even. I know I have what I want so why bother looking? I don't even notice other guys! Help me, am I a freak or wut? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 That could be because to you, attraction isn't just about someone catching your eye, but about an emotional connection as well. You're lucky that you have what you want, and don't want more. This shows that you are healthy, and that you are a perfect candidate for a relationship, in that you won't try to sabotage it by looking somewhere else. Be happy, you're not a freak. To me, the primary attraction is based on physical appearance. If I see a gal walking down the street who has a nice ass, I'll turn around and watch her ass until it reaches vanishing point--at which point my desire ends, because true attraction has tenets that are way beyond your, erm, physical assets. If you don't notice other guys, it's because your happy. And I'm not sure if that's right or wrong, but you definitely dont' need any help with it. Think of the alternative, you're better off. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 You sparked a new question dyer! Hope you come back and read this but... if my BF *IS* attracted, physically, to other women... is he unhappy with me? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 *Ahem* One more thing... is it wrong for me to be hurt by him looking at other people? Or to even ask him to try and take it down a notch? I feel like you can cheat with your eyes, too, although some would say I'm taking it to an extreme. I just want to be special to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 I think it's normal to find other people attractive, even if you're in a loving relationship with someone. It's human nature that we will find other's physically attractive. It's been proven in studies that babies will stare longer at faces they find attractive. In their own minds, they aren't thinking "Ooh, that person is hot." obviously since their babies but even they can judge attractiveness without even knowing what they're doing. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world. Yet, I'll notice an attractive guy. I don't sit there and say, "Oooh, he's so hot. I want to do him." In my mind I think, "He's cute." and that's the end of it. I don't stare anyone down or anything. I just notice when a guy is good looking. Nothing wrong with that. As for your boyfriend, is he oggling other woman in front of you? That could be a problem. It's normal for guys to notice other attractive women. Like I said before, it's human nature. It's how he handles the situation is what makes it right or wrong. Noticing other attractive women does not mean that he is unhappy with you. You need to be more specific on what he's doing to make you so upset. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 Boy...this is a hell of a question. See...in a perfect world, if someone is truly in love with a girl, he wouldn't look at anyone else. But, as is said many times by many people here, men are a visual creature, we're gonna look regardless. But looking doesn't necessarily MEAN anything, really. I think it's great that you aren't attracted to other guys. I'd love to have a girl like you. And if that picture under your name is you, then I can guarantee I'd never bother looking at another girl other than you. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 Of course I'd come back and read it lol, you act like you think I have better things to do My guess is that he's not unhappy with you, as in, he is happy with you. But it's a feeling that you'd have, and whatever that is, go with it. Which kind of attraction are you talking about, in terms of your boyfriends attraction to other women? Is it that he just stares at a girl with a nice rack? Or does he actually crave a relationship outside of yours. If the first, forget about it, and don't make a huge deal about it, because you're not going to change him, and bringing it up too much will just make you seem jealous. If it's truly a problem for you though, you do need to communicate it, but try to do it in a nonconfrontational manner. I'm almost positive that it's not you that's causing him to do this, I think he's just a man. It'd be nice if he got some respect so that you didn't know he was doing it though You're right about "cheating with your eyes", but unless he's cheating with a little more than that, I don't think you should be extremely worried. I don't want to proliferate a double standard, but boys will be boys when it comes to things like that. I think chances are he's interested in a physical relationship with you, or you wouldn't be his girlfriend, but I think he understands that there's an emotional connection too, so you definitely are special to him. As for you being hurt, I can't tell whether that's a problem or not, you'll have to identify whether: 1. Are you a victim? If he's treating you like crap, it's possible that he looks at other women to further victimize you, in that he thinks he can do whatever he wants, and you'll stay his, erm, subject. If that's the case, and only you'd know, leave now, you don't need that crap. 1. Are you a nag, I mean, just a little? If you constantly bring up an issue where there is none, this will push him away. A relationship should be based on trust and communication. You should be able to communicate effectively where you feel you are being hurt, and you should be able to trust him enough to listen to his answer and believe it. If you don't trust the answer, there's something missinng in the relationship--and it isn't your fault. You should be able to communicate effectively where you feel you are being hurt, and you should be able to trust him enough to listen to his answer and believe it. If you don't trust the answer, there's something missinng in the relationship--and it isn't your fault. I said it twice because it's important. [i gotta go to school, I'll be back in like twelve hours or something] Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 11, 2003 Share Posted December 11, 2003 Originally posted by dyermaker To me, the primary attraction is based on physical appearance. If I see a gal walking down the street who has a nice ass, I'll turn around and watch her ass until it reaches vanishing point--at which point my desire ends, because true attraction has tenets that are way beyond your, erm, physical assets. That was a great way to describe it Dyer!!!! Just because I love someone....doesn't mean I went BLIND! Nor would be noticing a guy is a hottie.....change my relationship (if I had one!). LOL! I consider appreciating the opposite sex as a form of window shopping. Just cause I look at it and think it's nice....doesn't mean I'm prepared to buy it. As for your question Angel....everyone has their own level of comfort as to how their mate looks at other people. I wouldn't want to love a guy who googled and drooled over other women.....but I wouldn't mind if he looked...discreetly ofcourse! LOL! I always figure if a guy sees someone he wants more than me....well, I'd find out earlier than later. I refuse to get jealous over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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