Feel like callin bad

[Smoove]

I feel so depressed i wanna call her so bad but i know i will cry just hearin her voice. This is not how i am supposed 2 live but i cant help it. I wanna meet her 4 sum coffee but wat if she gets da wrong idea dat i am trying to get back wif her?

[mr_roggger]

How long has it been since you last called/talked to her?

[maxmuscle]

smoove,

 

Listen to me! Do not call, write, email, txt, sms,etc. You need to toss cold water on her to make her realize that life goes on with/without her. Trust me! People need time and space to reflect on their realtionship wondering if they did the right thing. She will not have time to do that if you are constantly emailing or calling her.

 

She knows how much you care and love her, trust me. Love is so fickle, it can go agianst you or be in your favor. Try something different like not contacting her. She expects you to contact her. Act happy, confident, and loving when she contacts you. Do not mentined anything about the breakup! Act like you don't even care, eventhough it's a lie. YOU CANNOT MAKE HER COME BACK TO YOU. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Let her come back on her own terms. So start right now to take these steps.

 

These are some very difficult steps to do, I have failed many times, but once I tried it, it works to perfection.

 

Me and my ex was together 3years. We broke up a month and a half ago. My life was crushed, but I started to take the advice on these boards and it works. My ex has started the contact me agian. She told me she loves me, and misses me. I love her so much, but I want it to be right. I want her to be 100% sure if this is what she wants. So I am giving her more time.

[Kanuk]

Max, you said that your gf started contacting you and it's been a montha nd a half.

 

How long did it take before she contacted you? Was it literally NO CONTACT until just recently? Or did she actually call you once in a while to see how you were doing etc?.

 

I ask cause my gf broke up with me about 7 weeks come this Saturday. She has yet to voluntarily call me. I sent her a message askign ehr to tell me what was up which prompted a "I think it's best if we both try to move on for now, I'm not ready to talk to you yet, but I'll let you know when I'm ready".

 

I was disturbed by the "both of us move on part" cause she isn't just telling me to go on until she's ready to make a decision, it means she wants to move on with her life without me as well. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Anyways, i'm doign what she's asked, and I'm leaving her alone till she's ready to talk. But I'm just curious if 6 - 7 weeks with no word at all is normal or not.

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

It took my ex gf about two weeks to contact me. We broke up around the end of November this year. I went cold turkey, meaning; I did not contact her. I was in a relationship before her and I did all the wrong things. I begged, pleaded, showered her with gifts. IT DOESN"T WORK. So I decided to do things different with this current breakup. Kanuk, she called me everyonce in a while out of that two weeks I was not contacting her. I kept my responses short and gentle. I did not take the initiative to email, write, or call. We lived together for 2 years, but been together for 3yrs so I know she still had many feelings for me. She intiated the breakup. I didn't want it to happen, but I had to respect her wishes.

 

I know what is like to lose somthing so precious and to never get it back agian. Its pure hell. So I have a chance to not let this current breakup get a way because I love her so unconditionally.

 

6-7 weeks is normal. I know it seems like eternity, but you have to let her go. I am telling you from experience, trial and error. I made that mistake before and I paid for it dearly. So with this current breakup I did the opposite and I got results.

 

Someday it will hit her that you are not together. She might be looking at old photos or whatever, but SHE WILL start thinking about the relationship. THAT IS ONLY IF you giver her time and space. DO NOT CONTACT HER! She loss sight of the relationship so give her time.

 

You have to show that you can live life without her. This is about survival!

 

Kanuk, How intense was your relationship, meaning; How long have you been together? Trust me, she still cares for you!

[Kanuk]

We were together for 15 months (I was going to propose at christmas if that is any indication of how I thought the relationship was going).

 

Things were always great, but i was a little cautious sometiem because, while she was in relationships before me, she said she had never loved before me. She had never even said "I love you" to any of her ex's. Her friends also told me that she had always said, as long as they knew her, that she would never get married cause she didn't and couldn't love anyone. That all changed when she met me, or so they told me.

 

Anyways, she had always said she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She always said "I'm keeping you forever". But I moved away for a while (only 200km) and only saw her on weekends. And over the last 2-3 weekends we ended up have a small fight, but i always triedto resolve it before I left for the week to make sure she wasn't mad when i left.

 

Then the last weekend, i screwed up bad. I tried to suprise her with breakfast in bed when i came down that weekend. So i let myself in early in the morning. Esentially, even though i had a key, i had to undo the chain on the door, so i "broke in". It didn';t seem to bother her, but we went to a party that night and she went off and talked with her friends all night and igniored me, i got upset and approached her on it and complained that I had driven all that way to see her and she wasn't even spending time with me. She complianed that she never saw her friends cause she was so busy (and she really was, and any apre time she had on weekends, iexpected her to spend it with me). eventually it turned into, I need some space, i want to go on a break to try and work out our problems.

 

Like any other inex[perienced guy, i over reacted. But eventually i conceded to her wishes and went home. She watched me from the window and creid as I drove away.

 

When she said she wanted a break, i confronted her on saying (more or less) "you're just doing this to let me down easy, you're going to call in a week or so and say "look, the break isn't working, it's over" She swore up and down that wasn't true, and even in this turmoil she still said, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, i love you, i'm keeping you forever etc. And she was quite sincere and I believed her.

 

We were supposed to talk about it on the phone the next day BUT!!! I ended up getting drunk with my friend, and then got home and called... oh.. .about 20 times... 10 on her cell and 10 on her home line. She never picked up once. I left a message saying i was coming down to pick up some of my things i left behiond and to droip off her spare key and to try to talk to her. I showed up at her house at the same time she just happened to come home. She yelled at me that i was freaking her out, and demanded her key back. She told me "You need to go home, not call and not come back". As she got back in the car i told her i loved and and wanted to try to talk to her, but she didn't even look or say anythign, she just drove away.

 

I tried about 5 sms's over the next week to see her (when i still saw her online). She eventually blocked me I suppose. I waited about 2 or 3 weeks after that and e-mailed to ask if she still loved me or if I shoudl move on. I waited 5 days with no response, then I called. Her cell phone doesn't have call display, so that's the only reason she picked up i assume. She said she was busy watching the bachelor. I asked if she got the e-mial - yes - and i asked if she was going o respond - yes - when? Weeks? Months?. - I don't know -. And that was the end of that.

 

I waited 2 more weeks and sent a message that said something along the lines of "After a year and a half together, i at least deserve to hear it from you that you don't want to see me anymore. I have at least earned that. I don't think I'm asking for much".

 

I got response that said "Sory, but you haven't exactly been making this easy on me. I think it's best if we both try to move on for now. I'm not ready to talk to you yet, bu I will let you know when I am".

 

I know she did love me greatly. And I think she still cares otherwise she would have told me to f-off on the phone or in her message. But after what i did to her, i broke into her house, i called so many times, i showe d up the next day directly disrespecting ehr wishes and I tried to contact her since, even though she told me "don't call, don't come back", i don't know if she'll ever forgive me. She probably thinks I've gone quite crazy. In total, i drove 800km that weekend to try to save our relationship. I hardly think she sees it that way though.

 

I'm paranoid about the message that 'it's best if WE BOTH move on for now". I interpret that as she wants to move on to a life without me, not that she wants me to move on while she makes up her mind.

 

I love this girl with all of my mind and soul, i was going to marry her and was 4 days from purchasing an engagement ring before this happened. I know how I feel, and I've made it very clear to her how I feel. I left her alone after a message I sent a week ago that more or less said "I love you, i want you back, you know all of that. I'm sorry for pressuring you, i can't make you love me, you have to come to that decision on your own. If you want me, you know where to find me"

 

I also have another problem. I'm oign back to her town tomorrow to write an exam. I've arranged it with her mother to pick some of my things up while my ex isn't home. I'm still afraid of running into her even though she's supposed to be at work. I also have this suspicion that she's goign tostay at a friends and skip work that day just to make sure she doesn't run into me. If that's true i guess I really am screwed. I'm thinking of giving her back all of the mementos and gifts she ever gave me cause they're giving me a lot of painful memories that should be good memories. I don't know if I should or not, what if she takes that as I've moved on and don't want her back? i don't want her to think that i don't want her.

 

Just so damned confused.

[maxmuscle]

Do not give her her gifts back. That is sign of pettiness! Please take the advice i have given you. it seems like you are going down the same path as my other relationship long ago.

 

Kanuk, all you have to do is look at the way she is behaving toward you. She is behaving that way for a reason. You are giving her reasons to act this way towards you. PLEASE LEAVE HER ALONE FOR NOW!

 

DO NOT say I love you, I want you back, I miss you, etc until she say it!

 

Place all her gifts in a box and put it away. Do not have them lingering around as a reminder. "Out of sight, out of mind!"

 

If you continue to chase her, you are going to LOSE HER. This is all the advice I can give you bro, the rest is up to you.

[Kanuk]

Yeah, people told me from day one to leave her alone. But they said it was "cause people want what they can't have"

 

I hope, from my description of my attempts to contact her. that i wasn't bothering her TOO much. I did wait weeks in between some of the contacts, but just less than weeks inbetween others.

 

I'm doing the no contact policy now. But I'm freakin scared it's too late already. At first i justified the contact with "There's no hope in getting her back because I screwed up so badly, so I might as well just get the closure i need" (closure becuase although i hear she's told all of her friedns it's over and her friends are encouraging her to not talk to me, She has not yet come out and told me it's over. Until that "Move on for now" message, she hadn't said ANYTHING to me).

 

I wish i wasn't so stupid, i wish i didn't do the things i did to cause this breakup in the first place. I really thought i was doing a romantic thing. Soooo stupid. Some people say that she was probably looking for an out and used this as an excuse, but based on what I've told you and the things i saw that weekend, i don't think that was true. For eg, she had a carebear when she was young which she lost and missed. So i went out and got the carebear that I had when i was a kid and gave it to her to replace her lost toy. It wasn't the exact same one, but a carebear all the same. She always slept with it when i wasn't around cause she said ti reminded her of me. When i came in theat morning to make her breakfast, she was leeping with that carebear tightly in her arms. Would someone looking for an out of a relationship do that?

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

Here are some links that i've found on this site. I think you should take a look at them.

 

http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/ds/samples.htm

 

http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/ds/sample2.htm

[Kanuk]

this is all very good advice, Advice i should have gotten 6 weeks ago. When she initially said she wanted the break, i should have already seen this advice. Then i wouldn't have fought her, i would have been someone she wanted to come back to.

 

I can already pick out numerous times since the breakup that i did the exact opposite of that advice. I actually sent her an icq message that said "Please forgive me, i can't live every day with the thought that you hate me". pretty pathetic huh?

 

My only solice is that even when we were dating, if she was offline and I sent an icq message, she didn't always get it. She could be offline, she could be on invisible, she could have blocked me. So, did she get the message? I may never know. I hope not, but i suspect she did and I shot myself in the foot.

 

this is all advice that I will be sure to remember if i happen to run into a situation like this again. I hope to hell that I don't ever need it though. I don't even want any other women except my ex. I suppose that falls under the category of a desire huh?

[dyermaker]

Yeah forget about her, she can give you nothing but lessons. And if, under some bizzare mutual delusion, she does take you back, she'll know she can walk all over you.

[kimstar]

i KNOW ITS SOOO HARD NOT TO CALL.................I AM IN SAME POSITION AFTER 6 YRS I WANT TO HEAR FROM HIM BUT WHEN I CALL ALL I DO IS CRY AND THEN FIND MYSELF BEGGING HIM TO TAKE ME BACK............MY DIGNITY IS SHATTERED!

i CANT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESNT HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS FOR ME i WISH I LOVED MYSELF AS MUCH AS I DO HIM........ WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT SOMEONE THAT DOESNT LOVE THEM THE SAME WAY BACK TRYING NOT TO CALL HIM EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!