I like this girl, but there is a bit of distance between us

[TMichaels]

I am extremely confused now.

 

When I first told her I liked her I mentioned the 3 hours distance. The only things she told me was that she had been hurt in the past and wanted to get to know each other better. Well, we've been talking A LOT... We got to talking about our past relationships. She said her last one a few months ago ended suddenly when she moved to where she is now. She said the guy didn't want to try the long distance thing. She said she couldn't blame him because it was kinda ridiculous if you will only see them a few times a month...

 

Do I even have a chance? Am I just setting myself up for a major hurt? I figured if she didn't want to try it or wasn't interested she would have said something in the beginning like: "I'm really flattered and all, but I think the distance is just too far for us to try it." or something similar.

 

So basically, she agreed with her last guy that LDR's weren;t worth it, but didn;t tell me that.

 

...in my last message I just flat out asked her if I had a chance if we got to know each other and seemed compatible since she said that about LDR's. So her response (or lack thereof) should give me my answer.

 

That's true, makani47. Kudos to you for having the courage to ask the question -- no matter how it turns out!

 

I realize now you know the real reason she was hurt in her last relationship that you are worried she may not want to get into a LDR with you, but keep this in mind: Her last relationship ended suddenly because her ex- couldn't deal with the distance -- not her.

 

You aren't that other guy, and your relationship didn't start out with you two being in each other's back pockets. If you two have been good friends and enjoyed each other's company up to this point, there's no reason why you can't continue to get to know one another and see where it leads.

 

And, as far as her comment that "she couldn't blame her ex- for breaking up, it's kinda ridiculous when you will only see someone a few times a month" -- I wouldn't be surprised if that's one of the reasons HER EX-told *her* (or tried to get her to agree with him about) on why it was best to end their relationship. From how you wrote what she said, it doesn't sound to me like she's convinced LDRs aren't worth the effort, at all. She's just hurt.

 

So, if I were you, I wouldn't pressure her. You asked the question -- give her time and space to make up her own mind and don't let a lack of an immediate answer get in the way of you two getting to know each other better, at least for now.

 

If she continues to talk to you, then do so. Be yourself, keep chatting and getting to know more about each other, and let her see what a different person you are from her ex- and that you're worthy of her time, trust and devotion.

 

If you keep talking and she feels that way, I guarantee you her comment about why LDRs aren't a good idea, won't matter one bit.

 

Hope this helps. Good luck to you, and keep us posted!

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[makani47]

She said she doesn't have an issue with distance, that she was just making a point that she understood while the other guy didn't want to do it. But that you have to have something to make it work. Then she said that I wouldn't want to be with her because she was so "messed up" which was something she doesn't tell most people. That she was really starting to think it though.

 

So, oviously, she is having some problems with soemthing. That actually makes me want to be with her even more because I want to help her. Whenever someone is having problems, I have an extremely strong urge to help. To get them to feel comfortable in telling me so I can talk to them about it and help while at the same time not being smothering or making it worse.

 

But she is talking to me a lot more deeply then she did before I told he I liked her.

[makani47]

I seriously hate double posting, but the edit button seems to go away o_0

 

I asked her what makes her think that after we got to know each other that I wouldn't want to be with her. I then told her that if something is bothering her that she can tell me. That I would love to help and would not judge her or anything like that no matter how bad she thinks it is. That she could tell me anything, but only if she wants to.

 

She replied saying that she didn't mean to word it like that. She was just an emotional roller coaster. She said she would love to describe how she feels, but just doesn't know how to.

 

I think I know part of what might be bothering her though. But, I have mentioned I liked her, being with her, and she didn't seem to care about distance or reject the idea of dating. Does it seem she is open to the idea of dating down the road after getting to know each other?

[TMichaels]

I seriously hate double posting, but the edit button seems to go away o_0

 

That's because if someone else responds to your message or you wait longer than four hours to edit what you wrote, the site won't allow you to.

 

She replied saying that she didn't mean to word it like that. She was just an emotional roller coaster. She said she would love to describe how she feels, but just doesn't know how to.

 

Then don't push her and don't go overboard trying to be her therapist. Just be yourself and like you were before you asked her "the big question."

 

I think I know part of what might be bothering her though. But, I have mentioned I liked her, being with her, and she didn't seem to care about distance or reject the idea of dating. Does it seem she is open to the idea of dating down the road after getting to know each other?

 

Did you read what I posted a few days ago?

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[makani47]

I remember what you said, it just slipped my mind. I've just been really nervous that I was gonna end up messing up. We're gonna try to get together and hang out during the X-mas break and get to know each other in person rather then text on a screen.

[TMichaels]

I remember what you said, it just slipped my mind. I've just been really nervous that I was gonna end up messing up. We're gonna try to get together and hang out during the X-mas break and get to know each other in person rather then text on a screen.

 

Sounds like a good plan, makani47!

 

Don't forget that she will probably be as nervous as you are about getting together, so just focus on making her feel at ease by being yourself and everything will go just fine...

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[makani47]

She quit talking to me. I replied to a message she sent almost a week ago. She never responded. Since then she has commented on a status of mine and updated hers and has uploaded photos. Maybe I tried too hard or was too talkative. Our messages got up to 2 pages each. In our last message she asked if I was an only child, I responded and asked her how many siblings she had. Maybe I did something wrong since she never responded

Edited November 30, 2009 by makani47

[TMichaels]

makani47,

 

Well, last week was a holiday week in the U.S., you know. It's entirely possible that she was busy/traveling to be with family and that's the reason she hasn't responded.

 

As far as commenting/posting photos online, but not responding to you during the last week...

 

Could be where ever she was she didn't have regular or private access to a computer and/or the time to write a lengthy response. I mean, you said your last couple of messages were running a couple of pages long... Perfectly plausible that she had time/access enough to do something like make a few comments and upload a few photos, but not enough time or enough privacy to write you a thoughtful reply.

 

No sense kicking yourself for nothing. From what you've said and what she's said back I don't think you did anything wrong. I wouldn't worry about it at this point in time, makani47. Go about your business, give her some time and don't bug her again, and just sit back and see where things go.

 

Good luck!

TMichaels

[makani47]

That's what I'm doing. I replied to everything last, so I'm just gonna do my own thing. If she responds again, then great. If not...oh well....I tried...

[makani47]

Yeah, I believe she did quit. I went to Facebook a little while ago. The news feed thing you see when you log in was full of farmville stuff, polls, and quizzes she's been taking for the past hour or so. Unless she decides to start talking again, I'm not gonna send anything else. I'm not gonna bug or make someone talk to me. All I know is, I gathered up the courage and told her and tried my best. This seems to happen to me all the time. Me and a girl will start talking and before anything comes of it, she just quits. I guess I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm too talkative

[rakula]

I say tell her how you feel man. Keeping it inside will make things worse. You will not be able to move on. Yes it might be akward for little while if she doesn't feel the same way. But if it's really meant to be she will come back once things get to normal again. It will be a "new Normal" I battle with the tell and do not tell for years. I finally did the tell after years and I just wished I did it sooner so I didn't waste my life away. I hope you do the same. Good luck.

[makani47]

I did tell her. Things weren't awkward at all. She seemed open to the idea but wanted to get to know each other better. We started talking online a lot. I asked her if she wanted to hang out during the x-mas break and she said yes. The talking has kinda slowed down and stopped and that is what has me a little worried.