Christmas Holiday

[PWSX3]

O.K. for some the Holidays, especially Christmas will be very hard for you. The other night in class we break into smaller groups & one person who is divorced will be going thru there second Christmas alone was sharing how hard it is.

 

They were saying how they can't even put up a tree, can't decorate or anything so I just suggested they do what my friend did & go on line & buy a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

 

Yes they do have one, it is a stick tree with only one light at the top.....The person in our small group that it was a fantastic idea to maybe get them back on track with Christmas & so they ordered one. I'll be curious if it does help, but sometimes it just takes something different, some type of small change to get us moving again.

 

Last year was my first year without my family & it was hard even though my parents live here. I was lucky that one of my sisters that lives out of state came so that helped a lot.

 

It's all about new traditions, doing something you might not have thought of doing such as helping out in a soup line, or going to church for the first time, or inviting other people in that for dinner that might not have a meal or are just lonely.....

 

I do pray that everyone will make it, that you will find the holidays more then just a package under the tree.

[tojaz]

Thanks PW, I must admit that I'm dreading the holidays. Was always a time to spend with her family. I always looked forward to seeing her dad and making the rounds. My family never did much for the holidays and always missed that in my life. It's going to be hard, guess I'll start planning to make myself busy now.

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

I should have been getting married on December 18 and on honey moon over Christmas, will be interesting to see how I cope. Christmas has always been my favourite time of year, hence why I arranged our wedding for then, now I will never be able to have that Christmas wedding I always wanted b/c it will always be associated with HIM. Yet something else he has ruined for me. (Before anyone comes back and says I am letting him ruin it, (as someone has before), please try and put yourself in my shoes, how can it possibly be anything other than the day I should have married, won't all of yours wedding anniversaries always be your wedding anniversary?)

 

SO, Christmas for me will forever more be associated with HIM, no matter what I do try and make it different, urgh.

[PWSX3]

Lisa, just remember what Christmas is all about, why we observe it.

 

Last year was one of my best, me & my G/F went to church for the first time for Christmas, then the next evening I went with my sister, her husband & his mom & step mom.

 

In the past my W made mine not so good, always spent more money then we had so you spend all year trying to catch up. Would ask me what I wanted then buy me something completely different that I didn't want.....

 

For me starting over was a good thing and I'm really looking forward to this year doing some of the same thing. This year we will have Christmas with the G/F & her two boys so that will be different.....

 

And before that Thanksgiving we are eating with some of her friends which I have never had Thanksgiving at someone else's house besides relation.

[LisaUk]

Oh I do PW, myself and my ex would attend midnight mass some years and always spent Christmas just the two of us. Even going to Church will bring back memories, but I get what you are getting at, I just think this year will be so awful there will be no joy in it no matter how hard I try.

[tojaz]

Oh I do PW, myself and my ex would attend midnight mass some years and always spent Christmas just the two of us. Even going to Church will bring back memories, but I get what you are getting at, I just think this year will be so awful there will be no joy in it no matter how hard I try.

 

If you have already made that decision, then it is already destined to come true. While I know the holidays are going to be hard. I'm going to strive to be happy and make those around me happy just as i always have.

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

If you have already made that decision, then it is already destined to come true. While I know the holidays are going to be hard. I'm going to strive to be happy and make those around me happy just as i always have.

TOJAZ

 

Well, that's nice if you have the opportunity to make it nice. It's not a decision I was talking about. The fact is it will be awful b/c I will spending it being controlled and dictated to by my emotionally abusive mother, why do you think I said my ex and I always spent it just the two of us?

[WTFO]

I'm going to strive to be happy and make those around me happy just as i always have.

TOJAZ

 

 

That's a good Idea. If I'm going solo this year. I'm going to midnight mass and really soak in the real meaning of X-mas for myself.

[J-Dad]

Yep, its gonna be hard, gonna be awful. X Mas was always her FAVORITE, she would go all out for it. I was always the "cheerful grinch", not really wanting to fully submit to the holiday spirit, but I played along. This year I'm gonna have to do it differently. I dont know how, but I've got to make it the best I can for my children and myslef.

[2.50 a gallon]

PW has it right, Christmas is about giving

 

So you can't give your lover that perfect gift, take that money a give it to a charity, or someone who can really use it. Donate a turkey, canned goods.

 

Toys for Tots. Here is a tip, most grocery stores, pump up their toy selection for the holidays. They usually dump the higher priced toys in their after Xmas sales for 70% or more off. You would be surprised what you can purchase to $20. I was once able to buy several model train sets, for $5. Stash the toys and some little boy or girl will really appreciate them next year.

 

So you don't feel like hanging lights. Why not hang some lights for an elderly neighbor or person who is unable to hang them for themselves

 

For yourself. A Charlie Brown tree sounds like a great idea. Or even a single string of clear minilights, hell go all out and put up the multicolored ones. Believe it or not, you are doing it for your future. I am in the first wave of the baby boomers, also known as the hippie generation. Hippie chicks liked to talk about our personal auras. Hanging a string of lights for the holidays adds to your aura. You might not see it, but it adds a little bit of positive to your personality. A penny here a penny there, soon adds up to big bucks in your aura. Others will see it. Another thing, chicks dig bubble lights. It adds to your aura

 

Years ago I bought one of the first strings of Mickey Mouse lights. I liked them so well that I ended up hanging them permanantly in my kitchen. Many more years go by, I fall in love with my present GF on the second date, she is adamant that she never wants another serious relationship ever again. But guess who loves Mickey Mouse? It was just one little piece that brought us together

 

I know it is difficult, but try in your own little way to celebrate. It tells the world I might be terribly wounded but I am not giving up

 

Gallon

[HeavenOrHell]

I understand what you're saying Tojaz, but how can we pretend we're not in pain and missing our exes when we are...How can we pretend to be happy?

I spent the last 18 xmases with just my ex, this year I'll be alone, I'm not a big fan of xmas but it's difficult when xmas is hard to escape from and everyone else seems happy (I know they're not but that's how it seems).

My heart goes out to you Lisa

 

 

If you have already made that decision, then it is already destined to come true. While I know the holidays are going to be hard. I'm going to strive to be happy and make those around me happy just as i always have.

TOJAZ

[HeavenOrHell]

Could you spend it alone or with friends? Better than spending it with your mother! You don't owe her anything by the sounds of it!

 

 

Well, that's nice if you have the opportunity to make it nice. It's not a decision I was talking about. The fact is it will be awful b/c I will spending it being controlled and dictated to by my emotionally abusive mother, why do you think I said my ex and I always spent it just the two of us?

[trippi1432]

The holidays are hard, he has a large family who mostly relocated locally to us so the holiday's were spent mostly around his family...typically at our house. I have a small family, and with my grandmother being sick the past several years, that holiday spirit seemed to have died.

 

I decided over a month ago that I just don't want to be in this house for the holiday, so the son and I are traveling to Florida and spend it with my dad and step-mom for 2 weeks. I haven't spent Xmas and New Year's with them in almost 5 years, so it will be nice to do that one more time.

[tojaz]

I understand what you're saying Tojaz, but how can we pretend we're not in pain and missing our exes when we are...How can we pretend to be happy?

I spent the last 18 xmases with just my ex, this year I'll be alone, I'm not a big fan of xmas but it's difficult when xmas is hard to escape from and everyone else seems happy (I know they're not but that's how it seems).

My heart goes out to you Lisa

 

I'm not suggesting we pretend. I have spent the last 13 years with my ex and her family. It's going to hurt and i'm going to miss being with her for the holidays. I'm not going to allow that to rule me though. I'm not going to condemn myself to a painful holiday. I'm going to try and be happy and enjoy my holiday. I may not be successful, but I'm not going to make it a given and defeat myself without giving it my best shot.

TOJAZ

[PWSX3]

If you help out in a soup line, homeless shelter or something like that I'm sure there would be a few hundred people. I would say that is bigger then most family get-together's & you will feel so good for helping others that might have it worse off then you.

[HeavenOrHell]

Cool, good on you

 

 

I'm not suggesting we pretend. I have spent the last 13 years with my ex and her family. It's going to hurt and i'm going to miss being with her for the holidays. I'm not going to allow that to rule me though. I'm not going to condemn myself to a painful holiday. I'm going to try and be happy and enjoy my holiday. I may not be successful, but I'm not going to make it a given and defeat myself without giving it my best shot.

TOJAZ

[HeavenOrHell]

I wish I could, I'd love to, it's just I have social phobia and don't really cope well with lots of people. I do other charity work though and aim to work as much as I can over Xmas

 

 

If you help out in a soup line, homeless shelter or something like that I'm sure there would be a few hundred people. I would say that is bigger then most family get-together's & you will feel so good for helping others that might have it worse off then you.

[2.50 a gallon]

Make arrangements with your LS friends, at say 7 p.m. on certain day, (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years eve) to drink a toast to your LS friends and a wish for their happiness in the following year.

[tojaz]

Make arrangements with your LS friends, at say 7 p.m. on certain day, (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years eve) to drink a toast to your LS friends and a wish for their happiness in the following year.

 

Good call Gallon, I like it, New Years on LS for me!

[Auroracoladybug]

Okay so I'll give a shout out... (complicated because I want to reconcile and last night he even said he doesn't want the divorce either but doesn't know what he wants to do...[has three other women he thinks want him])

Last night J asked about what we are going to do for the holidays...I asked him what he wanted to do...he was trying to see if he would be welcome...They all fall on my days except new years with the schedule we have in order right now...

 

do I try to make plans with him for just a family meal with him and the baby?

do I ask my sister if he is welcome at their house for Thanksgiving?

 

I know there is so much that needs to be straightened out that there will be tensions but I want him to know we all still care...

 

Otherwise...x-mas eve service...sleep in and play...no tree necessary and only truly appreciating my baby boy and this gift called life.

[HeavenOrHell]

Good idea

 

 

 

Make arrangements with your LS friends, at say 7 p.m. on certain day, (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years eve) to drink a toast to your LS friends and a wish for their happiness in the following year.

[Auroracoladybug]

Good idea

lol we all live in different time zones pretty much but I like it! Its always 5 o'clock somewhere...oh and I want my "toes in the water @ss in the sand":)

[Tom81]

I too am not looking forward to going through holidays without my wife. I really don't know how I'm going to go through xmas and especially new years without my wife. the holidays are coming up fast and i just know my emotions are going to not be good. I know a bunch of my extended family who i haven't talked to in awhile are going to want to talk about it and all it's going to do is remind me that I'm not with the one I love because she left me.

 

Definitely not looking forward to the holidays.

[FeelingLonely98]

Yep, its gonna be hard, gonna be awful. X Mas was always her FAVORITE, she would go all out for it. I was always the "cheerful grinch", not really wanting to fully submit to the holiday spirit, but I played along. This year I'm gonna have to do it differently. I dont know how, but I've got to make it the best I can for my children and myslef.

 

I will get a tree and let my boys help me decorate it. Maybe invite Mom over to help decorate it - might take some of the sting off.

Every year my sons and my STBXW would decorate the tree after I had got it up in the tree stand. I would have a drink and watch them all while we played carols. I loved this for the last ten years. (NO MORE)

The STBXW always decorated all over the place. It was wonderful. Almost every room. Little skating rinks. Mangers. Stockings. lights... WOW. I think this year we will do it on a more subdued level. If it was up to me only I would do nothing.

 

But the rest of you stay cheerful, eh? :o:o

[dgiirl]

Lisa, my exh left me on valentines day. We never really celebrated it before he left. He felt valentines was too "commerical" and came up with all these excuses why he shouldn't have to show his love via gifts. However, deep down, I always wished for some romantic gesture. Nothing extravagant, but just a simple inexpensive gesture would have made me very happy. So him leaving specifically on that day, saying he NEVER loved me after 11 years, never wanted to get married, and that I was a total taker in our relationship, was a HUGE slap in the face. I experienced the total cliche! Man leaves his wife for his mistress on valentines day. And he didnt just leave! He tried to destroy me by all the hateful things he said as he walked out the door. Talk about a constant reminder that I was sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

Before the very first anniversary of him walking out, I made a promise to NEVER let myself be dependent on someone else to make valentines special for me again. I would never depend on a man to make valentines special. I promised I would treat myself, show myself all the sweet gestures I pined for from previous relationships. I would start buying my own valentines day presents, just something small, but show myself the love I always wanted to be shown. I went to a local dollar store and bought myself a $1 teddy bear with a heart on it. It was something so small but made me very happy.

 

That day was very hard, but I would pull out that teddy bear and it would make me feel good about myself. I knew that I was going to always treat myself with the respect and love I deserved, and that I was becoming independent from others making me feel bad on valentines day. The following years, I've always kept that tradition. I would always do some small gesture to pamper myself. My new boyfriend of 2 years has always treated me extremely well on valentines day. Our first year together was a total surprise! I felt so blessed because I had always wished for someone to show me such sweet gestures on valentines day and here I finally received it. However, I've never let his gestures over shadow my own. I've always kept things in perspective that no matter what HE does, I will always treat myself good!

 

Basically, you CAN reclaim the Christmas holidays by starting new traditions for yourself. Take the day and pamper yourself! Go to a spa! Go on vacation! Go shopping for yourself! Take a drive out to the country! Check out the Christmas activities in your area!

 

After being together so long, it is definitely hard to forget the birthday's and anniversaries! However, I've reclaimed his birthday, our wedding anniversary, and Christmas by taking the amount of money I would normally have spent on presents for him, and donated it to charity. On valentines day, I always did something special for myself. Instead of remembering those days and feeling sad about it, I remember those days and do something good for it. It makes me feel a LOT better and empowered.