sumdude Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Oh I know how it can be. The last three Christmases have all been difficult. Three years ago was the first X-mas without mom. There was a major family blowout that also involved my ex. Unknown to me at the time she was already halfway out the door and likely in the middle of an affair. She left me a month later. Two years ago was first X-Mas without the ex. I just wasn't into it and was still in the midst of mourning the marriage. We really used to decorate and light up the place. I still managed to put up a little 2 foot fake x-mas tree and a few lights.. just because. Last year was the first without dad, he had passed just a month before on the day before Thanksgiving. So it wasn't the most joyous time for me and the rest of the family. I really didn't have the heart to do much for the holidays last year. This year it's a whole new experience. I imagine I'll be at my brother's likely with cousins and other family around. For the first time in a long time I feel it will be a fine holiday season. Link to post Share on other sites
Shin0bi1 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hey PWSX3, I read your post and the realization shock hit me about holidays. I'm shameful to admit that I choked on some tears and looking around my workplace to see if anyone sees me lolz. I remember last year was so difficult and I felt really emotional about being separated from my son and not being able to see him everyday. I still feel it but I am more in control of my emotions now. I am fortunate that this year I have my son for the whole week of X-mas and my ex-wife has him the next. We worked out a schedule to switch holidays and stuff like that to make it fair. And to all... Just keep your heads up and rock the end of this year with style. Get the mind set right to start of 2010 gloriously! Peace, Shin0bi1 Link to post Share on other sites
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 This xmas will be the first xmas without my ex being there. We made it through thanksgiving (i live in canada) and halloween without him...but xmas i dont know what to expect. I know from the past two holidays that i felt really...heavy...sad...inside...it was hard to keep the im ok face at times to my kids, but i didnt want to bring them down with me. I have to say...that if i didnt have kids...i would not do anything this year for xmas besides go hang out and eat with family. I would allow myself to do that...and i dont think there is nothing wrong for doing what i feel if need be....for that time and moment. But...i do have kids and its not just me to think about...i have them to think about and i want them to experience a good xmas...and the only thing that is going to be different is the way i present it...my way. Every year...there has been a lot of presents (lots of kids)...but also a lot of debt and bills...and that is not what xmas should be about. Last year i didnt decorate at all...and we had xmas dinner at my parents...tons of presents cuz my ex was there too. But this year is going to be much different. I will be doing xmas on my own this year. I wont be getting help or presents from my ex because i refuse to be involved or accept any money that comes from selling drugs. It goes against my values and personal beliefs and i must stand up against that. He can continue with that all he wants...alone. My kids will only be getting one or two presents from me as i dont have much money...but what i do give them i want it to come from the heart...my heart. I will decorate my home with my kids so that i can see them smile and give them those memories of xmas that i used to have when i was a kid. I not only think it would be good for them...but for me too. As i write this out...i am starting to see that maybe the bad things that have been dealed out the past couple years...dont have to be as bad as long as i dont always let my emotions run the show...and this one holiday coming out is actually an opportunity to do things differently...and with meaning....my way. I really believe that there is a reason for everything...and one door...opens another and another...and there is so many more doors if we choose to go through them. Anyways...there it is...and if anyone has any ideas on how to make this xmas even more special or gift ideas that dont cost much and with meaning...ill be glad to hear them. Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Anyways...there it is...and if anyone has any ideas on how to make this xmas even more special or gift ideas that dont cost much and with meaning...ill be glad to hear them. Well, My situation is sort of the same. However, I am going to my kids house to help open presents from Santa, mommy and daddy on X mas day morning. Then Ill prob stay for about an hr and leave so I don't see the OM and his child. 1st x mas separated. Not going to be easy. As far as ideas go. I am also doing things my way around my place, and for one, I am going to make popcorn garlin with the cranberry's with the kids. I always wanted to do that with them,and this is the perfect time for it. Very cheap and they are looking forward to it. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Basically, you CAN reclaim the Christmas holidays by starting new traditions for yourself. Take the day and pamper yourself! Go to a spa! Go on vacation! Go shopping for yourself! Take a drive out to the country! Check out the Christmas activities in your area! After being together so long, it is definitely hard to forget the birthday's and anniversaries! However, I've reclaimed his birthday, our wedding anniversary, and Christmas by taking the amount of money I would normally have spent on presents for him, and donated it to charity. On valentines day, I always did something special for myself. Instead of remembering those days and feeling sad about it, I remember those days and do something good for it. It makes me feel a LOT better and empowered. Great post DGiirl I agree 100% Lisa, Follow what was said above. He took a lot from you, TIME TO TAKE IT BACK! If you remember, Ally passed on july 2 two days later it was Independence Day. I worried that I would always associate the two and be sad. While the sadness was ther, i didn't let that overshadow the holiday, I set myself to being happy that day despite being in the middle of a divorce and losing my best friend. It became MY Independence day! Just like DGiirl made Feb. 14 hers. I think Dec 25 needs to be yours Lisa. Christmas is for families, and friends, love and happiness. Give that gift to yourself and open it first! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 and if anyone has any ideas on how to make this xmas even more special or gift ideas that dont cost much and with meaning...ill be glad to hear them. If you are having a christmas tree, you can decorate it with popcorn garland! That was always fun as a child One popcorn for the tree, one for me. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 The few friends I have will be away over xmas and I don't have close family, so I cant be bothered with xmas if it's just me. I wish I could fast forward to two years time when I hope I will be feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
broken hearted Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I'm with you HeavenOrHell! I would love to find the fast forward button and fast forward a couple of years to a point where I am finally over all of this pain and heartbreak and have moved on. Well, either the fast forward button or the rewind button...back to a time where my husband and I were so desperately in love and happy!! Either button would be great, I just hate the play/pause button that I'm currently stuck on! Christmas is by far my favorite time of the year, I am like a little kid! I was so looking forward to making family traditions and family memories with my husband and my children for the holidays... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Yes, a rewind one would be good so we could do it over and again having learnt from our mistakes. ((((((hugs)))))) I'm with you HeavenOrHell! I would love to find the fast forward button and fast forward a couple of years to a point where I am finally over all of this pain and heartbreak and have moved on. Well, either the fast forward button or the rewind button...back to a time where my husband and I were so desperately in love and happy!! Either button would be great, I just hate the play/pause button that I'm currently stuck on! Christmas is by far my favorite time of the year, I am like a little kid! I was so looking forward to making family traditions and family memories with my husband and my children for the holidays... Link to post Share on other sites
ann09 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 this could be my worst christmas ever. i may go to sleep and wake up after new years. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Screw Xmas. I'll see to it that my kid gets a good one but personally I don't give a damn about it. I'll do some sort of simple Yule decoration, but the whole shebang? Don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Cutout cookies, kids love them. I am retired, so have many Christmas behind me. I remember making them with my mom from a very early age. One of the cutters was of a horse. I have that cutter, every time we do cookies, I always have to do a few of the horse and cover them with blue icing, it makes the kid inside happy. When the GF's grandaughter was about 3, we bought some ornaments you made at home. They were flat like sun catchers, one set you painted and the other had a figures made of metal and you filled the gaps with colored plastic crystals then baked in the oven. The GF and her grandaughter made these, and they were one of the yearly favorites of the grandaughter. We were in Michaels this week they had small 18 inch lighted trees. Colors, white, pink, lavender and blue. GF's comment, Cute. She is the expert on cute in our household. Also saw several gingerbread house kits. A decorate your small teddy bear kit Also saw many plaster castings a child can paint, some can be used as ornaments on the tree, other were of buildings, Santa's and maybe a manger scene. I remember doing a skunk and an Indian in a headdress as a kid age 5 - 10 Also google "Paper models". Where you will find models you can print out and put together. Buildings for model trains, castles, Statue of Liberty, Eifel tower, even a model of the wizard college of Potter fame. Need to decorate on the cheap, shop the second hand stores. During the past year I picked up a platic lighted Santa, Frosty and teddy bear holding a present, about 30 or more inches high and never paid more than $3 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) Broken Hearted I understand the hell you are going through and why you want to hit the fast forward button. But take it from one who never had kids and never got to be there on Christmas eve or morning, do your best to enjoy your little ones, they are a blessing. My GF had a week old grandaughter when we went out on out first date, so I got just a glimpse of what I missed. There is just something so special about being able to see the excitment and anticipation of the holidays in the eyes of a child. FL98: Similar advice as to BH do your d*amndest to decorate. Maybe a new manger scene. For no other reason than to PO the STBXW. She will know that you have moved on in life and are doing just fine without her. Edited November 18, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon Link to post Share on other sites
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Great ideas!! I have always seen the popcorn garland but have never done it. I think thats great and is something i will do this time. And gallon...speaking of cookies...it reminded me of xmas as a kid when my house would smell of cookies..and donuts...and all these baked goods my mom used to make. Those aromas bring a lot of good memories of xmas. I will do that with my kids...so they have something to remember too. I love taking pictures and one day soon im hoping to take a photography class whenever i get the money. So another idea i had was taking some individual pictures of each one of my kids over the next month...and take one or two i like best...frame them and decorate and give to them. I think those would make special memories to keep forever. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Damn, I feel like inviting the bunch of you to my house for Christmas. It'll be alot of fun, if you don't mind triple-digit decibals, chaos, and the occasional drunken in-law. Link to post Share on other sites
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 damn, i feel like inviting the bunch of you to my house for christmas. It'll be alot of fun, if you don't mind triple-digit decibals, chaos, and the occasional drunken in-law. wooohoooo!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 ...won't all of yours wedding anniversaries always be your wedding anniversary? Yeah. You're right. Mine is on Monday and although it means nothing now I've noticed it creeping up... It's our five-year anniversay (so, wood) - was thinking about getting her a wooden spoon. Or maybe give her the divorce papers to sign. they came from trees I suppose... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I gave the Charlie Brown Christmas tree some thought. I may do that, and today at work I ordered the Charlie Brown Christmas CD to listen to. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 For the guys who are going through their first Christmas alone I was once in your shoes. I did not put up a tree, but did string some minilights. And I baked cookies, simply for the fact that I liked eating them. I went out of my way to decorate and frost them. I took them to work. It really impressed my female co-workers. The next year I got asked if I was going to make cookies again, even had offers of help. Tough question: Another night alone, or spend the evening with a lady making cookies. Later I figured out that they liked seeing the little boy part of me making cookies. That and a little wine. For me it became a Christmas tradition. As with the Mickey Mouse lights in a previous post. It was one of the pieces that brought my GF of 14 years and I together. LB: Charlie Brown tree. I saw them at the local K-Mart. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Awesome! We have 'mini' kits for them at work too. Not more than two inches tall. Think I'll go with the bigger one though. We have a Kmart here, so I'll check it out. That will be fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Today is our Thanksgiving & I'm looking forward to it. My sister that lives in NH flew in Thursday & surprised my folks, and I have another sister that lives close by, so we all sat down & made a list of stuff we want to eat. Then each of us are making/baking something to bring and my sister that is staying with my folks is helping her with the scalloped potatoes. It's good having everyone pitch in with something. This will be the first holiday I'll have with my G/F & her boys so they might be in for a shock with having close to 16 people for dinner. This morning me & my son went to a men's breakfast at church & they were talking about how important family is & one guy at our table just piped up & said; I don't have any kind of relationship with my dad I'm doing it on my own & it just made me sad to hear someone wasn't that close to family. I understand there are others probably on this board that are also not close to there family & this might be a time to swallow your pride & reach out your hand....... I do wish everyone has a happy holiday, we are the only ones that control how we react to any situation. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Happy Thanksgiving PWSX3! Hope you had a great holiday with family Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Happy Thanksgiving PWSX3! Hope you had a great holiday with family Thanks dgiirl, it was fantastic!!!:love::love: Today at church the sermon was on being thankful. We need to all be thankful for the small things, for being able to see, to hear, to enjoy the outdoors, the list just goes on & on....... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 To those of you on this board with young children, please remember, the magic years are between age 2 and 10. They only have one Christmas at age 4, they only have one Christmas at age 5, etc. After about age 10 the magic is gone. Yes I still love Christmas, but Christmas at age 24, was like 25, only the GF had changed. Same with 30's, 40's etc. So please keep that in mind, celebrate and do it for the kids, Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Was not the first Christmas after breaking up with my XW, As most my best Christmas's were as a child, memories, of cousins, uncles, aunts, good food, snow on the hill, riding out sleds down grandma's hill At age 32, I was blessed to have both sets of grandparents. One set lived a thousand miles away, and visited us every 3 years. The other set lived nearby, but they had several sons and daughters through out the country, and chose a different child to celebrate that year with. At age 32 as luck would have both sets of grandparents are going to be at my parents for Christmas, and we would be joined by two sets of aunts and uncles from out of state. There were plenty of children, nieces, cousins. I was in love and was engaged. The magic was back, I had been looking forward to it for months. On Christmas eve day I came down with the worst cold, my fiance and I showed up at dad and mom's. It was like Christmas of old, kids playing, laughter, good food, family. My fiance and I left our presents in the kitchen and departed before we shared our germs. I knew then that the stars would never align this way again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts