I'm in so much pain.

[BarelyCoping]

Hi all,

 

I'm in so much pain. I've written other posts about a guy I've been seeing for 9 months who was not yet ready to commit due to deciding over returning to his homeland and fulfilling his duty or staying here for me and a life with me.

 

For nine months, he couldn't make up his mind. I didn't help him by questioning often when he'd be ready. He's used many analogies but one I recall is that it's like he's shopping for a car. He's found the 'perfect' car, the one he's always dreamt of. He's doing a test-drive, he's really enjoying it but the car-seller (me) is saying repeatedly 'do you want it? do you want it? do you want it?'... And the questioning has turned him off. He's closed himself away from me.

 

I'm in so much pain. I decided he was never going to come to a decision and we decided that it would be best if we weren't together so that he may sort his life out clearly. I miss him terribly, I am doing nothing but thinking of him, wishing I could rectify the situation. We both knew early on (within weeks) that we'd never met one like the other. Since my questioning, he's not been so sure anymore.

 

It's the early hours of the morning now for me. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't stop thinking and worrying. It's driving me crazy. I want him back, but I want him certain it's me. It may not be. How do I get through this pain (apart from posting here which I'm greatful for)?

 

BarelyCoping. x

[jenny]

i know this is hard to hear, but it's just time. this man did you wrong; the more ambivalent the relationship the longer it will take to recover.

 

do you have females you can rely on during this time? here are othe rideas to get through the next months:

 

-lots and lots of videos - anything you want to see!

-exercise

-brief rebound relationships

-spa weekends!

-try new identities, online or off.

 

 

use this time to gather yourself together. think of yourself as a crop that needs nurturing and then harvesting. there is no pressure to do anything but put yourself together again. you were a superb person before him, you will be afterwards.

 

know this will not kill you. this man is a blip in your life; in time you will forget him and move onto someone who is worthy of you. this is a grief time, for sure...take care of yourself.

 

take care...

j

[ca]

Dear ,

 

I have seen this happening time and again with friends, and well, i have my share of greiving indefinitely over something that i wasnt sure of , which i had a doubt about right from day one.

The guy doesnt seem really out to get into a relationship with you, and isnt being good about even clearing his intentions with you, NOT GOOD!!

Girl, you deserve much much better , you need someone who is honest and commited to you, and im dead sure youll find one....

For now, try chocolate and movies and shopping ( anytime favorites !)

Once your engaged in more interesting activities, you'll see how opportunities ( wonderful ones!) automatically start coming your way..

ITs party time, cause you deserve it !!!!

As for him, well.. he is just another fish in the ocean....!!!!

[BklynGuy]

My advice would be to let him go. You will be in a lot of pain now, but it will subside eventually. When in a relationship and the partner is UNSURE, get out. You need to be with someone that's sure they want you. I stayed in a relationship where my partner told me several times she was IN DOUBT. Yet she stayed with me, for years. It turns out she kept me as a backup boyfriend while exploring others. I suspected her cheating, but figured maybe she was having a fling and would end it cuz she was with me & we'd been together so long. NOPE - she dumped me and ran off w/him. She clearly expressed doubt about the relationship on several occasions, yet I stayed. I will NEVER do that again. Don't put yourself in a position to get burned - even for love. You will regret it if the warning signs had been there for some time & you chose to ignore them. Save yourself from any further pain this situation will cause.