i feel like such an idiot

[aingy]

a few months back my fiance said he was going to buy me a truck at the beginning of next year.

 

i figured just a simple in-expensive thing for a few thousand dollars or so. he said he would put it in my name and it would be my truck.

 

then lately he started looking at new trucks! then today he tells me that he is going to just trade in his car for a new truck, same payments etc..and we can "share" this truck.

 

i felt so let down....i didn't know what to say without sounding so selfish. i know sharing a truck is not going to work out cause we will both want to drive it and it will cause problems.

 

he also said that he never said this! i just told him to forget the whole thing anyway, to get his truck and i will continue to drive my car.

 

now i feel so embarassed for saying anything at all, since he does not even remember saying these things, it sounds like i am being so selfish or greedy, or at least this is how i feel now.

 

i don't know how to redeem myself...eeek! i wish the whole dumb thing had never come up now!

 

i also feel like when i was little and my mom was drunk she use to promise me the moon, then forget the next day whilst i sat there in anticipation of what she had promised.

 

so maybe some of this stems from that but who knows..

[Rebecca4257]

she use to promise me the moon, then forget the next day whilst i sat there in anticipation of what she had promised.

 

Even you hated that at the time, did you know that we grow up and seek out the same situation? It sounds like you have chosen a mate that emulates the behavior your mother had. Was he drunk at the time he said he would buy you a truck? Even if he was, that's no excuse to say "I forgot". Anyway, forget about the truck. That's just a symptom. Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with this guy.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by Rebecca4257

 

did you know that we grow up and seek out the same situation? It sounds like you have chosen a mate that emulates the behavior your mother had.

 

Rebecca is right! We have a tendency to keep gravitating to the same kinds of people.....thus repeating old hurts and mistakes.

 

When you take a look at the rest of your relationship with this guy....do you find he constantly promises you things which never are delivered? And yes, alchohol is often a factor of the false promises people make.

 

Maybe you could read up on this subject or see a therapist to help you work thru it. You aren't wrong....people have just wrongfully disappointed you. Get help to stop the cycle.

[zingy again]

no he was not drunk when he said this. he has this tendency though to get in real good moods after having had such stress ful days at work, then says these things.

 

most times he follows through them, rarely forgets them either, so i was kind of surprised when he acted like i was nutso.

 

i just literally felt my face flaming red when he denied this. now though he does sort of remember, i think he does anyway, because he is not denying it now.

 

either way i feel like such a buffoon for even have brought it up to him, but only did so cause he kept talking about the truck.

 

i guess the best way i can save face is not to bring it up again.

the other thing is that sometimes i hear myself saying things good about him, like how he takes care of things.

 

i never ever had a father nor a father figure cept my stupid brother whom i hated and despised anyway, so maybe in some ways he is like a father figure even without acting like one, or me consciously thinking that way about him.

 

but just the way he takes care of things, and takes care of me, makes me feel protected and cared about even if he does screw up sometimes..lol

[cdn]

Is it possible that your fiance discovered he doesn't have the resources to buy you a truck and is just embarassed? You say

 

i figured just a simple in-expensive thing for a few thousand dollars or so.

 

But a new truck is well over $10K and that is a lot of money for many people.

 

Maybe your fiance has realized that the only way to afford the truck is to trade in his car, which would of necessity mean that you'd have to share the truck. Perhaps you could offer to trade in your car toward the truck.

 

If this guy has a pattern of making promises he doesn't deliver on, then I'd say you may want to look at your relationship more carefully. But you haven't given enough information to know whether this is the case.

[Rebecca4257]

Good point, CDN. However, I would advised against any financial transaction with someone you are not married to. You need to take care of your own business and take care of yourself. Why do you feel you need someone to "take care of you"?

[jenny]

when are you guys planning on getting married?

 

if you're serious about a guy, you don't let him spend money on you like that. men don't 'owe' women anything.

 

it sucks that he promised you something he could not deliver; i hope you forgive him. for now, what you are doing is really cool - being grateful for all the things he already does for you.

 

if you already have a car, another one is a terrific waste of money - if you live somewhere cold, get snow tires instead.

[zingy again]

it would surely be nice to be able to answer each post seperately instead of having to use one big post!

 

okay, he definitely has the fianaces to buy a new truck if he wanted to. the original deal was that he offered to buy me another truck cause he knows how much i miss mine.

 

mine was lost in an accident while my daughter was driving it, it was totalled and it was not her fault at all.

 

i was compensated for it ony $2200.00 and bought another one just like it, and it had problems so we fixed it up as good as we could and sold it.

 

i love trucks! i always say there goes my truck. then one night he said, after the new year, i will get you another truck.

 

i figgered he meant something inexpensive,, not new by any means. i was thrilled when he said this, no doubt but did not ask him for anything, besides that he said we need a truck for hauling things around, like rocks for the garden, bricks for the drive way, etc...

 

we have been together for 5 1/2 years and have no set date for marriage, because i am in the process of getting my past marriage anulled, so they said to wait at least a year to make any plans.

 

besides that we have to go through all this church counseling before we can even get married and we can't even start that till the anullment process is underway.

 

it is underway but they said it can take up to a year, and it has only been a few months or so now.

 

i do not "expect" him to buy me a truck, it was what he had offered so when he changed his plans i felt hurt and disappointed.

 

i think i am over it now though...

we are going to vegas December 24th and when we go in the winter time we always get stuck in a frickin blizzard around beaver utah, so i told him that would be good to get a truck for the trip.

 

he had not thought of that, he was going to wait till we got back so as not to put too many miles on the new truck.

 

he has a mercedes now and wants to trade it in for a mercedes suv type thingy or a dodge durango!

 

he does not do this out of habit, make promises he can't keep. the problem was that i was so embarrassed feeling about the whole thing, and had wished i had just kept my mouth shut.

 

does one even have a right to say something when someone offers to buy them or give them or help them, with something and they do not follow through, do you have a right to bring it up if it is a favor or a gift, or is that being selfish or greedy?

 

i did not mean to imply that i needed or wanted him to "take care of me", i said that that is how i think of him at times, that he takes care of things, that is a good thing, not a bad thing, i've never in my life really had anyone who took care of thins even their own bills, health, kids, or whatevers, cept my mom she took good care of her bills and credit.