She Ended LDR, is there hope still?

[Winherback]

Hello all... new to forum. Im in a world of hurt right now, and I am turning anywhere that might could help me get this right. Thanks so much in advance.

 

Ok, we have been in a LDR for 16 months now. She lives an hour and a half away. We met thru friends, and hit it right off, progressed, great times, couldnt wait to see each other, etc,etc,etc.

 

She lives with mother finishing school(she is in late 20's), and have my own pad in a much bigger city where she loves to go. She hates her current town, school, etc.

 

So for the past few months she has been getting more and more upset with me. We almost broke up in Sept. She has been spending the past year by the phone, wondering every minute what Im doing,etc. She says I was always finding ways to be occupied and not feeling the same. So to sum it up, I am emotionally unavailable and selfish. She drove in every weekend, she did everything for me, and while I was so comfertable with my Love for her I just assumed we would be together forever. We both have never been in this long of a relationship before btw. We talked about kids just 4 weeks ago. Marraige, etc.. was all expected. She was getting hot and cold lately, but when hot.. all good. We always said I love you. So after the first big tiff... I promised this and that, and did some changes but it went back to the way it was. Got content again, etc. Texting way too much (big thing for her). I loved her so much, but I had a rough year with work, travel, house, etc.... and she works weekends sometimes. I have been distracted and pushed her away because of it. But its not been easy for me, either... but I just assumed she was by my side no matter. Dont get me wrong, we had GREAT times, and recently.... but something popped and now she has all these negative things about me in her head.

 

SO, for Halloween she comes in and we go to my families. I am occupied with catching up with them, I tend to her needs... but looking back a couple things here and there like forgetting to fix her a glass of wine after she asked, not embracing her more when she came into the pantry with me... as thats all she wanted.

 

 

The next day we have a big talk and she gets some things out, I agree with her, promise to work on things.. and we BOTH agree that we are in this for good. So that week while she was back at home, I was always calling, texting, and doing what I just promised to do. She got distant. She came back in town and we met for lunch, got cold shoulder. Finally I got it out of her.... she was on the verge of leaving. I poured out my heart, and she said lets not make any rash decisions. ***We have a trip planned this Thursday together for a wedding on a beach. I asked her do you want to end it? She said what about Mexico? I knew then it was bad. So we didnt end anything, she cried, said she was going to stay at friends (tho she said with me at first, but I told her maybe her friends was better for her... she jumped all over that) and I let her get back to work. I followed up with text, stating I understand, you need time, Ill be here waiting if you change your mind. Well, left a VM later that night, then a 3 am text stating that wish she was next to me,etc. No response.

 

Then called next morning to ask to dinner. Got a text later saying she cant keep me hanging like this, and she has to end it. I was crushed, I was like really? This long, and its done this way? She said well, would have more respect and do in person if she didnt feel our whol relationship was in a text bubble.

 

After a few hrs, I called her. She was quick to apologize for text. We spoke, she cried, I pleaded. We cleared a few things, and I asked if we still have a chance, she said I dont know. I asked her if she needed to get off phone, she said she does.... but doesnt want too. So it was a sad call, but it ended and we were officially broken up. Ouch. *** We didnt resolve impending Mexico trip btw yet.

 

2 days later I called her, left VM. She called right back. She said she was hurting the past 2 days, but got better when she got back to her city cuz its like I wasnt there anyway before. I said i shouldnt have called, and she says why? Why would you hold back?? I said I know, its my plan from here on out. She spoke of worried that I would just be the same 6 months down the road,etc. I told her that I can only show her how wrong she would be. That We could have the moon together, I am ready to man up and to meet all of her needs. She said she couldnt give me a timeline and that she is worried she may wake up in 2 months and say she wants me again.

 

So at this point. I am going to give her everything. I am the one who needs to show her all the love. I sent her a really cute and to the point letter thing about the things I loved about her. She asked this a couple times recently... like she doubted it.

 

A big deal is she decided that she would still go on the trip with me on this call last week. Its coming up this Thursday. Anyway, on that same call, I asked her how we should move forward? She need space? Or communication? She said she was exhausted, that she wasnt going to call me... but if I called she would answer. Ok, we spoke a couple times this past week. On thursday, she called me back... it was going well. She even told me to call her later when I left the place I was at. I asked her for drinks on the next day, she said she may do the girl thing, she will call me. I said I understand. But still texted on Friday morning to see if she got in safe, she said yes she was safe. Then I called and left VM on Friday afternoon about drinks. No response. One more text that night just sayin I hope she is having fun, I miss you,etc. Then called yesterday mid day, no response got VM. So she is back to not answering phone. So I send text, asking if she is doing ok? She said yes. and you? Kept it short. Then I asked if I am doing something wrong... or if I am upsetting her. She finally responded saying no, you arent doing anything wrong.... its just not easy. I said I know, I am not going to give up on you, you are the love of my life,etc.

 

She is moving here at the end of the year. Is it unfair that she is ready to give up on me before we ever had a chance to be in a true relationship in the same city?? We were so close.

 

And thats how we left it yesterday. Now, we have this trip coming up this Thursday. 4 days on the beach. So what are my chances this will be good for us? Its for a wedding, and should be a blast. What is my approach? All out? Play it cool? Do I have any hope here?

 

Thanks so much for any advice!!!! I love her with all of my heart and I am ready to give her everything!! I will be absolutely devastated if I lost her, she is the one and I blew it.

Edited November 15, 2009 by Winherback

[Boundary Problem]

she's exhausted right now I think you said.

 

 

I'm exhausted just reading this post.

 

It is like it was in second gear for a long time and you are in overdrive now that she is unhappy.

 

 

She sounds a little over stimulated by you to be honest. Maybe lie low and make sure she has a ticket for Thurs and leave it to her to show up at the airport.

 

She is a big girl.

 

You can't run both sides of the relationship.