Lakeside_runner Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Little background: I'm in grad school, live on a different continent than my parents do, it's a 7 hours time difference. I'm the only child but I moved out from home 'gradually' i.e. it did not happen just over-night. I've been living further and further away and came to visit them less and less often... We both have internet and despite I'm 29 my parents still expect me to let them know everyday at least that I'm OK. I try to talk to them at least once a week. The point is: if I don't write an email (which they claim is totally fine with them) they will send me an email at the end of the day saying that they've been waiting either for an email or for a skype call. This just makes me feel guilty and pisses me off! I know that this situation is just absurd and abnormal in some sense. I tried to talk to them about it but it failed since they always brush it off by saying that it's not a problem or that they just wait for an email that says "I'm OK" which in my opinion is just stupid - either one writes a proper email with some content to it or not at all... Any advice? How do I convince my parents that what they're doing is wrong and that they can't live my life but have to get a life on their own? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I definitely hear where you are coming from. I really do. But they are just worried about you and think you are alone and so far away and have a need to know that everything is ok. If you are on email every day anyway, why don't you try to send them the I'm ok every day email or let them know you will do it every other day. If email isn't always convenient assure them that you will contact them and let them know whenever possible but some days that may not happen and they need to trust that if something happens to you, they will know asap. Assure them that you have friends or others where you are now that know your general whereabouts and will contact them asap if anything happens to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 they always brush it off by saying that it's not a problem or that they just wait for an email that says "I'm OK" which in my opinion is just stupid - either one writes a proper email with some content to it or not at all... I'm not really seeing it as them "brushing off" anything as much as just trying to let you know what THEY would be satisfied with. Your idea about what constitutes a "proper" email is just that...your idea/belief/opinion about it. Your parents obviously don't share that opinion and you've decided that you're going to hold everybody to YOUR standard of "proper" email etiquette instead of showing a bit of flexibility. Is there something much bigger that you're pissed off at your parents about? Or is this related to "email issues" with someone other than your parents? [because] To be honest, their request does not sound quite as burdensome as it obviously feels to you. Your feelings are valid, of course, but it would also be an idea to find out if you're not using this situation to hide from resolving more significant issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lakeside_runner Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Yeahh... you're probably right. I've gotta think about it and look for an underlying cause for my hatred of writing these emails... Also, I probably have to make it more clear to them that I'm not alone and that I've a lot of friends who'd know if something would happen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Also, I probably have to make it more clear to them that I'm not alone and that I've a lot of friends who'd know if something would happen to me. NOW you're thinking! If you can help them to stop worrying and trust that you're taking care of yourself and have an excellent support network...then they'll stop worrying . (I wouldn't put it in their heads about "something [bad] would happen to" you, though.) Just let them know that you're doing great. If you're on Facebook (or similar), you can also set them up with that next time you're visiting (or ask a cousin to do it), and they can follow your comings and goings that way, too. And of course -- just keep thanking them for the continued love and support and caring Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lakeside_runner Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Are you currenly living in the West? Are you parents originally from the East or Middle East? If the answer is yes, it might explain why you feel the "hatred." :lmao: Good one! No... I'm from Europe, live in the US now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lakeside_runner Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Nah... it's not a cultural difference... Gee, it's just whenever I don't write an email there's constant nagging and asking why? what happened? and then saying kinda disappointed that they've been waiting for news... That's what's bugging me! Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Nah... it's not a cultural difference... Gee, it's just whenever I don't write an email there's constant nagging and asking why? what happened? and then saying kinda disappointed that they've been waiting for news... That's what's bugging me! Why do you put up with it? I'd tell them flat out I'm not going to be doing that anymore, I'm an adult and do not need a minder, nor is my decision open to further discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hmm that could get annoying. You are feeling that they don't trust you somehow. But parents are people too! There are different people. I mean you are the only child, you are probably the one person they love the most in their whole entire life. and of course when you raise up a kid and see them go it's not going to be easy. Some parents are just more attached. You may get conflict from seeing people living in the States, but hey! a lot of different cultures when moving here gets conflicts from seeing the way of life here. It's not necessarily a wrong way of life nor is it right, just different. Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Actually what e-mail client do you use? I can write a prog that schedules a random email to be sent from you to them at certain times of the day each day... The generated e-mail will sound legit.. like Hi Mom and Dad, Today I had lunch at _________ and boy was it ________!!! Still reading that book titled _________________, it's really interesting! I am doing well! Hope everything is well over there! I miss you. Love ___________ Link to post Share on other sites
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